Support thread for those trying to lead an alcohol free life - Autumn 25

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!

This thread is for anyone who is genuinely trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just kindness and encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation, there’s an a long-running thread for that in this board that will be a better fit for you. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on, cheering you on as you do.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

Hello all, just checking in. It's good to read your messages. Thanks for that poem @Womanshour, I love Lemn Sissay. I read his memoir and he's an incredible person.

I've struggled a lot this week and had a couple of slips - again. I do feel stupid coming back here and restarting so many times, but I so want this beast of addiction off my shoulders. I'm on day 2 again today. I'm going to focus on making it to day 10 in the first instance, as in the past I've usually started feeling mentally better by day 10.

I also think I need to start working on some productive things earlier in the day. I wake up late and then in the afternoon I start to panic because I've achieved so little. That's when I want to drink to take the anxiety away.

They say that you should write down your 'why', or in other words your main motivation for stopping drinking. I wrote at the beginning of the summer, 'I want to quit drinking so that I feel happy with myself. I don't want to devote so much headspace to drinking.' That's it for me in a nutshell really. Even if I only have a single glass of wine at this point, I'm unhappy with myself. And even on days I'm not drinking, alcohol is still taking up far too much space in my head. Anyway, I'm just reminding myself of this for my own sake.

I actually went to three different AA/NA meetings last week. I'm trying! One of them was excellent, one was OK and the third was 'meh'.

I also had a madly social week. Coffees and meals out. Lots of interesting conversations, but it was too much of a good thing. Next week my diary is entirely clear of social events and I'm so looking forward to it.

It's good to hear all the talk of reading. I read a lot; it relaxes me more than anything else (reading for pleasure I mean! Reading for work is different). Your summary of the Mills and Boon plot was hilarious @REP22 !

I read mostly litfic (both classic and contemporary) along with some crime fiction and very occasional fantasy (I love Ursula Le Guin). I haven't read Jane Austen for at least twenty years; I think it's time for a revisit! I grew up on Louisa May Alcott; she was wonderful.

Good luck with the packing Womanshour and feel better soon @FiloPasty !

Wishing everyone a peaceful night and a strong sober Sunday.

I'm watching The Leopard which is meraviglioso ❤

Oh gosh @taylorean I've just googled that, and it does look amazing! I wonder if I could persuade DH to watch it with me; otherwise I'll go for it on my own.

OMG it's even in Italian! That sounds lush.

@elusivehope I'm still having slip ups too, and having to start again. I feel so gutted with myself each time it happens. But at least we are climbing back on board each time and not giving up
I use the Trydry app and look back on how many days I haven't drink recently as a way to remind myself that it is possible. @Springadorable it is so good to wake up fresh, isn't it! I'm going to start a journal and record how I feel in the hope that makes me stronger.
Have a good Sunday all!

@elusivehope, just keep going. Ive been where you, I know how i felt. But surely the most important bit is keep putting one foot in front of the other with the aim of focusing on what is truly right for you? If you keep going it will pay off. This year over half the year has been sober, but ive had so many falls along the way.

I adore Lemn Sissay. He is a amazing, his memoir is very moving. I watched him speak at his tour for his book, he was also very funny!

@Swimfreak good morning, its so lovely to wake up fresh without hangxiety!

Have a good Sunday everyone x

Good morning.

Trouble at Chez Wendy.
The DD is upset about moving. She doesn't want to go to the cottage.
It's too far from her friends and the bus to uni. She's taken to her room.

I love the cottage but it is near some people that were pretty rotten to us as a family. It's next to one of those villages where everyone thinks they own you. It's also pretty racist. We currently live on the outskirts of the nearest big town. It's easy for shopping and I wonder if going back to a rural home is the right thing to do in our sixties?
Tbh I got pretty upset about it last night. I could have quiet easily gone on a bender. Luckily the DS was away otherwise there would have been a fight.
I don't know what to do lads.

Ahoy all from near Bury St Edmunds where DD and I have come for a night away.

Have owed her a trip "just the 2 of us" for a year after taking DS to Cardiff to watch a live rugby union game.

We drove down yesterday checked into a lovely room, had afternoon tea ,spent over a hour together on the pool and then slobbed out with room service in our room while watching Legally Blonde and Mean Girls.

Up for a run this morning before breakfast and now DD is having a treatment while I pack up the room.

It's been really really lovely and not something I would have been up to or appreciated as much in my drinking days.

Feeling really grateful

@EastCoastDamsel that sounds amazing!

@WendyWagon that sounds like a tough decision, from that post alone I’d say it’s not right but assume you’ve just put the negatives there. Do you have local amenities? We are fairly rural but do have a decent little corner shop and on a bus route.

Let's have a watch party! I'm only a couple of episodes in, happy to wait!

... I'm just through a PMDD episode. I tried to explain to DP that it's like a whole-body migraine plus existential despair.

I was very grateful for the cut-price non-alcoholic rose wine last night, from the site recommended by @ShyMaryEllen! It was very good - I was impressed.

How lovely @EastCoastDamsel !

I found rose wine the best AF alternative @taylorean - I was a white wine drinker in my drinking days and never found a decent alternative white.

Went to the women’s rugby World Cup final yesterday with DD and then for dinner in town with the family. Enjoyed every moment of it - “old me” would have been largely incapable by the time I got to the meal. Really felt the “freedom” part of being alcohol free yesterday!

I read The Leopard sometime in my teens and I remember liking it at the time. We started watching this a couple of months ago but I can’t remember if we finished it.

I’ve been off this thread as I was upset about DD getting very drunk at a party, having to drive 25 minutes to go and collect her. She’d blacked out, didn’t know where she was, had fallen etc. She’s ok, she was ok early the next morning, but calling her and her not able to talk etc was horrible. She’s learned a lesson, hopefully, and both DH and I were sober and able to jump in the car and go get her.

@EastCoastDamsel that sounds so lovely and something I’d like to do with DD.

@WendyWagon tough decision to make when so many people’s needs have to be balanced.

@elusivehope and everyone else, let’s keep going to all of us.

@FiloPasty no corner shop and it's opposite an old pub that closed ten years ago. Nothing there but a primary school and a monthly church. The sellers are moving to Devon and have only been there five years. Will I see dog walkers or school mums? No.
My last rural house made me very unhappy due to feeling isolated. It's a great house for my mobility but not my peace of mind. My late mother use to say it's just a house. It means more to me. I want to be settled.

I've had a big glass of blue top milk and I'm still sorting.

Thank you @Swimfreak @Womanshour @postcard and everyone for the kind words. I was in two minds about posting, because I don't want to trigger people, or make it sound like my attitude is 'la la la I've had a drink'. (That's not my attitude and I don't want to minimise it!)😥But everyone is so understanding and helpful. Thank you.

@WendyWagon that sounds like such a tricky decision about the cottage. Well done you for not picking up last night! I grew up in a rural area and as an adult I much prefer being close to shops (I don't drive), but everyone is different, and there are lots of factors to take into consideration for you. Hmm. It's very hard when the house is right but the location isn't! When we bought, we went for location over house (ending up with a slightly-too-small house in a neighbourhood I love), and I don't regret it, but your health needs put a different twist on things: you need a house you can actually move around in with ease. That said it does sound like the cottage may be too isolated for your purposes. Good luck with it all... and don't worry too much about your DC; they have their whole future ahead of them, so you and your DH should decide for YOU.

@EastCoastDamsel that is such a lovely thing to do with your daughter. And @Onewildandpreciouslife your experience seeing the rugby final with your DD also sounds amazing!

@taylorean don't slow down your watching of the Leopard on my account. I'll let you know how things go! I showed the info to DH last night (including a very positive review from the Guardian) and I hope we're going to start watching it ASAP. Usually he watches shows, and I read, so it would be good for us to do something together for a change. On another topic, I'm so sorry about your PMDD. That is intense 💐I don't have PMDD but I've struggled with depression since my teenage years, and it is frustrating when your brain becomes your own worst enemy. When I have bad days I just have to keep telling myself it will pass and I will feel like myself again.

@postcard how scary about your DD. Thank god she's OK! Hugs to you. I can relate as I was so upset when DS2 came home drunk earlier this summer. It's hard to watch our DC work out how to manage alcohol.

I woke up today with a splitting headache, ugh. This often happens to me when I spend too much time running around interacting with people 🙄😂

I'm just going to try to take it easy next week and keep my task list realistic and doable.

@WendyWagon It is just a house, but where it is is really important - perhaps more important than the house itself. It's really tough to fall in love with a house but have to take practicality into account too. I sympathize. I often dream of being more rural but I know that feeling isolated could send me into depression, so I had to compromise. I hope you get settled soon.

@EastCoastDamsel I watched Legally Blonde last night too. Just happened to come across it and never seen it before. I felt slightly guilty all the way through - it was such ludicrous froth but so enjoyable! I was glad I was on my own - DP would not have tolerated it.

I saw the musical of Legally Blonde put on locally by an am dram group and I loved it!

No it's not very realistic from an academic point of view, but who cares, it's joyous.

Evening, shipmates.

I am back(ish) from a weekend away. I've been to a hobby-related thing, which I really enjoyed, and we've broken the journey by stopping at the Lakes on the way home. We'll head back tomorrow, but I'll only be at home for a couple of days before setting off again on various expeditions that involve a couple of days here and a couple somewhere else the next day. All of them are entirely voluntary and enjoyable, but I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed and tbh will be pleased when it's over, and I can slow down for winter.

I sympathise about the cottage, @WendyWagon. My dream house, assuming budget were no object, would be a large stone farmhouse, but the very thought of running an actual farm fills me with dread. I really want a large stone farmhouse with fabulous views in a town centre with easy access to a city. Preferably a farmhouse with a bus stop right outside, shops/restaurants within a five minute walk and a station round the corner.

I'm pleased you like the rose, @taylorean. It's good to have a 'treat' drink of some sort.

Eugh it was going so well. Eight days without a drink and then I had a wobble and most of a bottle of wine. Back to the drawing board 😢

@Springadorable i had a bit of a wobble yesterday in that drinking was occupying a lot of my thoughts, I ended up doing a lot of laundry/cleaning just to keep myself busy then had 2 x alcohol free beers in the afternoon. Have you bought some a/f options?
I hope you’re feeling ok today x

Bad luck. But never mind - you're still here, it's a new day and a new week, you've learned something and you're already better off than you were eight days ago. Keep on - you can do it.

Watching the Rugby WC final with DD sounds great @Onewildandpreciouslife . My DD isn't really into sport. I was hoping to take him to watch a game at Twickenham next weekend (I have 2 tickets (one adult and one child) but it turns out he is needed to play in a match for school next Saturday 😞.

House decisions are always fraught @WendyWagon and I totally understand the worries about going more rural. I have always thought that we would downsize to a town house when the kids leave home but you never know how you feel when the time comes. DMIL.still refuses to leave her house in the country which is far too large for just one person and a small dog.

@postcard we are entering the teen years where this sort of thing is likely to start happening, I feel really ashamed for my DC having seen me in states that normalised drinking to excess in the past. Never black out drunk etc but certainly sloppy.

IWNDWYT

@Springadorable I've been there so many times, it happens - but keep on checking in and making the most of a new day x

Sorry to hear you had a blip @Springadorable - but the main thing is you’ve stayed with us.

And you’re not back to the drawing board. If you were cycling from London to Brighton and fell off your bike 10 miles in, you wouldn’t go back to London and start again. You’d pick yourself up, bandage your sore bits and press on - but hopefully with a closer watch for potholes.

Look after yourself