On a mission to moderate or absolutely abstain (judgement-free zone). New thread - Autumn 2025.

[ForeverTipsy]

Hello, here's a shiny new thread for us all - took the liberty after gaining permission from The Original OP @nowstrong! Please tag anyone from the last thread I may have missed...hopefully you can all find us here...

@horrorfan81 @BezMills @hohofortherobbers @addictforanex @alertcat @harriethoyle @StrongLikeMamma @LillyPJ @ohthejoysoftoddler

@nowinetimeforme

That's great, well done!

After a decent start, I didn't even make it out of Wednesday, then I kind of gave myself a pass for the rest of the week. I'm kind of disappointed with myself, ngl.

Last night it was all getting a bit hectic towards bedtime and I could feel myself being in a bit of a mood about that - not what I'm aiming for. And looking back at the week and all the drinks (not a huge amount but enough) - I didn't get much enjoyment out of them at all.

I think it comes down to what I already figured out. For me it's a lot easier to just be sober sober than to be sad/worried/dissatisfied about my drinking.

I'd rather have peace of mind than be giving myself a piece of my mind.

Wagon again!

@BezMills And looking back at the week and all the drinks (not a huge amount but enough) - I didn't get much enjoyment out of them at all.

Have you read "The Good Drinker" by Adrian Chiles? It is essentially making the case for moderation (which obviously might be quite triggering for anyone looking to do more abstinence than moderation), however, one thing he does throughout the book is talk about the amount of drinks he 'enjoyed, needed or wanted' and through his life the % became less and less. Ultimately he had to drastically cut down due to some bad liver results and now he drinks between 10-30 units a week. So still a fair bit but he was on about 100 units before cutting back.

If I could trim my drinking down to the ones I enjoy I'd be fine; health wise, MH wise, everything wise. Why is it so bloody hard not to do things that we don't even enjoy?! Urgh - I hate my brain. I do feel I am making progress though. I am closer to where I need to be than I was this time last year for sure.

Hey everyone, just caught up. Sorry some of you are struggling; cutting down and giving up are bloody hard, let's not forget that. There's a reason we formed this little community; it's even harder without support.

I had one prosecco out on Friday night (quiet drink with a friend who is happy to have one and one only; they are rare but great to have), then went to my favourite local last night and initially had a cup of tea...but it felt SO weird! And I then went "fuck it" and had a glass of red...which led to another (175ml + 125ml...not the end of the world, but my god am I feeling it today? Due on my period so tired anyway, and the wine always makes my eyes so so tired/dry/sore the next day).

My head isn't great lately either. Was elated to find out I've met threshold for an ADHD assessment on Right to Choose, but I'm really struggling to find my old school books and reports in the loft. No parents alive to ask, so would be good to have teacher's comments to support. Think there's around a 10 month wait for assessment once I've completed forms, so trying to focus on healthy coping strategies in the meantime (yoga, breathing, walks and the gym all help).

I know alcohol is a depressant, yet continue to drink it when I know it'll exacerbate my low mood. Grrr. Aiming to not drink for 10 days now as a little challenge, as the most I've gone since 1st Feb is <checks apps> 5 days. Eek. I know it's only one or two glasses, but it all adds up and it's more than I'd like. At least I should feel proud for still tracking I guess!

Keep on keeping on guys, it's hard but we've got this.

@nowinetimeforme

progress is good!

@ForeverTipsy

It's good you've got it all tracked at least. Keep on keeping on!

I was hoping I could just enjoy a vino with Friday dinner or a couple pints on a Saturday and Sunday afternoon. I have to be honest and say that's not something I've managed to do for a period of time, even after quite a big layoff last year. I go back very quickly to daily drinking, and even if I manage to not drink it's still on my mind!

Morning all! Almost had a wobble last night - there was half a bottle of red wine left from a bolognaise I made 😬. Managed to quell the urges with an AF beer. Wine on a Monday would have been a disaster for my ‘all or nothing’ mentality. I might freeze the wine now while I’m not tempted to drink it.

I think lots of people come to the conclusion you have @BezMills- even if moderating is possible, it’s so miserable it’s just not worth it! I suspect that might be where I get too as well but we’ll see - I have been able to moderate in the past (and not been remotely consumed by it) but I fear I may have done too much drinking since then.

@nowinetimeforme

That's amazing willpower to not get in about the wine. Definitely freeze the wine!

Interesting what you say about maybe too much drinking since the historical moderate drinking, maybe/probably it's the same for me.

I'm having a bit of a day of it. Brain foggy, having a bit of a meh day at work and luckily I've got things to do later, which can keep me on the straight and narrow.

That's amazing willpower @nowinetimeforme ! (and I didn't even know you could freeze wine 😂I could not resist atm with open wine in the house. Got a bit of fizz and rose in the fridge, and that's hard enough.

Are you a bit "in your head" too @BezMills ? I've been feeling down/weepy since Sunday night. I'm pre-menstrual, so it's normal, but I know alcohol compounds it. Over-thinking it all again, and back to wondering if total abstinence is the way forward because I can't cope with the second-guessing with regard to my low mood. Normal hormones? Perimenopause? Life stress? ADHD? Alcohol? Relationship woes? All of the above?! I feel like I'm working so hard with the diet and nutrition/supplements, asking for help with an ADHD assessment etc that to then even have a little bit of booze here and there makes no sense (apart from it making TOTAL sense at the time).

Arrrhhhh.

I had a glass of wine last night - I’m ok with that because I was at someone else’s house and I didn’t have any more when I got home. Today is the anniversary of my dad’s death. Ironically given alcohol played a big part in his illness, every year since I’ve drowned my sorrows on this day. Today I didn’t - I didn’t drink at all. Feeling pretty chuffed about that TBH. Night all x

Bless you @nowinetimeforme- those are big milestones for you then? Not drinking more when you got home, nor on the anniversary of your dad passing? Well done, and hope you're finding other, more healthy, ways of coping at this sad time.

Thank you @ForeverTipsy- he only died in 2022 so it’s quite recent and quite traumatic. He neglected himself to death really (drink was a big part of that) and refused to go to hospital. We did ultimately get him there but he died a couple of days later. We didn’t halve a great relationship and he was a terrible father. I have a lot of empathy for him though, even more so now than when he was around. We always wonder if we could have done more but I gave everything I had at the time. Who knows what it would have taken to make a difference.

I am feeling much better about myself that I was able to process all those emotions without hitting the bottle. Feels like good progress.

thank you for you kind words x

yeah, a bit of that! I've been feeling really run down in the last half of 2025, and then had to leave my crossfit gym due to roadworks making the journey too long. So I've been exercising less and also drinking, and comfort eating a lot. Now I'm still kind of worn out, but work is even busier and I've not managed to get to the gym for 12 days now, and can see the next 10 days being a bit of a struggle too.

It's got to the point where just going for a 45 minutes walk before work one time this week felt like a huge deal, and a big win.

So getting through to this point in the week without drinking also a win, and I'm banking that one too!

Onwards and upwards hey

Night out tomorrow with the girls. We are having dinner and ‘drinks’. I always drink with these girls, never haven’t! However I always get too drunk and regret it. The last time I got home, woke a few hours later and collapsed in the hall for my DH to find me 😔 I was dehydrated I think and it was terrifying. I was then sick and ruined the next day. I’ve now not drank in a month.
Thing is I’m not looking forward to going out anymore like I used to! A drink would make me feel less socially awkward even though after the first 1-2 I’d start being annoying and then get black out drunk!

I also have PMT which is dangerous when mixed with alcohol as right now I feel like I crave a blow out as I feel emotionally and tetchy, however I know alcohol NEVER makes this better.

It doesn’t help that my DH is quite low right now so I don’t want to burden him with this but I feel in a massive funk!

Wondering how to enjoy tomorrow night!!

Remember the small wins!

@Takingbackmylife

Will the rest of them be drinking a lot?

If you have a favourite AF alternative you could tell yourself that you will have one AF first and see how you feel. Sometimes I find after having one AF drink I actually feel much less like having an alcoholic drink.

If you really don't want to drink can you drive?

Yes they all drink. It’s sad that I rarely see them in situations where we don’t drink! I plan to drive yes and pick them up… but I live close so I know I could change my mind even when I’m out but really don’t want to!

I need to find a nice AF drink that I like as I haven’t been out and not drank alcohol really so it’s all new to me!

It’s weird that I’m planning my makeup and hair etc thinking how nice to know I’ll return home looking the same without makeup smeared across my face!!

I also worry I’m boring without a drink! I think they plan to carry on after and go dancing etc…in which case I’ll definitely make an early exit! What makes it more weird is that this group of friends only know eachother because of me!

@Takingbackmylife yes I can really understand that.

I've tried all options (going out sober with the drunks and going out intentionally going to join in, going out and saying "eff this I'm having a drink I'm not paying £6 for small bottles of AF lager"). So I can definitely empathise with apprehension to go out out (sober sober out out) with the drinky drinkers.

I went out out with a friend back in July and she was quite insistent we were going to be drinky drinking. She'd barely been out out since her DD (2.5 yo at the time) was born so I went along with it (massive one-woman peer pressure lol).

It was quite a good time but not without its drink-related issues. Honestly next time I'm going to be the one insisting that I'm not drinking, because I think that's better for me.

Good luck and don't worry too much about how long you stay our, leaving early etc. Just do exactly what you want!

Although on further thinking I’m wondering if I challenge myself to have two drinks then stop as I’ve never actually done it! I never think ‘oh I’ll have a couple’ I always think ‘Ahh I’m getting drunk!’…

@Takingbackmylife "It’s sad that I rarely see them in situations where we don’t drink!" struck a chord with me. I used to hang out with "really good friends" and we'd drink quite heavily every time. I've not seen them for nearly three years (catastrophic fall out, not drink related, irreparable damage) and I don't miss them, or the heavy drinking. I just outgrew the group. My only remaining blood family two sisters, an aunt and an uncle. Apart from one sister who had to quit drinking due to health issues, the other three are alcoholic and drinking themselves into early graves.

I'm so lucky that I have lots of friends who don't drink heavily, some are teetotal, all know I've been on a sober-ish/sober-curious journey over the past few years and are very supportive and non-judgemental.

Personally, I don't think I could achieve the challenge of going out tomorrow night and having two drinks then stopping! Over the past couple of years I've managed:

100 consecutive days sober
A night out karaoke and dancing til 1am sober (and not driving as was local so walked) AND ENJOYED IT!
Sober birthdays, parties, some dry days on holiday abroad etc and enjoyed them. Just got to keep remembering how amazing waking up the next day with a clear head and conscience is.

They were all hard, but have all helped to get me where I am now. It's taken about two years on/off to get here. I can have one drink and stop (most of the time) but 99% sure it's after drink No2 that all my resolve goes and my "fuck it! Life's too short! Let's have fun!" side kicks in. Then I feel shit for days. .

Do you like ginger beer? That with ice and lime is a nice soft drink. Or could you treat yourself to something with the money you will have saved by not drinking? Like some nice new makeup or a book, some treat food etc? Are you using any apps to help? Hope you manage to have a great night tomorrow whatever you decide 😊

@nowinetimeforme 2022 is not long ago at all to lose a parent. It is really hard, even when the relationship wasn't a traditionally close one. I know what you mean about wondering if you could have done more, and having more empathy now. I'm the same re my mum, who passed in 2013. I'm sure they'd be super proud we no longer need to raise a glass to them on the anniversary (drink contributed to my mum's death, too).

@BezMills well done for making it through the whole week AF! Sorry you're missing your cross fit and have been feeling run down and meh for so long now. Have you had your bloods done lately? Sounds like you have a lot going on, so hope you're being kind to yourself 😊

P.s @Takingbackmylife I know what you mean re: PMT being a trigger. It was only through using the Drink Aware App in 2024 that I spotted that trend! So then I had the double-whammy of hangovers + bloating, cramps, headaches, poor sleep, increased appetite etc and was feeling shit for 7-10 days every month 🙄

@nowinetimeforme 2022 is not long ago at all to lose a parent. It is really hard, even when the relationship wasn't a traditionally close one. I know what you mean about wondering if you could have done more, and having more empathy now. I'm the same re my mum, who passed in 2013. I'm sure they'd be super proud we no longer need to raise a glass to them on the anniversary (drink contributed to my mum's death, too).

@BezMills well done for making it through the whole week AF! Sorry you're missing your cross fit and have been feeling run down and meh for so long now. Have you had your bloods done lately? Sounds like you have a lot going on, so hope you're being kind to yourself 😊

P.s @Takingbackmylife I know what you mean re: PMT being a trigger. It was only through using the Drink Aware App in 2024 that I spotted that trend! So then I had the double-whammy of hangovers + bloating, cramps, headaches, poor sleep, increased appetite etc and was feeling shit for 7-10 days every month 🙄

@Takingbackmylife

This is a tough one - you can go and not drink if your are really committed to it, but you’ve got to be really resolute otherwise you’ll be ordering a glass of wine before you’ve got your coat off 😂 (or at least I would!) Two drinks sounds like a tricky tightrope to walk but great if you can manage it.

i think in broader terms, navigating nights like this raises some interesting challenges - to what extent do certain friendships rely on booze? I’ve only really got one that I’d put in this category and we don’t see each other often but over time as I continue to reduce my drinking I do wonder if that friendship will just gradually die. If you want to keep seeing these friends but don’t want to agonise over the drinking each time, could you suggest some non-drinking activities for the future?

Whatever you decide tonight I hope you have a lovely time x

@ForeverTipsy yeah, it’s tough getting your head around a parent no longer being around. I’m not sure my dad would be particularly proud of my drinking less (or at least he wouldn’t admit it) - he never accepted drinking wasn’t a great idea, even on his death bed 🙄. I think he couldn’t fathom himself without a drink so he refused to believe it was bad for him, despite all the evidence to the contrary! In many ways I hope the denial did genuinely remain at the end. I hate the thought of him being regretful too late. I’d rather he went to the grave ‘happy’ with his choice IYSWIM?

I’m sorry to hear about your Mum ❤

I hope you all have a good weekend ahead. Mine’s not got off to a great start with my toddler keeping me up for 2 hrs in the night and then waking up at 5am ☹️

I think because I am slightly socially awkward, even around good friends (and one of these coming is my SIL!) I rely on a drink to loosen me up, so the thought of nothing is making me dread going. When I told myself I was driving and not drinking, I didn’t want to go and wasn’t looking forward to it. Yesterday when I thought actually I can try and put something in place and challenge myself, my thoughts on going totally changed! Which may be sad actually! I guess what it comes down to is working on myself not to need a drink like myself and not feel awkward!

Out of the four of us going, one is my SIL who drinks a lot but never seems drunk nor gets hangovers. As she’s my SIL I do see her without drinking with the kids etc. The other two are mum friends so I do see them both with the kids and for kids clubs but when it comes to going out, that would always involve drink. One of them in particular makes every single social thing (kids party, bbq, beach day) about drink and drinks to excess and never seems to suffer either! She and her DH are the last ones standing always at 5am 😂 so me and my DH have avoided these situations because this isn’t ‘us’ unless we really fancy a blow out!

I think I’m sticking to two glasses of wine then soft drinks. I really want to see if I can and if I can’t then I know sobriety it is!!

I think as we get older and being parents, the partying and binge drinking just feels cool and the hangovers aren’t worth it!

I have told a lot of people around me about not drinking and they haven’t said anything negative, they know I suffer with hangovers but they also see me very drunk and probably think it’s a good idea!

100 days is amazing and karaoke and dancing WOW! That is impressive!

I think I’m going to try the two drinks and stopping and report back tomorrow. I love ginger beer so that’s a good shout as is the saving money part!!

@Takingbackmylife

Good luck tonight 💪

One thing that might help is to tell yourself that if you don’t stick to 2 drinks and you end up getting hammered then next time it’s ZERO drinks for you 😂

That’s something Adrian Chiles said a lot in ‘A Good Drinker’; moderating is hard but he doesn’t want to give up completely so he sticks to it (mainly).