The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Spring 2025

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Warmer weather is coming. Keep an eye out for that first daffodil waving in the breeze, and make yourself at home. It's going to be alright. x

Morning all.
Just seen my old house is up for sale. Big ticket price tag but very well restored.

I shall be intetested to see how it goes, the buyers moved from London. It was full of dry rot. We got mislead by the previous owner, huge bun fight. He's a gready little b*stard so he'll be spitting feathers. I don't need the space anymore.
Chickens and bungalows here I come.

My peace of mind is so much better for not drinking.
In years gone by I would have been upset over the house. However as it was chronically cold (I wore a hat to bed once! ) I actually wouldn't want it.
Far too much cleaning and a pretty rude neighbour.
Clarity of thought my friends.

@bloominoreilly thanks for the link, what an encouraging link.
Day 69 for me here.
Seriously cannot believe I've done 10 weeks tomorrow !
So flipping pleased with myself.
Have a beautiful and kind day all x

I'm beginning to lose the Pink Cloud. Still happier though!

My DH thinks his daily wine helps him relax more quickly. But he's been sleeping badly.

I'm realising that I'm often tired just because I'm busy - not because I'm crap at life.

Staying up later/sleeping worse because of a couple of glasses of wine would just make things worse for me, rather than working as a motivator, or helping me relax.

And there was always the risk of a blow-out. These were just happening a few times a year and getting less extreme, but wrecked me for the next day. And often meant the rest of the week was just unbearable as I struggled with my mood, and to catch up with the backlog of work and jobs.

@bloominoreilly Thanks so much for the link, a really good read. I especially loved this quotation:

"There is a quiet ferocity that comes with quitting alcoholl*. The world is so much bigger when you’re sober, and you feel emboldened to grab your slice of it."

💪💪💪

@REP22 thanks for your post the other day about your personal history and challenges. I had a draft sitting from earlier that I finished and then didn’t manage to acknowledge you. Thank you for hosting the group and hats off that you’re persevering on through darkness and light! Love Sid! It’s so helpful to hear about the struggles/highs of others whether it’s day 1 or year 3. You can turn a cucumber into a pickle but you can’t turn a pickle into a cucumber ;-).

@EastCoastDamsel thanks for this re sleeping. I’ve had two nights in the last week where DC#3 has woken me up from a deep sleep 😱! I live in hope. Re the scales, I have been going to the gym once a week so I’m telling myself that the fat’s turning into muscle so it’s body recomposition rather than nothing changing ;-)

@bloominoreilly liked the link!

@WendyWagon good luck with the sale. I am gearing up to do the same. Woop, Woop! Here’s to happy times in a new pad!

Oh and I feel like I’ve stopped obsessing about counting days since I hit the one month mark. It did feel like quite an epic climb and now that the achievements been reached, I’m a bit more relaxed. I hope that doesn’t mean I get caught off guard. I am pretty cocky!

Thanks for your kind words @SmellyMe - I'm glad it's helpful.

Hello shipmates. Much love to you from this end of the deck. I'm shivering in a portacabin waiting for a colleague who has gone to the wrong office.

I like quiet ferocity too. Sid prefers ferocity of the targeted, gaseous kind.

It's the sober sleep that I particularly prize.

Strength and love. You've got this. Almost there now. xx

Me too @SmellyMe - I'm now trying "this is just what I do now" - think I will enjoy the first few mini-versaries eg 3 months, 6 months, 9 months, a year - but like you, don't want to get too cocky!

Good morning shipmates.
One tea down.

I was a bit poorly in the afternoon yesterday. I took to my bed. The DS resumed his doctor W role.

I'm still laughing about our old house being tarted up and sold for a 7 figure sum. We had similar last year on a previous home near Henley that sold for three times our sales price. That abode I loved but the recent local one was nicknamed cold comfort farm! The new owners will need a supply of wooly hats!

I fell off the wagon last night. Feel like absolute crap today. The anxiety is horrific. It’s a bloody good reminder of why I wanted to stop in the first place. Back to day one!

Morning beautiful Fellow AF shipmates
I will not drink today
We're only dancing on this earth a short while, and I want to make the most of it.
Love and kind thoughts to all

@Needtostop2025 It's bloody hard. I'm sorry you feel so awful this morning. Lots of cups of tea/coffee/water, show some kindness to yourself and well done on seeing yesterday as a blip not a catastrophe. Your sober days still count. Good luck today xx

@mermadeincornwall You are right, we ARE only on this earth a short while. I was looking at pensions yesterday, working out when various pensions come into being and trying to track down an old one. It was a stark reminder about how much of my life is behind me as opposed to in front 😬

I don't really believe in wallowing in regret regarding alcohol and the choices I made in the past, but I certainly want a different future. Over 4 months sober now and feeling very positive and confident my choice has been the right one.

@CarrotSeeds thank you so much for your kind words! If anything it’s reinforced my determination to get off the booze. Like you say- a blip not a catastrophe. Not going to let one night break me! 💪

Morning @Needtostop2025
Welcome, I know it's a late Welcome but I'm usually on catch-up
Sounds like your having a tough time, as @REP22 reminds us often ' it'll be alright, I promise '
I fell overboard (off the wagon) so many times last year, that's why I asked the other shipmates how long it took for them to finally stop.
The first few days are so damn difficult.
I would tell myself that every time I fell overboard my resolve and determination would be stronger next time, until I eventually stopped for good.
My last drink was boxing day, and I'm taking it one day at a time
Please keep reading and posting, even if you fall overboard, we're here for you, and all rooting for you ❤️

Thank you @mermadeincornwall! I am determined not to let it get the better of me. It’s so helpful to have this thread for support and encouragement ❤️

I'm still rereading all your posts rereading how long it you to stop, @ShyMaryEllen
@REP22
@mumzof4x
@bloominoreilly
@Adsy1988
@SmellyMe @ThatWasShh
I have bookmarked them all,and reading them when I'm struggling,they are so helpful,
Thank you

Thanks for the recommendation @bloominoreilly for the link to 11 surprising benefits of soberity,

Morning all
@Needtostop2025 you can do this and we are all here beside you. Keep posting.
I'm still early days in real life (10 weeks today) but in the even. earlier days I would get by by remembering 2 main things:
Firstly a craving lasts a short time. It may repeat often initially, but it's the same feeling and will be gone in minutes or less.
It's NOT the first thing o think about when I get in anymore and that's just sort of happened but I'm really thank full .
Secondly I would have a wee word with myself :
"I can give up this one thing and have everything else to gain, or I can keep this one thing and lose everything else"
Now 10 weeks on, I have enjoyed meals out (never thought I would) and spent a fortune buying AF drinks (basically wasted the money mostly)
At first the 0% stuff tasted like fruit juice but I realised I was trying to replace the actual wine
Now 0% wine tastes like a lovely glass of 0% wine with dinner and I enjoy it, esp the Friexenet.
My skin is clear and the redness gone

The whites of my eyes are so clear and the inflammation around my eyes gone (didn't even realise I had puffy eyes until they weren't ). I printed off a before and after photo to remind myself daily.
I'm spending the extra money on Vinted obsessively buying new frocks as I'm a size 12 for the first time in too long.
I've learnt to crochet and currently making a gorgeous cashmere scarf. It's so relaxing and keeps my mind occupied in the evenings.
I don't wake up in the night now with a racing heart ❤️
I never thought I really suffered with hangovers until I didn't iykwim
Mornings are enjoyed with a cuppa and a clear head. Heaven.
DTD ( sorry tmi) is so much better sober
Hand holding and sending kind thoughts to anyone that needs it today x x

Welcome aboard @MagsMagnolia
@Kindtomyself
@Lifeisnoteasy84

I'm going to give crotchet (predictive text said crotchless 😧)
a try, think I could manage a scarf.
I'm hoping to get to the stage where I'm not thinking about drinking soon

Good morning shipmates. Bit nippy up here in the crows' nest, but at least I can see what Sid is up to behind the mizzen mast.

I'm sorry @Needtostop2025, bless you. It is very, very hard. Please try not to beat yourself up too much. We've all done it - myself many times. Be kind to yourself. It's not how or why we fall - it's how we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves down and keep striding forwards that counts. We believe in you. It will be alright. I'm sorry that I can't take the feeling-like-cr~p aspect away from you. But it will pass. @CarrotSeeds is right - no good will come of berating ourselves for past actions and regrets - we cannot change them. We can control our present and future course. And we've already started on that path, however rocky and full of potholes it is at the beginning. Sending love. 💐

Sorry you've been feeling grim @WendyWagon - hope you're mending well.

Hearty welcome also to @MagsMagnolia , @Kindtomyself @Lifeisnoteasy84 - I'm glad you've found us.

@mumzof4x and @mermadeincornwall - crocheting is a great idea - I find that I need something to occupy my hands a lot of the time. I couldn't really get the hang of crocheting, but I do like to do tapestry cushions - especially basketweave backgrounds. I'm a bit like Lady Bertram in Mansfield Park - I could sit for hours stitching useless background and fringe. I probably wouldn't crochet anything crotchless though - I suspect the wool may chafe.

In Sidnews, he has started, on occasion, attempting what I think is mimicking a human smile. He generally does it when we are heading home, either just before we depart or when we are in the car to go home. He looks at me and turns up the corners of his mouth. I can't decide if it's endearing or slightly sinister... Here's an early effort from Himself. See what you think...

Onwards, ever onwards. Strength and love. It will be alright soon. xx

No, it's not back to Day 1! There's a bigger picture - you've done amazingly and it was just one day. Today will be different, tomorrow will be better xxxx You've got this ❤

I’m sorry you fell off the wagon @Needtostop2025, see it as a minor blip and power through today, taking time for yourself.

I have had so many blips, and because I was full of shame I didn’t return to these threads for so long, as I felt a bit of a sham, but had I done so, I reckon I would have been sober a lot longer than I have been, so please keep posting.

I reach 21 days at 8pm tonight. The first week was quite bad, I could probably count on one hand the amount of hours of uninterrupted sleep I had in the first 7 days. But now, I haven’t slept this well in years, it’s wonderful.