Support thread for those trying to lead an alcohol free life - Autumn 25

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!

This thread is for anyone who is genuinely trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just kindness and encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation, there’s an a long-running thread for that in this board that will be a better fit for you. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on, cheering you on as you do.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

@FiloPasty and @malazzie , I'm still in my early days and having hiccups that break my dry spells. It makes me feel so down but I'm determined to get to there, hence staying in the thread. Holding in to the good days and the longer stretches. @ShyMaryEllen I like the idea of building up the sober muscles - I'll hold onto that thought!

Morning all.
The dog woke me up for his breakfast.

Curry tonight which I always look forward to.
I've been buying things for the house staging. Very naughty and I'm bound to get told off.

The cottage was fab. 8/9 ft ceilings which is bizzare. I could see myself there.
The DH will see it next week.

@Onewildandpreciouslife im so sorry you are having a hard time. I hope things are moving up for you.

Day 40 today. Feeling pretty happy. I think part of my drinking (and relapsing) was that my life just wasn't working and was just far too stressful. Job was horrid and other stuff. I've been trying to work through those stressor to change them over the year and two of the biggest will have been knocked off by the end of next month (fingers crossed).

Since stopping this time ive been getting up early and getting some exercise in first thing and I think thats also helping. I do it every day, it's a non negotiable!

So greatful for the more stable moods, stick with it @malazzie im only a few days ahead and im noticing a big difference in the way I am feeling.

@WendyWagon that cottage sounds great, likewise the curry- Enjoy! @FiloPasty and @malazzie I meant to put congratulations to you both in my previous comment - I must proof read before posting....
@Womanshour that's amazing - I do generally walk the dog for exercise first thing, but I'm so much more energetic when I've gone to bed early with no wine - playing it forward is my such an important tactic.

i think mostly the hell that I’m in I can’t blame on sobriety it is the divorce. I just can’t numb it anymore which I have been doing for the last ten months. If I can do this sober then I’ll be the strongest person when I come out the other side. I actually haven’t been aiming for being teetotal I wanted to do 30 days but I think I’ll keep going for 60 or 90 as I don’t think I’m anywhere near feeling the way I wanted to or accomplishing what I need to. If I drink after 30 days I’ll be right back where I was in a few weeks. And according to a lot of resources the good bit really starts kicking in after 30 days.
At the moment I only have two positives of sobriety or maybe three and that is…..I’ve saved at least £100 probably more just by not drinking, I’m a more reliable friend, I’m more organised but the biggest one and the most important thing to me in the world is I am a better mum :) and if that doesn’t keep me going I don’t know what will!!

Morning all.
Well you’ve named 4 benefits @malazzie ! I’m sorry life is so hard - sometimes life just is like that. But you are facing it head on, not running away from it, and that is brave.

Our children learn so much from seeing how we deal with challenges - it’s a rather scary thought. In my family, the way to deal with bereavement, stress etc was - you’ve guessed it - to have a drink. Not huge amounts, but that’s just what you did. If your children see you dealing with this sober, they will know that it is possible. And that’s a big thing.

And moan on here as much as you need to! We get it.

Congratulations on 40 days @Womanshour !

I’m excited for the cottage for you @WendyWagon !!

Morning all. Sorry I've been absent. I went out and did a bit more research. Im 4 days sober again and if I can hit a week I will feel like I'm really winning this.
Sorry I haven't caught up on the thread at all.
But just wishing everyone strength and solidarity today. I will not drink. I will be present with my family. I will put them first in everything I do. Hope everyone is ok. We've got this today. Together we can not take that first drink.

You've done some amazing things already, @malazzie which show how strong and determined you can be. You've mentioned some of the benefits you've noticed already and there are plenty to come, but perhaps the most important ones are happening inside your body without you knowing. Your liver might already be recovering and your blood pressure might be reducing. Look on the internet for the full list! One big benefit for me was better sleeping. That still seems miraculous to me, even after 4 months - I love getting into bed and knowing I won't be spending 2 or 3 hours in the middle of the night sweating and tossing and turning.

@LillyPJim a nurse and I have a garmin watch and I am OBSESSED with tracking the improvements in my metrics! In fact can’t believe it took me so long to mention them 🤣🤣🤣 my resting heart rate has dropped by ten beats a minute on average! Imagine how good that is for your body! My sleep score has improved by 20 percent and I’m getting better deep sleep and rem which is so important for mental health. And my average stress levels have gone down by almost 20 percent! It’s insane!
I also do love that every calorie I consume has some benefit. I used to not eat that well and prob nearly half of my daily calories would come from wine or drunk munchies.
but overall it has to be I’m a better mum and person overall. But being a mum is so important to me so that has to keep me going xx

@malazzie That's great! I know my blood pressure has come down and I've lost weight. I also know that I won't have to lie to my GP about how much I drink next time he asks me, or worry that I'd be unable to help my sons if I needed to drive to them but couldn't. And I like that the whites of my eyes look whiter and brighter. And that I don't have to struggle to speak clearly or to stay awake. So many benefits!

@malazzie im with you on trying to be a better mum, whilst I used to save my drinking for the children to be in bed it would still impact them with my energy levels, being snappy and tired and they deserve better.
I’m trying to focus on doing nice things with them and getting into bed with a book and a clear head. Although saying that, I have a banging headache but that’s probably a good sign.
I’ve another night out tonight with very boozy friends but I’m going to have an early night and bow out before it gets crazy but hopefully still be fun and have good chat eek (taking some 0% options with me)
My Second sober weekend:)

Great plan @FiloPasty. I definitely have found that still having the nights out but sober helped me to realise that I could still have fun. Just my stamina is reduced.
Early on I went to a bbq with a big group of adults and children we chatted, played games, had a big cricket match. I left about 9 just as the adults were tipping over in to the twilight zone as the children had gone to bed. I didn't live far away so went home to sleep. I returned the next day all ready for a nice brunch . Two of the party didn't join because they were too hungover and one of them had been sick all over the bedsheets because she couldn't make it to the bathroom. It's moments like that I just thought what is the point? I didn't see anyone seemingly having more fun than me but the following day I definitely was having more fun than them. It's marking down moments like that that help my resolve.

I am properly excited about my next health screening being able to put 0 in the 'how many units do you drink a week' box @LillyPJ. It's sad but I don't care. I also hope they ask me more about it. Will be a proud moment 😁

Oh and I’m not shaky anymore, and I smell nicer….god there’s actually loads of good stuff when you really think. Not sure I’ve lost any weight when does that kick in?!

Many thanks @WendyWagon for the eye makeup recommendations! I had to google Hollywood mirrors. I'm not sure I actually want to be able to see my face that well 😂If you did decide to undertake a mature YouTube channel, I would definitely follow it! I'm still following your real estate adventures with vicarious interest.

I'm glad your healing from the surgery is going well, @Onewildandpreciouslife, that's good news.

The ADHD subject interests me whenever it comes up. I still haven't tried to pursue an official diagnosis yet, but what you say @taylorean makes me think I should. I agree with @ShyMaryEllen that just realising myself that I almost certainly have ADHD has already enabled me to be kinder to myself.

Well done @FiloPasty on 8 days! And bravo @Womanshour on day 40!

And good to see you again @Freedombeckonsme. I hope you've had a peaceful day today.

@malazzie do keep going; this is the hardest bit. I'm very sympathetic about the anxiety. I started taking citalopram last year at a higher dose for anxiety (had already been taking it for many years at a lower dose for depression) and it really does seem to help. But interestingly it only seems to work when I'm not drinking. So that's another benefit of staying sober for me.

I felt great yesterday. The sun was shining and it was like an extra bonus day of summer. I went in to help with my uni open day and I felt calm and confident. I have to remember that I only ever feel like that when I haven't been drinking.

I think my virus-associated fatigue is finally gone, after almost a month of me lying around not wanting to get out of bed (sheesh). I kept imagining all month that because I was feeling poorly, a drink would help. Crazy thinking because if you have no energy, alcohol saps your energy even further. I'm just so used to reaching for alcohol any time I want to feel better, whether it's physically or mentally. Am trying to get better at just letting things play themselves out (a familiar theme).

Wishing all you wonderful strong women a peaceful night and a sober Sunday.

Morning all.
I was woken by the need for a tiddle so the dog started heading downstairs too.

Four rubble sacks of old paperwork were audited yesterday some going back twenty years! Some good news, some upsetting but least I won't be taking bad karma with me.

We're on the home run today with photos being taken tomorrow.
I snook in a jumper with my staging bits. Beautiful half price throws at House of Bruar. Worth a look ladies.

@elusivehope I think I've found my 'goldy locks' house. Not too big (the DH gets ratty as to why we're buying a hotel again!) and not too small. It's got a name relevant to us but due to 'Sid The Stalker' I can't tell you.
Also being sold by a women agent for a change and it's lovely to be spoken too kindly. The big agents in town hate dealing with women and it pisses me off. Obnoxious arses.

I found a bottle of AF rhubarb and ginger gin in the breakfast room. That's my tipple tonight. Marks I think.

Good luck for a peaceful, sober day.

Please can I join? I've spent years trying to cut down and stop, but I want to make it happen. I've managed a few big events alcohol free recently and felt so good not to be hungover the next day. And then last night just got drunk for no reason at all. I don't know why I do it to myself 😢

Welcome to @Springadorable!

Today's a new day - we're all picking ourselves up and trying our best, whether it's our first day or a couple of years in. Just think how much better you're going to feel tomorrow morning 😊And there's lots to look forward to from cutting it out! The world will soon be in Technicolor again 🌞

@Springadorable Welcome! Glad you found us - the more the merrier (though not 'merry' obviously!) Loads of support and encouragement on here so I hope it helps you.

Thank you, one day at a time!

Welcome @Springadorable. You did it because it's addictive and your brain tricked you into thinking you'd be better off having a drink. Sneaky f*cker. I'm glad you found us.
Ive got a girlie weekend coming up next weekend and met one of the girls going yesterday and told her I was done with alcohol. She's the same and now the group chat has turned into us all arranging what AF drinks we are going to take with us next weekend as everyone wants it to be a sober one. I'm really looking forward to it now.

Oh that sounds like a lovely weekend away! What a great shift from the group.

Went for a walk today and tried to notice the sights and sounds. Awakening my senses. Feeling the warm sun. Watching the breeze rustle through the leaves etc. It's lovely. Really helps me to feel connected and awake to it all. One day at a time.

I’m only 2 weeks in to this journey but made a roast today without pouring a glass of wine whilst cooking and often having too much with lunch. Weird the rules I had, Day drinking at home was a no unless it was Sunday or a really hot day. Certainly meals need certain drinks. I’m having a daily word with myself about what my normal was and what it’s going to be.

One day at a time, my partner not a huge drinker but there is half a bottle of red wine on the side in the kitchen and every time I look at it, I just internally say - not for me!

Hope everyone’s had a lovely weekend.

Welcome @Springadorable, this group is very supportive, I find reading about the successes of others motivating, and encouraging on my sober journey - still early days for me.
@FiloPasty that's interesting, Sunday was always a day when I would 'treat myself' to.a glass (=bottle) of wine in the day, as I got ready for the week ahead. Now there is so much more time in the day without alcohol, so I'm making the most of it.

Hi all hope everyone made it through the weekend okay??
im celebrating 3 weeks!!! Im so proud of myself. And despite all the doom and gloom I’ve been posting I feel much better today! Would I be stupid to say I actually don’t think I’m bothered about going back to drinking? I’m really enjoying it!
i took myself on a solo date candle shopping and then to the cinema. In bed now with a Chinese :)
Turns out I had bruxism from heavy drinking and have worn all my enamel away on my back left teeth! I’m lucky that’s the only damage from drinking so much!