Continuing support thread for those trying to live an alcohol free life - summer 2025

[Onewildandpreciouslife]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.

The original thread was started by @drybird in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.

Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain completely . If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there if that is your aim. That doesn’t mean that none of us has ever slipped, or that you can’t post here if you do - all we ask is that you are genuinely trying to stop drinking alcohol completely.

It’s not easy to be sober, but it is so, so worth it. Your alcohol-free life can be better than you ever dreamed. Come on in.

My fist 'sober date' ever cancelled today 😔. We were meeting for coffee and I was so looking forward to it. He did send a believable voicenote as to why he had to cancel though. Will NOT have knee jerk reaction, get pissed and drag some other bloke into my lare to 'boost' self esteem ( read boost as destroy). IWNDWYT people

@Becky37 Totnes! The Las Vegas of the South West! 😉 M was born in Bovey Tracey, so I know the area quite well. Can't beat Trago Mills for a bargain, eh?! Stay safe and dry. xxx

Sorry about that @Becky37 - it's his loss. Wretched scrote - you're too good for him. Keep the faith. It will be OK. xx

@Becky37 hold tight - well done on your resolve.

Good morning, had to go out early this morning but at least I didn't have to worry about my alcohol levels! I was fighting demons at 5pm last night and struggled to sleep, but I know it'll b worth it. I've started to reread Alcohol Explained and signed up to the Trydry app. Good luck all!

Happy Hump Day! I've got that Chumbawumba song in my head today - 'I get knocked down, but I get up again' - going out to all who've had a slip and are getting back on the horsie! 😄

Day 3 for me - yesterday was a wasteland of fatigue, anxiety and mood in my pants... someone had turned up the world, too loud, too bright, too hostile... Got 9 hours sleep and feel better, but getting my usual 'early quit' propensity to catastrophise and remember dark things - not drink related, just shamey stuff - stupid things I said, work I could have done better... Probably the sort of thing one drinks to suppress...

And yes, I recognise that 'magic medicine' thing of finding alcohol in your teenage years! It was a surprise to me that some people don't get that? The click, the switch, that grateful handshake from the brain when it encounters alcohol... a sign that this could be a problem...

Well done Sid for keeping control in the face of outrageous provocation. Let us all be a little Sid today! 🐾

Happy Wednesday, shipmates.

We are heading home tomorrow, as we've admitted defeat. It's rained fairly solidly since we got here and I've had enough of being cooped up in front of the telly when I have lots to do back home. I'm 100% certain that as soon as we load the car the sun will come out for the next fortnight, as this always happens, but san fairy ann, as they never say in France.

Apart from anything else, when I'm bored and fed up I fall prey to the Internet shopping demons. I'll get home to a huge pile of parcels behind the shed, and can't think of how to justify two bottles of scent, a Ninja Crispi, a leather knitting bag and a second-hand outfit to Husband, who has, unbeknownst to him, financed my unnecessary spree. I think one addiction can replace another very easily - particularly when both are dopamine-based - and really need to rein in my spending.

@elusivehope, I hear you about university life. People often think it's a cushy number, but so many staff are driven to drink by the relentlessness of it.

@REP22 I have a soft spot for Downton Abbey, as it saw me through the early days/weeks. As you can access Netflix, your M might like to see The Thursday Murder Club, which is set in Highclere Castle (where DA was filmed). It's tosh, but watchable, and it would give you a break from Lord and Lady Grantham and Mr Carson. Sid will probably work out who the murderer is very quickly, but it might keep his interest for a while, too.

Day 6 here. I'm also in a remote cottage in Wales in relentless rain. But there is no drink in the house and no shop to pop out to. If there were - I would probably cave about 6 as my habit is to drink most of what I am going to drink before dinner. Feeling listless and unmotivated to do anything much. Internet is very spotty too. Wondering how my resolve will hold back in civilisation.

@elusivehope I'm also gearing up for October term and uni teaching. Term is full on and tends to drive me to drink - but then everything drives me to drink...

Thanks @ShyMaryEllen - I'm glad DA got you through the very difficult times. Sex and the City is what got me through. We actually watched The Thursday Murder Club two nights ago! It was excellent. I am a big fan of the books - I hope they make films out of the rest of them with the same cast of regulars. Very enjoyable - the only slight thing was that I don't think Pierce Brosnan quite worked as Ron. He's a fine actor, but it wasn't how I imagined the character when I read the books - in my mind, he always resembled Ron Atkinson. A minor grumble though. It was very, very good.

Sid enjoys Downton Abbey. Or, rather, the first three seconds of the opening credits. With the close-up of Isis's bottom. He switches off after that. I haven't the heart to tell him that Isis is actually a girl.

Oh goodness, I've only just understood what San Fairy Ann means!

I came across it in a novel when I was about 12 or 13 - so that's a long time to not know!

Evening all 👮

I thought I posted this morning. I've had a bit of a day.
The RA is vicious today and I had to get my boudoir sorted with my niece. I sent the DH for storage boxes. We got a lot done.

I'm treating myself to a Marks AF cider and some chicken puff things with lemon sauce.
The legal issues continue.

Every day's a school day on this thread😂

Sorry about the RA, @WendyWagon. My father suffered from that, and it was grim. Where are you up to with buying the farmhouse? Have you had an offer accepted/survey done etc, or are you waiting to sell yours first? I'm out of touch with house buying, as it's ages since we last did it, and my children didn't have anything to sell when they bought theirs. Daughter's purchase seems to be in the doldrums. She's had the survey done, but nothing seems to have happened since. There were no serious issues, so I don't know why things can't move ahead much faster. She and her partner are FTBs and the house is empty, so in my head they could move in tomorrow, but it seems not.

I agree about Piers B, @REP22. He did appear miscast, although I haven't read the books. He didn't seem like someone who would be Jason's dad either. Still, he's easy on the eye, and none of it was particularly credible, so it didn't matter really. Wouldn't it be lovely to live somewhere like that? Beautiful apartments, activities on tap (I loved 'intermediate knitting') and privacy when you want it. I'm guessing it would be well out of my budget though 😫. If I ever win the Euromillions I'll sort out a thread regulars' equivalent, with an AF bar. Nobody hold her breath though - I only buy tickets once in a flood, so it won't be happening any time soon.

@ShyMaryEllen im off for a final viewing on Friday at the farmhouse. I'm taking the BFF. I've known her nearly as long as the DH so she knows my furniture and pictures etc. She doesn't do mystic stuff but she was married to a big time builder so she gets potential.

Ah right. I think I was confused by the packing, but presumably that's more decluttering to put yours on the market?

It's all very exciting.

Checking in after AA. Feeling okay and ready to switch off and sleep. Will respond better tomorrow. So very grateful for you all here 💜

Well done @Becky37 - I've been thinking of contacting AA recently as I've got so much worse lately. If I can't stay alcohol free this time then I've promised myself I will. I'm finding night times tricky with poor sleep and too many thoughts, but I guess that's all part of the process.

Morning everyone,

I hope you slept well.

I had my first proper cravings last night. I stayed strong and had a 0% tanqueray and DH did too as he was also feeling tempeted. We didn’t act on it though and slept from 9 until my alarm at 5:30 which is a first in terms of how deeply I slept.

it was my first full day back at work yesterday so I think it played a factor in both of those. I ticked another day in my nhs app. That’s day 10 done. Aches and pains pretty much gone and I can now sleep on my right side. Just need to night time palpitations to stop. Not sure if that a hormonal thing though 🤔

have a lovely day everyone

@Swanchaser

I'd really encourage going to a meeting. Just turn up at a local one or do a SMART one. Online you can search for them in your area. Is impossible on your own it really is. Even if you are not religious, even if you use it to dip 'in and out' of sobriety and do not plan on stopping forever.... the meetings will keep you sober for longer and that is what we all want and need. No one kmows when your last drink will be, it might have already happened to both of us. Its unlikly I guess as this process is far from linear and even after weeks, months and years, people lapse. But its the sober time that matters 💜

Morning all.
Well done to @Becky37, @Swanchaser and @MeAndTheDoggo for getting through another night. The sleep will take a bit of time to get there, and you will probably feel quite tired to start with. It’s all part of the process- it will get better, but in the early days you need to be as kind to yourself as you can.

Day 1 done.
Skimmed the last few posts and really feel for everyone starting, and am a bit jealous/ regretful I’ve STILL not managed to stop. I’m 62 now ffs! lovely to see what everyone is up to, this is such a good thread.
I need to get into the right mindset again and for DH NOT to buy a ton of wine. Luckily the latest ton is grim and sweet, blurgh.
Stressful drama queen relative coming next week, she knocks back gin or rather ethanol with juniper berries in a posh bottle, which obviously enhances the drama. I REALLY want to stay sober and quietly feel morally smug and superior, and not get sucked in. Conversation with her feels like you are on ice floes and are not sure which one will tip up.
that’s motivation I think. IWNDWYT. Good luck all.

Morning all
Day 9 for me and still hanging on in there and keeping focused. Lots of nice soft drinks (just discovered elderflower and lemon kombucha and love it chilled). Finished a good book so need another good one to get into (Any recs very welcome) Just love being into a good book and could never focus after drinking wine all evening but now it’s so good I actually look forward to going to bed with a cuppa and my book but feel somewhat bereft when I’ve finished it!
Had some bad news yesterday ….. second house sale fell through at 7 months. First time last year there was massive legal issue with the drainage and this time the couple have to decided to stay put as they can’t any find a property they like…. After waiting 7 months fgs !!!! So back to house viewings for us sadly.
Was thinking about going to my first f2f SMART meeting on Friday asp after reading your post @Becky37thank you.
Wishing everyone a kind and sober day x x

Morning all.
I'm feeling a bit more positive today.

I ment to get some premixed Gordon's af and forgot.
The ladies were drinking them in The Thursday murder club film. I enjoyed it. I can't stand Richard Osmond (don't know why, smug? teeth?) but the film's good.

I think I'm overwhelmed with the changes going on. House, legal, business.

I’ll second that, @Onewildandpreciouslife. Remember that in many cases it has taken years to get to where we are when we decide to stop drinking, and our bodies are used to a regular intake of poison. They adapt to that - fighting off the effects, trying to neutralise the toxins and so on. When we stop drinking, they carry on in that fighting mode for a long time before they realise that the poisoning has stopped.

Add to that the fact that our brains have got used to dealing with a routine where we zone out for hours at a time, and they also have to adapt to having extra hours in the day, and we can see that things won’t revert to teetotal status overnight. It takes a long time to repair ourselves. People often get impatient, and as we are often used to dealing with frustrations by having a drink, that can be a problem.

It’s really important to take a step back and consider what’s going on that we don’t necessarily notice. Our brains are rewiring so that aren’t on alert for the next shot of anaesthetic. Our livers are trying to regenerate (it takes two years for this process to get to as far as it’s going to go). Things like the production of stomach acid regulates and our digestive systems settle down. Psychologically we adapt to being present in our bodies and minds. It goes on and on, and it’s a lot to deal with.

I’m eight years in (odd blip notwithstanding) and my sleep is still unreliable. It’s much better than it was when I started though, and I use the strategies I developed at the start (hypnosis and preparing for a sleepless night with ‘easy’ tv on standby so I don’t go to bed worrying about lying there bored and restless if insomnia strikes). There is damage to my body that won’t repair, but I’ve learned to live with it - I’m lucky that I must have had a strong constitution in the first place, and everyone has to cope with wear and tear as we get older.

tldr: Repair is a long haul. It’s well worth waiting for, but don’t expect instant results and Take The Thiamine!!

ETA Sorry - that took so long to write I missed a lot of posts. I’m not ignoring you all😀

@mumzof4x that's what has happened to us re the house sale. We agreed to buy the thatched cottage in March and they changed their mind. Luckily I hadn't accepted our private sale or sent anything to solicitors.
The bit that's so frustrating is I can't find another house with a downstairs bedroom with wet room.
If I fall ill again or we just get older we would have been set up until post retirement.
When I moved the appointment with our agent this week she told me there's little stock around due to renovation costs. Buyers also don't want to pay moving costs. We'll see if their 'list of buyers' appears. The BFF has bet me £10 it sells in a fortnight. I wish.

I’m so sorry for those going through house sale failures. We invest so much (emotionally and financially) into moving, and it’s so unfair when someone else just pulls the plug. I hope things get back on an even keel soon.