The support thread for those trying to lead an alcohol free life - Summer 2026

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!
This thread is for anyone who is trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.
There’s no judgment here – just encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.
Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.
The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation or a break, there are a couple of really good threads on this board that will be a better fit. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on.
So climb aboard and join the shipmates (as well as our dog mascot Sid!) and see how good alcohol free life can be.

Good morning shipmates,

Thank you for the support and solidarity - you really are the very best.

Better night's sleep and so consequently a better morning. So glad I didn't cave. Playing it forward is most definitely the way to try and avoid the "you know you can handle it... just a small amount..." siren songs @Adsy1988 . I am so, so sorry for everyone who has uninvited horrors living rent-free in their heads.

What an amazing way to have found us here @TwoNicePuppies! I'm very glad that you did.

That was a very good BBC article @Onewildandpreciouslife , thanks for posting it. I've seen a bit about Sheep Detectives in the local news - a farm round here was used by the production company for scanning sheep facial expressions and studying their reactions/emotions - but didn't know the film was out yet. It sounds quite good. I like sheep - I help look after a few. They do seem quite extraordinarily determined to die at times, most of the human interaction is trying to save them from themselves. But they do have very endearing personalities if closely watched.

I am so sorry these are unquiet waters for some of us at the moment. I know it won't always be like this. But it's hard to convince myself of this at times. It really will be alright - as long as we stay true. I have just booked a week's Dartmoor break for me and Sid. So now we have more adventures to look forward to; this will give me something to focus my mind when despair comes a-calling. Distractions and hopes are key.

It's easy to drift too near the jagged rocks. But here's Sid - looking out, maintaining vigil, and making sure we are safe from being completely dashed against them. It will be OK. Strength and courage. xxx

Having adventures to look forward to sounds lovely @REP22

Today I am trying to focus my mind more on the things that matter; or at least not let my mind get distracted by all the things that don't . It’s so very hard to focus on the right things. Our minds always seem to take us to things in the past or present that feel so urgent. But I know that, if I’m lucky enough to reach a grand age, it will be the wonderful experiences I’ve had and the fabulous people I’ve met that will make me feel I’ve had a good innings. And those are the things that help me realise I’ve had a pretty good innings already.

So I’m trying to lift my head up and ask myself: what really matters? Is it staying online late or working through my lunch so that everyone thinks, “What a good worker Lav is”? Is it replaying a conversation over and over in my head, just so I can beat myself up once again for saying the wrong thing, or not saying exactly the right thing? Is it desperately trying to change the lives of family members who simply don't want to change?

Or is it taking in the view from one of Arthur’s favourite walks and watching him have the very best time swimming in the local pond? Breathing in the smell of the sea air? Laughing with people who genuinely make me laugh?

Of course, we all have to do things we don’t want to do from time to time, and spend time with people we’d rather not. But I, for one, am going to do my utmost to place those things much lower down my mental list of importance. and writing this all down is going to help me commit.. even if at times I am an anxious over thinking mess. The aim is only 'at times' not every waking minute.

I write this from a lunch break I am actually taking. Wonderful stuff.

100% right @Lavrander - these are the questions I continually pose myself in my over-thinking mind.

This definitely - "Or is it taking in the view from one of Arthur’s favourite walks and watching him have the very best time swimming in the local pond? Breathing in the smell of the sea air? Laughing with people who genuinely make me laugh?".

Pay it forward for future joy; don't pay it back with regrets and misery.

Easier said than done, mind. But no inner torment will rewrite the books already on our shelves. x

I saw The Sheep Detectives a few weeks ago. It was ok, in a lighthearted comedy sort of way. A cross between Wallis and Grommet and Babe, I suppose.

Well I've watched all the Rivals series but no seen The Devil Wears Prada 2 yet.

I loved Rivals and recommend.

Good reflections there@Lavrander and @REP22 The time to live for myself is now, not in some hedonistic desperation, but doing what I like: reading, occasionally cooking, some tv.

I realised I wasn't seeing updates - because we have a new thread!

I hope everyone's doing well!

Morning all.
Up with a snuffling dog. The Thornit powder has worked. Something crawly emerged yesterday.

The new cleaners were two and a half hours late so I cancelled. That's the second set who can't be on time. I absolutely hate lateness. I'm now not sure what to do.

Hello
room for one more?
families problem is we are conditioned into thinking it’s normal when it isnt
the wheels really came off my family bus nearly 10 years ago
day 4 for me today

Morning all. Rubbish news about your cleaner @WendyWagon, I too cannot stand either being late, or being made to hang about for people. I think I get it from DF, he’s nearly 80 and still walks past his favourite barber if there is someone in the chair.

Welcome @Theworldisyouroystercatcher. I love the username, I felt like that after about 3 months off the booze, I felt as if I could conquer anything. Quitting alcohol will be up there with one of the best things you could ever do, the change in your mental and physical health is mind blowing. Good luck, and keep posting in here, it’s such a great support group to be part of.

Morning all
2.5 hours late just sounds like no intention of turning up at all.
Always room for one more @Theworldisyouroystercatcher. How has it been up to now?
Hedonistic desperation @postcard! Good phrase and an accurate description of what our brain is doing when it's seeking out alcohol. Completely unsustainable.

I'm thinking I need a wardrobe clear out and to properly decide what clothes I need. I was trying to find some photos yesterday to share with someone for a something and the brief was 'in an outfit you really like' and I couldn't find anything. Individual items yes but full outfits.. nothing. I'd love to pay for a stylist service where they come and just do it all for you.

@Lavrander I could do the wardrobe bit for you, DM if you're in the south. When I left one of the big cosmetic brands in the nineties I trained at colour me beautiful. Personal shopping too. Best job ever. Truly happy so didn't have an alcohol problem then.
As the 'Miranda' of the thread I can honestly say clothes and bags make me happy.

Good morning shipmates,

@Lavrander Sid and I can vouch for @WendyWagon's fabulous and elegant stylishness! M was into Colour Me Beautiful in the 1980's, it was like a cult with a few of her friends (probably why she stepped away - Jesus wouldn't have liked it. Although he cut a mean dash in his subtle-toned robes, I've no doubt). Sorry about the cleaners. 2.5 minutes late is understandable - 2.5 is taking the absolute p~ss; I'd have been livid too.

Hearty waves to @taylorean - hope you're doing OK.

Equally hearty waves and wags from Sid to @Theworldisyouroystercatcher (great username). I'm glad you've found us. Congratulations on Day 4. I'm sorry you've had a grim family history too. Philip Larkin definitely knew what of what he spoke when he wrote the poem "This Be the Verse". 💐

I told Sid that he will be having a lovely holiday next month. As you can see below, he was utterly beside himself. 🙄

When I was getting ready for work this morning I was really trying hard to think to myself what would be positive about this day, what spark could bring me some much-needed joy or just a bit of relief from the general sense of gloom. But then I realised - I didn't drink last night. I have woken up sober and clear - I've already won.

Sometimes, I think, when we've been sober for a while (or even a few days), we lose sight of what an incredible victory this is. To wake up sober and clean is something that few of us believed we could ever manage at one point. And yet here we are. Winning.

Strength and courage. Keep going. It will be alright. xx

You've really captured Sid's delight in that photo @REP22 🥳

You're right about how easy it is to forget just how far we've all come. There was a time when I really couldn't imagine going to bed without an anaesthetic nightcap - I honestly didn't think it was possible to get through the night sober - but now it's no different from getting dressed in the morning, it's just what happens. That in itself is such a huge thing. It is liberating on so many levels. I can stay away from home without feeling the need to have a bottle of something with me - a 'present for a friend I'm dropping off on the way home' or something. It means that I don't have to buy unnecessary shopping at the 7-11 so that the bottle of wine doesn't seem the only reason I am there. I can go to alcohol free evening events without having to stay up for another hour or two when I get home having a 'quick snifter to relax' before bed. And so much more.

It's not only the things on the surface that are good about giving up drinking, although not feeling sub-par all the time, having clearer skin, whiter eyes, a clearer head, a more predictable digestive system, no Fear about what you may have said, done or texted the night before etc all have much to recommend them.

When those things become the 'new normal' we can forget about what it was like before, but we will slip back so easily to their being the 'new new normal' if we let ourselves.

So very true @ShyMaryEllen- having examined some 'before' photos the difference is so plain although I wouldn't have noticed it at the time. We are winning @REP22. Gratitude for just being here is sometimes enough.

How very exciting @WendyWagon. I have hovered over having my colours done for a while now. I've tried to self administer and even attempted my own draping but it is rather hard when your entire wardrobe is grey or black. I've recently added taupe and cream , the wild woman that I am.. Alas I am not in the South but will message you and perhaps you'll have some knowledge or recommendations.

@Lavrander I had my “colours done” about 18 years ago. It was a valuable thing. It cost about £120, if I remember correctly, which felt like a huge indulgence at the time. I still come across my booklet of fabric colours every now and again, usually when I do a big clean, then decide to keep it for a bit longer. I’d like a personal stylist. Would it be better to start from scratch, someone who doesn’t know you and can be more objective, let’s say, or better to build on what’s safe and you know you’d wear?!

All good here with me. DH, whose idea it was to give up alcohol nearly a year ago, is going through some very stressful time with work and he’s had some wine these past couple of weeks. I have no intention to join him and I hope he doesn’t slide back into a bottle a night :(

Thanks @Lavrander , definitely enjoyed the holiday and the natural highs of sea swimming, sun on my skin and sightseeing -all amplified due to being sober I'm happy to say.
@postcard I love your reflection that the time to live for yourself is now, enjoying those simple pleasures and I love the philosophy of other posters that we have to look towards the future.
@Lavrander your plans for a wardrobe shake up sound exciting and I love the sound of your sartorial experience @WendyWagon
I did a budget version of having my colours done online a few years back.The suggested colours definitely suit me but I'd love to get it done for real in person at some point as I'm a bit paler than my photos made me out.

Thanks for the welcome. Felt a bit over emotional yesterday but okay.
day 5 today

Day 5 @Theworldisyouroystercatcher . You can do this.

@Theworldisyouroystercatcher the early days are difficult, I promise it gets easier & is soooo worth it, you can do this!
I too had my colours done & clothes make over around 10 years ago, a gift from my beautiful, stylish sister. The lady literally went through my wardrobe saving ‘nope!’ repeatedly, I had hardly anything left at the end! I promised her I’d give the clothes mountain to charity but actually put it all back in where it came from & still wear most of the items. Anything new I’ve bought since IS according to her rules though, & I stopped having my hair bleached as I could not pull off blonde! I have a make-up allergy so always look a bit shit anyway, better since giving up drinking though as my skin is a normal colour. My dogs don’t mind what I look like!! 😊

Morning all
Feeling emotional and off kilter is totally normal @Theworldisyouroystercatcher. It's your brain rebalancing without chemical help. It might extend to some pretty whacky dreams also.
I've never loved the idea of the John Lewis stylists @postcardbecause I do think I'd end up with a lovely outfit but not something practical long term. I love clothes and my issue is more buying lovely things that don't fit my lifestyle and that I don't have the shoes for... So I think someone needs a rummage through my wardrobe. Like Tan France on Queer Eye!
Ahh to feel the sun on my skin again @Teaforthetotal
. I hope we'll have some warmer weather soon.

A simple pleasure I have enjoyed already this morning is a coffee, listening to the birds, with 18kg of Arthur dog sitting on my lap. All without the grogginess. Wonderful

@REP22 so pleased you didn’t drink and posted here instead. Give Sid a cuddle from me, he’s such a sweetheart

@Kakkilakki I love to hear that you’re trying new drinks, I’m doing same, mainly with posh(er) cordials and soda water, fresh mint etc. I have tried a few af beers and sparkling rose. I was all about spirits which is what scared me…was easy to hide in freezer and taking sips from the bottle for a quick hit.

@WendyWagon glad the thornit powder is working 🐾 sending strength your way for the upcoming legal matter

@TwoNicePuppies you have turned turned your life around - sounds like you have a wonderful husband

@Theworldisyouroystercatcher welcome!! Those first few days are hard so yay on day 5!!

@Adsy1988 3 weeks off sounds blissful!! Check in with us if you can and enjoy your time off

@Onewildandpreciouslife I love Brett so will check it out , thanks

@ShyMaryEllen thank you your words of encouragement on this thread ❤️

@Lavrander isn’t it wonderful to find the simple things so enjoyable. I’m so grateful when I have a good sleep and feeling optimistic and excited for the day ahead. it’s my day off and I’m catching up on the the thread , raining outside and I’m having my coffee in bed, my doggie dreaming away next to me. He’s making those cute noises that make my heart melt.

Been a hectic few days for me so am glad for a day off, not planning to do much but will throw a dance workout in for sure. It brings a smile to my face. I’m still listening to sober stories podcasts daily and enjoying them. They give me hope and push me forward. Have a good day everyone

Morning all.

Morning all. Day 9 here today, well done on getting to day 5 @Theworldisyouroystercatcher.

My final day at work until Tuesday 30th June. I haven’t got too much planned. A spa day near the end booked with an overnight, really looking forward to that. It’s really just to reset my batteries, work has been incredibly tough these past six months. I would never have got deadlines needed over the line had I been drinking in this window, so whilst last Saturday and Sunday’s slip is still in my head, I’m really proud of what I have managed to achieve in the last 11 months.

Wishing you all a lovely Wednesday wherever you are in the world x

Morning Shipmates,

Sorry to hear about your DH @postcard - I hope all will be well. He's lucky to have you in his corner. x

Enjoy the dance workout @TickleMeElmo1 - I always used to feel better about going to the gym. Alas, it's closed now, so I don't get to bust the same moves. I noticed a new PureGym on the industrial estate when I took M to The Range at the weekend (they wouldn't swap her for some pipe cleaners, so I had to bring her back home with me 😉) , so might check that out.

Some battery-resetting is a great idea @Adsy1988 - that spa day sounds fab. That's why I've booked a Sidbreak for next month, battery-recharging and an interruption in pace. You really are doing fantastically well and are right to be proud of yourself.

Just back from the vets with Sid - dreaded annual jab time. He's very needle-averse, so it's a military-style operation involving Tramadol, Gabapentin, towels and an industrial quantity of Sizzlers, hehe - now he's looking at me like I'm Judas, who has sold him to the Romans to be nailed up. He's a forgiving soul though, fortunately... He must have the constitution of an ox - the meds were supposed to knock him out completely for the jab, but he remained alert throughout, only mildly swaying along to the internal strummings of Hendrix. 😶‍🌫️

Strength and courage brave friends. All shall be well. xx