The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Spring 2025

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Warmer weather is coming. Keep an eye out for that first daffodil waving in the breeze, and make yourself at home. It's going to be alright. x

Morning all.

I'm definitely an extrovert but I do crave silence. When I've done the big commute I need to come home to peace. No telly, no questions.
I've just allowed the DH to put the news on early. It drives me potty that he will have the radio on at the same time.

@Onewildandpreciouslife i have odd hobbies. I collect dolls houses. The amount of flack I get for that.

And the 'friend' sent me wine again last night! I think she's trying to kill me off.

I've been on here before, but slipped badly recently. Today I want this to be my (new) day one. The recycling bin is emptied today, and my aim is to put no more empty wine bottles in from now on. I'm reading all your strong and honest posts for inspiration

@Swanchaser welcome back

I had a 0.5% G&T yesterday and now feel guilty...

It didn't feel in the spirit of alcohol-free!

The internet says it's okay though?

That’s one of those areas where you decide what you’re comfortable with @taylorean and write your own rule.
There is probably more alcohol in a banana so it’s not going to have any noticeable effect on you, but some people don’t feel comfortable with it, or find the idea triggering.

Thanks @Onewildandpreciouslife!

I felt weirdly bad about it because I was treating it as a 'treat' and 'reward' that I didn't really need. I'd feel more comfortable with a 0.5% AF beer in a pub, strangely, because there's a benefit to being sociable and in that case I don't feel a bad line is being crossed.

What you say really really helps, though, because it explains why it didn't sit right.

I'm not going to count it as breaking my streak - that seems a bit overkill - but my gut instinct is also telling me something useful here.

@MagsMagnolia absolutely! I’m so confused about who I am. I don’t know if I’m an introvert or just scared of people. I was definitely scared of my parents growing up and I do think I decided to shrink into the background as I couldn’t get into trouble then. However, give me a drink and I act up. It reminds me of a child having a tantrum.

@WendyWagon possibly a question that has already been asked but why does your friend keep sending you wine?

@Swanchaser lovely to ‘meet’ you. I’ve not been on here long but have found the posts and support so helpful.

Hello again @Swanchaser - great to see you back.

Sid and I have had a better night. Hopefully back to full-chipper-level soon.

Keep going. It will be alright. x

Wondering if the ‘friend ’ has issues with booze @WendyWagon ? Do they want their old drinking buddy back? I’ve had people do this, clearly uncomfortable because it shines a light on their own heavy drinking, so easy option, get me to drink so we can all carry on and ignore the glaringly obvious. Either way, I’d steer clear and return the wine.

I’m an introvert, love my own company, and the company of animals more than strangers. Prefer seeing family and friends in very small groups. When I was teaching, and having to deliver inset training to staff, or do assembly for the students I was fine, put on an act, but always relieved after, never came naturally.

Have a good day one and all. Today I am mostly getting the conservatory Spring Ready, currently it’s a drying room for laundry, a playroom for the cats and a general dumping ground. Then walking doggies.

Glad you’re feeling brighter @REP22 .

You’re all strong, inspiring, and I can’t thank you enough for your kindness and support. X

It's amazing how much the things everyone says on here resonate with me so strongly! It's making me wonder whether there's a psychological profile that is common in personalities who tend to use alcohol for confidence.
@Middlemarch123 in a previous life I was a secondary school teacher and whilst I loved it, I would have an almost physical sense of 'putting on my teacher personality' for the day as I walked from the car to the staff room every morning!

Hello everyone. I’m after a bit of support here!

So many people keep talking about how much better they feel for giving up alcohol. How long has this taken for others? It’s been almost 2 months of no alcohol for me and I’ve been disappointed at the lack of difference I feel in myself. Though I am clinging onto the fact that I know I’m helping my body even if I can’t feel it!

I am still feeling exhausted in the mornings, I’ve not lost any weight, despite eating a lot better and not having the calories of 2+ bottles of wine plus all the drunken and hangover junk per night and I don’t look any different. My cholesterol and blood pressure are actually slightly up since I last got them checked in October.

sorry in advance if this isn’t the right place for my message but I just wonder if anybody else has been through this?? I am staying with it still as I’m worried about all the damage I’ve done to my liver these last few years. Maybe this is why I also don’t feel better yet either! My Liver function test results are one of the few things that came back normal though!!

Hi @AmusedBouched ! Yes lots of similar posts on here! I am around 7.5 weeks now and I’ve been waiting to feel better but don’t. A lot of that’s to do with my sleep being a bit crap and three DCs randomly ill; oh and me being ill at one point too. I remember stopped from Jan to March many years ago and never felt different and went right back to it.

there is one poster further down the line - sorry can’t remember username - but she said she still doesn’t feel wonderful and sleep took a while to sort itself out. It can take longer for others. What I have read is that it takes at least 3 months for your brain chemistry to readjust and for you to produce your own dopamine again.

My intake sounds a bit similar to yours. I have not lost any weight but I do have more energy. Apparently, you still have to have a calorie deficit to lose weight. Bizarrely cutting thousands of booze calories doesn’t always make a difference in the short term, but might from 2-3 months. My skin is slowly but surely improving and although the whites of my eyes were unaffected (apparently they’re greyish with too much booze), I happened to take a selfie on 21st Jan and 21st Feb and my face is less swollen. I had sort of noticed my eyelids were drooping a bit and was thinking of investing in new makeup. Now I’ve been off the booze for nearly two months, they look like the used to!! It never crossed my mind.

so there are small wins to be happy with. Either way, I’m just glad I’m in control now because I really wasn’t before.

Hi @AmusedBouched

For me, I feel psychologically better because it’s one less thing taking up headspace and making me feel guilty, and I feel like I’ve liberated myself from it.

Physically, because of other things going on, I’m not feeling great at the moment but that’s nothing to do with drinking versus not drinking. It’s just a coincidence.

Afternoon all.

I had a lunchtime nap and feel a bit better.
Perhaps I'm ment to be a lady of leisure.
@Kindtomyself @Middlemarch123 ive no idea why this wine keeps coming. I think it might be a six month thing from my birthday last year. Like a subscription. I'll be giving it away on Friday. On this occasion I shan't be saying thank you. I'll wait and see if she asks. It might be sabotage as this is the same person who made me cry last week over the way I behaved when my DC were small.

Or dare I say some people don't like others to get their life on track?

Anyway I'm looking forward to my tea of fish and peas.
I love a Gordon's af but I've fallen out of the habit with my washing machine stomach. I don't think 0.5% matters as it doesn't trigger you.

@AmusedBouched
I spoke last week of feeling totally blah, I still do but at least I don't hate myself and I'm sober.
I've also read it takes a while for this to change so hoping it'll improve.

I didn't lose weight, I gained it, I started eating properly and had a pudding every night, chocolate cake/sticky toffee pudding/apple crumble etc, all with cream so it's no wonder.

I've eased back now and with being more active as the weather warms up hopefully I won't gain more, but it's still better than being drunk for me.

I think lots of us assume we'll be thin, constantly joyous and suddenly have an amazing life, and I'm discovering that's not the reality, but we can be sober, and for now that's enough for me.

Hi @AmusedBouched - well done on your 2 months!
I agree with all the other comments about giving it time. What I would say though is if we’re drinking heavily, it’s easy to blame everything on the alcohol- and sometimes when you strip that away you realise there’s something else going on too. My gynaecologist had been recommending HRT to me for a while and I’d just brushed it off - convinced that if I just stopped drinking I’d feel much better. After a couple of months I still felt knackered, so tried the HRT and felt much better! I’ll never know whether it was time or the HRT that did it.

I guess all I’m saying is sobriety helps with lots of things, but it’s not always a magic bullet for everything

Thanks so much for the welcome, it's good to read messages of support and to know there's so many out there in the same boat. I had the grandchildren after school today, and it's usually an excuse to grab a bottle of wine after I've delivered them home. I avoided stopping at the shop, although it feels odd to be sitting here drinking squash tonight!

Evening all.

@AmusedBouched I am 9 months in on Sunday and feel like I never really had the pink cloud experience. The first 30 days were physically hard, not so much with cravings but I was absolutely exhausted, felt very emotional and short tempered and I didn't feels like my sleep improved for ages.

But slowly but surely life has just become easier. I have noticed that I look younger, I've lost some weight, I feel more capable, I am less flappable.
And last but not least, I like myself again.

Love your post @EastCoastDamsel all
those positives.

Morning ships company.
I will not drink today.
I choose a better life.
Love and kind thoughts to all.

I choose a better life - love this, sums it all up!

Welcome @Swanchaser and@AmusedBouched ,

Reading back on these posts about how long it takes for improvement,
If it takes about three months or more, for our bodies to regain their natural equilibrium, then that proves what a nasty toxic substance alcohol is.😬.
And we've been slowly poisoning ourselves 😭.

Day 18 completed. Feeling more hopeful, more self compassion today (although still hiding out).
I was breathalysed last night by the police, this has never happened before. Felt like it was a message from the universe although not sure what it was trying to say 😂.

I think/hope stopping drinking gives us the space to sort out the other stuff. Apart from a 2 year period a few years ago where i managed to be alcohol free, 6 months last year and 2 pregnancy's my adult life has been full of booze. Literally I left home and as soon as I was at uni my drinking was too much, both binge drinking and drinking at home just trying to cope with the demands of life.

I can't speak for anyone else but I think, for me anyway, stopping drinking alcohol is just the start... I hope x

Wow @Kindtomyself That does indeed seem to be a sign!! I was just saying to my husband the other day that I've never been breathalysed. And to my shame I'm sure there would have been mornings after the night before that could have been very touch and go 😳 One of the best things for me about giving up alcohol is that feeling of getting into bed sober and waking up totally hangover free.

Lovely post @Onewildandpreciouslife