The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Summer into Autumn 2026

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice, solidarity and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.

Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. We love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too. You're here because you are strong and want to pull free. However ashamed and wretched you are feeling right now, as you read this sentence, I can absolutely guarantee that someone here has felt exactly as you do now and knows what you are enduring. It can change. You are not shameful. You are strong and you CAN do this.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.

I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.

These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the ones I use, I Am Sober and TryDry. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Evenings are drawing in, the season of hot chocolate approaches. Power up with your favourite anthem (The ever-fabulous Dolly is reminding us "Better Get To Livin'"; and the Wilson Phillips girls "Hold On" in hot pursuit) and find your safe space here. Pull up a chair, and make yourself at home. It's going to be alright. x

@Dibdibbob That was exactly how I felt about drinking. Literally a wave of grief would hit me at the thought of never drinking again. I knew it was killing me but I still loved it so much. I also had done a sober holiday and it was grand but I was just waiting for it to be over in one sense.

I sometimes wonder what changed for me. I think one thing was I spent a fair few months reading and trying to get my head into the right space about drinking. I knew I had to change my mindset as well as my drinking. eventually it seemed to make sense to me and I just did it - it was like deciding to jump into cold water and just doing it. I saw a therapist by zoom for a few months who helped a lot. and posting on a thread here was super helpful.

if you just make the decision that you are not drinking (not the decision that you are not drinking now but will soon) every single day you don't drink makes it easier and the grief just goes away. I'm 9 months in and when I think about never drinking again I just think so what - not that awful feeling of nooooo that I used to feel. Every day changes you a bit. I've had 2 sober holidays now and they were better than the drinking ones -way better.

@anewyearthisyear thank you for your insights. I loved drinking “normally” but hated the terrible benders I’d go on. The dopamine would start kicking in just thinking about the drinking I’d be doing on the weekend, on holiday etc.

We’ve got a few trips away coming up and I just don’t feel the same, knowing I can’t drink. I am keeping everything crossed that those grief type feelings will reduce over time.

Day 2 nearly over. DH didn’t buy any alcohol at the shops today - just some AF ginger beer. Normally I’d encourage him to have a few beers but I’m not going to do that. He is a very moderate drinker and if he wants a beer, he can have one. But I’m not forcing the issue with him. If he’s happy to abstain to help me, that’s his decision.

I always feel so very guilty though, that I’m spoiling things for him. He loves a beer in the evening and sharing a bottle of wine on holiday and my issues are taking that away from him. And it sucks - I’m such a people pleaser!

Looking forward to bed tonight after not sleeping a wink last night (literally an hour or so followed by a morning nap). Onwards and upwards as they say!

@Dibdibbob- what you are saying about your husband really resonates with me. I too felt (and still feel a bit on occasion) that I was letting my DH down by not continuing to drink.

it was very hard to begin with. But.. we get along SO much better over all. I'm more patient, less irritable, and because I am happier in myself I know that our relationship is better for it. I was always so worried about stopping because of losing some kind of connection I convinced myself we had when we shared a bottle/s and put the world to rights.

The first holiday (I was sober; he was not)- I sensed a bit of disappointment on a couple of evenings - or maybe that was just a reflection of my feelings. However, I didn't once have that feeling of shame, anxiety, tiredness etc that could make day time me quiet or irritable. I was happy and light! It was my favourite holiday I've been on.

I didn't see it at first, and in the first few months I knew the thing that would make me break was being people pleaser. It took many an internal conversation!

You may need to be a bit selfish and live with the feeling that you are disappointing him a bit. But remember and write down what you're doing this this for, or post here before you go to the bar (I did). Over time you'll start to feel the cumulative effects and it will get easier. You can do it x

@Lavrander thank you so much for this! It’s exactly how I feel. But then I have to think …..nothing can be worse for our relationship than me going on a bender, humiliating myself and him then festering in my bed for days.

Day 3 today - still can’t get more than about 1-2 hours sleep but just have to think it’s my brain recovering from the bender at the weekend. Sleep is for the weak anyway lol (at least I can still laugh a little!).

Good morning all.

I am so tired.

I will not drink today

Morning all.
If you’re struggling with sleep in the early days, is it worth trying sleeping pills for a couple of weeks?

I just had a look back at The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober. I’d forgotten how good it is! She has a section “30 tools for the first 30 days”, and says this, after saying one of those tools was sleeping pills :

“When your body is detoxing from a bender (and let’s face it, most sober attempts are inspired by a bender) it finds it very difficult to sleep, yet desperately needs to. I’ve already described physical withdrawal above, but let’s talk about it again. Withdrawal is gnarly. It can actually be physically painful. Physically addicted alcoholics, like I was, can expect nausea, a total lack of appetite, burning skin, screaming nerves, a piston-pounding headache and absolute constant panic. It will last around five to ten days. I’m sorry.

But let’s get one thing straight. This is not life without alcohol. This is not how you feel sober. This is how you feel because of the drinking. This too shall pass, after just ten days. Don’t blame being sober; blame the booze. That’s the real villain of the piece.”

— The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober: Discovering a happy, healthy, wealthy alcohol-free life by Catherine Gray
https://read.amazon.co.uk/kp/kshare?asin=B0721L1L39&id=7p3ngd5zpfdbbec2f6eqplmnwi

Morning all.

I second the first ten days are shit.
Then you might get the weird dreams. I was boffing Tom Cruise and I can't stand him! I was in bed by 8.30pm in the early days.

My husband doesn't really drink (has rum older than our 23 year old) and the DD is teetotal. Hates the smell.

When I got to my lowest point I had started to have pains in my legs. A friend mentioned this the other day and admitted her alcohol consumption had gone up.

I also second what @Onewildandpreciouslife says about relationships. I was very unhappy in mine. The constant arguments were all about my drinking. I wanted a drinking buddy and my DH didn't fulfill that role so I sought out risky friends. Two of them turned out to be utter users. I no longer see either as I'm not paying the bar tab.

Newbies this is the hardest thing you've ever done but it's the one that has made me most proud. If I can do it so can you.

I think it was @Lavrander with the wise words about relationships. My DH was so distressed by my drinking that it made him cry, so I never felt any guilt about not drinking!

For everyone struggling at the beginning of this, take heart the start and the first few weeks really are the hardest and it is a hard thing to do.

But it does get easier.

In the beginning it seems completely overwhelming and you think about it the whole time. When you wake up, in the day and at times when you would not even be drinking or wanting to drink.

It does feel like a grief and there is a fear of the future not being the same. And no it isn't the same in some ways. But that's the whole point!

It's only by doing the things that seem fearful that you then realise that actually they are OK. Different, but OK. Your first holiday without alcohol, your first family occasion, dinner out, meal with friends, birthdays, Christmas, party etc. As you tick off each of the firsts and you consider how you coped with each of them you realise how proud you are of yourself and you move forward.

It's important to recognise triggers and put things in place to push those triggers away. Different behavioural patterns etc. Early evening used to signal to me open season on opening the wine from 6.45pm onwards.
So I make sure I have dinner prepped and I read before dinner away from the kitchen. I go to bed earlier at night and read rather than hanging around endlessly topping up that wine glass and staggering to bed at midnight.

If I'm visiting friends I take normal wine for them and Nosecco for me and do the same if I'm entertaining. It's amazing how many people actually select to join me in AF if it's lunchtime. When out I always ask for Zero beer and a lemonade to make a shandy and it's interesting watching how many of my friends now adopt the same when they are with me. It's not a problem if they want to drink and sometimes they do but increasingly at lunchtime especially they don't want to drink anyway.

Finding things that work for you as a bit of a treat drink is key. I spend a fair amount still on different AF options whether they be different flavoured zero gins,
really nice Fever Tree tonics and different sparkling wines. I don't bother opening AF wine or Nosecco just for me but I do like a couple of decent zero gins mixed with nice tonics. I like Crodino, zero Martini as well. Haven't tried Mother Root but have also just purchased a Captain Morgans zero rum.
This may not work for everyone, but for me it still seems like I'm enjoying that treat style drink especially at the weekend. Of all the supermarkets Waitrose is the best with the AF options. Aldi has the cheapest AF Gin !

This board is interesting in that there are some of us further down the line, but we still pop on here and others at the start of it all. For those of us more embedded in the AF life we aren't trying to sound superior or anything like that, just encouraging to those at the start where the struggle is hard and draining.

But one thing I can promise is that it GETS EASIER the further down the line you go, the more you tick off those firsts and the greater the distance you put between alcohol and yourself.

Good morning Shipmates,

Sorry you're feeling tired and glum @GunnelVallquist - if you're abstaining then all of your body's reserves are going into managing the cravings and other effects. A bit like why fighting a cold or fever is so exhausting - your body is managing the issue, so there's not much left in the tank for "normal". It absolutely does pass. And guilt is a common bedfellow in the early days @Dibdibbob - whether it be mortification at past behaviour, self-loathing for letting things get to this point, or fear of what effect our new, better, choices are having on those closest to us. It's almost universal, which is such a shame. The guilt robs us of the refreshment and triumph that we SHOULD be feeling. But is not just you - and it will pass, I promise.

Very wise words from @Onewildandpreciouslife @WendyWagon @Kipperandarthur and @Lavrander

I cannot echo highly enough the recommendation of Catherine Grey's "Unexpected Joy of Being Sober" book. It's wonderfully written and full of advice that actually makes sense and that works. Like this thread. Logging on this morning, it has been a joy and inspiration to read the encouragement and advice here from wise, brave people who have weathered the sh~tshow and shine so brightly.

This has been a grim week for me and Sid. But we have endured, and that is in no small part thanks to you and the blessings of your words and spirit. It can be a hard, stumbling path up and out of the dark valley. I know - I know - it's horrible, exhausting and it seems impossible. But you CAN, do it, you really can. One foot (or paw) in front of the other, keep going a few steps at a time, don't give up, and your steps will become a stride. And the view from the top is lovely.

Strength and courage. It will be alright. x

Thank you for your kind words, as always @REP22

What a beautiful pic of Sid. ❤️
He really looks like he is living his best life and he must feel so lucky that you chose him (and I’m sure you feel the same).

Well, lovely people, I think I may have to take a step back from this thread.

This is after all for the sober people, or at least those who are actively trying to be so, and I have fallen off the wagon yet agsin.

I went for a walk in the lovely September sunshine, I popped into the co-op, I bought wine.

I did the usual ‘Oh, I’ll only have one glass, then I’ll have lunch..,save the rest gir later’

Followed by ‘Well, I’ll have half a bottle now, then lunch’

And do on. You know how it goes I’m sure.

I just feel like a fraud on this thread.

And whike I absolutely did not lie when I say I did eight months off alcohol in 2016 (and nothing to do with pregnancy or anything like that) and thrn another seven months back in 2018/ 19 and a few stints of three months, Sober October, Dry January etc, I just can’t seem to do it at the moment

I did four and half weeks st the beginning of the year, and honestly, eben that feels like a pipe dream at the moment.

I am not trying to make excuses, I know I am responsible gor my own behaviour.

But I am really struggling. I thought I was going hone next Monday. I’m not now

And that affects me more than Id like

Because while this country has been my home for almost twelve years and I love it (and please believe me when I say so, and also I am or was used to moving every few years thanks to my husband’s career in the Mil back then) I am also homesick

And i haven’t seen my family since May 2015.

And I have tried so hard to fix thinfs.

So so hard

I am so sad.

Sorry x

Hope you’re all doing better than me

The only positive is that my lovely husband (and I honestly wouldn’t be here without him, I actually tried to take my life eight years ago and he called an ambulance) will be on leave next werk (as we were supposed to go ‘home’, as in my home…which isn’t thete really)

Me and my lovely boy @REP22

Quite a few years ago

Still ‘under review’…you’d think I was trying to upload inappropriate pictures 😭

@GunnelVallquist be kind to yourself you are dealing with a lot. We all struggled for a long time before the time was right.

even if you are drinking now every day you didn't drink is a benefit. I had to really think about not drinking for a long time before I was in the right space for stopping.

Beautiful dog. xx

@GunnelVallquist so sorry to hear you are struggling and 💐and ❤️ for you.

I understand you wanting to step back k as you are drinking - please join us again soon. Is there another thread you can post on to keep getting support eg the Naked Mind Facebook or something like that?

I really wish you well and hope you can find peace soon x

Bless your heart @GunnelVallquist - I'm sorry you are so very sad. What a beautiful picture of you and your lovely dog. MN always takes a while to approve pictures; it can be frustrating but it's not personal. There were a few incidents (I believe) where one or more seriously disturbed individuals devoted hours to repeatedly posting appalling CSA images on various threads throughout the night, whilst most mods were offline, which necessitated the stricter review policies. Even Sid is subject to the same!

I really feel for you. You are processing much that is horrible. Even one of those things is grim by itself, but to have a cluster of evils pressing on you is very, very hard indeed and I think it is very brave of you to try. My only way is not to have any in the house at all. I am much of the "well, I'll just drink it down to the label" intentions - and, yes. I know where it ends. And with the Law of Diminishing Returns the chances of it ending very badly indeed grow ever greater.

I am very, VERY glad that you were not successful eight years ago. The world is a better place because you are alive in it. Even if you don't feel like it at the moment.

Do you know how many sperm cells are released in the "main moment" for a healthy adult human male? Between 40 million and 300 million sperm cells. And out of however many there were on that fateful day, only one made it. You. You were the one that made it, became a spark, took life, grew and was born. And here you still are. Still trying, still living. The odds against it are overwhelming - but overwhelm them you did, by your very existence. You are valuable and important and you are loved. Maybe not by all the people you'd hoped you'd be properly loved by, but you ARE loved nonetheless. We are all statistical miracles that defy the odds every day. We are all, by our own very existences, literally one in several millions. A statistic that I find particularly ironic in my own case, because I am not a very strong swimmer.

Keep going @GunnelVallquist - your voice deserves to be heard and you DO matter.

Do feel free to step away from the thread if you need to. It's completely understandable. It's not a failure and you are not judged. But please know and understand that, wherever you are in the world, a warm welcome and love will ALWAYS be waiting for you here. Even if you never come back again. That will always remain constant.

Be kind to yourself. You're worth being nice to.

With love from me and Sid. x 💐

I will not drink today

Good morning all.

I've just read the supplement in woman and home. 100 years review. Really insightful and I know lots of the shipmates are history buffs.

I spent yesterday being asked if I'd consider a new big job! Didn't expect that at 60. Celebrity skincare. USP very different to the usual snake oil. Funny name though so they either haven't released it's rather rude or it's deliberate.

I had cravings last night as I'm sitting on my hands re the cottage. The buyer hasn't had their survey of our house yet. I'm a bit worried.
I watched the gardening instead and had cheese at 10pm plus a dose of Downton.

@GunnelVallquist I hope you are feeling better this morning. X

I love that you are still getting offered big jobs @WendyWagon knew you were a “bad bitch” as my teens would say :) apparently that’s a compliment! I think we like similar stuff to watch, I’ve just finished My brilliant career on Netflix, it’s set in 1900’s outback Australia and the young protagonist is a female writer who doesn’t want to get married off. V humorous x

I've woken up knowing that I’ve had a very odd dream but can’t remember what it was about. I went to bed at 9.30 yesterday, as I was so tired. I do feel more in tune with myself, the amount of drinking days where I’d only get 5-6 hours sleep where I’ve always needed a lot more.

A pleasant weekend to you all shipmates.

@FiloPasty 'bad bitch', I love it!
I am nearly six foot of fury😁

My German male ex colleague calls me Devil as in the devil wears Prada.

I want to start packing. However as we'll have a productive garden at the pink cottage I've just laughed at the DH caught watching Gardener's world. He does hedges and lawns. However I'm not having him sitting on his bum all day when he retires (18 months and he's counting). I'm putting him in charge of chickens and compost.

I just posted this on another thread then saw this one too. I need some accountability so I’ll repost it and then go back and read the thread from the start.

Can I join in? I’ve just done another two days and hopefully today will be day 3. As others have mentioned there is often that voice saying - well, you’ve done a week, two weeks etc., surely you can have a glass or two then start again? But I always find those couple of glasses lead to a bottle (or two) and drinking daily, sometimes for weeks on end and then it’s hard to stop again.
One of the reasons I find it so hard to stop is that deep down I know I cannot control my alcohol intake and have to abstain; so there’s this other voice saying: you can’t ever drink again so just one last day…
And so the circle turns.
I think that’s why at AA they really hammer home the idea of keeping it in the day. One day at a time and not thinking about anything beyond that.
It’s so hard. Much respect to everyone trying to do this.