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Alcohol support

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6
AcrossthePond55 · 23/03/2026 13:38

Oh the lies! What gets me isn't so much the lies themselves, but the fact that they truly think we will and should believe them despite the booze on the breath, the hideous mess of a house, the abuse that happened last time, the empty bottles/cans. To me it's the same as them just looking at us and saying "You are so stupid". If they seem to believe their lies themselves, I still think they know deep down they are lies.

My last go round with this was DH lying to me that 'the house looks just like it did when you left' so I sent him recent pictures I had taken, including the unspeakable filth in the bathroom. He said "You're the one with Coeliac, you made that mess when you got glutened". So I sent pictures that I took just after I left* showing a clean bathroom. And he came back with "How do I know when that picture was taken?". I gave up at that point but I know he knows the truth.

So DH has now had 2 weeks of 'enforced' sobriety (ie no ability to get alcohol). He most likely won't be released for another week as they want to be sure the staph infection is completely gone. He sounds pretty much like his 'good old self' before his drinking spun out of control. Oddly enough that has been sort of upsetting to me because I sense myself feeling hope, and I don't want to. I'm thinking now that my nightmare and resulting upset was my subconscious reminding me that there was more to my leaving than just his drinking and that simply being sober (should that happen) won't be enough for me to go back.

*thank you BFF for insisting I photo the house right after I left and then again recently.

Penguinsandspaniels · 23/03/2026 13:55

Tbh I don’t think 2/3w is long enough for the brain and body to stop wanting booze

ex didn’t have Vodka for 3w due to hospital yet as soon as home and go uc he bought it again

they need to desire to not drink

he wants to drink

pointythings · 23/03/2026 14:07

My late husband did 6 weeks in outpatients rehab where he was tested every day (it was 6 days a week, Sunday off). He didn't drink in that time - I know because there were no glazed eyes, there was no slurred speech, his personal hygiene went back to normal, he ate properly.

Once he came out, he lasted 2 weeks.

Second time when it was just inpatient detox, he didn't last a day.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 23/03/2026 14:45

@pointythings @Penguinsandspaniels

Oh I agree with you both wholeheartedly!!! My brain knows that his enforced sobriety won't last.

It's just that parts of my emotional 'self', the part that still loves him and the life we had and the part that sees my going back as the 'easy way out' of the hard work ahead of me legally and financially to get myself free, those parts are popping their heads out of their holes just now.

But I'm pretty good at Whack-A-Mole, so I'll get my equilibrium back.

LavenderFieldds · 23/03/2026 15:57

@AcrossthePond55 I’m in exactly the same place at the moment. He’s being utterly foul and all I want is for him to see what he’s doing and stop. It will be him that loses out most but it’s like he just can’t see that. He’s cut out spirits for now but it won’t last. He’s frequently reminding me it’s all my fault though, so at least he’s not being too nice.

Hugs too to you @Hellodarknes55 . How are you doing?

I’ve been really down today and have been looking forward to coming here for a vent. Thank you, everyone.

Penguinsandspaniels · 23/03/2026 16:21

That’s not a vent @LavenderFieldds. That’s a chilled reply

sure you can rant more than this. I know I do 😂

LavenderFieldds · 23/03/2026 16:27

I can, @Penguinsandspaniels . I’m a bit flat at the moment because if I so much as speak in the wrong tone or look up the wrong way I get completely flattened for up to a hour. But I’m recording it as evidence. I feel like my heart is literally being torn out of my chest because I know now it’s unfixable but I so, so wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and love our children together with him. I could scream, tbh. When my grandmother died, I climbed a mountain (well half of one) in a gale and screamed into the wind. I’ll go and do that on a suitable day.

pointythings · 23/03/2026 16:45

LavenderFieldds · 23/03/2026 16:27

I can, @Penguinsandspaniels . I’m a bit flat at the moment because if I so much as speak in the wrong tone or look up the wrong way I get completely flattened for up to a hour. But I’m recording it as evidence. I feel like my heart is literally being torn out of my chest because I know now it’s unfixable but I so, so wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and love our children together with him. I could scream, tbh. When my grandmother died, I climbed a mountain (well half of one) in a gale and screamed into the wind. I’ll go and do that on a suitable day.

You're grieving for the relationship you've lost. It's allowed, and it hurts. We've all been there.

OP posts:
CharlotteByrde · 23/03/2026 16:52

Screaming into the wind is a good plan. I used to wail out loud in the car on my way back from visiting him in hospital. If anyone had heard me they'd have thought I'd lost my mind. Maybe I had, but I always felt a bit better afterwards.

CharlotteByrde · 23/03/2026 16:55

I remember he was utterly foul when he was in hospital. Not drunk, but nowhere near recovery. I used to pray they'd somehow be able to keep him in, but he always discharged himself and found his way back to the house, via the off-licence or supermarket. It was such a terrible time and I am so relieved that it is in the past.

pointythings · 23/03/2026 17:01

CharlotteByrde · 23/03/2026 16:52

Screaming into the wind is a good plan. I used to wail out loud in the car on my way back from visiting him in hospital. If anyone had heard me they'd have thought I'd lost my mind. Maybe I had, but I always felt a bit better afterwards.

I used loud music. Linkin Park, Bring me the Horizon and also the classics got me through it. I still love that music, it's healing to me. Got some weird looks from people driving off site though. I thoroughly recommend Go To Hell, For Heaven's Sake.

OP posts:
LavenderFieldds · 23/03/2026 17:22

pointythings · 23/03/2026 17:01

I used loud music. Linkin Park, Bring me the Horizon and also the classics got me through it. I still love that music, it's healing to me. Got some weird looks from people driving off site though. I thoroughly recommend Go To Hell, For Heaven's Sake.

Same here. I have various tracks that I’m sure the neighbours are utterly sick of.

I’ve also decided I’m getting my nose pierced when I’m divorced. I’m peri menopausal so it’s a bit of a regression but I’ve thought about it for a long time and he’s always ‘banned’ it, so it will be a badge of freedom. Not that him not liking it has actively stopped me, just that it’s a statement to me and him.

LavenderFieldds · 23/03/2026 17:23

Coming here feels like a hug. It’s the safest place I have atm - edited to say safest place to express myself. DM doesn’t want to know and I don’t have any other family. I do have a couple of friends I’m opening up to irl and they’re holding me more and more.

pointythings · 23/03/2026 17:27

LavenderFieldds · 23/03/2026 17:22

Same here. I have various tracks that I’m sure the neighbours are utterly sick of.

I’ve also decided I’m getting my nose pierced when I’m divorced. I’m peri menopausal so it’s a bit of a regression but I’ve thought about it for a long time and he’s always ‘banned’ it, so it will be a badge of freedom. Not that him not liking it has actively stopped me, just that it’s a statement to me and him.

I'm getting a tattoo in a couple of weeks - my first. It's taken me all this time to decide what I want the design to be, but effectively it celebrates the life I've built without my late husband.

OP posts:
LavenderFieldds · 23/03/2026 17:33

pointythings · 23/03/2026 17:27

I'm getting a tattoo in a couple of weeks - my first. It's taken me all this time to decide what I want the design to be, but effectively it celebrates the life I've built without my late husband.

That’s great. I have two tattoos from significant times in my life and I treasure them both.

Penguinsandspaniels · 23/03/2026 17:42

LavenderFieldds · 23/03/2026 16:27

I can, @Penguinsandspaniels . I’m a bit flat at the moment because if I so much as speak in the wrong tone or look up the wrong way I get completely flattened for up to a hour. But I’m recording it as evidence. I feel like my heart is literally being torn out of my chest because I know now it’s unfixable but I so, so wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and love our children together with him. I could scream, tbh. When my grandmother died, I climbed a mountain (well half of one) in a gale and screamed into the wind. I’ll go and do that on a suitable day.

Sounds horrific

Treading on eggshells

I remember it well ((hugs))

Userccjlnhibibljn8 · 23/03/2026 18:11

I still scream into the void! Or the woods behind my house. I still struggle to listen to music, probably because it reminds me of him, he had a habit of playing Leonard Cohen on loop loudly in the middle of the night so I have a visceral reaction to loud music!

LavenderFieldds · 23/03/2026 18:25

Userccjlnhibibljn8 · 23/03/2026 18:11

I still scream into the void! Or the woods behind my house. I still struggle to listen to music, probably because it reminds me of him, he had a habit of playing Leonard Cohen on loop loudly in the middle of the night so I have a visceral reaction to loud music!

Arrrggggghhh Leonard Cohen! That would give me the heebies. I need to be able to lose myself in it.

LavenderFieldds · 23/03/2026 19:32

Just sending a big hug to anyone who needs it this evening. I’ve had a cwtch with the dog and I’m feeling a bit better.

Penguinsandspaniels · 23/03/2026 20:58

Dogs are wonderful. My step daughters dog is so loving and always sits on me - he’s massive !

LavenderFieldds · 23/03/2026 20:59

DH gets very upset because apparently there’s not enough room for him and the dog in bed 🤭 guess who gets priority?

Penguinsandspaniels · 23/03/2026 21:08

Dog obv. After I kicked dh out - I had dog for sleepover an said on Facebook what a amazing bed partner he was

no

hogging duvet
farting
dribbling
snoring

just a warm body next to me

Someone asked where ex was - was he in the doghouse

she obv missed missed the memo we had split

LavenderFieldds · 23/03/2026 21:29

Penguinsandspaniels · 23/03/2026 21:08

Dog obv. After I kicked dh out - I had dog for sleepover an said on Facebook what a amazing bed partner he was

no

hogging duvet
farting
dribbling
snoring

just a warm body next to me

Someone asked where ex was - was he in the doghouse

she obv missed missed the memo we had split

Perfect answer 😂 👏

Penguinsandspaniels · 23/03/2026 21:41

LavenderFieldds · 23/03/2026 21:29

Perfect answer 😂 👏

It so was and she didn’t reliese it 😂😂😂

wouldratgerbeunknown · 23/03/2026 22:05

Evening everyone! Just selfishly going to offload on all of you!! I’ve had a really terrible couple of days of uncontrollable weeping feeling really sorry for myself a hideous horrible sense of impending doom .and although I’ve now got a few people I can confide in I’m wary of alienating them with my misery.
im also very angry with my immediate family for not noticing how miserable I am and not asking if all is ok?
yrs I am in a well of bottomless self pity. Sorry!! And I know some of that is self inflicted but I think I’ve been trying hard to be positive to my children and supportive to my husband and I just feel very alone.
husband is now out of rehab for 6 weeks so no booze for 10weeks so very very early days.
he’s complying with everything he’s been asked to do so far - day hospital- sponsor - meetings - and yet??? I just don’t think he’s really understanding how difficult this is going to be and he certainly does not appreciate the absolute misery he put me through.
i had told him several times that should he return to drinking that i couldn’t continue to live with him that I’d spent my childhood with an alcoholic father with zero choice in the matter and wasn’t going to spend my retirement with a different alcoholic
i think he’s really angry about that.
maybe I should have kept that plan to myself?
anyhow lots of best wishes to all of you.
theres always Easter eggs on the horizon I guess.

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