The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Spring 2025

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Warmer weather is coming. Keep an eye out for that first daffodil waving in the breeze, and make yourself at home. It's going to be alright. x

Morning all and welcome to all the newbies.

Still here, still reading. Just V busy.

9months yesterday.

My life is so much better without booze.

From the outside people probably wouldn't notice, but in all the quite corners, it is transformed.

To all those in the first 90days - hang in there. It is rough, physically, emotionally and mentally. But little by little, in the smallest of increments, like a cygnet growing into a swan, things will improve.

IWNDWYT 😘

I’ve just checked back on this thread from 2022 when I was last on (which I had forgotten about) and I’m saying the same bloody things! No idea why I started drinking again, it has been deleted from memory. And I quote…

Not drinking is so gorgeous- that horrible anxiety it gives me is just awful and actually how long it lasts after drinking is an eye opener. I didn't drink every day but still had a feeling of anxiety most days that just isn't there when I don't drink. It's not perfect and I do still have worries and concerns and some anxiety but it's not the same as alcohol fuelled anxiety.

Yes I saw that.

i suffered severe bullying at school (I’m not white British but grew up in a very white English area) and I have been uncovering through therapy a lot of that too!

I am currently in therapy as well re: binge eating and drinking. My only qualm is that she is trying to get me to learn how to reduce drinking rather than cut it out entirely, is very adamant I shouldn’t cut it out and should instead focus on drinking slowly a glass of wine. But that just doesn’t work for me and it’s tough!

@AmusedBouched my family is mixed heritage and my daughter suffered quite a bit at secondary school. We live in the shires. We put her into a multicultural sixth form and she blossomed.
She's very vocal re white privalage. However she's at a university with a huge number of overseas students. It suits her.
Good help me if me or the DH get the a person's race incorrect (he's not allowed to say POC and he's not white!). I'm proud of her, she thinks deeply about these things but it is part of her studies.

@AmusedBouched your therapist might be suggesting tapering. This is used on addicts and alcoholics. I would say I was an alcoholic but my doctor didn't agree.
I went cold turkey, I do the same with food.

No she wants me to change my mentality so that I can enjoy 1 or 2 glasses of wine rather than feeling like I’m missing out by not having it at all anymore. The same with my binge foods too, don’t cut out crisps but to manage to eat just a few.

i have found it easier to do with crisps but I am not so far able to do that with alcohol. I’ve managed to have several weeks in a row without any, but I did slip up over the weekend and tried desperately to stop at 1 when I was drinking it, but the feeling of it hitting me, I wasn’t able to stop!

Morning all
Been really busy so not been on for a while but have been scrolling and gaining some lovely support from your posts thank you 🙏
Welcome to all who are more new than me !
90 days today here .... this was a milestone for me because in the early days I was sometimes disheartened when I read of others still struggling months after quitting.
I wanted to know when I might not think about alcohol SO much and from reading further and some great advice on here it seemed 90 days was often the time this happens.
So I'm feeling super chuffed with myself now I'm stood here at day 90 with a big fat grin on my face !
I still think about alcohol but it's just in a different way. It's just sort of not the issue it was 3 months ago. For me I feel like I paddled out to sea 90 days ago on a rowing boat, initially struggling to keep upright at all it was so stormy, then getting into some sort of an even but difficult rhythm knowing there's a destination somewhere further on, with a few unexpected waves to battle over on the way , and then the bit where you suddenly realise the sun has come out and the water is so very calm. The boat then starts to glide not wobble.
I feel so calm. I'm not in a rush anymore and I'm enjoying the little things and actually really laughing without alcohol. I'm not constantly battling to keep my boat upright .
I've learnt to crochet and currently making a cute daisy chain for my grand daughter and I go to tai chi and I read.
I bake with my daughter and have her friends stay over.
My skin is so clear that I no longer have rosacea and my tummy is so much flatter.
All the bloating has gone I've dropped a stone and spent a fortune on new frocks on Vinted !
There has been no arguments !!!
My relationships have improved and I'm more able to focus
I miss it a bit sometimes yes but as some might remember I am quite young at 54 and had a heart attack which was the wake up call I needed for many life changes. A bottle of wine a night 7 days a week for years and a stressful job took its toll. I was never seen drunk but I never got through a day without the wine and brandy at the weekend too .
I would like to think I'll have the odd glass of bubbly occasionally again one day ... we have so much champagne left from our wedding! I've said I'll have one glass if and when we get the keys to our dream home ( currently in early stages of purchase), but I'm determined to change my entire relationship with the wine beast and that will take longer than 90 days. I'm aiming for at least a year and then I'll hopefully not be bothered anyway.
I can honestly say I never ever thought I could do this or get this far but I can promise you it's really worth it and if I can you can x x x
You do feel better and you don't think about it much and when you do it's in a different and more fleeting way. It's a quick pang and then a realisation of how lucky you are not to be half asleep reliant on another top up to enjoy your evening which is actually just a shitty haze in reality
As you can see I have also noticed I'm more emotional !
Well sorry for the long post. I know it's not a year or anything that huge but it's 90 days and I'm so happy I hope I can transfer some of those happy thoughts to lovely lot.
🌺

Morning all - great to see so many people doing so well!

I am on day 43 which I can’t quite believe. Have zero desire to drink (well apart from around 6pm on a Friday when I have a slight urge). After a stubborn few weeks, the weight has finally started to drop and I honestly feel the best (mentally especially) that I have for years.

looking forward to another good week and i will not drink today.

Afternoon shipmates.

Apologies for absence, my lovely nephew was staying over the weekend. Sid adores him.

I'm struggling a bit at the moment. The wretched situation with Trump and his lickspittles is really bringing me down.

Sid is keeping me true. We're hoping for better things to come.

Strength and love to you. xx

@REP22 look to happier nations who are run by women (funny that). Chin up my friend, we care and that is progressive.
The DD refuses to go to the States. Hates Trump and his ilk. Canada for her this summer. Eire for me I think.

I escaped today and went to a big charity store and marks. I bought a laundry sign (a bit cheeky). Husband not amused. To be fair he does the washing.

Pretty card through the door of chocolate box cottage.

Thanks @WendyWagon ❤️❤️

@WendyWagon Fingers crossed they are looking to sell 🤞 🙏🏻 🍀

@REP22 I'm sorry things are hard. I agree with you it is hard to watch on as Trump behaves as the biggest school bully with his henchmen (Vance) egging him on.

It's testament to you that you are such a kind person that you care about this. I'm trying to limit my reading/viewing of this news as its so depressing x

Although I didn’t avoid the actual Oval Office meeting and its fallout, I have actually been reading/viewing a limited amount of news since I stopped drinking. I really got sucked into live news blogging during the 2010 election when we ended up with the con-dem government and didn’t stop. Recently, I have been checking news maybe twice a day and watching some of C4 news in the evening. I think it’s much better for my stress levels to keep up to date but not every 5 minutes! I am learning the power of the digest AND doing a better job of not getting stressed about things I cannot control. Strength and love, indeed, @REP22 - it will get better and hopefully before 4 years are over x

Your therapist can’t possibly have any sort of understanding or expertise related to alcohol if she’s telling you that you should be able to enjoy a couple of glasses and then stop. Some people can and some people just can’t. It’s an addictive substance. It’s not about changing your mentality. It’s a physical thing. There’s a genetic component to it. For example, I don’t have a sweet tooth at all. But if I start eating sweet things (eg at Christmas), I get hooked on them and start thinking about and wanting sweet things all the time. Similarly I can’t just have one glass of wine now and then, without it escalating over time into drinking several times a week.

“the feeling of it hitting me, I wasn’t able to stop!”

It’s the alcohol physically doing that to you, it’s not you being weak.

DP and I have discussed how drinking AF beer and AF cider has made us both realise that it’s the alcohol in the drink that makes you keep drinking. If he has AF beer, he’ll just have one. If he has normal beer, he’ll drink three pints. And he isn’t a big drinker these days as he doesn’t have a crowd of drinking buddies like he used to (several of them have died, sadly).

I’ve noticed that Coca Cola triggers that “getting hooked” response in me too, must be the sugar and whatever else they put in.

@REP22, I agree that the global situation is grim, and I have been in News rabbit holes/vortexes of doom many times. I am not minimising your fears at all, but now I tend to think that I'm still here, despite getting a Protect And Survive leaflet in my teens, being convinced that my children would be orphaned because of BSE, everyone I loved would get AIDS, the Iraq war (during which my son was born) would play out Nostradamus' predictions and more. Catastrophise - moi? I wrote the book, and as we all know, didn't handle the attendant anxiety with grace or aplomb.

But, it's not in anyone's interests to have a mutually destructive war. That includes Putin and Trump. Even if their land survived, they would have no market for their goods. Also, there will be who knows what going on behind the scenes - much of what we see is testing the water or to ramp up public support for this and that. Pacifying MAGA, scaring the UK/European publics etc to force things through. It's not necessarily real.

I totally understand that this is a pointless thing to say, but I'll say it anyway - please try not to worry. For better or worse we can't alter what happens, anyway - that's up to the politicians (not always reassuring, I know). One thing's for sure, drinking will only make your MH worse.

Cuddle Sid, and ignore the f*ckers is my advice, FWIW.
x

Just checking in to say I had alcohol. I went on Holidays and made a decision that I would drink before I went. I was OK for the majority of it but ended up very hungover, with anxiety after too much one of the nights.

I plan on not drinking for the foreseeable future, but feel like a fraud on this thread because I cannot say with certainty that I will not drink again on special occasions.

I will still read here and may end up back posting again, best of luck to everyone and well done xx

@mumzof4x huge congratulations on your 90 days! That's a major accomplishment so don't play it down!! It's so lovely to read how you're feeling and I'm inspired to keep going after a difficult couple of days.

Last night I very nearly picked up a bottle of wine on my way home from work to 'toast the cat' and texted DH to suggest it. I actually deleted the Mumsnet app too in a fit of pique. But...then I actually realised that all I wanted was a cup of tea and a cuddle. It's that self-soothing thing again isn't it?! So I'm still here, still AF and plodding on 🙂

Morning. Day 23 completed. Fitful sleep. Dealing with a lot of anxiety. Grateful that there is hope and perhaps there will be more internal peace in the future.

@AmusedBouched I would suggest that you find a therapist who is trained to deal with alcohol use, it doesn’t sound to me as if they are.

@mumzof4x congrats on 90days that’s a great achievement. So inspiringI hope you get your dream home.

@Seenoevil33 43 days is fab and weight loss too

@REP22 I hear you re:Trump I have barely watched any news, it is adding to my overall anxiety.

Well done @MagsMagnolia on not drinking and having a cup of tea and cuddle instead.

Morning dedicated crew of HMS Sobriety.
I will not drink today.

I relish waking up and not worrying about what I did the night before. Sending lifeboats to any that need it.

Love and kind thoughts to all.

Morning all.
Well done to all achieving mile stones.

@REP22 we'll be having that lunch in the spring as soon as I can drive. I feel you and I have a joint book in us. Keep up the good direction of the ship. Ignore the mother.

I'm off to see my friend from slimming world. We met years ago. I'm taking her birthday gift from last year as I didn't see her. She a very sage lady so I enjoy our chats.

Good morning shipmates. Thank you for your kind words and solidarity. You really are the best.

Deffo to the lunch and book @WendyWagon - that'd be fab 🙂

Please don't beat yourself up @sugarytea2024 - we've all been there. Myself many times. You're keeping going and that is the main thing. Be kind to yourself. It will be alright. x

I am trying not to watch the news as much. It just chills me to the core. I mean, Musk gave Trump what was clearly a Nazi salute - and the way they are carrying on, the things they say and do... During WW2 my grampy was a front-line medic. He was with the unit that liberated Bergen-Belsen concentration camp. He could never, ever sleep at night after the things he saw and had to deal with there. And if Trump and Putin have their way it will happen again, to the sound of cheers and laughter from the MAGA idiots. There's already talk of 'detention camps' at the Mexican border, and sending migrants to Guantanamo. God help us.

Blimey - sorry lads. I must try harder. Good will prevail in the end. It has to.

It's great to hear about your progress and milestones. I'm in such admiration or your bravery and spirit.

Here is Sid, posing with some flowers 'n' fruit to cheer us on.

Strength and love. It will be alright soon. xx

Still Life With Sid. Send it to the National Gallery😀

I'm on antibiotics just now, and it occurred to me that when I was drinking that would have been a dilemma. To stop, even for a week, seemed impossible, but there are strict instructions not to take them with alcohol. I don't think things like that cross the minds of people who don't drink problematically. I remember during lockdown when people were supposed to go shopping for essentials only, and the self-righteous comments about those with booze in their trolleys. They clearly didn't understand that for some people it is essential. I was AF at that point, but could well remember when it would have been difficult. Being free of that sort of thing is so liberating.

Let me start by saying how jealous I am of those who post here saying they’ve got an alcohol problem but they sometimes go days or weeks without it. I wish I had that kinda problem. I started maybe 30 years ago when I joined a high profile company in a stressful job. Yep, I took the easy way out and tried to erase the stress with alcohol, which was made easy because my team stayed away from home and in hotels during the week. Fridays I would fly home and reward myself with a few free gin and tonics on the plane, so I was pleasantly “floaty” when I was picked up at the airport. My firm was acquired when I was 48 and I sold my shareholding for a sufficiently large sum that I didn’t have to work again. With no stress I anticipated my alcohol consumption would decrease. It didn’t and for the last few years I’ve been downing two bottles of red (except for sometimes a damp but dryish january) each night. Yes I’m an evening drinker - never touch the stuff before 6pm or after 10:30 (never even tempted), but as soon as the clock chimes 6 I’m pouring, and by the time I go to bed I can’t recall any tv program details after about 8, or conversation detail. I sleep not bad and don’t get really bad hangovers - I’ve obviously built up Himalayan levels of tolerance. But as I approach my 70th birthday I’m thinking this can’t continue if I want another 10 to 15 years of active life. So, after a boozy 35 night caribbean cruise I stopped and I’m on day 25. How do I feel? Get a bit anxious around the old wine o clock time, wake up with a headache but I sleep better and can remember even complex evening tv plots! I don’t fall asleep in front of the tv or argue so much with the family. BUT, I still find it difficult to imagine life without a drink - that initial blissful euphoria and the later absence of inhibition and social lubrication is tempting. My problem is that I know I couldn’t stick with one - or two. Drinking one or two wines does very little for me, it’s pointless so I might as well drink coke. It’s only after 3 or 4 that the effects kick in, and then I’m well away on the downward spiral. So that’s me, hoping day 26 comes around. I’ve only found this thread in the last few days, and it’s helped. Enormously. So thanks.

@ShyMaryEllen hope the antibiotics do the trick. Look after yourself. ❤️

Welcome @Slackfoxy , I'm glad you've found us. You're doing so well. It will get better, I promise. x