Support thread for those trying to lead an alcohol free life - Autumn 25

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!

This thread is for anyone who is genuinely trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just kindness and encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation, there’s an a long-running thread for that in this board that will be a better fit for you. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on, cheering you on as you do.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

There is a brand called Bon Voyage (fake wine) that is quite good IMO, but I hesitate to recommend things as tastes vary so much. I also quite like Not Guilty - partly because it has a cute French Bulldog on the label, but it tastes ok too.

Hope everyone has had a good day! Welcome back to @Springadorable and @Becky37. It's comforting to see others coming back after a glitch/slip/relapse or whatever you choose to call it in your own head.

@Womanshour that's a brilliant gratitude list, thank you. Day 50 is amazing!

I'm sorry to hear about your RA playing up @WendyWagon. It makes sense that it's exacerbated by stress; so many health conditions are. Well done for ignoring your cousin!

I've had a slightly bumpy day. I'm getting the pre-going-back-to-work anxiety and am just flitting from task to task without settling on anything.

I did salvage some of the day though, and I didn't drink. I made a slow-simmered ragu - put some red wine in but poured the rest of the bottle straight down the sink. Also made a start on some tasks I've been avoiding, like following up on my DM's legal situation by ringing offices and a courthouse in deepest rural California.

I made a work mistake (essentially disclosed too much information to a student in an email). The info wasn't exactly confidential, but it was borderline-confidential. My boss saw it and she's not happy. We're opposite personality types as I'm quite chatty and effusive normally (including in my interactions with students) and she's much more guarded. I've been worrying about it all day, but I'm trying to put it out of my mind. I definitely have the 'rejection sensitive dysphoria' that comes with ADHD. So frustrating. I've acknowledged that I used poor judgement; there's nothing more I can do now apart from take more care in future. Also, there are countless times when I've gone out of my way to help make my boss's life easier, and we have a generally warm relationship, so it is not in fact logical to believe that she will now hate me forever. 🙄

Perfectionism is not helpful!

In other thrilling news, I need to go shopping tomorrow for some black trousers that are forgiving at the waistline. M&S maybe?

@FiloPasty thanks for the AF wine review! Most AF wines are very sweet, I find. I like the Kylie Minogue AF sparkling rose, but that's rather sweet as well. Just tonic water with lime is nice, but that gets a bit boring. I keep meaning to try your Martini Vibrante, @LillyPJ !

Wishing everyone a restful night!

@elusivehope sorry to hear that you've been going round and round in your head about the mistake. You know the advice you'd give a friend - that you've owned it, it wasn't the best judgement but actually no harm done, can check tone of emails going forward - is absolutely correct and now you just need to listen to yourself. There will be plenty of times your guarded boss's approach has alienated people and slowed down resolutions, so there are always drawbacks!

That is super kind of you @Springadorable , thank you! What you say makes me feel better.

Morning shipmates.
@elusivehopeI hope today is better for you and that you find some black trousers. Marks are pretty good these days. Just try every pair on you find. Often it's the ones you're not sure of which look the best on I find
the AF wine I like is the Thomson and Scott brut, although I have to say that the best posh drink for rounding off a day is for me the Martin Rosso recommended by @LillyPJ. Kombucha is also a great low sugar option - the sugar in the ingredients gets eaten up by the kombucha yeast (or something scientific like that)

I love the thoughts on gaining rather than giving up. I've gained sleep, clarity, energy, peace. I'm almost certain I've laughed more too.

Morning all.
Very poorly first thing. I've rallied. No one was pinching my hazelnut yoghurt.

@elusivehope now I'm the queen of the black trouser. I use to have 39 pairs!
I always buy Autograph silk and wool straight black trousers, £70? I've got them going back ten years and I wash mine in woolite.
David Nieper do a half elasticated pair in a crepe, good for tums. Or if your feeling fancy the New York brand Lafeyette do a wicked pair of very straight cigeratte ones. Perhaps a relative can see what's around?

Keep going lads it's worth it. We're worth it.

Good morning shipmates. Had a better night last night - Sid slept through after a previous night of ear-fiddling (an occasional obsession from which it's hard to divert him) until 4.38am, and the previous night when I was in A&E with M until the wee hours. No wonder they used to use sleep-deprivation as a method to torture "suspected witches" - I'd have confessed to anything at about 9pm last night...

Hope you're not tormenting yourself over the work mis-step @elusivehope - it happens to us all. The issue for me is not the making of the mistake, it's how you handle it. But for years I would torment myself again and again over something I've said or done - still do sometimes, I can't help it. But I have learned (and some techniques picked up in SMART recovery sessions and counselling have definitely helped) not to berate myself so cruelly. No good can come of it. All I can do is own up as soon as possible, apologise to anyone affected and make it clear that I have learned from the experience. You've done that already, and will have plenty of opportunities to demonstrate your continuing good worth in future. It will be alright. You've got insight and self-awareness which many unfortunately lack. Your manager is lucky to have you on their team.

I'm not fond of AF drinks myself, though I do like an AF beer occasionally.

Hope your RA isn't troubling you too much today @WendyWagon - look after yourself. ❤️

Strength and courage to you all. We will be alright. xx

@WendyWagon that is an impressive collection!! Did you wear them all? Or stick to the usual rotation of three favourites?

@Springadorable ah the confessions of a horder. I did wear the Autograph most but I liked to stroke some of the really expensive ones (I have Mulberry, never worn). I am trying to wear my clothes more as the shock of thinking I was on my way out meant others would wear them before me. No point looking like a scuff bag. However I did go into homesence in my gardening kit!

Hi, sorry to join your thread late but I'm looking for a bit of moral support. I gave up alcohol last weekend and I'm trying to keep going and not slide back. I'm determined to kick it this time.

Welcome @5dollah - anyone is welcome to join at any time! Glad you found us.

Stopping drinking alcohol is hard, but it’s so worth it. These early days are the hardest - hang in there

Thank you! I'm trying very hard.

Welcome @5dollah - glad you have found us. I know it's hard in the beginning, but I guarantee you it's worth it. One day at a time - a cliche I know, but it does help. It won't always be this tough, I promise. ❤️

I'm annoyed now because a slow puncture I told the garage about when having the Sidmobile serviced - but which they said wasn't a puncture - has come back with a vengeance (as I knew it would), so back I have gone. Oh yes - it IS a puncture and must have "just happened". So back in it goes. Sid will be coming with me; he is not best pleased. I shall restrain him from meting out any little 'punctures' of his own, however.

How is your mum @REP22? Is she home now?

Welcome @5dollah. Very happy to have you here. Do check back through the thread and previous for some great tips and reminders on why this is worth it. For me in the first month I found the This Naked Mind app and the Alcohol Experiment (found on said app) to be invaluable in reminding me daily what it's all for. I still think about some of the daily lessons (they're just short videos but make you think). The try dry app is also great as a nice reminder of how you're doing.

Thanks so much for asking @Lavrander - that's very kind of you. Yes, M is at home now; I was able to take her back home from A&E in the wee hours of Monday and got her to the GP the following morning. Not shingles after all, just a fungal infection. 😥 So I'm thankful for that. Keeping a quiet eye on things, as I'm not convinced all is 100%; there have been a couple of odd conversations since then, and I am well-alert to the vagaries of UTIs... Ah, the sweets of wrangling one's elderlies. I am a lurker on the always-excellent other MN long-runner, the Cockroach Cafe (for those of us with challenging older relatives). Sid is a useful ally in this, as in many other things. He's very loving, gentle and attentive towards M when he scents trouble.

Fortunately, M can be quietly settled in front of Downton (f~~~ing)Abbey most evenings. Sid only tolerates the opening few seconds of each episode (extreme close-up of the unfortunately-named dog Isis' butt) but is more than happy with that.

I hope you are doing OK. xx

Hi all, still trying to get a clear run of days but the no drinking evenings are becoming more frequent. I continue to gain motivation reading through the successes of previous posters.
Really like the idea of focussing on what we gain - very helpful to reframe the thinking in this way.

I'm pleased she's home. Awful to have to stay in the hospital. For both of you. It's always a UTI.. even if it's something else there is always a bloomin UTI on top of things. Good that Sid can keep an eye on things @REP22

Hi @Swimfreakkeep at it. Every step forward is a step forward.

Thanks @Lavrander and @WendyWagon for the brilliant black trouser advice! I googled the Autograph wool and silk ones, but they seem to be discontinued at the moment (so thank heaven you are well-stocked with them, Wendy 😂). Anyway I decided to get some mid-range ones for now and look into Wendy's posher recommendations shortly. I literally tried on about fifteen different pairs at Marks (how many different varieties of black trousers do they have? respect!) and finally found a pair that fit beautifully, even round the waist, and felt great. However, they only had my size in navy, not black. No worries, thought I, I'll go home and order it online. Well, it's completely sold out online in virtually every size! fuck I hate clothes shopping However it seems to be in stock in a town a short train ride away. I'm actually planning to take the train there tomorrow to buy the trousers. I just can't face starting my quest for the perfect pair all over again. I'm fussy about fabrics and about clothes feeling comfortable (I think I have some sensory issues).

Apologies to readers not invested in this riveting black-trouser saga.

@REP22 thanks for the lovely words, which made me feel a lot better. The issue for me is not the making of the mistake, it's how you handle it. This is so true. At primary school my DC learned about how you should have a 'growth mindset' rather than a 'fixed mindset'; they had a slogan 'Wrong and Strong' 😂I will always remember my small DS explaining to me in very clear language what a growth mindset is: how if you make a mistake, it doesn't mean you're bad at something, it means you've learnt how to do it better next time. I even mention this idea to my own students now! But it's hard to take these things on board oneself.

Sid does have the most eloquent range of expressions of any dog I've ever seen. I'm glad your mum is home.

I had a good thing happen to me last night. I'm teaching a module next term I haven't taught before, and I was having trouble finding resources for it, so on a whim I emailed a senior colleague (not someone I know well at all) and asked him if he had any recommendations/bibliography. He responded immediately and sent me ALL his materials with permission to use them however I want! It was so generous and will save me absolutely loads of prep time (I will of course adapt his materials, but starting from scratch is massively more daunting). I may have emailed him back stating, 'Frankly, you are a hero!' (So much for deciding that my emails should sound less effusive and more professional. 😂). Coincidentally, it turned out that yesterday was his final day of a long and illustrious academic career; as of today, he has retired. So I clearly caught him at an opportune moment. Sometimes all you have to do is make the decision to ask for help...

Welcome @5dollah , you will find masses of support here!

Good night everyone and for those of us who are struggling, remember, Wrong and Strong.

@elusivehope I love the reminder of growth mindset Wrong and Strong, thankyou! I was in education fir many years (a big factor in my stress levels and hence the drinking habit!) I remember when the concept first came into the classroom, and the impact it had on learning. Something to hang on to when we slip! Wishing everyone a good day with as little stress as possible and the strength to handle the daily problems without drink x

@elusivehope so good that you're somewhere that will share resources. I was a secondary school teacher for years, and it really ground my gears when teachers guarded their resources rather than sharing and having a common pot. No need to reinvent the wheel when teaching is so time pressured anyway! Glad you've got a good one on your team!

Morning all.

@elusivehope i buy lots on ebay, tags hanging. If you know the shape fits it can save a bit. They have a few pairs of the silk and wool on there atm. The MIL was a tailor so we're fabric snobs too.
When I worked in the charity shop I was known for my 'poly pile'. No bobbly bits got past me.

I had a bit of luck yesterday. Some money owed is to be paid this week. Not corporate big bucks but gratefully received as the WFH job hasn't started yet.
@REP22 sid is looking very expressive. Glad the M has rallied.

It's funny how your taste buds change when you stop drinking.

Good morning Shipmates. Very misty here this morning and many, many flocks of geese flying overhead. Very autumnal.

Thank you for your kind words and wishes. I have to confess - that was not a recent photo of Sid. That was actually him in the car when I picked him up from the vet, after he'd had his "love spuds" removed. You may judge his views on that from his face - he has never looked that livid since.

Strength and courage my friends. We are going to be alright. xx

Good morning all. There is a thread in alcohol support writen by someone who found their brother dead this week. They've posted it to support and motivate those of us with existing alcohol issues.

It is a very sad and difficult read. But important, im grateful to the poster for sharing. X