On a mission to moderate or absolutely abstain (judgement-free zone). New thread - Autumn 2025.

[ForeverTipsy]

Hello, here's a shiny new thread for us all - took the liberty after gaining permission from The Original OP @nowstrong! Please tag anyone from the last thread I may have missed...hopefully you can all find us here...

@horrorfan81 @BezMills @hohofortherobbers @addictforanex @alertcat @harriethoyle @StrongLikeMamma @LillyPJ @ohthejoysoftoddler

Welcome @cranewife

I have survived the Halloween kids disco at the club. That's always going to be a massive temptation for me. I'm going again tonight for their fireworks show so wish me luck!

I've just opted out of another kids party this afternoon, honestly I just couldn't.

This time last year at the same party I went and found a quiet nook in the back rooms and hid for most of the second half. When you're peopled out, it's time to get out!

So. I have survived an all inclusive holiday without getting hammered every night (or in fact ever!), without ever drinking before lunch and with a couple of nights including AF beer instead of the real thing. I’m still a work in progress but I’m happy enough with how it went in the long term scheme of things.

AF from tomorrow until next Friday when we have drinks with friends and after this weekend I’m aiming for no more than 2-3 days on the sauce for the rest of the month. Posting here for accountability!

Welcome to new posters 😊 Nice one @harriethoyle - all inclusive the ultimate moderating challenge. Good luck @BezMills, I also got through a Halloween party last night by sticking to Nosecco, not difficult though as I was driving!

I think having hard rules works for me - drinking and driving obviously would be one. To the PP who wants to stop drinking alone, that was one of my new rules for 2025 and I have stuck to it 100%. Not drinking at home alone is really the only meaningful change I’ve made this year and it’s saved me about a bottle of wine a week, and I find it easy to stick to … because it’s a “rule” (even though self imposed).

Thanks @Addictforanex - and I agree re “rules”. I’ve reinstated my no week day drinking rule in the last couple of months and I’m pondering including Sundays in it - so that 5 days off becomes a rule not an exception. Not drinking alone and not drinking before noon are my two other absolutes.

God, it must be so peaceful not to have to think about this stuff 🤣🙈

Hello All, thank you for sharing your stories- I can absolutely relate to all of them.
I was a former poster when @Goandygo was the OP.
@Goandygo ,I am so relieved to hear from you again, you just seemed to disappear, and I was concerned for how you were. You were such a support, so thank you. I check in now and again to see if you had returned, and this time, there you were!
Huge congrats on your AF success!! Last time you posted as amdone you were about to start 30 days with Annie Grace- how was it, was this your turning point? So nice to hear from you!
Good luck all today x

Rules work for us here, too. I don’t like them too tight but that resistance is probably indicative that they should be! Also considering a Sunday ban. I used that app and was shocked that I had 11 units on Friday- it really didn’t feel like that (a couple of beers, one glass of wine and a couple of whiskies with DH). No wonder it’s so easy to get to 100 units a week without breaking stride.

@Buntyforgirls, thanks for your message. Sorry if I just disappeared. @Nowstrong did pm me at the time - I was going through a bad patch regarding the wine. Nothing was working. I didn't even start the Annie Grace - I'd done it before so don't even think I could.
Anyway, I carried on drinking. I had to have my gorgeous dog pts 18 months ago, and drinking just made my grief 1000 times worse.
Had a few more rock bottoms. The worst and last end of May ( could have died), so been sober since then. 155 days today actually.
I've never felt better, never been happier.
Thanks again ❤️

I drank about 1.5 bottles of wine yesterday. I’m not feeling too bad today as it was over the course of about 10 hours. Again, a social situation and social anxiety was the trigger - though now I have that horrible “did I make a twit of myself by saying something stupid” feeling. I’ve drunk 25 units this week - far too much but a vast improvement on last week’s 70.

Also agree about rules. My new one is no drinking Monday to Thursday. I’m also considering limiting Sunday to two or three glasses max.

Well I got through a night at the club, and currently sitting upstairs in the local drinking an AF ale (Admams Ghost Ship, 10/10)

I drank approximately another 1.5 bottles yesterday over an eight hour period. So that’s almost 40 units last week. I’m having the next four days off and need to work on reducing my drinking on the days I do drink. I did manage to drink a pint of water last night instead of another glass of wine, so that’s something.

New here… hope that’s ok?!
So I’m stuck in a cycle of binge drinking and regret. Firstly I am pretty slim so I get drunk quickly, I have a heart condition I take tablets for an I also take antidepressants. So none of it mixes well with alcohol but I also have bad social anxiety and feel I need a drink to loosen up, fit in, chat in situations…

However, I can’t seem to just have a couple and stop.

My husband either doesn’t drink at all or has 1-2 and stops. He does sometimes go all out but gets bad hangovers so not often.

I drink wine/champagne because my friends do and once I’ve had 2, I forget I can’t handle it, lose my inhibitions and carry on!

This weekend’s example… Halloween party at friends. We had dinner thankfully but I started with a glass of white wine and carried on filling it, everyone else was drinking but not so fast and thankfully DH wasn’t. I don’t remember leaving (my DH said I didn’t seem drunk) so thankfully didn’t embarrass myself.. NOT THERE ANYWAY! Got home, and was sick all over front room carpet :-( ruined the carpet which we are replacing anyway but still… no excuse to puke on it like an animal! Husband then spent all night sorting it out so son didn’t see. I then spent the next day being sick, feeling sorry for myself.

So currently hating myself, disgusted in fact but we have literally something planned every weekend until NYE.. all of which involve alcohol so I NEED to moderate. I can’t say I’ll quit as I know I won’t stick to it but I want to learn to have a couple then switch to soft drinks and not feel embarrassed or one of the odd ones out.

Writing it down to take accountability and also because it shows me how bad this was…

Well done @newme2025that’s a great improvement on last week. I’ve cut down as well but also looking to do more this week and to be dry until Thursday at least.

@Takingbackmylifei have been in your shoes don’t be too hard on yourself you’re taking accountability and making plans to moderate that’s a great first step!

Well done and good luck @Takingbackmylife

How would it be if you designate yourself the driver for some of those outings, and on others start with non alcoholic drinks and switch later? I find it harder to say no later if I’ve already had a drink, but starting on 0% is ok and sometimes I stay on those.

i had over 14 units over the weekend this week, probably 15-16. I was still tired yesterday. I feel it more when it isn’t the norm. Sober weekends looking appealing again.

it’s just dawned on me that i’m taking drugs in front of the kids

@DoubtfulCat when I was on this thread, and moderating ( my own idea of moderating), I often had af weekends. I loved them. Monday morning I would feel so great - house was spotless, I'd exercised, I'd caught up on things, I'd slept better.
I could never manage 2 af weekends in a row because looking back, I was still in the throes of addiction.
Now every weekend is af and it's such a brilliant feeling.
(I know this thread is mostly moderating and I'm not, so apologies if I'm overstepping the mark, but I still recognise myself so much on here).

I did this for years in front of my son. And in front of my first grandchild.
My son is nearly 40 and has never drank - I definitely put him off.

@Takingbackmylife, have you tried any af drinks ?
Af perroni with a dash of lime if you're a lager drinker, freixenet 0% if you like fizz - the best I've found. Tesco af tins of gin n tonic are great, if you like gin.
I used to be almost stubborn about af drinks. I really enjoy them now.
Oh, forgot my special drink - crodino and fever tree blood orange tonic, or nozecco - fantastic. Just like an aperol spritz.
If I were you, I probably wouldn't have a couple then stop / switch, as that is very difficult to do. I'd just drink af from the beginning.

@Takingbackmylife oh that's a grim feeling, not so good!

I've suffered from social anxiety my whole life and have used booze to 'help' with that.

I think it's not just a case of 'don't drink' - if the drinking has been your way to cope with social anxiety - you still need some other way to help you feel more at ease in social situations.

A thing that really helps me with social situations, is to focus on having a conversation with just one person. I find that I can chat quite happily to one person and feel quite relaxed.

When it's like an open/round table and everybody is chatting and people are cross-talking and butting in and so on, that can be really challenging. For those ones I can just observe the chat, and try not to feel like I need to join in or contribute. If someone near me wants to start a little 1-1 or small group side chat, ok great, back to plan A.

Another thing I do, when I need to and can do, is just to go off for a social break. Go to the shop to get something (and take my time), go 'get some fresh air' or just flat out find a quiet spot and poke phone or read a book for ten or twenty minutes.

Also - a lot of social situations are a bit more optional than you might think. Or you can join late or leave early to manage the time that you have to interact. Maybe doing the start, when the numbers are smaller, the volume tends to be lower (and people not so drunk yet) and establish a presence, then leave early. Nobody will care, they will remember you being there.

I hope any of that might help, I expect a lot of us have our own little social tactics that help, maybe sharing them can help others?

If I’m honest I haven’t but I think I should try them yes and from the beginning like you say! Thank you x

Yes this is a good idea but I worry I’ll just then say ‘oh I’ll pay for a taxi!’

However the starting with AF drinks first is a good shout thank you!

@Takingbackmylife, no worries.
I often thought that it was the first 2 glasses of wine I enjoyed. That relaxed me. Unfortunately I never stopped there. I then drank to oblivion.
Perhaps you could start with an af drink, see how you go. You might find you're not missing it or are too busy chatting to want one. I also found the thought of not drinking at social events was worse than when I was actually there.
It's not easy and we're all different, but you can find what works for you.

Sorry, cross posted

@Goandygo , sounds like such a tough time.
"I've never felt better, never been happier." - wonderful news, and so happy to hear it❤