The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Spring 2025

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Warmer weather is coming. Keep an eye out for that first daffodil waving in the breeze, and make yourself at home. It's going to be alright. x

Thanks @REP22. It's nice to be back in the fold - I've messed Sid's antics too!

@SmellyMe congratulations that's amazing! I'm sorry about the cold.

I didn't make 6 weeks. I'm not going to dwell in it, it's renewed my intentions not to drink. So I'm still here and not drinking. I'm going to make less of a big deal about the number of days for me, every time I fall I then fall into desperation that I can't do this, and ultimately, it'll end up harming me and I can't believe how selfish it is to keep falling.... that doesn't help.

So, the sun is shining here, spring is in the air and I'm not drinking.

Hope everyone is well x

I am here folks with frozen peas on my knee!
I woke up to a kneecap twice the size of the other.
I've not been line dancing, playing football or jumping off the wardrobe. What gods have decided I'm to have this today can bog off.
Welcome to the newbies and those returning. I'm not the best person re cravings even three years on.
However I don't want to be the old me. Bloated, very overweight and drunk most nights. What a waste of life and painful for those that love you.

Any day you choose not to drink is healing to your body and soul. Give yourself a chance to taste another life. You'll get so much more done.

Very wise words @WendyWagon . I'm so sorry about your knee. Hope it's on the mend very, very soon. ❤️ xx

It's sometimes a struggle - this weekend was tough!

I definitely have the hangover feeling this morning without having drunk this weekend - so I guess we aren't immune to all the other aches and pains just because we're being good and sensible...

At least I don't have the guilt, just the headache and tiredness. But I want the warm Readybrek glow as well, goddammit!

@WendyWagon does indeed have wise words, @Womanshour . As many earlier posts said, it took a lot of us many attempts. Whilst 6 weeks is an achievement for me, I know it is a fragile one. Don’t feel like you are selfish. It’s a hard mental hill to overcome. Counting doesn’t always help. You’re on it.

Well, bless my soul, @REP22 😂. My grandad (born in 1908) used to build organs (of the musical kind) for music halls, and taught my sister and I that song when we were children. My mother was furious, which made it even funnier.

@WendyWagon, have you tried 911 bee venom cream? I swear by it for painful joints and muscle strains. I get mine from Amazon and they don't seem to have any in just now, but it's worth checking back. It pongs (really stinks) and makes the skin it touches go bright red, but it's very effective. I have osteoarthritis in my knees, and find it's a lot better than Voterol, even the strong version.

You'll get there, @Womanshour. As has been said, every AF day is a step forward. Even if you have a few steps back along the way, you are still moving in the right direction. One day at a time. Keep taking the B1 though.

@WendyWagon those are wise words. Every time I get a decent chunk of time under my belt a learn more good sober life stuff. I just need to keep trying and I'll get there.

Hope your knee is OK x

I’ve never had the Ready Brek glow, or basked under a pink cloud…even when I quit previously for years. I just kind of get used to it, and trundle on. But I definitely do cope with the usual stresses and problems better, so that’s a win.
We’re doing well, even if we lose our way, as long as we get back on the right path we’re winning. Take care, and mind how you go x

Well tonight's been harder than I expected. Just the temptation to open a bottle of wine and settle down for the evening...
Started thinking about it around 5 and was hard to shake. But...even though I've demolished fish and chips and a tub of Ben & Jerry's I've managed not to drink and am sat here now with a cup of tea feeling really content and happy I didn't do it. Want to remember this feeling 🙂

Good evening,
I'm new here and wanted to post before I change my mind...
Was alchool-free for nearly seven years and and relapsed. That has been going on for more than one year now.
I function, mostly, but not at my best, and really need to make this work.
Not making excuses, but my mum died May 2023, then my brother in October same year, and I had a drink "for fun" with my siblings. Since then, fell back on the old pattern of drinking for self-soothing that doesn't soothe at all, just takes more and more away from my self-confidence.
I know I can loose the addiction, just not sure if I can make it stick.
It will be my birthday on Sunday, and I'm marking that as a new beginning. Again... oh, well!
Here we go.
Wishing all of you a good night.

Morning sober sisters on the good ship Sobriety

I will not drink today

My life will not be better unless I make it better

Love and kind thoughts to all

Morning all.

Huge win not drinking last night @MagsMagnolia - first hurdle done!

Welcome @TheWaterLover

Hope you’re feeling better this morning @WendyWagon

@ShyMaryEllen have you tried checking searching 'history ' for lost hypnosis? I now take a photo of any hypnosis i do on YouTube .good luck with the search.

Welcome @ScoutBennett and @TheWaterLover ,and welcome back @MagsMagnolia , we'll get there, that includes you @Womanshour, it's a work in progress.

Hope the knee is ok @WendyWagon,sending a Yorkshire tea ☕.

I loved your wonderful words of inspiration @Crunchymum from 13th Feb, moaning your way to 90days, I've copied it to paper! And will read it daily.

This thread is helping me so much, even the posters that don't stay, it's a reminder that we're only human
and how difficult it can be to stay on board.
I love reading all your news, and catching up with cabin boy Sid.

This is from one of the quit lit books

If you quit now
You'll end up right back where you first begin
And when you first began you were desperate to be right here
So keep going

I think I’m in a danger zone. I find myself so utterly BORED as well as being not well. Over the last two nights, I’ve gone through a decade’s worth of food magazines and newspaper supplements to take out the recipes I want to keep in an effort to reduce what we need to move when we sell up. What’s next?! The danger is that both I’m bored and lacking any motivation becuase I am sick and have no enegy. A double whammy for me. 😱

@SmellyMe maybe I am the play it forward you need? One drink meant a week of drinking. And I'm so greatful it was only a week.

I had some horrid nose bleeds during that week which i think are a warning that it's taking its toll.

Can you treat yourself to a comfy box set/film? A good book? I read a stupid insta quote recently that said rather than seeing stopping drinking as something that is lost, seeing it as all the things you're giving yourself. Whatever they are for you? Stick with it, you've done so well x

Thanks so much for the kind comments, it's meant a lot x

Morning all.

Welcome @TheWaterLover .

Well done on surfing the wave of craving @MagsMagnolia .

I love that quote @mermadeincornwall . Is it Laura McKowen?

@SmellyMe boredom is a massive trigger. I actively used displacement activities in the early weeks. I was lucky because I quit in June, so made sure to stop working at exactly 5pm and took the dogs out every evening, which got me over the first habit window, then cooked, ate and went upstairs for long baths and skin care routines. Planned trips to the cinema or theatre (where I ate far too many sweets) or tried new hobbies (none really stuck).

I worked hard on not feeling guilty about doing that too, before I quit, I used wine to remove myself from situations. In the early days, I learnt to physically remove myself and not feel bad about it. It became a priority.

I no longer need to do this every evening but sometimes, when I have had a particularly difficult day, I still go upstairs straight after dinner and just relax, read a book, watch something on the iPad etc.

IWNDWYT 😘

Morning all.
The knee is better. I pulled myself downstairs and made strong tea and porridge.

'give me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the strength to change what I can and the peace of mind from both'

Welcome @TheWaterLover

I love this one for Laura McKowen

@EastCoastDamsel and @WendyWagon Nice quotes 😊

To everyone who is struggling with temptation to have a drink, playing it forward is what works best for me too. I know it wouldn't be just one glass of wine, who am I trying to fool? I know I would feel rubbish in the morning, both physically and mentally. I'm doing this for me, because I'm worth more than being a drunk, because sober me is actually a pretty okay person. That temporary relief from social anxiety, that high after the first glass, it's just not worth it.

I also look at long term health benefits. I'm almost 60 so am starting to focus more on health and well-being in my later years. Already I can see important long term health benefits; I have stopped daily prescription medication for heartburn, my blood pressure which was worryingly high is now well below the average for my age (average 100/70), my sleep is better, mind clearer, and the only thing I have changed is giving up alcohol for 4 1/2 months.

It's honestly so, so worth it. Keep going team 💪❤️

Hello shipmates, thank you for the inspirational words, they really help me to keep going. I cling to every sober morning that I achieve and try to appreciate it as much as I can. Getting out for a walk with Sid for a few minutes helps. He deserves the sober me that his predecessor did not always have. I'm not sure if I'd describe it as a Ready Brek glow (I used to love Ready Brek, I may have to "revisit" it 😉), or a Teflon coating. It's just... better. And I'll take that.

@EastCoastDamsel and @SmellyMe - boredom is a big trigger for me too. When I was going to SMART recovery, some of my fellows there were doing house clearances for free, cleaning for mates, allotment groups, soup kitchens, etc., anything - anything - to keep themselves busy. I'm planning to do a bit more tidying and house-bettering (little bit at a time) at weekends to try and keep me true.

@Womanshour - I know the nosebleeds of which you speak. I've had them too. Sobering in more ways than one. And the law of diminishing returns means that the longer we persist, the less able our bodies are to recover, and recover well. It's most annoying. I used to like drinking sometimes, you see. But it WILL kill me if I don't stay true. I don't want Sid to outlive me.

Glad you're feeling a bit better @WendyWagon - I wonder if anyone has investigated the healing powers of Yorkshire tea?! I think it is the best (I like Fortnum's Royal Blend too, but that's a bit extravagant).

Glad you've found that good feeling @MagsMagnolia. Have as much Ben & Jerry's as you need - your body will crave the sugar it's missing from alcohol. I mainlined chocolate milkshake when I was getting sober. It's definitely the lesser of the two evils. In time, you won't need it so much anymore.

I love that quote @mermadeincornwall. One of my favourites is from the I Am Sober app - "You haven't come so far to only get this far".

Welcome aboard @TheWaterLover - I'm glad you've found your way to us.

Strength and courage my friends. We going to make it. Here is Sid, extending the paw of friendship and solidarity to anyone who needs it at the moment. It will be alright soon. xx

Hi @TheWaterLover and welcome. This is such an amazing group of supportive, kind and non-judgemental people. I hope you'll find the tribe you need here. What you said about self-soothing really really resonated with me and I've been thinking about it this morning while drinking coffee at the kitchen table (and craving biscuits). There are so many times when I've cracked open a bottle of wine and not massively enjoyed it, but it's just 'what I do' to wind down and relax. Self-soothing describes it so well! So I'm thinking of myself like a toddler who hasn't learnt to settle at night yet - I need to try different approaches and find one that sticks - NOT bath, bottle, bed anymore! 😂
Similarly @EastCoastDamsel and @SmellyMe boredom is tied into this too in a huge way and I'm starting to realise it's a trigger for eating rubbish too.
Will have to work on this 🤔

Yes! @MagsMagnolia and @TheWaterLover self soothing is exactly it! I haven’t said that out loud or written it down here as I wondered if it was a trigger. I suppose it’s helpful to have the trigger because then you can see it more clearly and fight it head on. Does that makes sense? I have wanted to be soothed but really I know that’s only a temporary thing and I’d regret it, wouldn’t I?! I would be deluding myself.

Totally! And there are so many better ways to self sooth - its just going to take a bit of practice...
I'm thinking of my eldest son who would always want to sleep on us rather than settle in his cot...it took a lot of patience to retrain him but I'm so glad we did it now - and I suspect he (at 22) is glad we persisted too 😂