The support thread for those trying to lead an alcohol free life - Summer 2026

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!
This thread is for anyone who is trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.
There’s no judgment here – just encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.
Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.
The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation or a break, there are a couple of really good threads on this board that will be a better fit. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on.
So climb aboard and join the shipmates (as well as our dog mascot Sid!) and see how good alcohol free life can be.

Morning all.
Much better today and I've been up and cleaning.

Estate agents for the rental tomorrow. All women, hoorah!
We've no rain yet. Boo.

I'm taking the good advice on here about waiting to see if the barn comes back. We're going to go to our friends flat and if the barn pops up we'll compensate him so we can move without guilt. He's a decent guy and it's a huge favour he's doing for us.

The DD is undergoing a transformation. I'm ecstatic. She's asked for more fitted, feminine clothes but I can't say anything as she'd have my head off. It's been eight years and a huge heartbreak. I can't say anymore as it's not the right thread but a know a few of you will understand.

Shopping and cleaning but I have applied for a local job back at our hospice. Mat cover.
I loved it when I worked there. Here's hoping.

Morning!
Lovely to read your update @WendyWagon. Sounds like the scales might be tilting just in your favour.
Hello @Theworldisyouroystercatcher! I'm guilty of leaving washing on the line for days. I read all sorts in the housekeeping threads about doing it for white washing to get rid of stains. Reader - it does not work.

I think it might be time for a roll call up on deck for those in the earlier days. I realise some might just prefer to quietly sail with us but if you are needing a bit of a boost up then we're here. @Hopeisachoice@Kernowgirl183@MsAmandahope you're doing well.

That's really encouraging news on all fronts @WendyWagon - lovely to hear. ❤️
Lovely to see you again @Theworldisyouroystercatcher - my washing awaits my attentions too. I am a tardy mistress of the peg.

Sid was indeed having a good old session there @Gribouille - he claims it's because he enjoys a back scratch, but he's inadvertently unclipped his lead mid-roll in the past, and I suspect that's uppermost in his mind. That was on a common on Dartmoor last week. "Where sheep may safely graze", hehe.

What looks like a rain cloud is looming outside. Keeping everything crossed... The insurers came out to look at M's bashed-up car this morning. My hopes aren't high. Already Sid and I have been renamed "REP22's Taxi Service". 🤬There are certain weekly trips, however, which I am not minded to enable; I sense flashpoints ahead...

Sid and I present ourselves for roll-call @Lavrander and salute your captaincy. 🫡

Strength and courage. It will be alright. xx

Thanks for the mention @Lavrander - I'm doing really well, thank you. I've dived right back into my side hustle, which I have severely neglected for a few years. Feels good to be productive in the evenings. Doing lots of strength training, walking, and listening to podcasts. Feeling positive!

Well lads another barn conversation has popped up. Six miles the other way from us now but a village we know well. Hopefully seeing it Friday.

Fingers crossed for you @WendyWagon !

I’m still on holiday- it’s very hot and beautiful and relaxing, but I have to admit I’m … not sure what the word is! I’m not really struggling without alcohol, but I am feeling a bit uncomfortable in the evenings.

I think it’s partly because I don’t have a good early evening ritual - all the alternatives are too sweet or gassy for me at the moment. I might see if I can find a box of mini ice creams at a supermarket!

I think the other thing is feeling left out, because this is probably the first holiday that my youngest has been drinking. No one drinks excessively, but it’s just making me feel a bit left out. And I don’t really want a glass of horrible cheap limoncello at the end of the evening but it’s isolating.

Anyway, I’m fine really, but hoping someone finds the honesty helpful! And so far I’ve seen a sunrise, and been for a morning run, and I’m planning a sea swim tomorrow morning…

I think my inner toddler just needed to stamp her feet 🤣

Morning all.
Rental valuers today.

@Onewildandpreciouslife ive been feeling the same, my husband having the odd beer or glass of wine and I just feel a bit funny, so close to my year though and I’m ok. I don’t want to drink but my subconscious still sort of needling me. Sounds like a lovely holiday with the sea swimming etc so solidarity on the toddler stamping x

Great news @WendyWagon

Morning
I wonder if that feeling of sort of 'letting the side down' ever really goes away. Alcohol is such a part of our culture and has been for millennia so it's a lot to unpick. I know logically that I'm not missing out, but I agree, I think that niggle will always be there if others are drinking. We just have to swat it away.

I was out walking the dog yesterday morning and was suddenly reminded of all the groggy mornings when I just wanted to get it over and done with, or the times I had a PT session (yes yes I know!) whilst hungover. I don't want to go back to that.

He's a canny little Sidney, isn't he, @REP22 ?! 😄 Now I've got Handel's 'All We Like Sheep' as a ear worm... which is better than my previous ear worm, which was 'The Ladies' Bras' by Wisbey... 🤦‍♀️ From the sublime to the ridiculous...

All good vibes for the barn viewing tomorrow, @WendyWagon ! The more options you have, the better... And did you say an all women team? Thank god - women get things done! 💪

@Onewildandpreciouslife I can so relate to that, and all I can say is 'Play the tape forward'... think of the next day when you will wake sooo fresh and grateful for holding firm. And also, how smart we are to challenge this culture-wide idea that only by drinking can one unwind and celebrate... We are the cool kids - let yourself be secretly a bit superior! 😎

@FiloPasty I've done a year before and recognise the wibbly-wobblies... The addictive little beastie senses a chink in our defences and seeks to worm in... A year is a time for reflection and being open and honest with ourselves... which also makes us vulnerable, like a lobster shedding its shell to grow a bigger, harder one... we get stronger and more authentic as a result. 🦞

@Lavrander , I bet your poor PT smelt quite a few early morning hangovers... What a gruelling thing to do to your body, love you! 🤗

This post acknowledges the difficulties and challenges, but I also want to celebrate the freedom! I've finally got my sober boing! Spent yesterday doing mighty garden work, and easily sorting some appointments that I'd been avoiding, and had therefore built up in my mind as insurmountable! The calm and energy that I've missed for so long... it will need developing, there will be good and bad days, but I've tasted it, I have hope! 😄

Hope. Tis a good word.

I'm cleaning which I hate. I'm having a pit stop.

@Gribouille you are so right, I love lobsters too so will hold that thought.

Another random moment/thought I’ll throw out there. The hotel where we are staying. As a serve yourself drinks station, I only use it for water but my husband got a jug of Coke yesterday. We’d drank all the water so I poured a little Coke and exclaimed “yuck, it tastes totally flat” my husband replied that I’d said previously that I loved flat Coke. Sad truth is I was always hungover or slightly hungover and the sugar hit helped. I am so happy to not feel like that anymore. I do remember the every morning feeling of I’ll never drink again and then opening the wine at 5pm. I’m so happy to be free of that.

My Frenchie grandpuppy rolls to loosen his harness - it's very deliberate in his case. He's visiting today, so I have industrial quantities of treats at the ready, as well as a pack of tennis balls and a flavoured chew toy thing. I was asked to get him a pokeball, but it seems that they can be bought for £3.99 and sold on eBay for £20, so as soon as a shop takes delivery the profiteers swoop and they are in short supply. He loves a tennis ball though, so will probably forgive me for passing on all his toys to his spaniel cousin. Fingers crossed anyway.

Good luck with the barn, @WendyWagon. Why do you have such trouble with Estate Agents? I think I've missed a step of the story there, as it makes no sense. I hope this one works out though, and that you are settled into a lovely new home very soon.

I was sorely tempted last night. There is a bottle of wine in the fridge, and I very much wanted to open it. I didn't, and am so pleased not to be starting today hungover and guilty. The thought of drinking it makes no sense to me today - the wine sirens really can twist things when we're vulnerable.

Ah there is a huge backstory to estate agents @ShyMaryEllen .

I lived in a market town and bought a famous country house from a national agent. It was a lot of money, my money which was not the norm. Around those parts a woman couldn't earn that sort of dosh. I was always being asked for my husband's input. We also got taken advantage of. We weren't down from London and had our own network as it wasn't far from my wider family. After my mother died we decided to sell it. We had various agents in but we didn't give it to the 'king pin' agent so he started saying negative things to potential purchasers. It's a heritage town with a famous public school so people visit for the weekend and enjoy property porn and look at moving down at some point.
The house did have a history and it took ages to sell. Not helped by the bitchy man who thought we should have given him the instruction.
He popped up again a few years ago when we rented a house from a landlord who became my stalker (not an expression used lightly, he was the full enchilada). Turns out they were best buddies and this man rang everyone to tell them not to sell us a house. We were bad people, the DH a drug dealer, me a high class madam.
It was always another buyer had pipped us.
It only settled down last year when said estate agent retired and their was a new sheriff in town (their words not mine and a delightful chap took over).
It would be funny if it wasn't so racist as well. My husband's family are POC so that doesn't help. He's never even smoked. Believe me it's not easy even in 2026. I've always fought back because it's such a blinking cheek. How very dare they. I know you can't make people sell you their property but you don't need spiteful, misogynistic men whispering in sellers ears. My family have been here for 600 years so hardly incomers. No wonder I drank.
I've got a female team to rent our house out, hoo bloody rah.

Onwards and upwards my friends.

Morning all.

Morning.
Another holiday completed without alcohol. The third to be precise. And also a year and a month AF.

It's odd how holidays always bring on anxiety about not drinking and unsettle me, but once into the swing of it things settle down again. Although it is something that has to be worked at every day on a beach holiday being surrounded by people drinking in cafes, bars, restaurants etc.

This isn't a linear path as it has twists and curves and throws things in the way when you least expect it. But the journey is getting easier.

I have an extremely strong reason for not drinking, just like another fellow poster on this thread, as I had oral cancer last year and surgery to remove it.

I won't drink again but I still have to work at not drinking even with a cast iron reason not to.

Having drunk for over 42 years it's all about making and developing new habits and trying not to look to the past and what was "enjoyed" before.

My relationship with alcohol can never be the same again so I just have to accept it, make peace with it (which I am doing) and enjoy life with new structures.

It's really only holidays with all evening meals out and some lunches where it's slap bang in your face on a daily basis. All those times when I would have been enjoying a lot of white or rose wine in my previous life. But it is certainly lovely never having a holiday hangover or that jaded/pickled feeling of waking up having drunk too much the day before.

Fortunately everywhere that I've been on holiday to so far has had an abundance of AF beer (all restaurants) and some AF wine options in supermarkets together with AF gin. Summer holiday also saw the upscale restaurants offering some pretty damn good mocktails that were interesting, different and well dressed as they should be at 10E a pop.

Good morning Shipmates,

Hope the female renting team are winners @WendyWagon - at least they won't be weasels.

Saga of M's car rumbles on. She didn't ask for a lift to her Friday thing; this was the potential flashpoint, as I would have refused. I suspect she knows I would have refused. It's very, very difficult. Like @WendyWagon's EA horrors, there is much back story. In only two examples, when I had voluntarily stopped driving for medical reasons, I was denied lifts on most occasions after the sudden death of my DDad (the voice of kindness and reason and giver of lifts; they live less than a mile away from me). More than once I was standing at the bus stop (no shelter) in pouring rain when M drove by waving and laughing. When I was cleared to drive again, I was not permitted to have a few refresher drives in M's car - I had to pay for driving instructor sessions. The reason given regarding the car/lifts being just two words: "It's mine". One of her closest friends was appalled, but she was given very short shrift. It wasn't really a surprise - a relative of M's was very keen on some 1960s pop memorabilia which would now be quite valuable. M became very VERY religious at a young age and the stuff fell into the category of "worshipping false gods". Her relative asked if she could have the things, but M proceeded to destroy them in front of her. It caused a wound which never fully healed. A couple of years ago, after a meet-up with said relative where it had been mentioned, I asked why she'd done it. "They were mine." That concept is so alien to me - if ANYTHING I had, time, food, stuff or money, could help someone going without, I would gladly share it and be grateful for the opportunity to do so. Anyway, bullet dodged on Friday lift enablement. I am glad that I am sober, however, and in a position to be able to offer early morning lifts (or any lifts really) where I can be helpful.

Strength and courage as we head into the weekend. You can do it. Sid believes in you. xx

Well done @Kipperandarthur - I agree it’s having it in your face when you’re eating in restaurants that I find hard.

I did have a very naughty thought this morning, that maybe next time a waiter tries to force a free yukky liqueur on me, I could say very loudly with a sad face “I can’t, I have cancer”. I mean, my relationship with alcohol is a lot more complicated than that, but it might make them think twice about their bloody lazy assumptions that everyone wants free booze.

Delighted to hear you resisted the lift giving @REP22 . What is it with toxic mothers?!

I’ve read People Pleaser by Bryony Gordon (her first novel) while I’ve been away. Excellent book, with lots of highlights on my kindle. I was feeling quite regretful that I never got to mend my relationship with my mother, but then I remembered a really shocking incident with her that I hadn’t thought about for ages.

Both these things can be true, I suppose

That is one hefty slab of a backstory, @WendyWagon 😧 The wonder is that a vindictive idiot like that should have any friends at all, or anyone who believes him - surely the underbelly would start to show? But I guess there are lots of people willing to be fooled by a superficial charm or a forceful personality... Anyway, my Manifestation Dance has been expanded to include him being struck by lightning right in the bollocks, or some other suitable punishment as the Universe sees fit... ⚡️

@REP22 my empathy goes to you as the fellow possessor of an unstable mother... 🤗 They are unhinged, aren't they, and I get salty at the posts saying 'Oh, but it's your mother/you only get one/I love my lovely mother and therefore cannot imagine anyone having a horrid one'... It sounds like you're already going above and beyond for her, so take your triumphs where you can, you deserve them.

@Kipperandarthur , bloody well done on your year-plus of freedom! I know that doesn't stop the old conditioning, and the drunken culture we live in... but the struggling, I find, comes in short bursts, and the benefits are longer-lasting and more satisfying, so on days we're not feeling it, we have to keep the faith, don't we? I also have the cancer reason for not drinking, but still have struggled - you'd think it would be a no-brainer, wouldn't you, but the initial shock wears off... I had to stop going to a support group because the woman leading it could NOT get over me not drinking - she kept saying 'But you have to enjoy life'... Every event she organised was alcohol-centred, and then she'd make a big thing out of 'Oh, but Gribouille can't go because SHE doesn't drink...'. Alas, she has since died... I was also the only non-drinker on my ward, and the only one who didn't get a post-op infection, make of that what you will... 😏

And today I am so so thrilled at the improvements from not drinking, but let me tell you, I was really struggling on Saturday! My DH was white-knuckling, almost determined to be miserable because he wasn't drinking like a sulky child, and I opened a discussion on that and he felt better and cheerier... and then I was hit with it! Which confirms my notion that two people have half the willpower, not double!

But I find that, after I've overcome a gnarly one like that, the next day I absolutely soar, so will keep that in mind this weekend! Onwards, Sober Sisters!

And Sid - consider yourself kissed. 😘

Ooh, thanks for the intel on the Bryony Gordon, @Onewildandpreciouslife - I saw that the other day, and have long been interested in her as One Of Us...

(It goes without saying that my own toxic mother is an inveterate toper, and one of those people who REALLY suffer if anyone in her company isn't drinking, because she has a mortal fear of being judged... but then goes about doing judge-worthy things, especially as she gets older and the mask slips...). 🤷‍♀️ What can you do, eh? Can't live with 'em... can't kill them because of advancements in forensic detection techniques...

Oh @Gribouille you are funny (DD is a trainee forensic psychologist). Axe murders are her thing!

I had a rethink last night and I can do the s**t pit cottage. I was going to look at another barn but I woke up and thought you're bonkers to live out that way. Mr W was so relieved. He loves me but after 17 houses he knows as soon as I'm better health wise he's in trouble.
The only thing we have to do immediately is the wiring. It will fail any survey. After that it's skips ahoy!
I'm back to see it next Wednesday with the BFF.
I've told the DS as he keeps a close eye on our money the cheeky blighter. The DD has seen it.

Mother's hey? Mine was fabulous on the right day but an absolute game player on others.
My dad was a sweetheart.

Sid’s fur looks so silky; like a seal. He’s beautiful ❤️

That is, indeed, a hell of a story, @WendyWagon. I hope the new team are better, and that when you get settled you can report the EE to a professional body of some sort.

Your mother sounds 'difficult', @REP22. You do very well to take her on holiday and give her lifts at all after that behaviour.

One foot in front of the other, shipmates - we will get there if we keep doing that, even if we go round in circles a few times along the way.

Aw, thank you @Whosthetabbynow - he is velvety and seal-like. And very "wipe-cleanable".💖

Thank you for the support and kind words lovely shipmates. You are right @ShyMaryEllen it is a very large part of why I drank. But I do it because of who I am, not because of who she is. I am my father's daughter. xx

Morning all.
It's going to be sunny here. Predicted to be 35 again next week. Hell on earth for me.

All is well at chez W. I need to move the huge plant but it's making me laugh.
No tidying so I can list a few things on eBay.

I was in TKMaxx yesterday and they had a one off DKNY red linen sun dress. Too big these days but it was really lovely. I would have bought it but they had a massive queue. I'm handy with a needle.

I hope everyone had a sober safe Friday night. I didn't have any cravings. Blue top baby me.