The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Spring into Summer 2026

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the ones I use, I Am Sober and TryDry. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.
Lighter evenings, blossom and birdsong are with us once again. Pull up a chair, and make yourself at home. It's going to be alright. x

Morning all.
Congratulations on your third weekend @MaineStorm !
Welcome @alldressedupinblue ! At over a year, I think you can be quite breezy about it: “oh, I don’t drink these days”. It is worth planning in advance what you are comfortable about saying about your “why”, if asked - with people I don’t know very well I used to stay things like “I did dry January and felt so good I kept going”; with people I knew better I’d say “it stopped being fun”

But you will probably find that most people will respond by telling you about their own drinking, in varying degrees of defensiveness!

Morning all.

The dh is back to work after a weeks leave. A bit of extra mattress for me!

@alldressedupinblue you're in the vets club now.

Congrats @MaineStorm

Not much on today just a visit from the bff. She'll try to talk me out of the kitchen.

Morning everyone, just checking in after our holiday. It was quite a rollercoaster of emotions. I‘ll try to keep it short!

I told DH on the way down that I had decided to have an alcohol free holiday. He laughed and asked if I was ill (because it is so unlike me), then asked why I wanted to not drink. I just said why not and he accepted it.

We arrived late and once we were all settled we went out for dinner at 8.30pm. Way past my dinner time! I was tired and headachey. I would normally have a drink anyway, because ‘that’s what you do’ on holiday. I got an alcohol free beer so I got the holiday feeling, without even more of a headache.

The next day it got more difficult. I felt quite melancholy, wondering what has gone wrong in my life that I can’t trust myself to have a drink on holiday. DS was being really difficult too, he often is on holiday. He doesn’t do well out of a routine and it was just awful. Normally I’d numb it with drink and get on with it. But now I couldn’t. I spent most of the day crying. Had another alcohol free beer with dinner and more tears.

The third day it continued. DS was rude, melting down and miserable. I cried. It was also glorious sunshine and everyone around us was drinking wine. That night I caved. I got a 500ml bottle of rosé and DH had a small glass. So I drank about half a bottle of wine. Then the usual feeling of it not being enough and wanting more came. But the shop was shut and that was that. It was a reminder that I can’t just have one.

On our last day, DS behaviour was slightly better and we had a nice time. We went to the shop to get bits for dinner and got some drinks. I got 3 tins of prosecco. An impulse decision, ‘fuck it I’m on holiday and it’s been a disaster’. In the end I only drank two of them, which is unheard of for me. But still, I know I need to stop completely, because as you all know it’s a slippery slope. I spent our last night crying again. We’ve been looking forward to this trip for ages and it was just shit. I felt miserable 80% of the time. DS was probably feeding off my energy too which made his behaviour worse.

I know I often drink to numb my feelings and I really struggled to deal with them this weekend. We need to go to the shop later and I’ll be getting some alcohol free drinks and other treats to steer me away from the cravings. The next big challenge will be Friday night. That’s normally a binge night at the end of a stressful week.

Oh my heart goes out to you @VillageIdiott - you sound so sad. The thing with alcohol is that it is both a symptom of sadness and a cause of sadness.

I sometimes look back at what I was dealing with when my drinking was at its worst , and think “no wonder I drank”.

I’m glad you’re planning for next weekend. Have you read any quit lit? I think @REP22 has put some excellent recommendations in her original post, and This Naked Mind is also very good. I think it’s helpful to understand how alcohol affects us because it makes sense of a lot of the spirals we get into. And post here as often as you need to.

One final thought- sometimes it helps to change our user names from something negative to positive. For years my user name was based on the poem “Not waving but drowning”, because that was how I felt, but when I started Dry January I changed my name to something based on Mary Oliver’s poem “Summer Day”:

“Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it that you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

I hope you don’t mind me suggesting this, but maybe something to think about?

Oh bless you @VillageIdiott - I'm so sorry that your holiday was such a disappointment and stressful. You honestly did your best. It's not your fault that your DS was challenging and your DH was in a pissy mood. Try not to beat yourself up too badly. Just breathe, reboot and keep going. Bloody drink - it consumes us, mind and body, even when we are not actually drinking. You might not feel like it at the moment, but you really are doing very well. Stick with it, it does get easier.

@Onewildandpreciouslife - is right; my drinking had its roots in numbing sadness, trauma and misery but ultimately, alcohol is a depressant drug and it really drags us down. If it made things better, then the happiest people on Earth would surely be the hordes of drunken folks you see coming out of nightclubs and bars in most city centres at 3am - but they're mostly not, they're falling over, fighting, swearing and crying, puking in doorways and peeing in alleys. Not so much the folks who can just stop at a couple - but I know I am not one of them. Keep going - better days WILL come. ❤️💐

@alldressedupinblue - wonderful to hear from you, thank you for posting. 396 days is absolutely epic, really amazing. Over a year and STILL going strong; magnificent. 💪👑 As our lovely shipmates have said, you may well not be the only one. But even if you are - it will be interesting to compare internally with your friends; I'll bet you're the one with the best-looking skin and hair.

Your sobriety is a badge of honour - it can also be a shield. You don't owe your friends, or anyone, reasons or 'justifications' for not drinking. "No, I'm alright thanks" when pressed to swill the grog ought to suffice. And I suspect that at least one, maybe more, of your friends will be impressed by your strength and resolve. I certainly am. You haven't come this far to only get this far. Hopefully your friends will respect your choices.

Strength and courage brave shipmates. It will be alright. x

@Onewildandpreciouslife thanks. Yes I’ve made a note of the books, and hope I can start reading soon. I’m currently studying for a masters (not very good for my stress levels) and am actually falling behind due to time lost being hungover. Yet another thing to add to my list of reasons to stop drinking! Once I’ve caught up I hope to find the time for other reading, because I think it will really help.

Just checking in. I’m sorry to read about your holiday @VillageIdiott, try not to dwell too much on it.

I have no idea how much you were drinking but if I had one glass I’d be on whatever app, phoning friends, anything to get my hands on more booze. So more power to you by having the ability to see the path you were going down and stopping. Had you not had that chat with yourself you know that third Prosecco can would have been finished. Take little victories when you can, and that definitely is what I would class as a win.

I am back to work today after a week on annual leave, it was glorious. Just into a complete shitstorm of events, back to back meetings with people you do question how they manage to get themselves dressed each day, but we persevere.

Jumping back on to say thank you for the amazing support and real suggestions you have given me for my event tomorrow. I love the idea of shipmates. Ahoy me beauties!

Evening shipmates
on the countdown to my new job but it’s almost as though my current workplace hasn’t realised I’m going and the work keeps piling on. This is causing me to wobble a bit as I don’t like the idea of leaving a mess. I want to leave a tidy toxic house when I go!
But it’s not my job to fix what’s been broken for a while. It makes me a bit sad that as soon as I’m out the door everything that’s not gone well will be blamed on me. But it’s the reason I’m leaving so should expect that I guess!
But I’m trucking on! Or rather I’m sailing -it’s just today I’m in a pedalo rather than a yacht!

Hi all,

sorry to probably cover old ground that has been covered by others before but I am having a mini wobble over not drinking on hols and at the work summer party. Sounds a bit lame when I write it out here but any tips and thoughts welcome.

reasons being:

we will be on a Greek island in a villa for a week with not a huge amount to do in the evenings. I have no idea if they even sell alcohol free beer on the island but hopefully they do! I expect so, which may help. We have years of memories at this villa of lovely warm evenings drinking nice wine and it will be strange not doing so. And hard. But I really don’t want to start up again. Not just for a silly summer break that I know I will regret if I do. Because I know once I drink on that holiday I will inevitably find other times and places to start again. It’s how it goes.

and the summer party - nearly everyone drinks there. There is lots of lovely champagne and a gorgeous venue and I have social anxiety and intense colleagues. Help! I really want to attend as I do enjoy it and it’s expected we all attend but I am scared of how I will manage it.

any ideas? 💡 thank you 🙏

Morning all.
These wobbles are completely understandable @Sunshinebound99 , and there are plenty of tips that can help.

But when are your holiday and party? They’re probably a couple of months away at least? I’m sorry I can’t remember how many days / weeks you have been AF, but if you stick with it you will be in a very different place by the time these events come round. There’s a helpful running mantra: run the mile you’re in!

Having said that, yes you can get AF beer in Greece. Their range of soft drinks is also more interesting- most places serve cans of iced tea which I find a good alternative

And you will still have lovely warm evenings, but (to quote another shipmate) just with something different in your glass. And the mornings! Waking up fresh and early, sitting by the pool in the peace and quiet with your morning coffee… Magic

As for your summer party, first off - there is a high probability that there are people there who won’t drink for religious or health reasons, or who are driving. Any decent party would cater for those people- you may feel confident enough by then to have a word with the organisers to check, but even if not, when you walk through the door just get a glass of something in your hand. And then socialising sober is like cold water swimming- bracing initially, and then rather enjoyable (as long as you get out when you need to). As someone with social anxiety I understand the fear, but actually it’s more relaxing, because you’re not watching yourself constantly.

Morning all.

Jesus there are some nutters on Mumsnet.
I've been seeking some simple property advice and it's brought all sorts of dialogue out. I swear to God they make it up as they go along. I tuned out but one was back at 6 this morning!

The bff has a few more weeks until she gets her keys to her boutique hotel. Noting to do with me but I'll help with attracting corporate clients. I'll also keep away from the bar!

Slow on the cottage front this week. Nothing new.

Morning all and a late welcome to @alldressedupinblue. As others said - wear it is a badge of honour; you are interesting and healthy and glowing. See how you feel about talking about it. My phrase is 'it was making me sad and fat' - that usually covers all bases!
Congratulations @MaineStorm- so lovely to read your update from the birthday- and a hard weekend is was too with all that sunshine messing with our heads. Well done.
@VillageIdiottthat sounds so incredibly trying. If I may, and without sounding like a broken record - I'm reading your 'why's' to be a little punishing. As if you're still thinking that alcohol is good but it's just that you are bad, that you can't moderate, and if only you could you'd be having a lovely time. But it does seem like to me alcohol doesn't equal a lovely time for you, so what is it that you're searching for?
Also, this 'I can't just have one' - have you been out with drinkers? Hardly anyone is 'just having one.' You are not unique in that. What is unique is that you have noticed that and realised you want something better for yourself.
You've done more AF days than not lately. That's something to be celebrated and if anything you've seen even more that alcohol didn't help you in that time.
I love the thought behind the name @Onewildandpreciouslife.

@Sunshinebound99- are the memories from the drink or the villa and lovely warm evenings? They will sell alcohol free beer but if not I bet you can make up some mocktails and make a treat of it.
It will just be something different in your glass ;-) - everything else will be just how you remember it. Except you'll also have some new wonderful memories of sitting out in the sunshine at breakfast, feeling refreshed.

Thank you so much for your advice. It is very wise and totally agree.

the party is actually in about a month so quite soon. I’ve only been alc free for about two months. The holiday is at least further along in August so I have more time to adapt it’s true. X

@Lavrander I’m going to use sad and fat that’s a good one and was entirely accurate for me!

@Sunshinebound99 whenever anyone new joins I always encourage them to use the mood notes on try dry, only because I didn’t and I really wish I did. There is such a mood shift as you get further into being alcohol free. My first holiday was a bit out of season in a European country when wine is the norm and I really had to build myself up and there was a lot of internal chatter that I was somehow denying myself, it wouldn’t be a true holiday etc etc. it felt like a sacrifice in a way, even though I was making myself ill the way I had been drinking. I had so much support on here I nearly caved but my teens spoke up and in a kind way told me how proud they were of me not drinking so I didn’t. That was towards the end of my second month AF. I really enjoyed my sleep on that holiday, the energy I had, but I do think I was thinking a lot about it and that’s ok.
I think the trickiest thing was that I’d never known a holiday not drinking, even when pregnant I’d have the odd glass of wine.
I’ve just been on a second holiday which was really active and I honestly thanked my lucky stars for the energy I had, how good I felt and there is no way I would have been able to do it 6 months ago. Again I was on here admitting to sniffing my husbands wine, but the thoughts were much more fleeting.
Im now looking forward to my summer break so much, I have so much energy, I feel great, like a butterfly that has broken out of my crusty alcohol chrysalis. There’s not enough hyperbole to explain the difference in me, I’ll just tell you that I’m no longer sad or fat! Yippee!
Sorry that was so long!!

@Onewildandpreciouslife I love the name too, I always feel a bit calmer when I read your name, it’s very uplifting.
I’m quite into manifesting so agree you should name change @VillageIdiott years ago we had a bonus scheme/career progression linked thing at work and different levels had different names I changed my computer log in details to a name including one 4 above and just typing it in every day and visualising that really helps. You can do it x
@Sunshinebound99 worth contacting the work venue and asking about AF options lots of AF fizz available and hopefully catered for. I think drivers and those who don’t drink for religious reasons have been overlooked for years, I do feel like things are changing though.
@Carpetburn That sounds so frustrating with work, is there much space to say you can’t take things on because you won’t be there? It’s like maternity leave when they start emailing you as no one has listened to any of the handover. Do you have a new job lined up and any respite in between?
@Adsy1988 Glad you had a lovely break from work
@alldressedupinblue Good luck for the party
@WendyWagon can you link to the thread?

I’m trying new ADHD meds Xaggatin, think I preferred the elvanse despite the headaches.
Still find it really hard to get up and go, once I’m up and at it I’m fine, just getting started is difficult.

Thank you so much. I love your post and it’s really inspiring. I will try recording the feelings and try to get comfortable with it all. I think a big part of it will be what my husband decides to do as we’ve stopped together but I know only I can do this. He is wanting to just drink on that holiday. Even if he starts again on hols I want to be strong.

So my drinking has always been problematic we’d open a bottle at dinner, my husband would have a glass and I’d finish the bottle (and probably open a second once he’d gone to bed because I’d feel cheated he had a glass out of the first one) so he’s never been a problem drinker. He now rarely drinks, not at home, he’s quite a fan of the 0% rum and coke but can leave it. On holiday though he’s been having the odd glass of wine.
I decided that everytime someone near me was having alcohol that I might have say no, no thank you or I’ll have a 0 or a Diet Coke, probably around 3 times. So I prepared myself for that, and it really helped, now I’m pretty nonchalant about it, and it comes naturally. Like anything it just takes practise x

Good morning shipmates,

Sorry the nutters are out in force for you @WendyWagon - there are certainly some odd bods out there; I've been on the receiving end myself at times elsewhere on MN. During Covid, I was called "the most evil person I've ever encountered" by one happy soul when I posted about my dismay that elderly and clinically vulnerable M was heading to a religious retreat with other elderlies, some with dementia, when lots of her peers were still shielding (she did go, and they did all, to a one, get the virus.😠). Some comfort, perhaps, that when the reckoning comes, and Trump's and Putin's heads are up on spikes, my heartless noggin will be gurning up alongside them, bobbing in the breeze... 😀 The nutters do make me feel especially grateful for the kindness, wisdom and understanding on this thread.

I love your "butterfly breaking out of its crusty alcohol chrysalis" @FiloPasty - that's beautiful and very apt. Crust is right - it's very satisfying to smash through it.🦋 I hope the new meds work out. I've recently changed my meds (not ADHD ones but long term takers) and they took a while to bed in. I sometimes have to really motivate myself to get up and out too. My late DDad used to say (of himself) "my 'get up and go' got up and went".

@Sunshinebound99 AF "firsts" can be challenging; first party, first holiday, first Christmas. You're doing the right thing by thinking about it and gleaning strategies from our wise fellow-shipmates. I often find myself that anticipation/fear of a thing is actually worse than the thing itself, when it comes along. You are strong - you can do it. A quick burst of Sia's "Unstoppable" as you get ready ought to help, it sorts me out, anyway. Sid prefers STEPS.

Our Cabin Boy/Powder Monkey, Sid, was on deck-swabbing duties last evening. Off he clattered with his mop and trug of Cilit-Bangs - but what did I see when peeping through the porthole....?

Thanks @REP22

I've seen the thread, @WendyWagon, but by the time I got there there were lots of deletions. I can't imagine what people said, or why they'd say it - people are strange.

@Sunshinebound99 I agree with @REP22 that firsts are tricky, but some of them can be defused a bit by changing the framing. So if you always go to place A on a Saturday, have a few drinks then go to place B to eat, you can swap out A and B for C and D, and nudge the habits to something different. I always found weekends easier than weekdays, as I could do what I wanted then, but was always tempted to go out after work on weekdays. In fact, I only managed to stop drinking when I left work and its routines (and salary😉).

Something I did find helpful was to see myself as an observer during social outings, which in many ways I was. Watching people go from normal, happy people (or at least pretending to be so) to chattier, then repetitive, then louder, then either lairy or emotional can be interesting the first few times (it gets tedious when you realise it's the same pattern every single time), and it made me feel more determined not to join in.

I think that the party will be easier than you expect. There will be other non-drinkers there, and if there aren't, you'll probably find that after the second glass the drinkers will be too wrapped up in themselves to know or care that you aren't drinking. You can take a bottle of AF wine with you, and just fill up from that into a wine glass. If you keep the glass full you can nod at it and refuse drinks from anyone who offers. Or put a few of those little tins of G&T (or AF drink of choice) and do the same. Remember that when there's no booze involved you won't want to fill your glass so often, and will probably drink more slowly, so you won't need to do the refilling very often.

The holiday may be trickier, but why not try out some soft drinks before you go, so you might find one that hits the spot. Maybe keep a journal, so you are actively thinking of being sober, and how good you feel in the mornings or when you have a clear head in the evenings? You'll be able to remember so much more of your stay than if every night is about wine.

Thanks @ShyMaryEllen

The thread turned so I got it taken down. I was greedy to own the house, the loo needed cleaning, etc etc. if they saw my family home they'd come at me with pitch forks!

I still have the odd stalky action from my ex landlord. Last week was telling the owner of the 'Colefax' house not to sell to me.

This sort of nonsense has followed me for twenty years. .

I feeling a bit vulnerable lads. I've had a bad day health wise. Thank the Lord for this thread.
Are we the only 'normal' ones?

Big hugs Wendy, me totally normal, 100% not by a long shot :)

I hope you’re ok

Honestly @WendyWagonI'm beginning to think we are.
Thing is you never know what people's intentions are a lot of the time. I often find myself a bit out of sorts on some of the other threads and wish I hadn't engaged. I like being on our little ship over here, all wanting the same thing for ourselves and each other
Tomorrow is a new day. They can do one.