The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Spring 2025

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Warmer weather is coming. Keep an eye out for that first daffodil waving in the breeze, and make yourself at home. It's going to be alright. x

@WendyWagon oh no! Sorry about the bungalow. That's disappointing. I'm sure there's a better one out there waiting for you that isn't a fungus-factory.

I'm with you on the gifting front. I'd take some lovely cheese over flowers any day. x

Sorry about the bungalow @WendyWagon. I’m still feeling very sorry for myself and hiding. I had to go to an event last night there was no way I could miss it. Involved going to a big room with 100ish people with many who possibly have seen me make an absolute tit of myself recently. I did contemplate having a drink before I went in but I didn’t. OMG it was so horrendous. I left after half an hour but I did it.

That was incredibly brave of you @Kindtomyself. I know how hard that must have been. I have often been a bit of a Fanny Price from Mansfield Park myself (sorry for the second mention of this in recent days, I am re-reading it at the bus stop!) - hovering outside a door, staring at the handle, waiting for the courage that I know will never come, to open it and walk through.

To face that, to walk in, to stay for half an hour - which is a long time - and not to fall prey to taking a drink, is magnificent. Well done. Please don't take this the wrong way, and I apologise if I sound patronising, but I am proud of you. That took strength of character and guts. 🏆

It will get easier, I promise. xx

It’s the absolute fear of having to face anyone. This sobriety is meaning that I have to face myself and that’s hard. I have avoided myself for years. I have been trying to find my ‘authentic’ self…be careful what wish for because now I really do have to find her. Eek

I’ve just read my message back and realise that it probably doesn’t make sense. But I know what I’m trying to say. I’m sure I’ll
make more sense in the future

@Kindtomyself - your post makes absolute sense, fear not. I was/am exactly the same. I often drank because I could not bear to be alone with my own thoughts and memories. I drank to drown it all out. It is difficult because a lot of us do drink to mask something, whether it's social anxiety, shyness, nerves around strangers or speaking in public, sorrow at how our lives have turned out, feeling trapped in an unhappy life, stress at dealing with difficult elderly parents, oafish husbands or petulant children, a job we hate, it goes on and is different for everyone. And we are generally our own worst critics. I hate the sound of my own voice, both inner and outer.

It can be frightening to put the bottle down, take off the mask and see ourselves as we are. The trouble with alcohol is that it throws a cover over the issue but does not deal with the issue itself. In fact, it makes it infinitely worse. Leaving it behind can make you feel vulnerable and afraid to tackle what lies beneath.

But you can do it. Sometimes the fear of a thing is worse than the thing itself. And once you've looked it in the eye you find yourself more than up to the task of dealing with it. Not always though. And you are doing your absolute best, you really are.

I still don't like myself very much. But I can stand to be in the same room as myself and smile politely at the idiot gurning out at me from the mirror. I had a big milestone birthday last year that I was dreading. But actually I didn't mind it at all. I'm comfortable in my own skin, and that's a long, long leap forward from where I used to be.

I know the fear that you are talking about and how it can literally make you sick, and scared of what you might find. But take time to get to know the authentic you slowly - you might find that you actually quite like her. She's pretty amazing. 💐 x

Gosh @REP22 , it's hard to imagine you not liking yourself, though I totally understand your post. To me/us on this thread you come across as highly intelligent, very eloquent, empathetic, funny, incredibly kind and so much more. You must, indeed, be your own worst critic. As what you see in the mirror is so different to the REP we see in your posts on this anonymous forum ❤️❤️❤️

@Kindtomyself You showed so much courage walking into that room. Amazing! Please be very proud of yourself xx

Thanks @CarrotSeeds I really had no choice- my son was doing a school thing and there was no acceptable excuse for not going. Unless I was ill and I’d just pretended I was ill the week before! OMG I wish I could run away but if I did I would still be with me

Thanks @CarrotSeeds , that means a lot. You're lovely. xx

I agree with @CarrotSeeds, @REP22. I know too well how life can persuade us that we are inferior or unworthy, but unless you are remarkably different from the Rep we know and love, you are doing yourself down in a big way. Ask Sid, he'll back me up.

And happy Sidversary, to both of you😀

Bless you @ShyMaryEllen that's so kind, and means a lot. ❤️❤️

Thank you for your Sidversary wishes. He has had a special tea tonight. It's not his actual birthday until July (he went indirectly to the rescue charity from the owners with whom he was born, hence knowledge of the birth date). I've already bought him a hat for then, which he thinks he won't have to wear.

Have a lovely weekend. You're all worth staying sober for. ❤️ x

Here is a present for him. Who knew such niche recordings were made😂

@ShyMaryEllen Bonkers but very funny 🤣

Well, I survived my brunch yesterday, it was actually really nice to see friends that I haven’t really spoken to in a while. I dropped a couple of them off after a shed load of red wine (on their part, obviously!), and I felt really content driving home knowing I was going to have an early night and be feeling so fresh today, and they would be rough as hell.

I have now been AF for 24 days. This is a milestone for me, I worked out today that my longest stint in recent years was 23 days. Which means that this is the longest I have went without any booze in well over 15 years, since my early 20s when I went on a health kick. Which is really quite embarrassing, but I’m proud of myself.

Hope you all have a wonderful, sober Friday night and a great weekend too.

Hello, everyone.

I’m checking in here to CELEBRATE my decision to stop drinking. I’m so relieved and happy that I finally made the decision.

I’ve had a very trying week. I won’t bore you with the utterly tedious details of why. Despite that, the thought of having a drink on arrival home hasn’t crossed my mind even once (to be fair, I’ve been ill, so my only thought has been: how soon can I get some kip).

Anyway tonight was feeling much improved, also absolutely starving due to previous loss of appetite, realised we would have no chance of getting a table anywhere nice as we hadn’t pre-booked, and decided to go to the spruced-up chippy with tables about a 15 minute walk from us.

As we were walking towards it, feeling enormously entertained and pleased with ourselves at the prospect of a Valentines Chppy Tea, I found myself thinking to myself “hmm, I think I might treat myself to a can of coke, that’ll be nice, why not?”

And then it hit me: one, I hadn’t once thought about drink as a “remedy” during my difficult week, and two, if I hadn’t made my decision at new year, I’d have been drinking tonight as a “release” from my week, and making myself feel much much worse.

Being able to have a difficult week, go out for a Friday “treat”, and not even think about drinking. Honestly, I feel so liberated. It’s as if my brain was a house with a mouse infestation and the little shits have finally been starved out of the place and gone to live somewhere else.

I’m now six weeks sober.

It doesn’t look much seeing it written down, but it feels like ages.

Hello to you all.

Day 26 for me so not much further than you @Adsy1988. And I agree it’s a hard thing that I’m giving all of my effort to in an effort to break this thing.

Another test tonight as we are off out with a group of our friends. I’ve volunteered for driving rather than an uber and have no plans to drink, but I did have a thought that I could maybe just have one glass! It’s so weird how it’s such a natural thought to include it in any sort of social occasion.

I know that I will not have a drink but if I’m honest I’m not really looking forward to it and already trying to work out how early we can leave! Before quitting, I’d be already having a glass while getting ready to go out, followed by 2 or 3 drinks and then another 2 back at home. That would exceed the weekly limits for women - in just 1 night! And that is exactly why I cannot fail at this.

Hope you’ve all had a great valentines Friday and that the weekend is relaxing and sober for us all!

@REP22 you were the first to welcome me so warmly so I think you are probably a very good egg!

Morning beautiful shipmates
I will not drink today
Life is better being present
Love and kind thoughts to all

Good morning everyone!

Very grey day here and last night we had sleet and snow which fortunately didn't lie. 🥶 On the plus side the snowdrops are looking beautiful in the garden and I have a bunch of very cheery looking daffs on the kitchen windowsill.

We have a busy day today with a long dog walk in the woods followed by a trip into town with said pooch to take part in a fund and awareness raiser for a well known dog charity we support. We might even go out for an early dinner afterwards. Hope everyone has a good weekend and sending positive thoughts to those who are struggling at the moment, especially in the early days. It does get easier, honestly ❤️

Morning all.
Up after the valentines dinner. The DS crashed it and I cooked for him too. His plans got cancelled.
He's been OK since my diagnosis.

The DD went to the cinema with her bf (I've never met him) and ate out. I watched Notting Hill.

No further plans other than moth patrol. They've had a good feast at Wendy Towers.

Afternoon all - happy Saturday! There appears to be a lot of awesomeness aboard this ship at the moment 😁 Yay to all of us navigating the sometime choppy waters. After something ShyMaryEllen wrote, I finally got off my arse (not literally, I made the phonecall whilst sitting down) and tried to request a liver function test from my GP. I’ve been putting this off for a while, due to indolence rather than fear; I’m under no illusion that it will come back with no damage, more a case of wanting to know the extent and if anything can be done. Apparently I can’t just request one, I have to see an actual GP in order for them to request one. Getting a face to face GP appt round here is rarer than hens teeth, but astonishingly the receptionist magicked one up and I’m seeing them on Thursday. Which is a big fat waste of their time and mine, as all they’ll do is ask why I’m there, I’ll say I want a LFT and they’ll say OK and make the referral to the nurse and I’ll have to traipse back again in due course. Literally all they have to do is tick the box marked Liver Test on the bloods sheet. Serve me right for not changing my GP when I moved house! Still, if all I’ve got to be narked about is getting the result I wanted, just not in the way I wanted it, life is probably pretty good.

I hope it comes back with good results. Don't panic if it doesn't - you are doing the best thing possible by not drinking.

One bit of unasked for advice though. If the results are as you hope, please don't see that as a green light to drink? I was told I had cirrhosis and immediately stopped drinking for years, but then found it is actually fibrosis, and I am really struggling now for the first time since I stopped back in 2017. It's madness, as I know what it's like to think you are going to die early because of what you've done to yourself (awful), so if anything I should be doubling down on getting healthier and reversing the damage.

Well done for arranging the appointment

Morning inspirational sober shipmates
It's a voyage of self discovery
Love and kind thoughts to all