Support thread for those trying to lead an alcohol free life - Autumn 25

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!

This thread is for anyone who is genuinely trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just kindness and encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation, there’s an a long-running thread for that in this board that will be a better fit for you. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on, cheering you on as you do.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

A bit of both. As Wendy said you need to adjust your life somewhat as you cant just replace drinking all afternoon/ evening with drinking soft drinks it doesn't work like that. However for the 'ritual' it does help to use AF drinks. I like the AF martinis, lucky saint beer and for fizz I like Thomson and Scott noughty brut.
Going for walks, baking, even sorting a drawer out just helped keep my mind occupied past the wine o'clock time.

New to MN & I’m not a mum. I’m sure that’s okay right? Was advised by a friend to take a look, not an any other social media & haven’t been for over a decade as can’t stand the ‘look at me, isn’t my life fab’ BS. In September I’ve had 8 AF days, unfortunately not consecutively. Better than any other month for ~20 years though so I’m feeling positive.

I also read far more.

Instead of hanging around the kitchen in the evening drinking wine, I go to bed far earlier and read. I've also changed my routine in prepping of the evening meal.

I think it's all a bit of trial and error seeing what works for you and fits with your lifestyle.

I also try and stop myself from spiralling when I think too far ahead into the future as sometimes I forget that I have stopped drinking alcohol and it suddenly dawns on me and I feel a bit overwhelmed by the notion of never drinking again.
I make a conscious effort to bring myself back to the present and not to think too far ahead.

One thing that really has struck me is just how much of a tussle it is mentally. Logically I find it hard to square some of the feelings I have surrounding alcohol when I know that I'm not going to succumb to drinking again (due to a health condition) but that I don't always feel at peace with my decision even though I also know I don't want wine, I won't drink it, I wouldn't enjoy it again etc.

So why do I still have a push and pull tussle at all? Why am I just not happy with my decision and at peace with the fact. In the week, when I never used to drink, it doesn't bother me but the weekend feels a bit adrift still without wine.

Everything I have read suggests it gets easier and I can see myself that it's easier at day 63 than it was in the beginning. But one thing for sure is you really notice just have prevalent drinking is. All over the TV, in books, out and about, and it will increase in volume once the Christmas ads all kick in !

I do, however, feel grateful that there are a wealth of AF options now available both for home consumption if wanted and to order when in restaurants, pubs etc. For me they definitely take the edge off the craving of wanting something.

More than anything else I am really looking forward to the time when I simply am not bothered at all about being AF and when I can honestly feel that I am not sacrificing anything by not drinking alcohol. That's when I will feel genuinely free.

Hello @TwoNicePuppies and welcome. You definitely don’t need to be a mum to post here! There are a few ongoing threads on Alcohol Support- some are for those trying to cut back, and others (like this one) is for those who are trying to stop completely. It’s worth working out where you feel most comfortable.

The 'what to drink instead' dilemma is pain. I am a fan of pretend wine. It doesn't taste great, although some are better than others, but it it satisfies the need to feel the day is over and the evening beginning, and for me it is so much nicer than a glass of squash or what I see as children's drinks.

I do like some of the CBD drinks, but more because they are aimed at an adult market than because they are relaxing. I don't think they have any effect at all, but the Little Rick ones have good flavours - much better than Trip. Zooz tastes a bit like Aperol, and would pass for alcoholic if drunk from a proper glass. None of them are cheap compared to standard soft drinks, but they, or AF fizz/wine are my way to bridge the transition from day to evening. I'm not a fan of hot drinks in the evening.

As we have newbies on the thread, I will give my customary advice to take high doses of Thiamine (vitamin B1) for 6 weeks or so, to prevent brain damage. There is not enough in a multivitamin tablet or in B complex, but you could take those too (as well as a high strength dose of B1) as you won't overdose on it. You excrete what you don't need in luminous pee.

Thank you @Onewildandpreciouslife it has to be this one. I’ve tried moderation & it’s not possible, it’s all or nothing……that saying, I rarely get drunk (once/twice a year) but I drink most days, so if I fail on a Mon it’ll be a couple every night until Sun. If I can resist on a Mon it’ll be Wed/Thurs/Fri I might start, then that’s it for the rest of the week.
Tomorrow is Monday, posting for accountability.

I've been out all day and just got back to see this huge pile of comments on the doormat, so to speak! I agree with just about everything being said - how alcohol is everywhere and how some people apply pressure, but also that there are more AF alternatives around and things like Dry July, so at least there is more awareness about the harms caused by alcohol. As for routine - I've stuck to my old routine of downing tools and sitting down with a glass at 6o'clock. My favourite is Martini Vibrante with tonic and ice, and that was my saviour in the early days. I like the white version too but it's harder to get hold of. Crodino is ok - a spritz. In a pub, I'll go for an AF beer. And I get through a lot of tonic water, fancy, flavoured or just bog standard. I like the bitterness and the fizz. I have just one drink (instead of endless wine refills) then have my dinner. After that, I'm still awake enough to watch a film, read, wash up, have a bath, do a jigsaw, listen to music etc. There are many more hours in the day without alcohol, so it's good to have stuff to do.

One more thought - why do people pressure others to drink so that they're not drinking alone? When I was drinking, it never bothered me that I was drinking alone, and I still wonder why there's such a a stigma about it.

@LillyPJ I also wonder why others feel the need to push people to drink with them. I’m away abroad on business & the hotel I’m staying in has 0.5% beer, no zero. I’ve been drinking that since Wed (so NOT counting these as AF days!) but it’s only so my colleagues don’t question/pressure me as they think it’s the proper stuff. I know I need to get the the point I can say ‘I’m not drinking alcohol’, but it’s early days.

Obviously it's up to you where your boundaries sit, but 0.5% is not alcoholic. It's lower in alcohol than ketchup, for instance (ok, you won't drink a pint of ketchup, but still). De-alcoholised wine and beer is closer to the taste of the real thing than non-alcoholic versions, which are basically soft drinks.

There will always be a tiny bit of alcohol left when booze is de-alcoholised, but not enough to make a difference. From what I understand, in the EU and elsewhere, 0.5% counts as non-alcoholic, and whilst in the UK it is labelled 'low alcohol' for now, that will change soon and we will come into line with other countries.

I think 0.5% actually counts as AF? Anyway, I'd let you count those as AF days - you're certainly not going to feel any effects from drinking that. We (the alcohol industry?) seem to have developed the idea that drinkers are fun people and abstainers are po-faced bores. I probably thought along those lines when I was drinking. I'd still rather sit in a pub than in a tea room or cafe as I prefer the atmosphere.

@LillyPJ @ShyMaryEllen thank you, very new to this & when I asked the barman for 0 it was a definite ‘no, only 0.5%’ good to know that this probs doesn’t count though, I certainly didn’t feel any effect but tbh I wouldn’t if I’d had 2 pints of actual beer!

Hi @TwoNicePuppiesand welcome. I'm not a mum either. Everyone welcome here.
I have to say that although I would drink alone, I wouldn't drink alone whilst another person was there. Although I probably wouldn't have said anything about it. I think it's a bit of that push and pull that @Kipperandarthur- that feeling that you'll have a better time but also the knowledge that you'll probably not really have a better time. You'll just say something stupid and feel like crap afterwards so it only works if someone else believes in the better time too.
It's years and years of conditioning.

Hey guys and thanks !

yes Christmas is defo going to feel a bit strange. I did stop for a few months a couple of years back but it was Christmas that made me cave - the adverts were really triggering. So at least this time around I know what to expect and what to avoid

for drinks - I’m not keen on any AF drinks as such but in the early weeks I did religiously drink flavoured tonic from a Prosecco glass 🤣

my big issue though was chocolate ! I developed a sweet tooth out of nowhere. In fact that might be what i need to get through Christmas !!

@TwoNicePuppies just do whatever you need to to get you through. I’m surprised the bar has no AF. We went to a wedding in the summer and the only drinks on arrival were Buck’s Fizz. I asked if there was any AF and the waiter said oh don’t worry - they’re not strong. Errr that’s not the point !!

@Thenakedwineglass thank you. It was Sweden so maybe things are different there. They obviously had soft drinks but I didn’t want my colleagues to know I was going AF, didn’t want the questions, it’s a boozy group but thankfully it’s only a couple of times a year so by the next meeting I’ll be more settled into it.

Ah could be yeah - very different drinking culture over there isn’t it

Maybe they have to declare it in case of allergies or religious considerations, so people can avoid it altogether if they need to? A bit like 'traces of nut' that have to be declared if something is made where something with nuts in is made elsewhere on the premises.

Lovely to read everyone's comments. Welcome to the newcomers / delurkers!

I'm still struggling TBH. Really wanted to pop out to get some wine tonight, but managed to ride out the urge and it did pass. This is the cycle I go through: as soon as I start to feel a bit better after detoxing, I think that just one or two drinks wouldn't do any harm. And then the slow descent recommences all over again.

I'm happy now though that I've made and eaten dinner and my head is clear! I like what you said @LillyPJ about all the activities you're able to do after dinner when you're not drinking. When I've been drinking, I just want to collapse into bed straight after dinner.

That said, I've been feeling utterly exhausted physically. Maybe it's partly my body resetting itself again, but I suspect it's also some kind of post-viral fatigue (I've had this in the past). It's frustrating, but I think I'm getting a little more energy back every day. At least that's what I'm telling myself.

Reading people's suggestions of AF drinks reminds me that I have next to no AF drinks in the house right now. I must rush out and replenish tomorrow!

Your sister sounds really damn unsupportive @Lavrander , sheesh! It's true that it takes time for the people around us to get used to us being sober, but trying to get someone to drink just because you don't want to drink alone is pretty selfish.

About replacing alcohol with other things: a big indication of how problematic my drinking was was that I often drank in the morning in order to try to alleviate feelings of anxiety and stress. Social drinking I can totally take or leave; I hardly even miss it. But when I'm trying to get started on some stressful task, no matter the time of day, I have my brain telling me that I should have a drink just to help me get going. I know, I know... As a result I'm trying to establish new routines to help me get started on angst-inducing tasks, like: a short meditation + writing a short list of things I'm grateful for + a nice coffee. The coffee is a bit tricky because caffeine can cause anxiety too, but I find myself looking forward to coffee the way I used to look forward to a glass of wine or three.

Wishing everyone a peaceful night's sleep and a happy healthy sober week ahead!

Good morning, i've realised that I've accidently used a different name on here to the previous thread. It's actually going to be new name, new start, as I regret to say yesterday was not a good day. The gloomier evenings are always a struggle for me mood wise. I must think how to restructure my evenings and put strategies in place. Have a good day all.

@Swimfreak Forget about yesterday - today's a new day and a new week. Gloomy evenings can be difficult. Sunny days can be difficult. Busy days and boring days can be difficult. The trouble with alcohol is it's everywhere and we associate it with so many things. Having other things to do can help if evenings are a struggle. I watch far less TV now because that's what I'd do while I was drinking. I do a lot more jigsaws, listening to music, DIY, cooking and generally just getting stuff done! (My kitchen floor has never been so clean.) Good luck for today.

Morning all. Happy Monday.

It's raining cats and dogs here on the downs.
I'm on bedroom tidy up today.
I can't see me wearing linen again this year so I'll sort that out and shrink bag the clothes. Sonething to do if you're looking for a task.

The DS didn't like the alternative house. Curses.
We have a week before they photograph for the house sales brochure.

I had a lovely big chat with my London friend last night. It would not have been possible in my drinking days. My DH use to go out to play his sport and I'd sink a bottle of wine (bought with the aforementioned cabbage and probably hidden in the car). I'd have been talking shite. As she has a 'alcoholic in recovery' partner I couldn't hide it from her so I gave up on the chats.
I need to check the delivery service for the cottage. I'm used to big town services these days. Ocado is my want.

@WendyWagon Ah! I well remember those conversations when I'd already had a few beforehand and was making a real effort to talk clearly and soberly. I'm embarrassed - it must have been so obvious. It's really good now to be free and not hampered by drink. Good luck with Ocado!

Day 1 again. Feeling wretched as expected. Managed to get the kids into school and I am back home in bed now, praying some sleep will alleviate the crushing anxiety and general horribleness

Am sorry to hear that @Becky37- what was the trigger? Keep gathering these data points to help you avoid it next time (as Annie Grace says!)

Good afternoon all. I've just got back from coffee with friends. I left before the inevitable 'Anyone fancy staying for lunch and a glass of wine?' that someone always suggests as though they hadn't left the house planning exactly that. No judgement here - I see through it for obvious reasons - but it's not for me anymore.

I got caught in a downpour on the way home, so I'm damp and a bit grumpy. I briefly took shelter in The Works, and got three detective stories for £7.50, which is not only a bargain, but they are the first three in a series, which is a result. Usually the random nature of The Works stock system means that you have to come in at book 4 of a series then go to book 7 and hope to fill in the gaps, so I'm pleased with these ones. Now they just have to be good 😂.

I am out again this evening to a class I'm doing. I doubt there will be booze on offer, as most people will be driving there. I wouldn't have any anyway. I need to decide on what to take with me, but will do that at the last minute, and meanwhile will work on the X stitch I'm doing. It sums up my current frame of mind.