The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Spring 2025

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Warmer weather is coming. Keep an eye out for that first daffodil waving in the breeze, and make yourself at home. It's going to be alright. x

Thanks @REP22 you are so fab for taking time to message me. I hope I can be better with my contributions soon. 🙂

Good morning all.

I hope you wake with a clear head and a joyous heart. 💙

I have help in the house today and a bit of peace this afternoon.

Morning amazing crew ,sailing through the storms to cruise calm waters
I will not drink today, my mental health is more important
Love and kind thoughts to all

Morning fellow shipmates
Day 72 here
Off to MIL for weekend tomorrow
On the plus side going to see the wonderful Bridget Jones 💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓
but ... we always used to drink ooodles of bubbly at MIL. There will bubbly flowing 24/7z I always associate going there with long talks way too late into the early hours over wine or brandy.
Plan so far : taking my crochet (absolutely brilliant hobby for keeping hands busy) and a good book
MIL also booked a fancy French restaurant for after Bridget and I will actually really miss ordering a flipping enormous glass of red. Im dreading it.

The thing is I don't actually even think about alcohol much now
I don't miss it often
I have to check my sober app to see how long it's been, small that's good. I think I'm just aware that this will be a trigger for me yet I'm certain I won't drink.
I still need to tackle that hurdle of thought that suggests life can't be fun anymore, yet I've already demonstrated that by enjoying so many occasions already.
Aw sorry for long post
How's everyone doing? X

Sharing a thought...I've just been on a little holiday (my 1st one since going AF) where there were vin caves & bistrŏts everywhere you looked - was my hardest test yet, to stick to the 'sans alcool' list on the menu. I managed to do it but I've come home feeling a bit bereft, 'left out' - & have realised this is daft - I can't go through life feeling like that. So, I've decided it's a matter of 'reframing the narrative' - choosing not to see myself as missing out - this is the next bit of work! Hope this makes sense, posting here to make it more of a concrete decision for myself! 😆

"I still need to tackle that hurdle of thought that suggests life can't be fun anymore"

I think we're on the same page, @mumzof4x x

Hi @bloominoreilly. I just thought the same when I read your post !
So how do we tackle this?
I remember having real belly laughs in the car with DD recently and I can't remember the last time I did that. Was literally crying ! I think it was because I am more present and not focused on getting home to open the bottle.
It's made me less selfish in that respect too. So much more time and calm time.
Have done Christmas / New Year / DH 50th and a couple of spa days without alcohol.
I can't say I didn't think about it at all but less and less definitely
I asked on a previous post how long it takes for these thoughts to not be there pretty much at all and the feedback suggested 100 days. That seemed decades away at the time ! but suddenly I'm day 72 and it's only 28 days away.
I don't do quit lit as it makes me think about alcohol when I'd rather forget and that's working for me, but how can we change this mindset thing that these occasions not only will still be fun but even better ?

Just jumping on quickly and I'll have a proper catch up later...

Today is day 1096 for me. Which doesn't seem like a significant figure but it's 3 years today since I last drank any alcohol. I'm 3 years AF today.

Back in the early days I couldn't have dreamed this would ever be my reality. I'd all but given up hope. I couldn't moderate, I was becoming totally consumed. I was probably on about 12 bottles of red wine a week (1.5 bottles on a weeknight and 2 a night at the weekend). I was miserable, anxious, sad and hated myself more than I've ever hated anyone or anything.

It's not been easy. I didn't join this fabulous group until I'd passed day 42 (which was my longest AF stint other then pregnancy and newborn BF) as I wasn't sure I'd be able to stay off the poison.

I moaned and moaned my way to about day 90 and then something just seemed to click. I now couldn't dream of ever drinking again. I've managed to reboot that part of my brain.

I'm not perfect. I still get pangs (not cravings though) For example Christmas time is always hard as I've had 20+ adult years of being a totally piss head at Christmas. But every year has been easier than the one before. I've managed birthdays, family events, holidays - all times I would usually drink more - without alcohol and I've managed to have fun and enjoy myself. It's been eye opening but I had to live it to see it was possible.

I still have stresses and sadness in my life but not drinking has allowed me to cope with them in a much better way. If I need to cry, I cry. If I need to be silent, I'm silent. I don't use alcohol to numb things. I'm very willing and able to sit with my feelings these days.

Life is calm, steady, secure. I'm present. I'm available. My 7yo cannot really remember me as a drinker.

This place has been an invaluable source of support.

Every day sober is a day you become more powerful in your AF quest. Don't falter, don't waver. You've got this ❤️

Morning shipmates. Very lovely to see you @Crunchymum - congratulations on day 1096 🎉- you're such an inspiration.

@Kindtomyself your contributions are just fine ❤️ here is where we can say whatever we need to say without fear of scorn, criticism or judgment. Everything is helpful. I hope you are having a good day today. 💐

I was up early for an important work thing. Now I am about to rouse Sid from his snoring, take him out so he can "drop his kids off at the pool" (bag at the ready) and then sample the delights of the local Park 'n' Ride into the office. Like a day out at Alton Towers for me.

Strength and courage. It will be alright. x

Congratulations on 3 years sober @Crunchymum, that is phenomenal.

Im just getting ready to finish up work for the day and head to brunch, really looking forward to it.

@Crunchymum well done and great to see you.

@Crunchymum many, many congratulations!!👏👏👏

What a beautiful post @Crunchymum I shed a little tear reading that. The thought of your child not really remembering you as a drinker is a lovely thought. Three years sober is an absolute fabulous achievement and I totally get what you say about your brain re-wiring and learning to deal with your emotions rather than drinking them into oblivion.

"Calm, steady, secure and present". That is my aim and I feel I'm well on my way there. I check this thread every day and feel so encouraged by old timers like yourself who give a little glimpse into the future ❤️. Massive congratulations on your three years. 🎉

Well done, @Crunchymum! That's brilliant.

I so envy you the fact that your children don't remember you as a drinker. That is reason enough to stay off the grog on its own.

Just passing through for now - I've had a busy day and have Things To Do (nothing exciting) before I can relax this evening.

Morning fellow sober sisters,
I'm so grateful for this opportunity to change my life for the better.
I will not drink today.
Love and kind thoughts to all .

Welcome @Seenoevil33
I kinda felt the same over Christmas, I'd had enough of the whole bloody merry-go-round of drinking and being annoyed at myself. I was the only person drinking as well which made it even more stupid.
It's still hard but so worth it.

Morning all.

Good morning shipmates. I don't really hold with all the Valentine's Day b~ll~x, but here is one from Sid, just for you.

We love you, just the way you are. ❤️

Strength and love for the weekend. It's going to be fine. x

That was meant to be a little heart-shaped pic! Sorry lads. Don't tell Sid. 😉

It is when you click on it.

I shall print it and hang it on my bedroom wall😍

I saw the heart!

Aw, thank you @ShyMaryEllen and @taylorean , that's a relief! I'm not as big a numpty as I thought (well, I am, but...hehe)

Sid will be very flattered @ShyMaryEllen - an extra whiskery kiss for you (from him, not me, hehe). It's actually exactly two years ago today that I met Sid for the first time. We were introduced at a leading animal rescue centre. I brought him home on the 19th. The lady at the charity and I both commented about it being Valentine's Day at the time, hehe.

Sid arrived to fill the hole in my heart that was left by his predecessor's sudden and early death (rat-b~st~rd pancreatic cancer), and he made my heart complete. My little dog was the reason I got sober. She deserved better than drunk me. Sadly she died just a month after I was discharged from Inclusion (the alcohol recovery support service). She'd been with me to every SMART recovery group session. It was a long and sorry road after she died. But every step along it was a step that led me to Sid and, for that, I will always be thankful. x

I will also not drink alcohol today!

@Crunchymum haha! “Moaned and moaned my way to day 90”. This is me. I am on day 41. However, I was thinking I was getting to a tiny bit of a pink cloud actually… I was feeling pretty optimistic (never me) and I was also belly-laughing in the car on the way home from work the other day. Like you say, I wasn’t just powering down the road to get home. I’d put on a radio 4 comedy and caught myself actually sitting smiling between gags, like the feeling continued when the laughter subsided! ‘Are you ok ‘smellyme’?, I’m thinking!! Changed days 😁

God I'm turning into my mother!
DH 'would you like some flowers?'. Me 'no I'd rather have a fillet of beef'.

I have a box of very posh chocolates arriving from London this afternoon. That will do me.

Sadly lads the bungalow was falling to bits. It was riddled with damp without a single large room. It needs to be taken back to brick. The garden was photographed with a wide angled lense.
Curses.