Day 4 and I'm feeling a bit less wobbly. I really appreciate the comforting words from those of you who also come from challenging families. Much to my disbelief, DSis has already messaged me again, sounding even warmer this time (she signed off with 'love'!!). I'm very relieved on behalf of my mother, but I remain wary. It's just the unpredictability - I know that if I somehow upset DSis again, I could become persona non grata again in an instant. The family we grew up in was truly rubbish at managing conflict in a healthy way. Differences of opinion were quite simply not supposed to happen 🙄
On the advice of a friend, I've been doing self-compassion/compassion meditations, where you repeat statements like, 'May I love myself as I am, may I live at ease with who I am', and then repeat them thinking of another person: 'May they love themselves as they are, may they live at ease with who they are.' It sounds a little cheesy but I think it's helping me fend off resentment. And that's important because resentment can make me drink.
@WendyWagon I'm glad you've drawn a boundary with regard to your sister. Falling out with my sister all those years ago brought me to a new level of alcoholism as well... honestly it's not worth it.
@mumzof4x 14 days is brilliant, keep on keeping on!
@aterriblefish OMG our stories are spookily similar indeed. 40 messages - poor you! I have no idea how I'd cope with that. It's interesting that your family members are in the US as well. I've often thought that when people permanently move countries, it's often for a reason that has to do with escaping their family of origin. I know that's a generalisation but it's certainly been true in my case! TBH if it weren't for my DM and her vulnerability, I could much more easily step away from it all. But I feel a moral imperative to try to protect her (albeit clumsily, from thousands of miles away) and that's a powerful reason to try to keep the lines of communication with my siblings open. Anyway, I wish you strength!
@LillyPJ I'm sorry about the worry and I hope you feel lighter today! I can relate to what you say though about how feeling great can make you want to drink. For me, almost any emotion can trigger the urge to drink. Staying sober is like a commitment to feeling all the feelings, no matter what they are... I think I'm just rephrasing your wise words about feelings, @CuddlesKovinsky, thank you!
@REP22 I love your anecdote about Sid and the split trousers! What beautiful landscape.
@Freedombeckonsme you sound good today, well done for getting to the meeting!
Wishing rest and repose to those of you who are tired and not getting enough sleep. I'm getting loads of sleep at the moment but I still feel tired. Emotional exhaustion I think. It's good to be getting back into a routine though. DS1 heads back to his uni tomorrow, and DS went back to school last week.
Apologies for the slightly long and rambly message (again). It really does help me to check in here.