Support thread for those trying to lead an alcohol free life - Autumn 25

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!

This thread is for anyone who is genuinely trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just kindness and encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation, there’s an a long-running thread for that in this board that will be a better fit for you. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on, cheering you on as you do.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

Morning all. Lots to catch up on here. Too much to respond to all but just to say keep on keeping on. Stinking cold over here. Thought I'd got rid of it but didn't relax enough over the weekend and back with a vengeance. Day off today with the Pride and Prejudice box set for me.

Morning all.

I went back to sleep.

Legal matter to deal with this afternoon. No back up I have to go on my own although I have caught the other side lying (must remember to say falsehood or I'll get ticked off). I'm really not well enough for it.

The cottage is not winning the debate at the moment. I think the problem is we found the perfect abode and then they withdrew it from sale. It's the bench mark.

Sorry about the cottage and the legal stuff @WendyWagon - all power to you.

I'm sorry about the blip @Springadorable - please don't be too hard on yourself. Keep going - it will be alright.

I was having fun at A&E with mother until 1am this morning (5+ hour wait - only one doctor on duty). She thought she had a bad reaction to an insect bite. Turns out it's likely shingles. I've left her in Sid's capable paws this morning.

Strength and courage. It will be alright. x

Up until this morning, I would have vehemently advocated for a very rural location. However after the machinations involved in getting my car to the main dealership in Exeter, or rather the machinations involved in getting home (bus from garage to the city centre; bus to my nearest town - 1hr 45mins, then taxi home £15, possible 2hr+ wait) I would be a bit more hesitant in recommending. Don’t get me wrong, most of the time I love it but at times it seems like an awful lot of hassle. Of course I could be less objectionable and be in a relationship with someone who drives and who could pick me up 😂 In the end I cut my losses and got a taxi from garage to home - £65 well spent.

On the plus side, it means buying alcohol means either being organised and getting a next-day supermarket delivery (by which time any craving would have passed) or a taxi (with aforementioned 2+ hour wait) on a return basis; £30 on top of the booze. Luckily today I’m more concerned with running out of nice tomatoes as I can’t pick my car up till next Monday. No, I can’t get Deliveroo or Ubereats.

But don’t let me put you off @WendyWagon!

Love the London to Brighton analogy @Onewildandpreciouslife

@FaithHopeCarnage oh thank you for thinking of me.
I'm exhausted by it all.
If it was just DH and me we would be OK for a few years but I don't want my DD isolated. She's been through a lot.
Rural I love but we're right next to working farms but within a spit of big shops. It's an unusual place but there's nothing available with good disabled access.

The legal issue went in my favour for now so that will help. It will give me headspace. If it had gone wrong God knows how I would be.
No boozing and I'm so grateful for that.

Slinks back after another booze soaked saturday and sunday. Just got to keep trying. At least I seem to have managed Fridays better. Now just to get something in place for saturday, something that doesnt involve drinking untill blackout

@Becky37 we can try again together. I also loved the London to Brighton analogy. Although if I fell off at the bottom of Ditchling Beacon I might just stay on the floor 😂

Day 50, proud to get to day 50. A little gratitude list:

• I am a better mum without booze. My daughter most definitely prefers me sober. Just one of the many comment she has previously said that showed the dreadful example I was setting. Why do people pour small glasses of wine, they always come back for more. She has stopped smelling my drink before she dares to have a sip now.
• my weight is, very slowly, reducing with effort.
• I dont worry about smelling of booze.
• I was getting alarming health signs (extremely high cholesterol, high resting heart rate, palpitations and on one occasion rapid heart rate when drinking.) I will have the cholesterol checked next year, the other symptoms have gone.

-I sleep well.

• I love to walk, I now look forward to my early morning walk.
• I concentrate more easily and think I do my job better.

I am very much still a day at a time, but so greatful. X

Thats a great list @Womanshour i also my my teens to be proud of me. Day 19 here

I so, so agree with @Womanshour! I think the difference between my sobriety this time, and all the previous times when I relapsed, is gratitude. Taking the time to notice and note all the benefits - not just of not drinking, but all the good things around me. A lovely flower, a warm bed - anything that gives me pleasure basically. On what I have, not what I don’t have. And I’m pretty happy most of the time (previous travel woes notwithstanding, but even then I was grateful to have the means to make the situation as good as it can be). I don’t say most of it out loud, as it would render me smug and unbearable! But just the little moments, the little wins, all add up. And if I’m happy and at peace with where I am, I don’t want to drink.

@FaithHopeCarnage I think this is something im consciously trying to shift. Not drinking alcohol isnt a loss (although years of cultural programming tells me it is). It's such a gift.

There is a phrase that rings so true. I can have alcohol or I can have everything else. I want everything else. Xxxx

That's the thought that helped me to give up smoking . I wasn't giving anything up, I was gaining so much more - money, health, clean air, freedom from worry,no longer being a slave to nicotine. (Its the process described in Allen Carr's 'The Easy Way to Quit Smoking'.) I think it's helped me to stop drinking as well, and modifying my diet. Focus on the positives and all the things you'll gain instead of thinking you're being deprived of something.

Morning all

I had a really bad night with my RA. It plays up when I'm stressed.
However had I been drinking I would have been very ill last night.
If things were going badly I didn't want people to ask me until I had processed it. The answer was booze of course. The great healer of all ills but we all know it isn't.
I'd had a passive/aggressive mail from my cousin who can be very jealous particularly of my DC. It popped into my in box before I met with my solicitor.
I choose to read and ignore.
She has major alcohol issues but really doesn't see how it's 'normal' not to drink. Isn't that a bizzare way to be?

Alcoholism is giving up everything for one thing.
Recovery is giving up one thing for everything.

(Substitute ‘alcoholism’ for any kind of problem drinking)

Here on official day one, I will not drink today ❤️‍🩹

You’ve got this @Becky37 download the try dry app, I really like ticking off the days. One day at a time.

I’m not sure if I’m relying too much on the 0% drinks just bought a £4 bottle of zero rose in M&S, I suppose it will tide me along until it’s not occupying my thoughts so much

I don't see the harm in AF drinks, @FiloPasty. I drank them more or less every night for years, and still do more often than not if I'm having a night in front of the TV. I don't like squash, and hot drinks are more for mornings, IMO. If I have something like fiery ginger beer I'm happy with that, but things like that tend to be high in sugar, so I end up going got AF stuff.

When I'm out I'm happy with a glass of soda with ice and a slice if there are no suitable AF drinks, but in the house I like to mark the transition from day to evening with an 'adult' drink of some sort. If I'm not at home or eating out I'm not as bothered as I used to be if there is nothing available though. I was staying with friends at the weekend and drank lemonade in the evening, and it was fine. Few people have AF wine in, for obvious reasons 😂

Sorry your RA is playing up, @WendyWagon. It's disappointing about the cottage too, but there will be others. Are you going to leave yours on the market?

@FiloPasty Don't worry about the AF drinks! There's nothing wrong with them and they can really help. I definitely relied on them at first and still do to some extent, especially the ones I really like. I think that, at first, you just have to do whatever it takes to avoid the booze - that's the important thing.

I'm also a big ginger find, but all the cordials and AF options that I've found seem very high in sugar as mentioned - has anyone found anything low cal and AF?!

Thanks all, so review of the M&S zero rose
not bad especially for £4
Reminds me of the sweet Zinfandel that I use to drink when I first moved out of home :)
so not unpleasant but quite sweet.

Well done @FiloPasty , you are doing really well. Whatever it takes to not pick up an alcoholic beverage 💪

Sober and in bed myself about to switch off with a podcast. I hope I cam make it another day tomorrow too. Night all ❤️‍🩹

@Springadorable I've tried various AF wines with little success. However, I think Freixenet 0 is quite good and not too sweet. AF beers are much more successful. I like Ghost Ship and Erdinger. My favourite so far was Big Drop Pine Trails which was being served at my local cinema. Not seen it anywhere else. What I drink most nights is Martini Vibrante and tonic, with ice and a slice of orange.

Well done @Becky37 and @FiloPasty

ATM I see AF drinks the same as I did vegan food in my early days of going vegan. I did have the “fake” steaks and burgers as that made things easier, familiar, closer to normal life. Then after a while I ditched those in favour of more natural vegan plant food. So if AF beers and wines help with the transition, why not?