The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Summer into Autumn 2026

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice, solidarity and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.

Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. We love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too. You're here because you are strong and want to pull free. However ashamed and wretched you are feeling right now, as you read this sentence, I can absolutely guarantee that someone here has felt exactly as you do now and knows what you are enduring. It can change. You are not shameful. You are strong and you CAN do this.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.

I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.

These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the ones I use, I Am Sober and TryDry. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Evenings are drawing in, the season of hot chocolate approaches. Power up with your favourite anthem (The ever-fabulous Dolly is reminding us "Better Get To Livin'"; and the Wilson Phillips girls "Hold On" in hot pursuit) and find your safe space here. Pull up a chair, and make yourself at home. It's going to be alright. x

How sweet @anewyearthisyear ! What happened, did he just stop coming one day?

Thanks for the Netflix tip, I’ll definitely be checking that out!

Good morning shipmates.

I've allowed myself a look at the cottage particulars (I use to love a glossy but few people do them anymore). Second viewing Saturday as the owner runs a business from home. I had to give a date for our completion yesterday so I've said the end of November. Whether we'll get into the cottage before Christmas is another matter.

Richard E Grant has a perfume line. I've never tried it so I can't comment but I do like his face, it's Interesting.

I have a bottle of the af waitrose sparkling which I'm saving for when someone visits. My fridges get packed with juice and the DDs ice tea so I don't have room for wine of any kind. Good thing I suppose.
Weird thing when I first gave up drinking I would literally get stressed if I saw a wine fridge in a property when we were house hunting. I'd tell the husband it would have to come out!

Cheltenham trip tonight for some limited release film.

I will not drink today

Morning all.

@WendyWagon - we’re off to Cheltenham later on to do some shopping! (last day of DH’s leave unfortunately)

It's years since I went to Cheltenham @GunnelVallquist - is it still holding out amid the terminal decline of the UK's high street? I used to like watching the mechanical clock with the goose laying golden eggs! Hope you have a good day and find something in the shops.

Thank you @PhantomOfAllKnowledge .

We’re actually just going to the two retail parks on the outskirts (one of them has a Sainsbury’s and the other one an M&S food store where I want to pick up some bits and pieces).

No shopping for clothes or anything like that.

Hello everyone, I was here at the start of the year and got to mid March, but then started having an odd drink here and there. I’m not quite joining back yet, but I have a question if that’s ok?

The biggest issue for me in stopping completely is the social pressure. I don’t actually crave alcohol that much, I’ll have thoughts about it if I’ve had a particularly hard week and just want to relax and forget, but it’s not particularly hard to push this thought away. However, it’s that feeling of not wanting to disappoint other people that someone mentioned up thread about their husband that stops me from staying AF.

Growing up I’ve always had low confidence, but I’ve gained quite a bit of it over the years. However, often I still feel that insecure teenage me inside, thinking everyone thinks I’m boring and not worth bothering with. I now on logical level that’s not true, but the fear of rejection is still very real. How do you deal with it?

When I tried to stop at the start of the year, my husband’s reaction was also very disappointing. He wasn’t supportive and was very disappointed. He just genuinely can’t understand “what’s the harm in just a couple”, even when I try to explain that I can’t just stop at “a couple” (and neither can he actually, although to his credit he has reduced a lot over the last few years and would often go weeks on end not drinking). Before anyone suggests LTB (and I know this isn’t that kind of thread), he is lovely and supportive in lots of other ways. We both agree that alcohol just isn’t worth the shit sleep and hangover, but he’s not quite where I am in realisation that for us moderation doesn’t really work and there’s nothing to be gained from trying.

So, if you have same fears as me, how do/did you do it? Do you just plough through and grow a thick skin for a while and it just gets better eventually? Would love to hear your experiences/thoughts!

Hi @LlamaFluff - good question! A few thoughts… I have always had acute social anxiety, and discovered at the age of 17 that alcohol made it magically disappear…

What I have found is that socialising sober is actually much easier, after the initial 5 minutes! You are able to properly engage with people, be interested in them, and remember what they said to you. It is really powerful to see someone again, and say “oh, last time we spoke you were doing this…”

When I am worried about a social event, I re frame it as a challenge to find out something new about someone I know well, or get to know someone new.

Also, if you have ever socialised sober, you will know that drunk people are mostly really, really dull.

Socialising sober is also much more relaxing- you don’t need to constantly watch yourself, trying to spot the line in your drinking between “relaxed” and “embarrassing” (which I never spotted before it was wayyyy behind me. I don’t have to worry that I am being too loud, or too much, or if I am, I’m doing it deliberately!!

Make sure you get an AF drink in your hand as soon as you possibly can. It gives you something to do with your hands and mouth as you get through those first few minutes.

And why does anyone else care what you have in your glass?

I think the way to frame it is that you are still having a drink with others, it's just that your drink doesn't have alcohol in it.

If your friends liked to drink tea and you preferred coffee, nobody would turn a hair. Same if they all liked whisky on the rocks and you preferred gin. So why does it matter if they are knocking back wine whilst you drink soda, or your AF tipple of choice?

Can you go to the bar yourself @LlamaFluff you don’t need to highlight it if it doesn’t come up. Just get yourself a zero beer/Guiness or a zero G&T,
Alcohol is very calorific so you can just say you’re on a diet etc if needed. I think the trigger for other people, and I do think it does trigger a lot of people, and that’s usually a defense mechanism as they know they probably don’t have a healthy relationship with the booze either.
All I can say is that it gets easier and easier, you just need to practise those conversations and learn ways to work round and through them. I initially started with I’ve been unwell and I’ve been advised to have a reset to get my body fighting fit. I think that’s easier than saying you don’t fancy it or you’ve got a problem.

Good morning shipmates,

Hello and welcome back @LlamaFluff - glad to see you again. I'm sorry your DH isn't being very supportive. In answer to "what's the harm in just a couple?" I might be inclined to answer "I don't know. Ask George Best." or "I'd rather not find out". But your choices are the right ones and deserve to be respected. Fully agree with the wise words of @Onewildandpreciouslife and @ShyMaryEllen.

Lovely Robin @GunnelVallquist - perhaps you could train him to peck at your neighbours...? My Robin is called Robin. His wife is called Robin. His chicks are called Robin, Robin and Robyn. Apparently they have a cousin called Margaret, but they don't tweet about her...

I did watch the Lucy Letby documentary (the Netflix one?). Strong stuff. I also get Private Eye magazine every fortnight and their MD section has a regular column devoted to the case. I genuinely don't know what to make of it all. I too like Richard E Grant, he's had a fascinating life. I read his first autobiography - he and his late wife lost a baby early in their marriage, his description of it and their sorrow is gut-wrenching. Loved Jack and Sarah (Sir Ian McKellen was fab in it). I think he's toast in the Traitors, alas, but he's always good value to watch.

Never let it be said that Sid is not a devoted Cabin Boy/Powder Monkey aboard this ship. Here he is yesterday, devoting hours to research at the home of fellow swashbuckler and sometime pirate, Sir Francis Drake (Buckland Abbey). Blitzkrieg (head of the never-seen rats below decks) wanted him to buckle some swash (vanilla fudge) from the NT shop, but he confined his crimes to lifting a leg on some topiary.

Strength and courage. It will be alright. xx

😂😂😂 Brilliant! x

@LlamaFluff You don't have to justify, explain or apologise for not drinking. If it's questioned by your friends you can say whatever you like - but rehearse what you might say so you are not caught on the fly.

• I just fancied a Coke (or whatever)
• I'm not drinking tonight
• I'm having a Sober October
• I'm watching my sugar intake
• I've had a bit of an upset tummy lately so I'm being careful
• I'm taking antibiotics
• I've got to be up first thing tomorrow and I want to be fresh
• I'm trying to lose a few excess lbs
• I've decided to give up alcohol

I do tell people now that I've given up alcohol and no one has ever questioned it - or if it's people I'm only just meeting, I say 'I don't drink alcohol'. I find that has a finality about it that stops any 'oh, just have the one' comments.

Great post @PhantomOfAllKnowledge im also quite open now, just say that I started off not drinking as a health kick (which is obvious as I’ve lost over 2 stone) but I feel so much better and happier that I’ve decided it doesn’t need to be part of my life anymore.

That's what I did when I first stopped. I doubt everyone believed me, but so what? It stopped any prying, and on the whole nobody cares if other people don't drink.

Afternoon all.

Shopping done…no alcohol was bought (some chocolate though and also a packet of M&S blueberry muffins).

I haven’t seen the Netflix one @REP22 , the one I meant was the one on Channel 5 ‘Lucy Letby: Scapegoat?’

I do feel lucky in that dh has never drunk alcohol - he tasted it but has never had a full glass of anything. he hates feeling out of control and his father was a very heavy drinker. It makes it much easier because there is never a question of me sitting opposite watching him sipping a lovely glass of white wine (my downfall). It is also easier because we are married a long time and I've watched him cope with all sorts of shit, celebrate things, have lovely holidays etc etc all without a drop of alcohol. My mum was the same - teetotaller and had a whale of a time all through her life.

I'm also lucky in that where I live/who I socialise with/my age means drinking really isn't a big thing. I was the heaviest drinker of all my friends where I live - most of it in secret but even out for dinner I'd be the one ordering the second or third glass where everyone else was happy with one. Also N/A drinks are becoming huge now- loads of options and usually a big mocktail menu.

I now just order what I want - usually a mocktail no one questions it. If asked I'd say I feel better without it and/or I have a very strong family history of breast cancer (true). Really though I think no one cares at all. I suspect a couple of family members might think "she was going it a bit so I can understand why she stopped" but maybe not. I still serve alcohol. If I couldn't have it in the house I might have to come cleaner to people. I would if I had to. One of the things that changed this time is I decided to do whatever was necessary to stay sober - if that meant missing events, eating a ton of sugar, not doing hard things - well that's what I did.

I have spoken about it honestly to my best friend - we live a continent away (she warned me years ago that I needed to watch it). She struggles a bit too but has come up with a way to moderate without cutting it out completely - after a year of not drinking as a reset. I just can't do that. Not having to think about drinking at all is one of the best things about sobriety.

sorry for long post. I think I use this thread instead of a journal!

I feel a bit like that!

There is so much good advice on here and also kindness and humour.

I just can't moderate either @anewyearthisyear - and, as I mentioned to @GunnelVallquist - please don't apologise for posting here. It's a key reason why this thread exists. Your words are welcome, be they short or long.

I will look up that documentary @GunnelVallquist.

Sid and I have just returned from an exhilarating, long and successful walk on Dartmoor. His paw and my blisters behaved themselves and we met a couple of lovely fellow-walkers. It has restored my joy. We'd never have attempted it if I had been drinking and what delights we would have missed. Here's a fresh Sidpic taken only hours ago - the rest are still uploading.

What we miss in the light when we lurk and drink in the shadows. I wouldn't have missed this afternoon for anything.

Strength and courage brave shipmates. We salute you. xx

Lovely pic of Sid @REP22 😍.

Are you still on your break then?

I can’t moderate either.

Every time I went back to drinking after a spell of sobriety I thought ‘This time it’s going to be different. My tolerance level has gone down and I’ll be able to have two glasses of wine and save the rest for another day’

Yeah, no, does not work for me. I simply have no off switch.

I always thought I couldn’t have a problem because I was able to go days, weeks and even months at times without booze. Surely that meant my drinking wasn’t problematic.

I was just kidding myself. It’s the not being able to stop once you start. For me anyway.

Still here until Friday! Happy days. x

Ah, nice! Enjoy! xx