The support thread for anyone trying to live an alcohol free life. Spring 2025.

[WendyWagon]

Hello and welcome.
These threads were started by drybird in 2020 and have gone on to support many people to give up alcohol and live a sober life.
We are not a moderarion thread and only encourage sobriety. There is another long running thread if that's what you feel is right for you. Lots of support there.
We have newbies and veterans, some who have 5+ years under their belts.
We share life's up and downs (often why we drank) and no question is too silly.
Personally I gave up drinking three years ago. It's the hardest thing I've done and the best thing.
We call our selves sober sisters and even have a mascot, Sid the ship's dog.
He poses often for a cheer up picture.
We're not here to judge, just offer support and friendship.
It gets better I promise.

New thread.
Grateful if someone can link please before they old one closes.
@rep22 @kindtomyself

I think I have but it took me a couple of goes!

Well done @Onewildandpreciouslife it worked

Thanks for the new thread @WendyWagon you are a true Captain.

I am so grateful for this thread- it is keeping me accountable and the support is amazing.

@Onewildandpreciouslife thank you so much.
I was getting concerned.
I only have a 'mum' phone and I'm not very techy.

Morning shipmates.
I've stepped up to the bridge having had a good day yesterday.

I went into the garden and all is well bar my mint. Very handy for AF cocktails.
Love your Sunday had another winner on the AF spirit yesterday. I shall buy some.

I hope everyone finds us. I'm going to be around the next eight weeks whist I get better from my op. Hopefully after that I'll be able to work a bit. Next year retirement, yey! 😄

Thanks so much @WendyWagon and @Onewildandpreciouslife

I hope we all have a good week 😊

Morning all. Just checking in. I have the joys of a gym assessment later, in the hope that regular exercise might help my breathing. I don’t hold out a lot of hope, but it’s worth a try.

l have asthma which got a lot worse during lockdown, and there is no obvious reason why, despite numerous tests. One thing that did shock me, though, is that there is a ;thankfully rare) condition called hepatopulmonary syndrome, in which even slight liver damage can prevent oxygen from getting to the lungs when the sufferer is doing anything other than lying down, and as it progresses even lying down doesn’t help, and you die a very slow and unpleasant death. I don’t have it, but they did test for it. As you no doubt appreciate, that was a terrifying time.

I mention it only because it is just one of the little-known areas in the chamber of horrors that is liver disease, and could await any of us if we have ‘just one or two’ more drinks - you never know which will be the one to tip your liver into ‘too late’ territory. I know that’s scary, and I know many of us have health anxiety, which is why I haven’t mentioned it before; but maybe this is a good time to remind ourselves that there is a fine line between being supportive and encouraging risky behaviour. That’s not a loaded sentence, btw, and it’s not meant to sound patronising. It’s a salutary thought though.

Anyway gyms are not my natural habitat by any means, so this afternoon has a chance to be ‘interesting’.

Thanks @WendyWagon - good to have you at the tiller again. 🙂

@Smellyme I am sorry to read on the old thread that you are finding things tough. We are with you, Keep posting. It won't always be so bad.

Strength and courage my brave shipmates. xx

Just checking in quickly will read and catch up later. Thank you @WendyWagon and @Onewildandpreciouslife for linking the new thread x

For those who haven't been on the previous threads I thought I'd give you a little of my back story.

I was a drinker from 14. Port and lemon, wine and vodka. Older unsuitable boyfriends. I was a lonely child, one of four two of which were bullies.
I went to university and that didn't help. My mother was a beauty with a difficult personality. Today we would say bipolar but I can't be certain.
I was very good at business a rare woman at the top. I drank the chaps under the table. It was the 1990s. I loved the entertaining but tbh everyone was the same. Others started to have families and I couldn't so I worked longer and harder. At the end of the decade I fell pregnant with my beloved DS. I had an OK pregnancy but I worried how I would manage. My parents came to live with us to 'help out'. It didn't quite work out like that. My mother's demands nearly destroyed my marriage. I started to drink albeit within the recommended limits.
When she died twenty years ago I let lose. I'd had to change to self employment after a 'pregnant and screwed' situation. I'd lost a son but had bad NPD with my daughter. I was close friends with another village mum and she consoled me with a bottle of wine each night. It was waiting for me. She was a heavy drinker so there was no shame there. My father and DH looked after the kids, I got bladdered. Luckily I moved and managed to give up for nearly five years when disaster struck. We lost our home and our money. I went back to my old friend the booze. We rented in the private sector but we were always abused due to our family heritage. Racism is alive and well in the shires!
I developed a devastating autoimmune disease that made my big career impossible. We struggled for years. We made the best of things then my father fell ill in 2014 and I couldn't cope. I drank to deal with the 18 hour days and the lack of support. You'll remember I'm one of four but they didn't help. Drinkers find drinkers and there are plenty of secret boozers in the country. Each day I'd start at 5pm. Make dinner and although numb I'd didn't feel drunk. i didn't socialise but got very hammered if invited anywhere.
My father died and it opened a family feud. By now I was a functioning alcoholic. I hid booze and denied drinking. I first went to AA seven years ago. I got myself a job I loved and cut down but I hadn't really acknowledged the hold drink had on me. I met another boozer and that didn't help. We spent many a night a pissed together. Out of the blue I got a top job in 2021 but sadly I didn't keep it. It was a toxic place and I disgraced myself at an industry do. I fell over flashing my spanx whist dancing with my old boss.
I decided to try again with a sober life. I joined this thread in January 2022. It's been my daily check point through the good times and the bad.
My life is so much better. I had six months of private therapy very early on. It was actually cheaper than my wine bill!
My career has flourished even though I'm an old duck! My home life improved beyond measure. Nothing is perfect. I still have toxic employers (usually potentional employers who I say no to these days). But I like me more and I still have my lovely DH.
It's not easy but if you need help these lovely sober sisters will help you not drink today.
One foot in front of the other until you learn to walk again. Much love, your friend Wendy. X

Hope you are doing well @WendyWagon, thanks for the new thread.

@REP22 I saw poor Sid was unwell glad he is doing better!

@ShyMaryEllen that sounds so scary, thanks for sharing though, I find it can be so easy to bury our heads in the sand, hearing things like that can happen actually is very helpful.

Well from the end of February I decided to have a drink on a trip and then it was just on the weekend and then it went to every day last week. March has been a write off.

I am a textbook example of moderation doesn't work. I had nearly 120 days sober and am now back to day 2, but I have done all my beating myself up and come here with a positive outlook and on a brand new thread.

I am obviously back to the start in counting days, but I have learned a lot since starting my journey last year.

Last week I was feeling so so bad, my anxiety was through the roof, I felt awful physically, my mood was so low, I wasn't sleeping all because of the alcohol. I wasn't even enjoying it as I was drinking, it is actually crazy. But I did find myself being more aware and analysing how I felt at the time and the days after (using my qit lit) and it was very helpful.

I am going to try to see this as a positive in that I tested moderation and absolutely proved that it doesn't work! I can be the guinea-pig I do not recommend anyone else test it out

I am glad to be back on the journey, I know it will not be easy, but I know it will be worth it x

Welcome back @sugarytea2024

New thread, new week, feeling like Spring - a great time to make a fresh start or to renew and reinforce resolutions 😃

I have decided to try making a sourdough starter - yes, five years after everyone else did it in lockdown. Now I am officially retired, rather than merely unemployed, I feel I have the time. I don’t know why reframing my indolent life feels different, but it does! I also don’t know why I think I won’t end up with a blue, mouldy jar of festering gunk, but hey - I’m an optimist! And possibly delusional 😂

Thank you @WendyWagon for starting the new thread.

@FaithHopeCarnage ooh bread.
I'm desparate to find a loaf that doesn't play havoc with my gallbladder.

I might join you.

Lovely to see a shiny new thread!

I'm all but retired these days, too, @FaithHopeCarnage. Technically I do consultancy work, but 'the cuts' mean it happens less and less in reality. I'm not too bothered, really. At first I struggled with the idea of not working - I gave up largely as I knew I needed a lifestyle change to stop the work-stress-drink-repeat cycle I was in - but now I've changed so much of my lifestyle the work is more of an added extra, and pays so little now it's not really worth the hassle.

I firmly believe that shaking things up is a massive help. It's so easy to get bogged down in doing things because that's how we do them. A change of routine can make all the difference. New activities, new friends, even new bedtimes and things can change our mindset. I've systematically done up the house, and now none of the rooms is the same as it was when I was drinking, and even that helps - the associations are broken. It doesn't have to mean getting builders in - even a change of colour on the walls or moving the furniture around can shift a room from being the place where we sit with a bottle in front of a TV show we've forgotten by the morning to one where we read a book with a mug of hot chocolate or practice Salsa routines or whatever.

I took a big course when I left work - a 'pursue an interest' one, rather than a career-enhancing one - and then started a local group for others with the same interest, which brought new people into my life. I can't get out and about as much as I'd like, because of my breathing issues, but I do try to do something social each day, whether on Zoom or in person. That's so much easier because of the Internet. I'm always looking for new things to get involved in, but I'm very discriminating about it, so I don't end up getting bogged down again. Life is so much better than it was. It's obviously better being sober, and whilst my work was rewarding in some ways it was a pain in the arse in others, and if you pick and choose what you do it's much more fun. It doesn't pay the bills of course, which is the downside, but now that I spend so much less on what passed for socialising I need far less money than I used to. I definitely recommend it for anyone who's in a position to do it.

Happy belated 3 years @Onewildandpreciouslife - what a fabulous achievement.

So happy for you!! And isn't it amazing how much it all changes in that time? How it becomes who you are now.

I don't post much at all these days but early on in my AF journey, these threads kept me sane (and sober!)

Hi all, thanks for the new thread @WendyWagon

Day 83, sun is shining and I had the best sleep last night. Still struggling with insomnia and gaining weight. 7lbs since I stopped alcohol. Need to engage willpower!

Hope everyone has a good week

I’d like to join
wendy thank you for your honesty
some years ago I experienced an unbearable trauma involving a murder suicide
something has happened to bring it all back up
so I drank the pain basically for 2 days straight
i have today contacted a counsellor and looked up smart meetings nearby
not wasting the rest of my life and sitting with my feelings really resonated with me
am sat in conservatory with door to garden open. Lucozade in hand
going to read my book in a minute
xx

Oh gosh sortie. How awful for you.
We have many shipmates with trauma histories. Yours is very different but I can see the reason to blot it all out.
Therapy saved me. I'd have more if I needed it. Don't hold back would be my advice.
I hadn't considered the bullying I suffered as a child unusual. It was and certainly neither kind or healthy.
Smart meetings seem to be the meeting of choice for the lads.
Chuck everything you can at your AF journey. Quitlit works for many folks.
Ask any questions. We're here.

This the old thread if that’s what you mean. Sorry if ive misunderstood …

www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5259714-the-continuing-support-thread-for-anyone-trying-to-lead-an-alcohol-free-life-spring-2025?page=40

Morning all.
Welcome @Sortoutyourshit and welcome back @sugarytea2024

It definitely feels like spring here this morning-I don’t like winter so it’s a welcome feeling

Morning 44 days completed
I had some really strong emotions yesterday and that is when I would pick up a glass. I found it so painful but I didn’t do it. I have never learned how to manage my emotions. I am having to learn this now.

I spoke to myself and said everything was going to be ok. I focused on my breathing

@WendyWagon thanks for your honesty
@Sortoutyourshit welcome. I’m sorry that you have had to deal with so much - that is so very hard.

Morning beautiful sober sisters.
I will not drink today.

My liver deserves better.

Love and kind thoughts to all.

Thank you @WendyWagon for the new thread, all shiny and new, like the first day back to school.
Thank you @REP22 and Sid for the last one.