The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Spring 2025

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Warmer weather is coming. Keep an eye out for that first daffodil waving in the breeze, and make yourself at home. It's going to be alright. x

I had awful nosebleeds too. They are not a reassuring symptom. I have been reminding myself of things like that lately. My gums bled too, and if I cut or grazed myself it took ages to heal. All of that stopped when I stopped drinking, so why risk going back to living like that, particularly as I now know I didn't have cirrhosis? Having it would be so much worse.

I'd like to shout out to @ponzusoup, as we haven't heard from her for a while. If you're reading but not posting for any reason, hello - I hope you're doing well.

@mermadeincornwall, thanks for the idea, but I didn't use youTube back then. I think it was an iPod that had most of my tracks on it, and when I transferred iTunes to my phone I left the hypnosis ones behind in case they started playing on shuffle when people could hear🙄. Honestly, the shame surrounding all of this is really part of the problem, isn't it? Even when I was giving up I went to huge lengths not to let anyone know - and given the years of drunken behaviour that went before, that is beyond ironic.

Hello everyone, so glad I found such a friendly supportive group. I will try to post regularly to hold myself a bit more accountable. I had a bit of a brain wave yesterday - one reason I’ve struggled to stop drinking (and have never been very heavy drinker, but just a glass or two can make anxiety absolutely unbearable the next day) is that I worry that other people will think I’m boring and I won’t fit in. And then I realised yesterday - I’ve ALWAYS worried people will think I’m boring and I won’t fit in, and whether I’ve been drinking or not has made zero difference. So perhaps I just need to accept I’m always going to feel a bit of an outsider, and just do what feels good for me?
anyway I hope everyone is having a good week!

Just copying the quote that mermade posted upthread.

If you quit now
You'll end up right back where you first begin
And when you first began you were desperate to be right here
So keep going

And also this….

“This will never stop being your thing until you face it.”

And also this one from Rep’s post.

One of my favourites is from the I Am Sober app - "You haven't come so far to only get this far".

@ScoutBennett I always worried that I would be boring too. I thought that "drunk me" meant "fun me" - perhaps I was for the first few minutes. In actual fact, I suspect that I was really a rather tiresome little tit. I've actually had more fun being sober. I bet you're not half as much of an outlier as you think you are. I think you are probably very nice to have around and, sober, you can be the you that you were always meant to be. ❤️
(The distinction between people laughing at what I was saying and people laughing at me because I was p~ssed is one I fear I failed to draw on early enough). Plus not having the cringe factor of "Oh sh~t, what did I say out loud last night?" is an oft-valued blessing.

Echo @ShyMaryEllen in sending a shout out to @ponzusoup. Hope all's well. x

ah i loved that shout out thank you ! i'm doing ok sobriety wise but work teens. d sick parents are driving me up the wall. not a. moment to myself. i have an autistic 18 year old whose broke up with her 2 weeks ago and a 14 year old who has been smoking out the bathroom window. add in long distance dementia and a physically disabled parent in another location and you can see im the filling in a mid life sandwich. but sobriety is serving me well in dealing with.

love you heaps @REP22 @ShyMaryEllen

@REP22 "tiresome little tit" 😂
I suspect that was me too - I'm going to store that up and keep for personal reference ☺️

tiresome little tit 😂

Morning amazing crew

Sending a life raft to any of the ships company that's fallen overboard (off the wagon) and locking those thinking of jumping off into the Brigg ,where you can think about just how far you've come.

Love and kind thoughts to all

And
I will not drink today

@ponzusoup that's a lot. You are an absolute inspiration for sharing how your sobriety is helping during all of that.

I went out for dinner this week, normally I either drink or buy a bottle on the way home. I didn't and woke up feeling good.

My most repeated quote is something like "you can choose this one thing [alcohol] or you can have everything else'.

I think I'll going to re-listen to sober diary's. I found it so helpful last time.

@ScoutBennett I've worried about being boring. I am different when I don't drink, a better, kinder friend, better at listening, a better parent. My threshold to alcohol has been getting so high I've noticed I'm not even free from self consciousness when drunk recently... makes me wonder if I wasn't even loosing that what it was I was gaining.

I told my 2 closest friends who hard I found dry Jan. I've tiptoed around telling them I have a problem with booze... so I'm laying the groundwork to explain. I think if I could share this I would be more likely to not slip again.

Wishing you all good peaceful days x

Loving all the quotes, it's funny how a few well chosen words can help so much,
My words about quitting now are from Andy Smith's book, Sober in Seven, the book's not great but there are some good quotes.

Big kiss to cabin boy Sid😘

Morning all.

I love a quote me.

'you are what you are, unless you'd rather be someone different'.

That resonates with me because I didn't think people liked me socially. I was great until I tipped over into drunkeness.
The next day I was ashamed. I became desperate to know what I'd said and done. Often it was a case of getting me home safely. I was never sick or blacked out but boy I could lecture like a politician. I have strong views and being a sales person I go for the 'agree with me clause '. God it was hard work.

I decided to invest all the booze money in me. Books, therapy and when I'm better a new language course. I don't think I've ever thought much about me. We are worth it whatever our subconscious might have said.

Hello and sending strength to @ponzusoup

Sending thanks to @mermadeincornwall

It really helps to see your morning messages!

Good morning shipmates from me and Sid.

Thanks for launching the lifeboat @mermadeincornwall - it's always there and always attached. No-one will be cast adrift in these waters.

Lovely to hear from you @ponzusoup , but sorry things are grim. Have you found the Cockroach Cafe on MN? It's another long-running thread, for those with challenging elderly relatives - most are in the highly unfair sandwich situation. It's a bastion of wisdom, gentle humour and kindness: Cockroach Café 🪳 🪳 🪳New Year 2025 | Mumsnet. There's also a friendly forum here: Dementia Support Forum. Look after yourself. You matter too. ❤️

That was brave to tell your friends @Womanshour - I really admire people who can do that. I'm sure they love you all the more for your honesty and courage. Like @WendyWagon's wise words, it's a form of investment in yourself.

I sat with a new person at Slimming World last night. They told me that they'd put on so much weight by comfort eating after the death of a close friend. Apparently they'd died of catastrophic liver failure after years of alcoholism. They'd refused the desperate pleas of friends and family and their last interaction with them was trying to get them to an AA meeting. They were 45. Bloody hell. There but for the grace of...

Stick to the fight when you're hardest hit; it's when things seem worst that you must not quit. That's one from one of my favourite poems, shared on previous threads. Don't give up, ever. Keep to the path and it will get less rocky. It's going to be OK.

Strength and courage. ❤️ x

Morning everyone.
@REP22
I'm 47 and was worried I was going the way of that lady's friend, every twinge I was convinced it was something to do with my stomach/liver/kidneys + alcohol.

Anyway, day 4 in London and no alcohol.
I have been feeling quite blah though, for a few weeks but though it'd be different this week as I love coming here.
I was mooching around on here last night and found pink clouding and PAWs which explains it.
I'm relieved that it will get better eventually, I'm in forever anyway, but would like to experience actual joy again, there's utterly nothing wrong, but it's literally blah, sober and blah, but still blah.
(Sorry for saying blah a lot!).

@TequilaAndPickles - me too. Twinges, nosebleeds, etc. It sadly is a one way street with only one destination, unless we stick our hazards on and crank into reverse.

Fantastic stuff on making it to day 4 in London. I love London too, though I know what you mean. It's hard to shake the 'blah' - it can be deafening at times. Like silence.

You're doing really well. Keep at it. You are worth it all. x

I confess I have a new linen shirt dress in a parcel downstairs. Red and four sizes smaller so I was having it.
I can't give it all up and clothes are my thing.

The daughter has been playing houses, her choices at the seaside. Lovely if you're retired.

Morning everyone - wow this thread is busy! So great to see everyone so determined and I do love an inspirational quote….

1 month today for me - unexpectedly unbelievable and I still remember sitting there on day 1 thinking that I had no chance at all of even quitting for a day.

these threads and you strangers online are propping me up everyday- onwards and upwards
I will not drink today!

Still here and still ashamed but on Day 10. I hope that I start to feel better soon. I have been miserable for most of my life I think due to an emotionally neglected/abusive childhood and alcohol has helped me to give the impression that I am full of life and having a fabulous time however I have made a tit of myself so many times now that I don’t think I’m kidding anyone, especially myself.
So I now have to properly face up to all the sadness that lies underneath and to start to live properly.

I believe I deserve it, I just don’t know if it’s possible. I am very ‘poor me’ at the moment and don’t like it but I want to be honest and see the dark side.

I am interested to see how it all goes from here.

Love the sound of your new dress @WendyWagon
Well done on a month @Seenoevil33

Oh @Kindtomyself - so many of your posts resonate with me. My childhood wasn’t abusive, but it set me up with many beliefs and attitudes that I am gradually learning to unlearn.

You will start to feel better, and it IS possible.

I think one of the greatest gifts being sober gives us is the “space” to look at ourselves properly. It’s not always comfortable, but I think one of most helpful things is to be curious about our responses. When something happens, rather than over reacting or hiding from it (which alcohol promotes/ enables), we can say “oh, that’s interesting. I’m feeling like this - I wonder if that’s because..”

That all takes a bit of time - in the early days it is just a case of not drinking, and doing whatever it takes to achieve that. But it will come.

The new dress sounds fab @WendyWagon - I bet you always look gorgeous, even in your PJs.

Congratulations on your 1 month @Seenoevil33 and 10 days @Kindtomyself - absolutely brilliant and very, very brave. 🎉🎉

Hello @Onewildandpreciouslife - sending you hearty waves. @Kindtomyself's posts resonate with me too. I had a messed-up and unhappy childhood, with lots to unpick. Still pulling at some of the threads, TBH. Also with people thinking lots of me where, if they knew the truth, they would probably be quite speechless with dismay.

But as @Onewildandpreciouslife says, sobriety brings us tools and skills to begin the unpicking. And, however improbable it may seem at the moment, it will indeed come and it will be better. Honest.

I used to think that being able to go to sleep at night without drinking was some unattainable superpower. It was unfathomable to me how people could ever manage it. It's still not always easy. But the sober mornings are much better and a prize worth winning.

With love. x

Hello you amazing beautiful people. I am so grateful for this thread.
I managed a lunch out today with close family, and was fine with avoiding the booze. But I was very tempted. Due to go out with ex colleagues tomorrow, but I’ve cancelled, because I don’t feel strong enough to be with a load of tiddly/drunk friends without having a couple. Some days are more challenging than others. I’ll catch up with them over coffee and cake at a different time. Sometimes this is very hard. But it’s the right path.
love to all, and belly rubs to Sid x