The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Summer into Autumn 2026

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice, solidarity and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.

Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. We love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too. You're here because you are strong and want to pull free. However ashamed and wretched you are feeling right now, as you read this sentence, I can absolutely guarantee that someone here has felt exactly as you do now and knows what you are enduring. It can change. You are not shameful. You are strong and you CAN do this.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.

I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.

These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the ones I use, I Am Sober and TryDry. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Evenings are drawing in, the season of hot chocolate approaches. Power up with your favourite anthem (The ever-fabulous Dolly is reminding us "Better Get To Livin'"; and the Wilson Phillips girls "Hold On" in hot pursuit) and find your safe space here. Pull up a chair, and make yourself at home. It's going to be alright. x

I love nuts too.

Do you have a buyer for your house yet @WendyWagon ? Are they expecting you to move by a certain date?

Hope you’ve had a relaxing break @REP22 .

I’ve just spent some time watching (and filming) a little robin in the garden. ❤️

Robin, O Robin, with your little red breast
Of all the birds in my garden
You're the one I love best

☺️

They’re so cute.

I find that watching animals and being in nature has a calming effect.

(that doesn’t include 🕷️ 🕷️ 😱)

@GunnelVallquist i currently have the Hoover left out and plugged in all the time so I can hoover them all up. Very old house and spider season in full swing. Feel a bit bad but some of them are humongous :)
We have an apple tree in our garden and I love watching the squirrels eat the ones that drop off, the jackdaws are very fond of them too.

Had a lovely Zero Tanqueray on the weekend with tonic :)

I have always had a real phobia! When people say stuff like They’re more scared of you than you of them’ I think that doesn’t really help me, does it?

That’s the thing with phobias; they are irrational and you know it deep down, but that doesn’t help diminish the fear.

I make my husband take them outside…he uses a jar and a piece of cardboard.

But then I read a couple of years ago that spiders have a great sense of direction and tend to come back to the house, so I’m wondering if that’s futile 🙈.

Someone recommended one of those spider catchers to me years ago, but I don’t think i’d even dare to get close enough to use one. And can you imagine if it malfunctioned halfway through you trying to catch it and carry it outside??

I’m getting heart palpitations just thinking about it!!!

Eta: I’ve never been a gin drinker, so can’t comment, but I think most af wines are horrendous.

I’d honestly rather have sparkling water (which I drink a lot of anyway)

It’s nice you’ve found something to replace your tipple though .

Although if I’m one hundred percent honest; for me it has always been more about the buzz than the actual taste.

Oh and I love squirrels, they’re so comical.

Sorry, what I meant was that white wine has always been my drink. And while I prefer dry over sweet, at the end of the day I would drink anything and everything if there was nothing else and I ‘needed’ that buzz.

Even beer which I really don’t actually like the taste of.

Just goes to show how insidious alcohol is and how it messes with our brains.

Yes for me at this point it’s just the habit, even though it isn’t alcohol, there’s still some thing that feels like relaxation by pouring the drink.

My all time favourite actor (I’ve loved him ever since I first saw him in the cinema in Bram Stoke’s Dracula at the tender age of 17…and I have loved him since for his incredible versatility) Gary Oldman has been so very honest about his battle with the bottle and he has been sober now for (I think) 29 years.

I think it’s inspiring.

But I also realise there is privilege there.

Anyhow, I do think he’s great and I was lucky enough to meet him in York last year after seeing him perform ‘Krapp’s Last Tape’

I’m sure I posted the picture before, but I’ll do so again as it’s my only claim to fame (unless you include a BROS concert back in 1989 🙈🙈)

@GunnelVallquist you are very beautiful ( the cheekbones). Don't mess up that face with booze. Mine looked like a jacket potato at my worst!

Our house is sold. Waiting for exchange.

I think for me it has always been about numbing my feelings. Ever since I discovered alcohol at the age of 16.

I have had a very difficult relationship with my mother my entire life.

I remember going out for the day in the summer and meeting my friend (who was from a different school, a couple of years older than me, and very gobby…she was everything shy me aspired to be).

Anyway, we went to this lake (cycled there), met up with other people and drank too much.

What teenagers used to do in the 90s I guess.

At some point towards the early evening my friend and I had an argument. She slapped me hard across the face.

I cycled home, crying my eyes out.

When I put the key in the door, my parents and my younger sister were all in the living room, watching tv.

I went upstairs, had a really long shower and went to bed.

No dinner or anything.

The next morning when I got up and went downstairs my mother asked me what had happened the previous night.

So I told her. She then said ‘Oh, ok, I was wondering if you’d been raped, brcause you spent so long in the shower’

Uttered as casually as ‘Would you like another slice of toast dear?’

Thanks for checking on me mum.

Thank you so much @WendyWagon …every time someone says something nice to me I start crying

Gunnel you are gorgeous!

Yes wine was always about numbing my life for me - and I didn't even have a bad childhood - had an idyllic one in many ways. But even in a very happy marriage, adult life was hard and I definitely drank to numb and cope. and I coped pretty well to be honest. I look back on those literally wasted years and I have a lot of compassion for myself. I wish I had chosen a healthier way of coping (like maybe actually expressing all my anger instead of relying on being drunk to do it for me) but I did what I did and now I'm doing better.

I do think as well as numbing me drink also let me express uncomfortable emotions. I had a funny conversation with dh the other night. He is away and like I said previously I had a fight with my adult dd. I was saying to him that I was going to say sorry (as I did see how she could have felt I was laughing at her- I wasn't) but wished I could say what I really felt (which was oh do fuck off and get a grip). He said ah no that's not what you really think. I told him actually yes it is and the reason I don't say it is I have been socialised not to express anger like that and he was trying to continue that socialisation. He got it and I compromised on telling him to fuck off instead :)

It's true @ Gunnel you are indeed gorgeous.

I know what you mean about the "buzz" that drink gives, but sadly the buzz is short lived and all the other awful effects are much longer lasting.

@GunnelVallquist

I was 18 when I saw Bram Stoker's Dracula at the cinema - 'Love Song for a Vampire' always makes me feel a bit tearful, I was so young then and full of hope for the future.

... and you can't me more than a year younger than me if you saw the film at 17 but you look about 10 years younger @GunnelVallquist - what is your secret? You look amazing!

I am crying here…reading through all of your replies.

So many beautiful souls on here I wish I knew in ‘real life’.

❤️

Another green cell on my spreadsheet.

It's nothing fancy - more of a grid, really, but if it helps anyone, I found it very useful last time. I fill in a green cell in the late afternoon/early evening every day. Doing it then means I won't want to drink and reverse it. The idea is that I would colour the cell red if I had a drink, but I don't want to do that, which is the incentive. It's not up to much yet, but was time goes by and I can count in weeks rather than days it will be easy to see at a glance how I'm doing.

Feel free to copy/adapt it if you think it will work for you. You could use a Word table if you don't have Excel to hand. Chances are there are apps that do it more flashily now, but I like the privacy of having this saved on my hard drive. I've completed it until Christmas, then will add in more numbers/milestones after that.

I loved the What Katy Did books.

On maternity leave years ago, I found the later ones in the series online - Clover and Elsie move west. They weren't as lively, but as a child I had been so annoyed that I couldn't find copies!

Morning all.

Blinking dog woke me up.
Two Yorkshire teas down.

I was looking forward to starting my literature and creative writing degree this month but all the legal shenanigans meant I didn't get my paperwork in again. I'll be too old to do it soon.
I'm having a new fight with our estate management company who have 'lost' a prepayment from the previous owner. I'll end up out of pocket again and that really p*sses me off.

I am waiting on a pile of stuff from eBay!😀

I will not drink today

Good morning Shipmates,.

A victory for me yesterday. I returned to complete the walk that Sid and I had to abandon in July (near-hypothermia in the longest drought in UK history...). And complete it I did. I hate being defeated. Sid is doing well without his cone - having good old fiddling with everything except the operation ear. Happy days.

I am allergic to nuts, so have to be very careful - the irony of a complete nut being allergic to nuts does not escape me...

Wonderful about the sale @WendyWagon - it's all happening now!

Your M sounds a lot like mine @GunnelVallquist - that's the sort of comment I get. However old and mature-minded we get, one barb can send us right back to being a frightened and confused 7 year old again. It's no wonder we used to seek solace in drink. But you are mighty now. 💖 I love Gary Oldman - one of our best. Great as Dracula, and also as Sirius Black and Winston Churchill. Very versatile, and good in everything.

I love a robin. I've got a regular in my garden (I know it's the same lad, as he's got a small scar by his wing). See if you can spot him in the picture, trying not to laugh at Sid in his cone of shame...

Strength and courage. All shall be well. xx