The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Spring 2025

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Warmer weather is coming. Keep an eye out for that first daffodil waving in the breeze, and make yourself at home. It's going to be alright. x

Thank you everyone. You’re all amazing 🤩 I will get through today and all the days to come. Tomorrow will be better.

Much as I understand the motivating factor of counting days when they've mounted up, I'm not sure that going back to Day One after a blip is healthy. That is not to say that I think that regular 'blips' are a good thing, specially in the early days - they are not - but just as knowing we have hit a milestone is great, the flip side of that is that starting again can be demotivating.

I had been stopped for about a month when I went on holiday with a boozy friend, and I drank for that week. At that point, a dry month seemed miraculous, and I didn't want to 'lose' it, so I mentally deducted a week from it and carried on counting from three weeks, which helped me to move forward. After a relatively short time it really didn't matter - what's the difference between 6 months and 5 months and 3 weeks?

Now, coming to eight years in, a rogue week all that time ago is neither here nor there. I will have a very occasional drink (eg as a wedding toast) and don't think that compromises my claim to be a non drinker who has been so for over 7 years.

Basically, I suppose I'm just saying that you should be kind to yourself, and remember that you are the one making the rules, as it is your life and your liver😃

@ShyMaryEllen

'Your life, your liver '

Excellent.

@Needtostop2025

Twas a blip.

I fell of the Wagon twice last year. I've been a non drinker for three years.
I think dust yourself off and carry on.

We have choices and aren't we lucky?
We don't need the rotting fruit and water mix. It tastes rank after not drinking for a while. Be kind to yourself. We're not here to judge just support our fellow sober sisters.

Thank you @ShyMaryEllen and @WendyWagon. I think I will just knock a day off my total. Going back to day 1 serves no purpose other than punishing myself, which as I’m sure you can all relate to, I do enough of anyway!

I am incredibly overwhelmed by the support of you all. I have absolutely nobody in “real life” that I can share this with so it really is a lifeline right now!

Hi everyone, hope you’re all ok.
we all slip up sometimes, so no judgement. If it was easy we wouldn’t need this thread. Just forget it and carry on one step at a time.
@REP22 Sid has more coats than me, and that’s saying something. Handsome devil.
Love to all x

Evening all.
I've been in the scratcher today.
Bloody joints playing up.

I got caught by the DS with a fleebay buy.
Funnily enough it was a gift for him!

I need to find a friend to watch Bridget with this weekend. The mates are off to see it with their husbands or state it's not their thing.
( I love the swearing and the rude quips), I also have a thing for Hugh Grant. He reminds me of an old boyfriend.

All the toxic jobs I've had I'd love to sing the Lily Allen on exit but I'm not rich enough (naughty enough even sober!).

I love "it's your life and your liver" @ShyMaryEllen

Morning beautiful ladies on the good ship Sobriety .
I will not drink today .
I want a better life, and alcohol Sabotages my intentions.
Love and kind thoughts to all.

I looked back at a selfie I took on the night I had my last drink 3 weeks ago last night, and took another one to match. I cannot get over how puffy my face looks in the first one compared to last nights’ effort. Same with my eyes, they look so dead and defeated. What a massive difference just a few weeks make.

Brunch tomorrow should be a non-issue, as I am taking my car. With everything that has been going on lately I have forgotten that I have a weekend away with friends next weekend, which going from previous trips, is likely to be quite a full on jolly. As I haven’t really broached the subject with anyone IRL yet, I’m starting to feel a little apprehensive about what I intend to say when the group see I’m drinking soda water and lime rather than a big glass of red wine. As it is abroad I don’t have the excuse of driving. Hopefully there is too much going on for anyone to notice. A close friend also attending has had her battles with booze in the past and is now AF, so maybe it won’t get picked up on. I just don’t feel ready to tell the world yet.

Morning @Adsy1988
Sounds like your busy,which is a great.
Telling people you stopped drinking for a work deadline was a good excuse,
I told people it was for losing weight,
I now say I feel so much better not drinking, especially having more energy, that I've decided to continue.
I'm also quite vague about whether I'll drink in the future.I say I haven't decided. That's usually enough to stop the conversation, but a couple of times people have been narky about it so I smile and say something like 'are you upset that I'm not drinking?' That puts them on the defensive and ends the comments.

I loved 'lifts and laid ' by the way

Morning all.
The dogs had his breakfast and I've had a yoghurt.
Wednesday is our peaceful day. Usually just me and the DD.
Very proud of the DD tackling some awful roads to get in for her Tuesday lectures. I usually take her but no can do.

A big piece of business has come the way of the skincare company. It could be good news for us shareholders. Barbados here we come!

When I start to 'question the decision ' @Kindtomyself I remind myself not to, and recall three painful,shamfull times when I've had more than one to many. I play them in mind in glorious technicolor, every wincing detail.

I'm not that person anymore, nor are you.

Use those memories for now, there is some good that you can get from them, but remind yourself that you're changing your life for the better. You are a wonderful person for doing this.

How's the house hunting going @WendyWagon?

Thanks @mermadeincornwall I needed to hear this right now because I am really questioning what the point of me is. I’m a disaster. I just think I’m a complete waste of space.

@Kindtomyself you're not a disaster.
I'm the queen of that.

I flashed my Spanx, sang I will survive, needed two people to help me down a step after a six bottle lunch, slept on a village bench at 3am. I could go on.

I've lost jobs, been gossiped about for twenty years and embarrassed my DC more times than I can remember.
But it's not me anymore.
I was a scared kid who never grew up.
Being sober and with the help of this thread and some therapy I'm in a good place. You can be too.

@mermadeincornwall viewing is booked for Friday.

Morning Shipmates,

The bin men were blocking our way for ages this morning, so Sid has had an extra little walk.

@ShyMaryEllen "it's your life and your liver" has been ringing in my ears as well. Excellent - more sage words from our poet-in-residence. ❤️

@Adsy1988 - I do hear you. It can be tricky, navigating events where we might formerly have drank, and the circling fins of well-meaning friends trying to press drinks on us. But you don't have to explain if you don't want to. It's no-one's business but yours. "No thanks" can be a complete sentence. You owe no-one any explanations or apologies - it's your sobriety, to own as you see fit. In Catherine Gray's books The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober and it's sequel, Sunshine Warm Sober, she gives some suggestions of things people can say when encouraged to drink. Some are funny, most are firm. But it's what works for you that counts. "No, I'm alright, thanks" is what I use mostly. Drinks are so expensive these days that I suspect your round-offering friends will secretly bless you. Best of luck with it though - I know it can be hard.

@Kindtomyself - our wise friends @mermadeincornwall and @WendyWagon are right. You are 100% not a disaster. You are you - a one-off, who is loved and valued. We're all here because we need a bit of help and support, most of us have a bank of grim episodes and times in our memories that surge up from time to time to torment us and send us into paroxysms of horror and mortification. I certainly do. But, like us, you are actively doing something about it. You've found your way here. You've had the guts to write down how things are with you. That is a very, VERY hard thing to do. Please don't underestimate the strength and courage it took for you to do that. It's the first step on making things better. It might seem like you're in a deep well of sh~te from which you will never emerge at the moment. It's horrible. I'm sorry. But it will not always be like this. I promise. I have been very, very low - to the point of wanting to take my own life (would have succeeded were it not for one of Sid's predecessors). I do not underestimate what it costs the soul to try and pull free from that, and I am sorry you are feeling so wretched at the moment. Keep going, just for a bit longer. I believe you can do it. Keep posting. You're a very worthwhile person.

I do sometimes still think "what is the point of me?" more often than I probably should. Sometimes it is a struggle. And then sometimes I think of all those little sperms on that one fateful occasion. Between 80 to 300 million per "release" in an average healthy bloke, apparently. 80 to 300 million. And you were the one that made it. What are the chances? You're a miracle @Kindtomyself - we all are. 1 in 80 - 300 million. And I'm not even a very strong swimmer. 😉

@WendyWagon - hope you're having a better day. I'm not sure what "in the scratcher" means... Sid likes a good selfie-scratch - is this one...?

Strength and love. x

@REP22 the scratcher is the Irish term for a bed.
I here so often I'm thinking of getting a teas made.

Hi

posting here as have been on another thread but not much action and I still need the support!

day 24 for me - really hardly any time but life changing for me. Have drunk for years - not what would be regarded as over the top by most but turned into everyday and way way too many units. Came back from a long trip visiting family where (as it was over Xmas) the drinking felt like it was really getting a little out of control (well actually probably a lot out of control).

so far not terrible and I seem to have turned a switch on where I miss wine but am determined not to drink. I do know how quickly this can change but I feel like this is my one big chance to get clean and most probably save this one life I have.
hoping to get to know you all over the coming weeks/months/years …

Aha - thanks @WendyWagon - hope yours isn't too literally scratchy. The first Christmas present I bought for my parents when I was earning my own money was a teas-made. I think they used it about 4 times. Money well spent. It's probably still in the garage.

Welcome @Seenoevil33 - I am glad you have found us. This is a very friendly and helpful space. Congratulations on your day 24, that's brilliant, and I know it can't have been easy. Everyone here is lovely - although I cannot guarantee that some level of evil will never be detected in some of Cabin Boy Sid's doings. Feel free to post as much or as little as you want - all are welcome here. x

@REP22 thanks for the welcome - like many others, I still struggle from day to day so joining forces with you all will be a life saver!

Hi @Seenoevil33 24 days is fabulous. I’m 3 days at the moment. I’m full of shame and self loathing about my behaviour (I binge and get ridiculously drunk and slur, fall over etc). I’m generally a very quiet person so it’s very bizarre. I have been on AA online meetings to help connect with others, some more helpful than others.

Hi @Seenoevil33. This is such a valuable thread to post on, congratulations on Day 24, that is a massive achievement.

@Kindtomyself i know exactly where you are coming from with the shame and self-loathing but for now I’ve had to put that to one side - it’s not serving any purpose at the moment dwelling on it! I feel that if I manage to maintain this sobriety then I will deal with that separately. YOU are doing well! I found the first week the very hardest and you are nearly there! After the first week, the days just zip by and before we know it, we will have done a month!

someone mentioned earlier, not needing to count days anymore and that’s the point I’m really really hoping I can get to.

hi @Adsy1988 thanks for those word - I am ridiculously proud but also wondering why I’ve never really tried to quit before - it just seemed so normal until suddenly I wasn’t feeling so normal …