Support thread for those trying to lead an alcohol free life - Autumn 25

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!

This thread is for anyone who is genuinely trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just kindness and encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation, there’s an a long-running thread for that in this board that will be a better fit for you. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on, cheering you on as you do.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

On the subject of the role of alcohol in our society and cultural norms... In the opening credits (which are shown every time)of Gogglebox, one woman is shown saying 'I don't trust him because he's teetotal.' Would we accept that about any other category of person?

That’s awful @LillyPJ but it’s the mindset isn’t it, I’ve got a couple of friends whose husbands don’t drink, one v sporty and the other due to something underlying heath wise and I always couldn’t understand how they could live without it. It’s so entrenched into our lives.
I watch the tv now and just notice how much drinking there is. I just want freedom from how much it’s ruled my whole life.

Me too @taylorean - interested in the neurobiological side of maladaptive behaviours (love that phrase!). As you say, with alcohol there is the fact that it is physically addictive - as is heroin, nicotine etc. And yet millions of people drink alcohol without any maladaptive behaviours, or to a lesser/greater extent at least. People can claim to be addicted to cocaine, without any biological explanation - cocaine is psychologically addictive, not physically. Again, plenty of people take it without any damaging consequences (views on this may vary!) Which brings me on to the process addictions - gambling, pornography, eating disorders etc. There is obviously something else going on, and there are various scientific theories around neurotransmitters and opioid receptors which make sense even to unscientific me!

It’s why I hate the term ‘alcoholic’, apart from all the grubby associations with that word. I object to it on an academic level - it implies the problem is with the substance rather than the person. I use it about myself in certain situations, as it’s a convenient shorthand. But I drank for years at a relatively “normal” level (well, probably more than a lot of people, but without the behaviours and consequences that afflicted me latterly). But I acted out in other ways - my embarrassingly huge collection of clothes, for example. It’s why half of them still have tags on - it wasn’t the clothes that brought me joy, it was the act of buying them. Some times, quite often, I didn’t even open the packaging. I’m making a killing on Vinted currently! But even with Vinted, I’m having to watch myself - I’m becoming rather too keen on it. And because I’m getting whatever it is I’m getting from it, I’m not buying anything at all - and not just on Vinted! My recent sugar cravings have left me completely. Which is why I’m aware it’s a potential problem - the bad habits I have substituted for alcohol are now being substituted by Vinted. It’s not the money, it’s the ‘thrill’.

Still, as far as my maladaptive behaviours go, selling things is about the most harmless I’ve adopted to date!

@FaithHopeCarnage same! I do love to get rabbit hole obsessed with things and vinted definitely one of my current ones. It does all add up, but I love the repetition of going to the parcel shop, and if I’ve sold something and not posted it, I can’t relax until it’s gone. Better than just drinking wine until oblivion etc.
I do just seem to also just obsess over stuff until I’m sick of it. I’m quite tempted at the moment to delete all social media.

@taylorean Your last paragraph “accepting that my biological and psychological were wrong took a really long time” this is really sitting with me.
Again I should probably have some therapy, I do think I’m spiralling in my own mind at the moment, too much clarity without the drinking maybe. I think I’ve always drank so much to try and quieten how busy it is up there. I’ve come to realise especially in the last 10 years that I’ve always felt different because I am different.
Im happy I’m not drinking but I do wish it were all a bit quieter :(

Morning all.

@FaithHopeCarnage I could have written your post. The 39 pairs of black trousers confirm my addiction! I really can collect anything.

@FiloPasty my mind is always busy so I now take myself upstairs early of an evening. I don't like the TV on much and prefer silence.

I used to feel I had to be physically present with the family. Now I don't commit to that. We usually have a second sitting room (left over from when my dad lived with us). It makes houses very expensive but I miss the option. My DH will have the TV and radio on at the same time, it drives me potty.

,Hemming curtains today.

Just thought I'd copy and paste my 'Reframe' daily email 😊

Hi, Rebecca!

What if the secret to drinking less wasn’t about willpower at all?

When you try to fight a craving, your brain reads it as danger. Stress hormones spike, and the urge grows stronger, like when you try not to think about a pink elephant.

But neuroscientists have found something surprising: getting curious about your cravings activates the brain’s natural reward system. When you observe the urge with genuine interest instead of fear, you shift from being controlled by the craving to studying it, and that change rewires your brain over time.

Try this tonight:

🔍 Notice the details: Where do you feel it - chest, throat, stomach?
⏱️ Time it: Most cravings peak and fade within 20 minutes.
🎯 Get specific: Rate the intensity from 1-10 and watch it change.

The more curious you become, the less automatic drinking feels. You’re retraining your brain, one mindful moment at a time

@REP22 Thank you 🥰

Currently panicking about Halloween

Weather is good Saturday (or so it says) for Park run in the morning so hoping that will get me through Friday Halloween temptations. I have no money for booze but that clearly has never stopped me before. Will have kids a bit later which is good, till 7pm as taking them trick or treating round Totnes.

But is that good or bad? Will being out in 'the dark' surrounded by merriment and festive 'fun' be hugely triggering. Probably. But as the Reframe email says, facing it and fighting the craving, observing it, creates new habits and neuro pathways (may be wrong word!). So the challenge is a good part of recovery..... if I dont cave obviously

And what about Saturday post park run and me feeling like a BOSS 😬. That virtuous feeling is also very triggering. I will formulate a plan for Saturday with my alcohol support worker today, meeting him at 11am. He does just keep telling me to knit and do jigsaws like some mental patient in a victorian sanitorium. Wish I was just being collected Saturday afternoon to be taken to a sober spa for 25 hours. Sigh 🙄😆

Thanks Becky!

Since you’re a medic, I thought you might find this interesting:

Frontiers | Ketogenic diet reduces a neurobiological craving signature in inpatients with alcohol use disorder

High-level summary:

A recent study examined whether keto diets could be used as a therapeutic intervention for problem drinkers, to reduce cravings.

They randomised volunteers who were already in a detox setting to have either a keto diet or a standard American (high-carb) diet.

fMRIs were used to measure cravings via a ‘Neurobiological Craving Signature’ (NCS) in the brain after exposure to alcohol-related cues.

The KD group had a reduced expression of NCS activity across the three weeks. They also reported reduced cravings in the final week, compared with the other group.

The authors conclude it’s down to the brain using ketones/BHB instead of glucose. BHB is a stable alternative fuel reducing the intensity of cravings.

They think the switch from acetate to glucose is part of withdrawal syndrome - the switch to glucose increases cravings. They also refer to a separate recent study where a BHB supplement reduced ‘alcohol wanting’ in an experimental study.

I was really struck by this part, after my guilt at having a buzz on Sunday:

‘Ketone bodies (β-hydroxybutyrate [BHB], acetoacetate and acetone) structurally resemble acetate [the compound alcohol breaks down to, used for energy in the brain] and provide an alternative to glucose as an energy source in the brain’.

It’s not an easy way of eating. I have to go out later to buy more vegetables and lots of nuts, because I can’t eat bacon and eggs every day.

But I’m going to give it a try for a few days - not for weight loss, but sense of wellbeing.

The past couple of days have been good. I feel calm! And I’d like that to carry on.

I imagine it doesn't work for everyone, and maybe not me. But so long as I do it sensibly without frying everything in butter, it’s worth a try.

Good morning shipmates,

Sid's lifeboat had to be deployed yesterday - I got called into hospital rather urgently and had many unpleasant minutes in the company of several syringes. Nothing to worry about, an abscess gone very suddenly very wrong. On the mend now, with b~st~rd-strength antibiotics and a treatment plan, but it was a brush with sepsis that I don't care to repeat. Sidney is doing amazingly well.

When I got home last night at about 10.30, my lovely neighbours were out on the pavement. There were several hedgehogs out and about in our gardens and they were watching them. Sid loves my neighbours, so we stood and just chatted for about an hour before turning in. It reminded me low lucky I am to live where I do. It's Housing Association and very tiny, but I am very, very thankful for it. Everybody needs good neighbours.

My mind is overly-busy too @FiloPasty and I often drank to calm the cerebral storms and get my inner thoughts to still. Distraction is key for me. Something harmless on autoplay on the iPlayer or a streaming channel (though probably not Gogglebox @LillyPJ - I can't believe that quote; such ignorant (and harmful) commentary like that fair boils my p~ss).

Sorry if Hallowe'en is triggering for you @Becky3825 - it will be alright. Distract, deflect, make pumpkin soup, anything. It's just one night, like any other. Alcohol is definitely a nasty trickster; certainly not a treat. Here's something from Sid for you to cut'n'paste in your window to keep the booze-ghouls away...

Strength and courage. It will be alright. x

Oh @REP22that does not sound good. Glad you're out and back with Sid. I hope he's looking out for you. You're very lucky to have good neighbours, and hedgehogs! Hope Sid leaves them alone.. there was a Bulldog on one of those vet programmes that had got a little frisky with one and ended up with prickles exactly where he didn't want prickles... poor frisky little thing.

I've just been reading through all the messages and gaining encouragement from them. I've felt rubbish today mentally: a sluggish, heavy feeling and a powerful sense of self-loathing. I'm having trouble making it for longer than a day or two without drinking. I feel so disappointed in myself. I think that my antidepressants are also working less well because of the alcohol consumption (as @REP22 mentioned above). At least I didn't drink today. I may have consumed a so-called sharing bag of crisps on my own though I've also done TWO guided meditations.

I had a difficult meeting with a student and wasn't sure I handled it very well, but then I spoke to my boss about it and to DH and now I feel better.

On the bright side, DS2 is really enjoying his half-term. He has his own activities planned for every day. It's amazing when they get old enough to be independent like this! On the other hand, he complained that he couldn't go to his lunch place of choice today because they take cash only. Me: 'Why don't you just take cash out with your card?' DS: 'I haven't taken cash out before, I don't know how to do it.' !!! Seriously he buys everything using the Apple pay app on his phone. This generation... I'll have to take him to the cash machine and give him a lesson, ha. He and his friend ended up going to a different lunch place 🙄

@NorthernDancer I'm so so sorry about your DH. You are doing amazingly well on the sobriety front. I wish you and your DH all the peace and happiness possible in your difficult circumstances 💐

@REP22 how scary about your hospital visit! I'm very glad you and Sid are OK.

@taylorean and @FaithHopeCarnage and others, your conversation about addiction is very interesting. One of the things I liked about NA (as opposed to AA) is that they talked about how it wasn't any particular substance that is dangerous necessarily, it's the tendency to addiction itself. I've also had periods in the past of spending recklessly, for example. It's also frustrating the way one addiction can morph into another: so someone might successfully stop cocaine but then develop an alcohol addiction, or successfully stop alcohol but then develop a sugar addiction or some other type of eating disorder. However, some addictions will obviously kill you faster than others!

@FiloPasty you said, I think I’ve always drank so much to try and quieten how busy it is up there. I’ve come to realise especially in the last 10 years that I’ve always felt different because I am different. I identify with this so much. I feel like I'm still trying to come to terms with the person I am, and just accept the person I am.

@Becky3825 that Reframe message about curiosity is intriguing. It's good that you're strategising for Halloween night.

Wishing everyone a good day tomorrow. It's a heavy teaching day for me so I still have prep to do before I go to bed.

Hi all, just a quick check in moved on monday. Wow that was/is stressful!
Still here reading and keeping going.

Sending courage and strength to all x

Congratulations on the move and doing it sober @Womanshour !!

I’m still in hospital and feeling fairly grim, but hopefully home today

I hope you get home today @Onewildandpreciouslife will the op improve things for you? X

Hopefully in the longer term @Womanshour! I’ve had melanoma so the surgery was to remove more skin in the hope it prevents further recurrence - fingers crossed!

Fingers crossed for you. Hope you have some soothing activities of your own preference ready for recovery. I watched all of Gavin and Stacey when recovering from a horrid bug, the bug was miserable, the opportunity to treat myself with time to focus on myself was valued x

Congratulations on the move @Womanshour , moving is very stressful but I hope you enjoy your new home!

@Onewildandpreciouslife I'm sorry you're still feeling poorly; I hope you get to go home soon and get some proper rest.

Day 2 again for me. It feels long but my mental state is far better than it was yesterday. I resisted the idea of popping out for wine at lunch and have just eaten a huge gourmet sandwich instead (it was actually too big and I shouldn't have eaten the whole thing, but never mind!).

Morning teaching done, still have the afternoon to go. Looking forward to getting home and lounging around with the cat.

Hope everyone is having a good day.

Hi everyone
@elusivehopejust reading about your son not knowing how to take cash out! How things have changed. I watched something recently about analogue clocks at that being a 'skill' that is being lost. My immediate reaction is to go tskkk the Youth! But of course things have changed and why would you know how to do something that you'd never had to do.
It also shows how we are so wired to take the easier route even if we like it less. He chose to go to a food place that he didn't like so much because he didn't want to do something hard in the middle. So many times I've thought about drinking because it's just easier to say yes than no - even though I know that I don't actually want to. The human mind is a funny old thing.

Congratulations on the move @Womanshour- enjoy your new home.
Hoping you're reading this from home @Onewildandpreciouslife

Morning all.

Some interesting threads this week including the party one.
I've already had a CF ask to add a relative onto my birthday guest list. Not sure why a 28 year old would want to sit with a bunch of sixty something feminist rat bags!

I hope everyone is OK. I'm feeling better knowing I'm going in for my op next week. Well for Christmas I hope.

Sorry I've had my head up my bum all week so being dreadful at responding. Reading everything and sending all support, love and strength to all either everything you are all coping with on a daily.

Still on the sober train, wary I got this far last time (well to saturday so still 3 more days to go to beat my last streak). Determined to. Plan is Friday is busy enough and doing kids trick or treating with my ex, their father, so he will chaperone me home afterwards into the safe sanctuary of the homested. Then SMART meeting online.

Saturday will park run then I have decided to go swimming in the afternoon and use my local gym. They are doing a week free pass so signed up for that yesterday. Ran like a beast yesterday there so feeling strong and fit.

Diet 'cheat day' today as Thursdays is my Traitors evening with the girls (watch Wednesdays and Thursdays in succession). Stupidly watching good morning Britain and nearly heard who was banished. Put fingers in ears and went 'LA LA LA LA' 😆. Jesus I am so obsessed with it!.

Will eat my weight in cheesy creamy carbs pasta and mainline lindt chocolate.

That'll help me feel sluggish and guilty tomorrow too so will want to have a healthy day, exercise, be with kids, and no demon juice for Becky.

I just want to get through this weekend. I know I can do it. Scared but determined

Morning all.
Life is so much better with a plan, isn’t it @WendyWagon ?!

I made it home yesterday afternoon, thankfully. Nice to be home although the practicalities of recovery are fairly challenging- vulval surgery is a bitch. I’m sure I’ll figure it out with the help of Amazon! It’s weird that I’ve done all this before but don’t really remember it (that may in part be because it was the start of my heavy drinking).