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Alcohol support

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The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Spring 2025

1000 replies

REP22 · 24/01/2025 16:53

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Warmer weather is coming. Keep an eye out for that first daffodil waving in the breeze, and make yourself at home. It's going to be alright. x

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WendyWagon · 04/03/2025 14:24

@Slackfoxy welcome. Your work sounded lovely and highflying. I'm a big cheese normally and used wine to help with stress and toxic colleagues. I've just had a good shock on some shares this morning so retirement might be looming for me too, hoorah.

I reached two bottles a night at weekends, my drinking started at 5/6 but was done by 10pm. I'm having to re watch all my detective series as I never saw the endings. I love morse but that I do remember as I drove for work everyday. No boozing there. We've lots of parallels Slackfoxy so if you want to, ask away.

sugarytea2024 · 04/03/2025 18:19

Thanks so much, it means a lot, it is scary how things change and the proper craving kicks back in. I think I will re read some of the books I have and take things day by day for now, I will follow along and keep an eye xx

Kindtomyself · 05/03/2025 06:43

Morning. 24 days completed. Hot sweats in the night but due to menopause not alcohol.
Teens were really frustrating me last night- leaving their stuff all over the place and when I asked them to take it up or move it they huffed. I just came up to bed.

Need to remember self compassion because I’m angry with myself for being in this (alcohol) situation.

welcome @Slackfoxy you’re a couple of days in front of me on the sobriety I can stick to one or two wines sometimes but other times I just go completely mad not angry but blackout, slurring, repeating, falling over, the type of behaviour that society doesn’t like. I am jealous of the people who drank ‘normally’ in public even if they drank shed loads in private. At least they didn’t make a fool of themselves.

mermadeincornwall · 05/03/2025 07:21

Morning beautiful sober sisters.
I will not drink today.

Being a slave to alcohol is misable.

Love and kind thoughts to all.

WendyWagon · 05/03/2025 07:25

Morning all.

I'm cock a hoop. We've heard from the owners of the pretty cottage and they will sell. So excited. Hopefully we still have the good doctor waiting in the wings for our house. Tapemeasure, tea and biscuits after I come home.

Very noisy stomach from me and the dog this morning. I hated booze stomach, god knows what this is.

My friend I saw yesterday hugged me twice. I thought oh crap have I got 'the mark'?. My mother's family came from Yorkshire so I'm going to assume a Yorkshire saying?
I do like a hug, my husband is a back tapper.
Hairdo today so I look smart for the surgeons. Bloody cheeky sods like to assume you're a bit thick when your face looks like porridge. I got myself some new lands end pj's as I look like Waynetta Slob usually.

Have a peaceful sober day my friends.

mermadeincornwall · 05/03/2025 07:45

Ooh good news @WendyWagon about the cottage. When do you go in to hospital?

@Womanshour ,I work a long day Wednesdays, and I guess it's a really ingrained habit to have a reward. Fridays I'm fine as I finish midday, and keep myself busy with home beauty treatments. I have worked out that because I don't drink Thursday and Friday, Saturday is day 3 AF and that's when the cravings start. I've decided to read some more qit lit to see if it helps.
How long had you been rewarding yourself on a Friday before you stopped?

Becky37 · 05/03/2025 07:49

Hi I am really sorry I dissapeared. I got a lovely private message checking up on me too but I couldnt respond as they have been disabled. Also I've been in a right pickle and been binge drinking again.

Today is day 2 of not drinking. Going to the GP next week as things have got totslly out of controll again and may even try some medication. Though I dont drink every day and do just go hell for leather when I do which might be twice a month, or once a week.

I will not drink today. I will keep reaching out and looking for help with this.

mermadeincornwall · 05/03/2025 08:00

Welcome @Slackfoxy, day 26 is a real achievement.

Love ' Sid and still life'
He's so hansom.What does he think about the evil duo Trump Vance @REP22?

Womanshour · 05/03/2025 08:01

@mermadeincornwall I'm mid 40s and have never drank normally. I have had pregnancies i haven't drunk, and managed two good sober stints (2ish years and 6ish months) but apart from that Friday night's have been booze filled. Not only Fridays but Fridays were a guarantee. The amount needed on a Friday has also increased to 2 bottles recently as opposed to one.

But life has also been very stressful over the last 5ish years, so the reward and switch off needed has felt more intense.

So over 20 years really of a habit... which will take a long time to change. Life is still pretty stressful so I don't have time (yet) to do the being still, the films, the other self care stuff I need (I'm working on having the time for this). So it still feels like a bit of a white knuckle ride...

I need to get back to the quit lit - it really helps me. So that's a good reminder especially for Friday x

Swanchaser · 05/03/2025 08:32

Morning. I am still struggling at the normal 'open the wine' time. Why does the body do this when my rational self knows it's a stupid thing to do? Really want to stay alcohol free!

WendyWagon · 05/03/2025 09:37

@Swanchaser habit.
I think my best advice is swap the Friday night wine o'clock for a new habit. A box set or such for Friday's only. I went upstairs by 8 in the early days.
I watched very female focused stuff so I got no interruptions. We have a DVD collection so I pull one of those.

It does get easier, Fridays now mean the end of couriers for my adult DC which bug me all week. I actually so look forward to a Saturday stretch in bed and not having to get showered too early.

REP22 · 05/03/2025 10:52

Good morning shipmates. Very cold here today. Sid was not keen to raise his furry little head above decks, but a Sizzler (his favourite) smoked him out the woodwork.

@mermadeincornwall I would like to say what Sid thinks of Dump and Trance - but I fear it would get me banned from MN for life. As a VERY little girl when I lived in London, I was picked to present flowers to President and Mrs Ceaușescu... something along the lines of what happened to them, perhaps...

Hi again @Becky37 - you don't need to apologise to us. It's happened tomost of us - me, more than once. It will be alright. You're doing the right things to own it and move forward to better things. Be kind to yourself. 💐

@Swanchaser - as @WendyWagon and @Womanshour say, habit is a very, very hard thing to break. I try and get into my PJs as soon as I can, and maybe also wash my hair or have a bath/shower. That way, it's more of an effort with more steps to go through before heading back out for grog. More opportunities to reason with myself. Distraction is also key. Quit Lit is helpful - especially (for me) Clare Pooley and Catherine Grey. An occasional re-read of this (The reality of the end | Mumsnet) is also something that I find helpful, though I do warn you it's grim.

Strength and courage. We're doing the best that we can. And that's brilliant. It will be alright. xx

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IChooseTo · 05/03/2025 12:05

Hi everyone, sorry I've not been "in touch" lately. I'm still here, still reading all your inspirational posts every day, and sending you all my love and support and congratulations on all your achievements.
I am 9 weeks in, but have really been struggling with urges the last few days. I've not given in to them, but I've got that voice in my head, the demonic one not the angelic one, saying sod it, just have some wine. Aagghh.
Your link @REP22 to The reality of the end could not have come at a better time, thank you. I've only just read the first few posts of it so far, but my goodness it is a "sobering" read. I'm in tears at the thought of ending up like that, so every time I have an urge I think I should re-read that thread.
I wish you all well- I hear about the different life struggles you are all having, but you're all coping so well- and we're all still here, and supporting each other. You're all amazing. Keep going everyone, you're doing so well xx

Slackfoxy · 05/03/2025 12:24

Swanchaser · 05/03/2025 08:32

Morning. I am still struggling at the normal 'open the wine' time. Why does the body do this when my rational self knows it's a stupid thing to do? Really want to stay alcohol free!

Well last night was typical here. 6pm (wine o clock for me) chimed so I made a cup of tea, prepared dinner and sat down with the kindle. After dinner I sat down in front of The Bay box set on tv and immediately a vision of the long, boring, empty canyon of pre bedtime sobriety opened up in front of me. It wasn’t easy. I focused on the programme, made more tea, did some deep breathing, and yes time passed a little easier. But what was my alternative reality? I would have still been watching the box set of The Bay, BUT, I would have been chugging glass after glass of wine, I would have lost all track of the tv drama, I would have started to doze off, I’d have forgotten the conversation with DP, and the next morning I would have woken up saying “please let me stop”. Instead of which next morning I opened up my try dry app, ticked another dry day and gave an imaginary middle finger to that tempting demon inside of me! Was it worth it? Yes! Was it easy? Bloody hell, no. So as I enter day 27 I just hope it does become easier. But I guess if it was easy there wouldn’t be any bingers or alcoholics. Keep posting - I need it.

WendyWagon · 05/03/2025 12:30

Just some thoughts.

It takes 10 days for alcohol to fully leave your liver.

28 days for cell renewal.

90 days to change a habit.

REP22 · 05/03/2025 13:16

Hello @IChooseTo - great to hear from you, but sorry you are struggling at the moment. You really are doing amazingly well. 9 weeks is incredible and so, so brave. I am glad the link to the other thread has been helpful, though I apologise again for signposting to something that's hard to read. I know that it's the fate that awaits me if I slip back to how I used to be. Sid deserves better than that version of me.

Keep going. You haven't put all that effort in to make it to nine weeks, to only get as far as nine. Try for ten, see how it goes. I'm sorry. I know it's sh~t. But it won't always be. You can do it. I believe in you. xx

OP posts:
Kindtomyself · 05/03/2025 13:31

Hi @IChooseTo. I too had a read of the thread and yes it is grim but it’s the reality and totally ‘sobering’. I need to keep reminding myself of all this when that sneaky voice in my head suggests alcohol is a good idea thanks @REP22
Well done @Slackfoxy for another day.

REP22 · 05/03/2025 13:40

Thanks @Kindtomyself ❤️. That voice in the head is very, very hard to ignore sometimes. But I must keep flicking it into oblivion. It's not going to take too much for me to find myself in the same place as those unfortunate souls on the thread referenced. Last time I gave into the voices I was physically sick and blood was involved (sorry). Our bodies can cope well with it - until suddenly, and sometimes without much warning, they can't anymore and irrevocable consequences break upon us. But the voice still whispers on. It's not our friend. You're doing so well.

Keep going @Slackfoxy - just a little bit longer. You're going to make it. x

OP posts:
Kindtomyself · 05/03/2025 14:21

Thanks @REP22 you’re doing so well too. I am so grateful for this thread, the support is amazing

REP22 · 05/03/2025 14:30

I really appreciate your kind words, @Kindtomyself - I'd be in a pretty desperate place without this thread myself, for sure. xx

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CarrotSeeds · 05/03/2025 15:04

Hello @Becky37 So lovely to hear from you. I'm sorry you have had a tough time recently but so glad you have rejoined this thread. Strength in numbers and all that. Sending you 🌷 and love xx

Middlemarch123 · 05/03/2025 18:53

Hi lovelies, I’ve been quiet on here because after feeling I’d turned a corner last week, have had an onslaught of cravings, crazy cravings out of nowhere. So have coped with them by ignoring them and everything alcohol related. Works for me. Think the worst has passed, so checking in with you all and sending huge hugs and buckets of willpower.

Family birthday dinner tomorrow, so going to order a nice mocktail or two.

x

TequilaAndPickles · 05/03/2025 20:24

REP22 · 05/03/2025 10:52

Good morning shipmates. Very cold here today. Sid was not keen to raise his furry little head above decks, but a Sizzler (his favourite) smoked him out the woodwork.

@mermadeincornwall I would like to say what Sid thinks of Dump and Trance - but I fear it would get me banned from MN for life. As a VERY little girl when I lived in London, I was picked to present flowers to President and Mrs Ceaușescu... something along the lines of what happened to them, perhaps...

Hi again @Becky37 - you don't need to apologise to us. It's happened tomost of us - me, more than once. It will be alright. You're doing the right things to own it and move forward to better things. Be kind to yourself. 💐

@Swanchaser - as @WendyWagon and @Womanshour say, habit is a very, very hard thing to break. I try and get into my PJs as soon as I can, and maybe also wash my hair or have a bath/shower. That way, it's more of an effort with more steps to go through before heading back out for grog. More opportunities to reason with myself. Distraction is also key. Quit Lit is helpful - especially (for me) Clare Pooley and Catherine Grey. An occasional re-read of this (The reality of the end | Mumsnet) is also something that I find helpful, though I do warn you it's grim.

Strength and courage. We're doing the best that we can. And that's brilliant. It will be alright. xx

Edited

I read that thread when it was posted and it really scared me, I knew I was headed that way and I'm not sure I was far off.
By the time I stopped I was rarely showering and ordered all my drink online, it was bad.
It took me a few more months of sheer terror and hatred of myself but I haven't had a drink since 16th December.
As I've said before, I don't post much but reading the threads is a lifeline and has helped so much, I wouldn't be sober without them.

sugarytea2024 · 05/03/2025 20:49

@Becky37 I am in the same boat so you are not alone xx

Haven't drank since the weekend, I don't plan on either, but the cravings are there and it is harder than before. I think it is worse because I drank at home too and that had been one of my big 'rules' that even if I did drink, I wouldn't at home. Just goes to show moderation and all the bargainingredients is so difficult to stick to.

I am trying to draw positives from it and really concentrate on how I felt when I drank and apply all the things from the books I have read to hopefully reinforce the ideas of them.

My first goal is to get to 10days again like below.

Although I know I am technically back to early days, I am not discounting my months of sobriety, I learned a lot and I am not completely back to square one xx

ShyMaryEllen · 05/03/2025 22:14

I know that we all lead different lives and are constrained by different things, but what helped me hugely was changing as much as I could by way of routines, and replacing them with new ones. For someone who hates routine, it surprised me when I looked back at just how predictable my life had become.

I was used to drinking every night, either going out after work or in front of the TV at home. I'd go to bed very late, pass out and sleep fitfully, getting up groggy and ready to repeat it all the next day.

When things came to a head and I decided enough was enough, I was lucky enough to be able to leave work (thanks to an unfeasibly understanding husband) which was the biggest change. I moved away from the hard-drinking colleagues who were always ready to go out every evening, and spent more time at home.

I was quite ill for a while, and told people I had cut out alcohol as part of a wider health kick. I made a conscious effort to make new friends who had never known me as a drinker, and although I still went to bars now and then and drank soft drinks, I looked for other things to do with my time.

I went to bed early after long baths, and got used to doing so sober (something I didn't think possible before). I listened to hypnosis tracks through sleep headphones, and if I still couldn't sleep I watched 'easy' TV until I nodded off. At first I slept until I woke, but after a while I started to set the alarm and get up at the same time every day. This all went on for months rather than weeks, and was only possible because I wasn't working.

I switched wine for AF drinks - mostly pretend fizz, but also AF wine. The routine of pouring a drink into a wine glass satisfied by cravings, so whatever some 'experts' say, it was ok by me. I have a glass of AF wine next to me as I type. It's not the same as the real thing, but after a while you forget what the real thing is like, so that's less important. I can definitely differentiate between brands of AF wine, and whereas at first they all tasted a bit grim I now have definite favourites.

I realise that not everyone can just give up their jobs (but if it's even a remote possibility, factor in the savings you will make if you were eating and drinking out five times a week, as well as things like commuting, buying work clothes and so on), so I'm not advocating that for others, just suggesting that people look at how they can make changes that might make flashpoints and what are difficult times for them less difficult. As shift in routine can make all the difference.

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