Support thread for those trying to lead an alcohol free life - Autumn 25

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!

This thread is for anyone who is genuinely trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just kindness and encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation, there’s an a long-running thread for that in this board that will be a better fit for you. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on, cheering you on as you do.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

Thanks for the check-in @Lavrander - Sid and I have surfaced today after four days in bed. Not been well, but definitely mending.

Sending love to you all. And strength and courage of course. Sorry we've been AWOL. But thinking of you all. xx

Good to har from you @REP22. I hope you both fully recover very soon.

You may remember that I said I'd missed the dreams - I had a stinker last night and may have changed my mind. I was going for an interview (not sure what for, but I really wanted the job) but was very late because I didn't like my hair and couldn't get it to lie right. There was a very large panel and they all told me off for being late and lectured me about how first impressions mattered. I woke up very stressed, and it took me a while to convince myself it hadn't happened. I am absolutely not job hunting, and am not remotely vain, so would go to an interview with a bird's nest hairstyle rather than be late, so who knows what hidden insecurities that was about.

@WendyWagon, are you really going to replace 4 bathrooms and a kitchen? Apart from the disruption and stress of all of that and buying somewhere else, you might not get your money back, as people often want to change things like that anyway. and others prefer original features. I would get a second opinion if it were me.

I was here under another username in 2022/2023, but after 18 months of sobriety I fell off the wagon and I stayed there until Tuesday of this week. We have had all sorts of family problems over the last few years and now we are in a situation where my husband is five months into the process of being diagnosed with stage four prostate cancer and I need to be present for him, present mentally and present physically i.e. not in the pub.

So day four today and all going well, but at some point I think I will need to look for some sort of talking therapy to deal with the abject fear that I have for the future.

Good to see some familiar names on the thread, especially @WendyWagonwho was so helpful to me last time.

Onwards and upwards.

Sorry to hear about your husband @NorthernDancer I'm new here day 30 today but I’m very thankful for this thread and all the wise posters.
Im also interested in therapy, I come from a family of drinkers.

Well I can whole heartedly recommend therapy.
I was always of the opinion I didn't want it after being forced to have it as a child.
My DD recommended it when she was doing her first degree. A whole 50 minutes to moan! I started off trying to have a ping pong conversation but my therapist stopped me and said Mrs W this is about you not me. I felt rude blathering on but I only gave it up when I was paying to talk about houses (I know I love houses) and not issues.
I'd buried the bullying I had suffered as a child but I was always chasing approval. It's great to get it out of your headspace.
My mantra for turning sixty will be not to give a stuff.
@NorthernDancer welcome back. We are always here.
Someone naughty offered me a drink today but I did manage to say no. They'd had fabulous news so the pop was in order. It can be done lads. We had Yorkshire tea instead.

It can be done but it still feels so odd! We're so conditioned to hear the pop, but there are plenty of cultures that have a cup of tea.. maybe not Yorkshire tea though.

Hi @NorthernDancer. I'm so sorry to read about your husband. I'm sure that staying AF will help you be how you want to be for your family, and at least you can hang on to that in the dreadfulness.

Morning all.
Welcome back @NorthernDancer and well done on getting to day 4 - you’re through the hardest part now.

Congratulations on 30 days @FiloPasty !!

Morning all.
Welcome back, @NorthernDancer. The first few days are so brutal. The body’s unsettled, sleep is all over the place, and emotions can swing wildly. You’ve got through the thick of it, and that’s no small thing. Just getting through each day is an achievement.

That is amazing @FiloPasty reaching 30 days! You've been showing up each day for yourself and everyone else in your life, even when it’s not easy.

Still lurg ridden to an extent but plan to walk up to see my mum today and then get some steps in by wandering down to the river. Missing jogging so much, feeling like I am getting so out of shape. I know this is ridiculous as drinking all weekend has been destroying me physically.

@REP22 so sorry you have been sick too. It certainly hangs around, I thought i'd be park running today but still too virussy and sniffy. Sending support from my sick bed to you :-)

Morning all.

I've just woken up from round two kip.
When I was a drinker I could never get back to sleep. I now count something, today it was a tax return! Gosh I'm exciting.

@ShyMaryEllen i will not be putting in four new bathrooms and a kitchen. I've got to do that at the new abode although the kitchen isn't urgent, and not as many bathrooms!
The guy was a bit weird really. He called a 18 year old house dated, I wonder what he'd have thought of my old house dated1342 ? Ripe for demolition perhaps!

The DS has just left for Golf and I have a new magazine.

I was decluttering yesterday and found a load of my youngest child’s birthday cards from 2 years ago. I can tell by the handwriting that it’s been scrawled after a bottle or two of wine. It’s quite sobering really, so I’ve kept it as a reminder, I love my kids so much and just wish I’d been better.
Next mini goal is 50 days and getting through this holiday and hopefully enjoying it, I pack gym wear every time and never go so maybe this will be the time.

Keep strong everyone x

@WendyWagon I do think a lot of estate agents deserve the bad reputation!

That's a relief, @WendyWagon! I thought you might be going mad😀.

Happy Saturday, shipmates! I hope you have good plans for the weekend.

I have been systematically replacing my perfumes, as where I stored my old ones (on a shelf in the bathroom) meant that they were in the light, and they have gone off, which is annoying. Since we remodelled the bathroom there is a bit of wall between windows that is out of the light, and is the perfect place for bottles. I've got into the Saltworks range and have bought several of them over the past few months. They have some really lovely scents, but I have a horrible feeling that they might be what is causing the irritation on my wrists and neck. I'm not sure, as it's the back of my neck that is itchy, and a bit further up my wrists than I spray perfume, but I think I'm going to have to stop wearing them for a while then start again to see what happens. I hope it's not, as I think I have eight 100ml bottles, and I do love them.

Hope you’re all ok. I’m cooking again with a 0% peroni in hand x one day at a time

Checking in. I have walked a lot and watched telly. Started knitting. Felt crushing boredom and loneyness but know this is the dopamine rewiring of my brain from boozing. Need to keep pushing through. In bed now listening to some radio play and just going to get some sleep soon. Tomorrow I will jog even if I nearly perish, I need it, my mind and body needs it! IWNDWYT

Well done @Becky3825 ! Sometimes it's hard but you just have to keep pushing - every hour is another hour.when you've succeeded. Having a plan for tomorrow is good too. I'll be out all day walking and I know that I always feel better after that. I hope you enjoy your jog.

@LillyPJ

Thank you! Could not have got here without you guys on this thread. I get the kids back tomorrow afternoon so safe-ish. Off to sleep off this cold more, and hopfully start some real healing continuing into the week. The knitting was a good idea as I had to concentrate so much I stopped thinking about drinking or past times.

Hi, I'm just catching up after a crazy first few days back at work. I'm sober but white-knuckling it.

On the plus side, it feels energising to see all my students and work colleagues again.

@EastCoastDamsel thinking of you and your DH, that sounds very difficult. It's great that he's seeing a counsellor already though.

@Becky3825 massive congratulations on your upcoming graduation! And the knitting sounds brilliant. I'm still using the Reframe app and today's reading was about deliberately making time to do things you enjoy, so that your brain gradually starts to get better again at getting dopamine from everyday pleasures (as opposed to getting all your dopamine hits from alcohol). My main pleasure is reading, but I think something more physical would do me good... I just haven't figured out what yet.

@rep22 I'm so sorry you've been poorly!

It's good to meet you @NorthernDancer and I'm so sorry about your husband.

@FiloPasty 30 days is fantastic. The first 30 days are the hardest.

I don't have much to say at the moment, I just want to keep active on this thread because it's such a lifeline. Thanks everyone!

Late check in from me. Day 5 done, but why is it that as soon as I try to clean up my act, I get a hideous cold!

I think it’s just that your immune system down I hope you feel better soon, there’s been lots of illness.
I can’t believe I’ve done a month, I’ve never completed dry January or sober October (not that I actually tried!) Bar pregnancy this is my longest ever. I’ve had probably hundreds of mornings where I’ve said never again but still can’t quite believe I’m here sober 1 month in.
If I can do it anyone can. Wow. Onwards and upwards and thank you all for the support.

@Becky3825 it was so lovely to see you post yesterday! Congratulations on the steps you take each day.

@FiloPasty 30 days is amazing Congratulations.

Welcome @NorthernDancer I am so sorry you are going through this. Is there support for you? Given how unwell your DH is i hope there is.

@elusivehope are you white knuckling it because of work stresses? Each time I have big cravings i learn something about the reasons i've been drinking the way I have. I hope you've found some time this weekend for something that matters to you.

I'm loving quit like a women, she said yesterday we have to find time to 'mother ourselves'. I listened to it whilst walking and it nearly made me cry. Her comments about how much of the recovery narratives were made for men have also made a lot of sense.

@REP22 hope you are starting to feel better x

Ahoy shipmates.
I thought it smelt a bit frosty this morning.

I'm stretching my bones before my curtains go up. I've downgraded the DH's to do list. Curtains and peeling apples.

I can't knit ladies but I sew. Not that I do much. I like mending things. I use to get quite upset in the charity shop when they ragged things that could be mended.

I was on the milk last night due to a very hot curry.
@FiloPasty congrats.

Morning all. @elusivehope
Thank you for the heartfelt message and words of wisdom and support. You are doing a fine job of things your end and I too love to read so that is my next thing to get back into this coming week.

Going for a fast walk and will visit my mum for a bit, then back home for the kids and some time with them 🤗

Hi all. Welcome back @NorthernDancer .

Thank you for the kind words @elusivehope . And sorry to hear about the work stress. It can be all consuming.

Glad you are feeling better @REP22 .

DH and I are still reeling tbh. It's very political and the environment at work is fairly toxic. I even went as far as thinking I need to research hig control groups yesterday. Might still do.

We are due a holiday next week for 2 weeks and I am looking forward to getting away. Slightly worried about leaving to go abroad in the midst of the shit show but it will probably do us good.

Not sleeping very well at the moment which makes the difficult bit seem even more difficult.

Holding on holding on.

ODAAT.

Sorry I missed this, @EastCoastDamsel, and to others whose posts I may seem to have ignored. I've just got back from being away, so haven't had time to do more than skim and witter about perfume. I didn't mean to be rude. We were out last night and am out again this afternoon to see a friend's band in a local pub. I would prefer to chill out in front of the telly, but needs must - I'll catch up with life soon.

I hope your husband gets a good counsellor, and that work don't make things difficult for you. They shouldn't. Also, remember to look after you. When loved ones are going through hard times it is easy to think that we just exist in a support role, when in fact their stress can quickly become ours too.

Thanks everyone. Day Six here. Cold in full swing. Just cooked a massive dinner and then couldn't eat it! Going back to bed for a bit.