The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Summer into Autumn 2026

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice, solidarity and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.

Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. We love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too. You're here because you are strong and want to pull free. However ashamed and wretched you are feeling right now, as you read this sentence, I can absolutely guarantee that someone here has felt exactly as you do now and knows what you are enduring. It can change. You are not shameful. You are strong and you CAN do this.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.

I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.

These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the ones I use, I Am Sober and TryDry. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Evenings are drawing in, the season of hot chocolate approaches. Power up with your favourite anthem (The ever-fabulous Dolly is reminding us "Better Get To Livin'"; and the Wilson Phillips girls "Hold On" in hot pursuit) and find your safe space here. Pull up a chair, and make yourself at home. It's going to be alright. x

Morning all.

I survived the birthday breakfast. Two tricky ladies when put together. Still DC competitive and their boys are 27!

Off to see my more gentle friend this morning. She's retired. I met her at slimming world. She used to work for a famous chat show host. She has a lovely calmness about her even in dire circumstances. I'm going for motherly advice!

Raining here and not very bright. This is when I miss a fire. However my hydrangea cuttings are doing well.

@PhantomOfAllKnowledge congratulations on the award and more importantly 2 years, you’re an inspiration! 🤩

Thank you @TwoNicePuppies that's a lovely thing to say. It's actually @ShyMaryEllen who has a weekend award ceremony coming up, not me, I'm just a sober-versary this week! Congratulations to ShyMaryEllen 👏

@CrazyCatMam It was the other way round for my - my husband gave up over a year before I did. His drinking had seriously affected his liver and he'd developed ascites and jaundice - he was told if he didn't stop completely, it would kill him.

Shamefully, I didn't take this cue to give up myself and I have the utmost respect for the way my husband was able to give up despite my drinking in front of him, asking him to buy wine for me at the supermarket etc. and look after me when I was hung over. Of all the bad behaviour I have ever exhibited around alcohol, I think that was one of the most selfish.

The good news is that, although some of the damage to my husband's liver is permanent, it has healed well with complete abstinence and is functioning normally - he will have to have annual monitoring (ultrasound and blood tests) for the rest of his life. I get the impression the doctors are quite impressed that he has fully given up.

I do worry that something will trigger him to start drinking again, but I hope it is less likely now we are a completely 'dry house' and I am thankful that my liver seems to have escaped any permanent damage though I have no doubt that if I'd carried on, by the time I was my husband's age, mine would have been in the same state.

The point I am rambling to, CrazyCatMam, is that my husband managed to stay sober without me - he had been drinking excessively for over 40 years - and I am sure you can too! I think he drew strength from seeing the state I got myself into sometimes, to be honest - my projectile vomiting at 4am in the bathroom was disgusting by any standards.

Morning.

Congratulations on your 2 years @PhantomOfAllKnowledge, brilliant achievement. I bet you could never have imagined at the start of your journey you’d be here now. Thank you for sharing re your husband. I don’t think you were selfish, I think, like your husband did, you get to a place where you want or have to stop and it’s a marker in the sand, but I also think when you get to this stage that you have the insight to understand that everyone has to get there when it’s their time. It clearly wasn’t your time, and I’m sure he understood that. My DH had a huge stroke, due in part I think to his heavy drinking (together with an undiagnosed condition, but we can’t overlook the fact he drank a lot too) and my coping mechanism was to chuck a bottle of wine down my neck every night. It wasn’t my time. Thankfully it is now.

I agree re the slick TV dramas. Wonderfully glamorous woman comes in from high power job to immaculate and stylish home, opens the fridge and pours a huge glass of wine. With no physical consequences to perfect life the next day.

Well done @ShyMaryEllen!

I got comedy rained on this morning on my run. The heavens opened, and then opened some more, and then an invisible person seems to literally throw the rest of contents of the rain cloud above me over my head. I did not look like an affluent, glamorous person when I walked back into the house. I also ate a bowl of porridge rather than drank a glass of wine, for balance 😊

Good morning shipmates,

VERY many congratulations on your award @ShyMaryEllen - well deserved. I know you are strong enough to avoid the siren-song of the hotel bar. The prices alone these days would be enough to deter me...

You're doing really well @CrazyCatMam - and for all the right reasons. Difficult situations, with family especially, are never improved with false friends in bottles.

It's encouraging to hear about how family members adjusted to life without drinking. I haven't got a DH, just Sid, but hearing from @PhantomOfAllKnowledge, @needastrongone and @Lavrander - it's quite possible that our own choices and resolve save lives beyond our own skins too. I hope your DHs are OK after their health challenges.

Hope you have a lovely time with your friend @WendyWagon. I used to love the scent of a coal fire. Those days are long gone...!

I think the only TV show where drinking led a main character into making a tit of themselves that I can really think of is Sex and the City - it led Carrie into a few scrapes, but not really in proportion to what was being drunk. It's a point mentioned by Catherine Grey in one of her books - that these successful ladies seem to be able to neck red wine like it was Ribena (which it probably actually is). I've been re-watching the old original series of All Creatures Great and Small on iPlayer and it's staggering how much is knocked back on that. I know it's a period piece and of its time, but there are countless scenes when the vets, visibly p~ssed, put down their decanter and drive off into the night to be indelicate with a cow. True to the books and the time though, I suppose. And let us not forget the more recent lyrics of Mungo Jerry: "Have a drink, have a drive;
Go out and see what you can find" - though that was re-purposed a few years ago in a memorable anti-drink-drive ad.

Cold and rainy here today. To warm your inner cockles, here's a picture of Sid at a lovely moorland stream, just this time last week...

Strength and courage. It will be alright. x

Hello friends/ lovely people (not sure how I should address you)

Things aren’t going well here…I managed a week , but didnt want to celebrate too soon so stayed away

Probably a good thing I did

I think October is going to be a write off…too many painful dates…anniversary of my first miscarriage, my birthday, my MOTHER’s birthday…not good

I wish I could travel back to 2016 and slap myself hard for giving ip sobriety and opting for that first glass of wine

I also wish I could take you all with me to that point in time to prove to you that I indeed managed eight months of sobriety, followed by seven teo yesrs later

I just cant at the minute

Even the five weeks at the beginning if the year feel like a pipe dream

I sm struggling so much

Hope you’re all doing well, better than me anyhow

Much love,

Gunnel (whose real name is Kat…ok, that’s an abbreviation)

Hello Kat/ @GunnelVallquist - I'm sorry that this is such a sh~tty time for you. I think there are periods when we all wish for a Time Machine. But we don't need a TARDIS to know that you can do it. You'll get there. Keep trying. You're worth trying for. x

😭😭😭😭
☹️🥺

Thank you xxx

I will not drink today

Apologies, @PhantomOfAllKnowledge & @ShyMaryEllen, you are both superstars! Congratulations on your brilliant achievements 🙌🏼🙌🏼

@ShyMaryEllen congratulations on your award.

I'm sorry this is a hard month Gunnel. But a week not drinking is still a week - your body thanks you for that at least.

Dh would sing a Te Deum if he could that I have stopped drinking - I think. We haven't really had a conversation about it (my choice - I wanted to do this entirely for me not anyone else). But coincidentally - not! - we haven't had an argument or fight since I quit. 9 months now.

Congrats to all the award winners.

Congrats on the award @ShyMaryEllen, get yourself a nice mocktail to celebrate!

Hope you stay strong @GunnelVallquist. We can’t change the past, and the future is changed in the present. One foot in front of the other, that’s all you need to focus on, just one next step.

We’ve moved house this weekend. I was too tired to even contemplate a celebratory or even a numbing drink. I need to choose curtains and rug for the lounge but I’ve got decision fatigue…

Thanks for the kind messages everyone 😀

Another green cell on the spreadsheet tonight.

I will not drink today

Morning all.

Well the plot thickens. The 'pink' cottage with the Tom and Barbara garden has been withdrawn from the market so I don't have to choose. I was under pressure from the DD as she doesn't like thatches or beams. I do😁
We're due to exchange next week but I'm not happy re this desk top valuation. I'm on tender hooks. I fear a delay or gazunder!

A day at home today. I found a huge pile of black trousers in one of our wardrobes. Some with tags on. I suspect they've been there three years. I shall be steaming away for their eBay listing. However I'm not having much luck there.

I'm going to stop seeing one of my friends I think. We were great friends a decade ago but every time we meet I get a kicking. Obviously it's subtle but it's still happening. I got asked what dress size I was (that I don't mind so much) but the barb that I'm tall so I can carry it was f*cking rude.
When I was a drunk I let a lot of it wash over me.
I probably didn't notice that much but now I find it hurtful. I don't want a row because we have a mutual friend who has a kind heart and is supportive. I'm not sure what the phrase is, silent withdrawal?

Morning all
Congratulations on your award @ShyMaryEllen. I really like the spreadsheet idea too.
I'd much rather someone openly rude than subtle barbed comments like that @WendyWagon- what was the Bridget Jones phrase - Jellyfish?!
Hope you're settling in okay to your new house @LlamaFluff. You'll be able to say that you've never drunk there!

Thinking about TV shows.. the only one I actually find a bit triggering is Mad Men - very odd because he's obviously an alcoholic.. but perhaps that shows its true colours in the later episodes. I'm an ex smoker so I think it's just all wrapped up together.

This weather is annoying. I'm ready to wear my wool jumpers but we have misty rain instead. My hair gets bigger as the day goes on!

Morning.

Silent and quiet withdrawal @WendyWagonwould be my approach. Just leave it longer and longer between contact and let the friendship fade. I’m not someone that likes confrontation though. You have absolutely no need to spend time in the company of someone who doesn’t lift you up spiritually.

Great work on the green cell @ShyMaryEllen, I might call every further sober day a green cell day!

@GunnelVallquist I very much believe that this sober thing, it needs to be Your Time, so to speak. You’ll know when it is. But each attempt adds a brick of readiness for that time, however small. I had a year of moderation/learning/thinking/reading/listening and understanding my need to drink before it was My Time. I feel sure yours will come.

Right - trainers on, podcast ready - off I go. The daily ritual of running. Least it’s a recovery run day!

Happy New House @LlamaFluff, and @Lavranderis correct, a house you have never had a drink in is a powerful thing!

@Lavrander you're so right jellyfish. I'm a big Bridget fan.
Just watched the YouTube. Thank you.

I've told her nothing really about the cottage. She owns multiple properties but is getting on my t*ts. Socialist my arse. She even bummed a free breakfast off the birthday girl and she's a millionaire. Fourth time in a row. Next time is bingo!
I need a dose of charity retail. I met some of my favourite people ever whilst I worked in the shops. Just not stable enough on my feet yet to volunteer. Grump over. Porridge needed.

@GunnelVallquist needastrongone has put it brilliantly each attempt adds a brick of readiness for that time, however small.

If you want an alcohol life, it truly is within your power, and you will achieve it if you keep trying and let yourself be defined by your periods of sobriety rather than by your lapses.

Good morning Shipmates,

Top stuff on the move @LlamaFluff - Sid and I hope you have many, many happy times in your new home.

Sorry your "friend" is stinging you with her jellyfish barbs @WendyWagon. The most effective relief for jellyfish stings, I've heard, is weeing on them. Cut her off so no more poison drips on to you.

The green mile of ticks is a happy place to be @ShyMaryEllen - you are an inspiration.

Strength and courage brave shipmates. It will be alright. x

Currently sitting in my car parked outside Tesco giving myself a few moments to reset. Life is hard at the moment. I have two teenage DD, the eldest has ASD and is particularly challenging. I swear, if a man treated me like this you'd all be shouting LTB! The controlling and bullying behaviour is relentless, which is why I'm sitting in my car exhausted. Did a bit of work on the reframe app then checked in here. Every post I've read has helped. Thank you.

@WendyWagon your 'friend' gets a kick out of putting you down. I hope you find the strength to distance yourself from her. She doesn't deserve your friendship and you deserve more.

@GunnelVallquist I'm so sorry things are hard for you just now. You should be so proud of the sober times in your life. How amazing to have had so many days/months/years without alcohol. This too shall pass.

We all deserve joy in our lives. My mission today is to find some!