The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Summer into Autumn 2026

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice, solidarity and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.

Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. We love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too. You're here because you are strong and want to pull free. However ashamed and wretched you are feeling right now, as you read this sentence, I can absolutely guarantee that someone here has felt exactly as you do now and knows what you are enduring. It can change. You are not shameful. You are strong and you CAN do this.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.

I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.

These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the ones I use, I Am Sober and TryDry. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Evenings are drawing in, the season of hot chocolate approaches. Power up with your favourite anthem (The ever-fabulous Dolly is reminding us "Better Get To Livin'"; and the Wilson Phillips girls "Hold On" in hot pursuit) and find your safe space here. Pull up a chair, and make yourself at home. It's going to be alright. x

I spot the robin and claim my £10😀

We went to seal the deal on some sofas today, but came home without. The saleswoman was a nightmare. She kept pushing me to buy a large and a medium, when I want a large and a small. I was (mis)quoted the cost of adapting the sizes by ten times the reality, so had ruled that out, and she just laughed and said the decimal point must have been in the wrong place.

I want to put the small one on a wall that is cut into by a diagonal door and the run into a bay window. It has a drinks table (🙄) on one side and a lamp stand on the other, which I have to keep in place, so space is limited and the medium one would be too big, but she wouldn't have it.

In the end, I said I would go home to reconsider. I'm disappointed, as I had hoped to get the order in today.

Anyway, in an hour or so another cell will go green, so onwards and upwards.

Good afternoon all.

The little robin is back.

Hope everyone is doing ok.

Thank you @anewyearthisyear .

The bit about telling your husband to fuck off made me laugh!

I know all about repressed anger. Years ago I went through a phase where I would clench and grind my teeth at night to the point of waking my husband (had to wear a mouth guard for a while). Apparently that can be due to unresolved anger/ emotions.

This is what always really upset me; out of the two of us, my younger sister was definitely the more ‘naughty’ one and also the more rebellious teenager. I always tried to not be a bother and act up but it didn’t get me anywhere.

Thank you @Kipperandarthur , so true.

I hate how many times I’ve fallen for this over the years.

Thank you @WendyWagon , I felt that. 😭

That song always makes me cry @PhantomOfAllKnowledge .

To be fair, a lot of songs from my younger days do.

That’s what I would do when I poured myself a wine; pop in my headphones and listen to music while crying.

Thank you so much, I’m going to be 51 later this month (I’m sure all the associated hormonal upheaval has not helped my mental health either).

I can honestly say I’ve never had anything done (apart from the odd highlights) and it pains me to say that it’s probably my mother I have to thank for the good genes.

She always looked a lot younger than her age and she didn’t start going grey until her late fifties. I still don’t have any greys whereas my sister takes after my father’s side and started going grey in her early thirties. It’s swings and roundabouts though as she inherited my father’s thick mane, whereas I have my mother’s thin, lifeless hair (which is looking even more lifeless now thanks to the aforementioned hormonal changes).

I once read a post on mumsnet where the OP said she had a difficult relationship with her mother and the older she got, the more she saw her mother when she looked at herself.

This is what I’m finding and it’s a bit unsettling.

Of course I don’t know what she looks like now, at almost 74, as I haven’t seen her in twelve years.

Thank you @REP22 , I can spot the little fella indeed. ☺️

You are so right about the nasty comments making us feel like a frightened child again. I think deep down everyone just wants their mother to love them, no? And if they don’t, then you start wondering what on earth is wrong with you. (even if deep down you know its not your fault)

Gary Oldman sure is a chameleon and so utterly gross in Slow Horses (nothing like the beautiful vampire with the lush hair 😁).

How frustrating @ShyMaryEllen .

Why do people do this? Surely you know yourself what you want.

Of course, you mentioned you’d sold further upthread! Sorry 🤦🏼‍♀️

Oh, goodness, that was exactly what I used to do. Till 5 in the morning sometimes. Then I'd spend the whole of the following day lying on the sofa with an atrocious hangover feeling indescribably awful.

When I feel tempted, I remind myself of how I felt lying on the sofa, necking painkillers because my head felt like someone was sawing my brain in half and trying futiley to sleep it off while my anxiety was through the roof. How soiled I used to feel, inside and out. My poor husband having to clean the bathroom because I'd thrown everything up when I eventually staggered to bed.

I hear you @PhantomOfAllKnowledge 🌺.

There have been horrendous times and I have also put my husband through the mill with it all.

I actually broke my shoulder in January 2023 because of wine.

I was supposed to go back home and meet up with my family at the end of January (first time since 2015) and then my mother sent me the most God awful email in the October (again, October!), cancelling the visit.

I was reeling and drinking heavily.

That particular day in January I had just under half a bottle of wine left (which didn’t happen very often), so I poured myself one large glass and told myself the usual lie of ‘This is it, no more’.

After I’d finished it (this was still lunchtime) I thought I’d pop to the small Tesco round the corner. Walking in the pouring rain.

Long story short, I slipped in my trainers and landed hard on the pavement.

I am still having trouble with the shoulder today and I’ve started seeing a private physio a little while ago as the NHS unfortunately wasn’t very helpful in that department.

So yeah, how stupid to essentially injure yourself through your drinking snd then still continue?

I am sick of it and I’m sick of myself too.

Sorry, it was actually Jan 2024

I should be honest and say that I didn’t help myself by not going to A&E (but everyone knows how horrendous it is, especially in winter).

But probably should have checked to see if there were any minor injuries units nearby.

As it stands my husband took time off (as per usual, thanks to my escapades). I couldn’t even dress myself without help, especially because it was my right arm (I’m right handed).

My husband got me a sling from amazon after a couple of days which helped.

I refused to go and get seen to, even when I was sporting an almighty bruise five days later. I was adamant it wasn’t anything bad.

It was only when I was feeling suicidal last summer and my husband took me to see the GP that I mentioned all this to the Dr and said I still couldn’t fully abduct my right arm that she said she’d refer me for an x-ray.

I couldn’t believe it when the report came back and it said it showed a fracture that had healed in an angulated position.

They did refer me for physio, but it was a really short appointment and they sent me home with a sheet of exercises.

It didn’t really help and since seeing the private physio (a woman who actually quit working for the NHS because she kept being reprimanded for ‘spending too much time’ with patients) it is improving, slowly but surely.

So yes, completely my fault and another reason to add to the long list of why drinking is a bad idea (unless you’re in a good place emotionally I guess).

Sorry..,I posted a lot today.

It is kind of cathartic though.

Never apologise to us @GunnelVallquist - it's always worthwhile and we are here to hear. 🙂❤️

Well done for spotting the robin amidst our minor garden improvements. £10-worth of Sid's discarded chop remnants will be winging its way to you @ShyMaryEllen 🏆

Strength and courage. xx

Your posts are so funny @REP22

😁

This is the little robin in our garden

Ignore the sleeper, my husband is trying to make our garden a bit nicer because we are also hoping to move at some point in the not too distant future.

We have nightmare neighbours, which is another whole story, but also doesn’t help my mental health.

Change of subject, but has anyone watched the latest Lucy Letby documentary?

Beyond shocking.

Oh he's a lovely robin. You should name him @GunnelVallquist.
Interesting on your caveat "unless you're in an emotionally good place" - honestly I wish alcohol wasn't seen as a good thing in any circumstance. It's literally a poison. We must stop thinking that we are the problem. It's the poisonous , addictive drug that's the problem.

I'm catching up on Traitors. I wish there were more episodes.

A recommendation for anyone that likes or would like to try alcohol free wines - the website vino zero has 20% off with the code soberoctober. I find them very helpful to have when people visit or when I go somewhere. Stops the FOMO!

What shall I call him @Lavrander ?

You are so right; unfortunately alcohol is still seen as a solution to most things in society.

Feel stressed? Have a drink, you deserve it.

Want to celebrate? Have a drink.

An ordinary Thursday? Have a drink anyway, it’s five o’clock somewhere!

I love, love, love The Traitors!

Really have a soft spot for Richard E. Grant. (another one of Bram Stoker’s Dracula fame)

I know a lot of people dislike him but I follow him on Instagram and his devotion to his late wife is something else.

I think he’s still struggling with her death 😢

Oh yes I agree. I really think she was his soulmate.
It may or may not be triggering for some but I did love him in withnail and I. There was also another film he was in that I can't remember the name of but it's one where his wife dies in childbirth and he brings up the baby. It's a lovely one.

Go with what you feel for the robin. He's your mascot @GunnelVallquist. Pippin?

I never saw that one (withnail I mean) but I remember the other one you’re talking about.

He rejects the baby initially but then warms to her…and the American nanny.

I’ll have to look it up.

Pippin it is! 😃

Jack and Sarah!

Oh I loved Jack and Sarah back in the day.

Has anyone seen Design Notes on Netflix - 15 minute episodes about people's houses/decor. Mostly designers. But Richard E. Grant is on - omg his house - you have to see it.

My mother nearly tamed a robin years ago - he would come to the back door for crumbs. She called him Joey.