200 days alcohol free- anyone wish to join?

[FeelingLessTired]

Several years ago, under another user name I did a 100 day alcohol free challenge and alot of people joined me on MN. It was before covid, so a long time ago!

I really appreciated the support and lasted 120 days in the end. ironically enough DH joined me IRL and he just continued on and has been teetotal since then.

I was reading Annie Grace back then (I think) and her recommendation was that if you slip, to then challenge yourself for double the time- hence I now wish to start and achieve a 200 day challenge.

I'd love some company if anyone wishes to join me!

I have a funeral today and plan to drink J20 with tonic water. The deceased was a good friend of DH's and although he was in his early 70s drinking definitely played a part in his extreme fragility over the past few years. He's been really ill for a good ten years I think.

I have set out a spread sheet with my alcohol-free savings. In the last week i have definitely reduced and have saved just shy of £50 already (since the beginning of April) as we have had a fair few dinners and lunches out. I look at what I would have drunk (sauvignon blanc here and there) and when i have not had it I add that cost to my spreadsheet. That does help to inspire me because COL is biting us hard right now.

@paintcolourchart i I’m glad you’re back! Don’t feel you can’t post if you’re having a blip - we all will have bad days/weeks but this is a supportive thread and everyone on here will do their best to give you encouragement….

we are hosting a big party in a couple of weeks and I’m a bit stressed about that - not thinking about it for now and will just do the best I can on the day.

Thank you all. @Seenoevil33if I'm being really honest with myself I think I didn't post after Tuesday because I sort of knew I would cave yesterday. It was a meal to celebrate an achievement for me which has been a long time coming and I admit I did have the mindset of 'fuck it, I deserve this' but actually, that's silly to equate a bit of wine as a reward for something so big. Rather corny but actually I deserve to be happy, healthy and free of all the mental gymnastics!

@Seenoevil33 definitely don't be thinking about the party in a couple of weeks.
I was talking to a friend ( actually we met on here) and we were saying how events you can sometimes dread are not actually that bad when you experience them.
In my case ( my birthday for eg), it was better af. I have to remind myself of this when I'm wobbling about future events.

Thank you so much! Some fabulous ideas 🥰

Morning all, hoping you're all doing well. Thank you all for the support 🥰

So I realised last night - my mum messaged me (we've moved forward) saying she was opening a bottle of champagne (to celebrate a personal thing for her. Running theme here!). It wasn't even 8pm and she had gone through 2 bottles of wine split with someone else already and said not to 'worry' because they had another bottle (so 4 in total, 2 each). She was clearly pissed and I just and thought about the number of times I've gone too far drinking with my mum. She doesn't have a stop button and neither do I. I've been 'splitting wine' with her ever since I was 16/17. I remember the first time I threw up from drinking wasn't from getting carried away at one of the many house parties we used to go to, it was because I was drinking with my mum and it was first time I'd had a whole bottle to myself. I must have been about 16 and I think she kind of forgot that I was 16 and not used to it. Over the years obviously my tolerance has gone up. I moved in with now DH and now I live very far away from my mum, but whenever she comes to stay we always have a 'wine night'. It's like it's inevitable, and I or she, or both always end up getting carried away. My friend once pointed out that it's not normal I get drunk with my mum, and I'm starting to realise maybe it isn't. Her mum was also an alcoholic - every time we visited her she would be drinking in the day and have empty bottles everywhere. She would be smoking in her flat and would be tapping ash from her fags all over the carpet. I hated going there. We didn't go often but I still remember the horrible smell. My (estranged) brother is also an alcoholic. The kind of level where he can drink a whole (big) bottle of JD throughout Christmas Day and not even seem drunk. My dad (also estranged, and from a young age so it's not like I was exposed to it, but I wonder if there's some kind of genetic link?) was also an alcoholic. It all feels a bit weird writing this down, but actually it's given me a huge kick up the arse. I don't want to end up like any of them and I'm wondering if maybe I have a bit of a predisposition to it all and maybe that's why i'm like this and it's so hard. Or maybe it's just that it is an additive substance! I'm not blaming anyone, I'm just reflecting I suppose. I'm mid-30s now so it's time to take responsibility for myself and kick this thing. I'm not a daily drinker, but my issue is not knowing when to stop once I start, and the frequency at which the wine witch comes knocking, and my weakness when it does.

Sorry I think that's ended up being a long one! But just doing a bit of self reflection.

Hope everyone has a good day!

@paintcolourchart that was a lovely, heart - felt post. It's great to reflect on this.
I've often wondered if it's genetic, it's definitely a case of nature v nurture.
My mum took me and my sister to the pub when we were 14 and 15 respectively as she 'knew where we were.'
Our drinking started from those ages, so a long time ( we're now 57 / 58).
My mum drank. A lot. Like your brother, a bottle of whisky no problem. She was also The Fun One - she'd have us all up dancing. From an early age, I equated alcohol with fun.
My dad barely drank. A great dad, took us to alsorts of private lessons ( dance, tennis, languages), but was emotionally unavailable.

You're mid 30s so you're in a great position. I always think of the mantra, Do something today that your future self will thank you for.
Being af for the rest of your life will bring so many positives.
❤️

I agree with nature and nurture. Both my parents drink to relax, and it was always associated with 'It's 6 pm, we work hard this is a treat'. I was given alcohol from the age of 3. My dad does not drink all that much generally though. My mother does not drink much but ti changes her personality very quickly. I learned as a child to avoid her once she had the second glass. She had a viciously abusive upbringing and when she drinks all the anger comes out and she reverts to verbal and sometimes physical abuse. Less so nowadays as she has a good medication regime but she did not start medication until I was 24 and I spent my years before that walking on eggshells.

I drink to squish down my emotions. Luckily I am not an angry drunk like my mother. Thanks heavens. She is a good person with a shit background and now thankfully for the past two decades has started to live a peaceful good life. I am 52.

But drinking was normal for me. Happy- drink. Sad- drink. - Had a good / bad day at work- drink. Warm afternoon- drink.

@FeelingLessTired god, I hear you regarding the drinking and emotions. I definitely drink to suppress them.
I've noticed a pattern.
I stop drinking as I hate the way it controls my emotions. When af, all my emotions come to the surface ( past regrets, upsets, anger), so now instead of having a drink to forget, I either write it all down ( if I can't change it, I can't. If I can,I do something, I'll take baby steps to sort), or I talk to my dh or sister.
It's not easy, but I do feel like over the past few years, I have been moving forward. Not always linear this journey.

@Goandygo@FeelingLessTiredyes I definitely relate to emotional drinking. I think I said upthread that atm I'm definitely using it to deal with stress a lot, which is silly because it does the exact opposite really. My main stressor atm is a qualification that I'm nearing the end of but it's a lot of work for the rest of the year (and has been a lot of work up until this point). It's really silly because I feel stressed because between work, my DS and my qualification I don't feel like I have enough time for everything, but if I used the time I drink more productively I would feel less stressed! I do realise I am in a fortunate position if that is my main stressor 🙈 it's interesting alcohol has been such a negative part of our lives and yet it hasn't put us off previously. The nature/nurture thing is definitely interesting!

Had a lovely day today. Sat outside earlier with a san pelligrino sparkling flavoured water thing - I don't normally like sparking water and I didn't realise san pelligrino even did them (I thought it was a normal one) but it was nice! I cut a lemon into slices the other day and froze them for ice cubes so that felt more fancy 😅

currently in bed a little later than planned, but I did some tidying and made soup from leftover chicken we had for dinner. I'm about to read the unexpected joy of being sober again. I last read it almost two years ago. It didn't resonate with me as much as it seems to with others the first time I read it, but tbh I think I was in a bit of denial back then so it'll be interesting to see how it lands this time.

Sorry for the slightly self indulgent posts of late! I do appreciate all the support and I really Hope everyone has had a lovely weekend and hasn't struggled too much

@paintcolourchart not self indulgent at all - really good to read.
It is so interesting that alcohol is the most negative part of our lives, yet the thing we struggle to get rid of. If I were allergic to seafood, or it made me ill, no way would I eat it again.

I had an OK weekend. Highlights were seeing the grandchildren ( which is great because I want to give up for me, and them, so it's a lovely reminder).
It was flat otherwise. Lots of reading, sleeping, tennis. There can feel like something is missing.
My next goal is to fill that gap.
Now there's a challenge.
But I am on day 37 and I'm not craving a drink, just a bit flat.

There is no such thing as self indulgent post here! It is reflection and processing.

Bit flat here too. I'm not very well right now- having an illness flare - and it's left me exhausted. I slept 12 hours and am still absolutely whacked.

But, for those who are okay with AF drinks- yesterday I tried Thatchers 0.0 cider. Not too bad.

Today I am out for lunch with big-drinking friends. But not too worried about it really. My last big drinking session was with them and I spent too much money and made an idiot of myself. Traditionally we have always shared the drink bill only if we drank but otherwise bought our own meals/ soft drinks so that is good too. I'm driving one of my friends in to the lunch place but we have arranged she will bus home if they decide to carry on all afternoon. Sober muscles!

Hope everyone feels better today and has a lovely week.

Oh! And I saw this the other day. Thought it might be of interest.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-14871555/9-stone-weight-loss-no-mounjaro-lifestyle-change.html

She's been through so much in her young life. I don't agree a bit though that AA is 'the only way' though. Any support group is good- look at ours! Holly Whitaker in 'Quit Like a Woman' talks about why AA is not the only path in a way that I find convincing.

But I found the article very interesting.

@FeelingLessTired thanks for that. I'll read it later. I didn't like AA - lovely people but not for me.
I remember a time I was abstaining and had planned to meet up with big drinkers. I was adamant, almost stubborn, that I wasn't going to drink.
I remember enjoying the food, being more involved in conversations, more interested in others really. I had a great time - eye opening really.
Have a lovely time - you can do it 💪

(I've read about Thatchers - af kopparberg is lovely too).

@FeelingLessTired aahhh, she looks amazing. Good for her turning her life around ❤️

Still here - still sober! Turned down a salted caramel vodka shot on the golf course on Saturday - did smell it though and had a moment where I thought ‘why not’ nobody would know or care!

I would know though - I also feel very strongly that if I slipped I would end up back where I was fairly quickly! Why is alcohol a part of every part of life? I mean golf is a sport - so don’t really understand how drinking has become a part of it - ‘birdie juice’ is the equivalent of wine o clock - sometimes it feels like nowhere is safe….

Another sunny week ahead and I will not drink today!

Well done @Seenoevil33!

Has anyone got any ideas on how to visually track progress? I saw a post on Facebook the other day about someone who painted a stone for each sober day and put them as a pretty border in her garden, which got me thinking about visual progress. I do track on the Try Dry app but some reason that doesn't quite do it for me. Also can't see myself painting a stone every day either! It did look lovely though.

Tried to upload a screenshot (didn't work!) of using coloured pebbles in a glass with a flower (I guess the flower would have to be fake). One colour for dry days and a different one for drink days, so you can see overall progress despite any slip ups. So I might try this. Has anyone got any other ideas?

@paintcolourchart I'll try to think of something - an ex primary school teacher should be able to think of something.
I love the idea - ❤️

@GoandygoI think I've thought of something...

Rather than pebbles, I'm thinking crystals (yes I know I know but stay with me!). I'm thinking of adding a little amethyst stone for each AF day. It turns out that amethyst in Greek actually translates to 'not drunk'! And then a bigger one of something else, maybe aquamarine (courage) to add if I do have a slip up day. I actually feel really good and committed this time, finally, but I think I'm going to order 30 amethyst and 4 aquamarine. Mainly because I've already slipped up twice this month and then it'll give me a couple 'spare' to take the pressure off, but obviously I'm hoping not to use them! Then I'm thinking of putting a chain/piece of twine or something on my dressing table or even desk (I WFH) to hang a crystal star from with every week I manage AF. I've got all this added to my Etsy basket but I've not pressed order yet so open to other suggestions! The stars will just be random crystals as they are £1 each for a mystery crystal or £5 for a specific type! Funny how I don't care about spending money on booze isn't it. The further I get, the more I will reassess, but I think I'm going to order 6 stars for now, so 6 week's worth and then re-do the amethyst/celestite thing every month.

I know that all sounds silly but I do think it'll help me!

@paintcolourchart it doesn't sound silly, it sounds great !
Anything that can help you and spur you on.
I had a Google but didn't see much ( maybe there's a gap in the market 🤣).
Someone suggested a connect 4 apparatus - quite good. My granddaughter has 2 of these in our playroom. Problem is I'm not sure how many counters it holds ( I'm at work atm).
Another -" marbles in a jar - cheap I suppose. I think that would help me.
Or m n ms in a glass, and you can eat them after 30 days 🤣

@Goandygoi'm laughing because i did actually think about a gap in the market as well 😂

I guess the crystals thing is a nicer version of marbles in a jar! I think I'm going to go for it and order. Long delivery time with Etsy but that's probably ok and will give me something to aim for as I'll get to see the jar half full to start with!

Morning, folks, how is everyone doing ?
I'm thinking that as time goes by, it gets easier. I have read that the 1st 100 days can be very challenging ( for some people), but after that, it gets easier.
100 days is still a massive target for me.
38 days today. Wedding anniversary tomorrow. Dh wants to go for a meal, which is fine as I've already perused the menu for af options.

Morning all. I love the idea of a crystal visual of what you have achieved!

I am doing okay here. Ended up being quite triggered at lunch yesterday but not-drinking meant I was home earl afternoon having remembered to buy taco shells for dinner on the way!

Happy anniversary @Goandygo !

38 days is amazing @Goandygo! What do you have lined up for your dinner this evening? Happy anniversary!

@FeelingLessTiredwell done for overcoming your trigger and resisting. Was there anything in particular that triggered it do you think?

Having a bit of a wobble today, not in the 'I want to drink' sense but I'm finding myself spiralling a bit with what potential damage I could have already have done. I do have a bit of health anxiety which I'm sure alcohol does not help, but today I've been convincing myself that I've damaged my liver and my eyes are going yellow. Rationally I don't think they are (I hope not!!!) but I decided to watch rain in my heart at lunchtime today thinking it would keep me on track but it actually just terrified me and has made me obsess a bit. I drink typically about 30 units a week, sometimes less but not often of late, but that's double guideline amounts which can't be good. I've told myself that if I'm still worried in 3 weeks about any damage then maybe I could call the GP. I work for myself from home so unfortunately I have plenty of time to get stuck in my own head, and of course I can't go out for a lovely walk until my ankle is fully better from 'that night'. It is getting better but it's taking way longer than I thought, probably because I'm not resting it, so I'm making a conscious effort to do so.

Crystals are ordered and I'm already counting how many stars (weeks) I'll have by the time they arrive 😂

Going to spend the evening outside doing some gardening I think to get out of the house and hopefully out of my own head. I feel like there are other things I should be doing instead that are more important but realistically normally I would have spent this night sitting on the sofa with wine, so I'm going to enjoy doing something different to unwind.

How is everyone else doing? Sorry I do feel like I am banging on a bit on here atm. I'm finding it really helpful and I hope it's not too annoying! I'm back on day 3 atm after my slip ups last week so hopefully the further in I get the easier it will get to just 'be' and not obsess over everything 😳

@paintcolourchart please don't think you're banging on - I love reading your posts because like others on here, we're all so similar.
I know what you mean regarding the damage already done. I don't have health anxiety but in the past when I've been abstaining, I've panicked and thought, sod it - damage is done.
That's why I can't really read too much into it.
Try to remind yourself that you're doing all you can NOW for your future and your health. You've made a big decision and you're trying your best. No one can ask for more.
If you're still feeling anxious say next week, book a gp appointment. It will at least be a start to put your mind at rest.

Anniversary tomorrow. Not worried about alcohol at our meal - I don't want one, but I did have a wobble earlier about the weekend.
One day at a time ❤️

( omg, I've been weighing myself and thought my weight had plateaued. Walked to Boots today, as their scales have proved reliable in the past - that is, I'm lighter on them, and I'm 13st ! The lightest I've been in ages 😇).