The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Spring 2025

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Warmer weather is coming. Keep an eye out for that first daffodil waving in the breeze, and make yourself at home. It's going to be alright. x

Welcome to the group @Kindtomyself

There are lots of us on this thread who have learned, through difficult experience, that we can’t moderate.

Some other people can. But we are all on this thread because we can’t moderate.

Like you, I wasn’t a daily drinker. The reality for me was that I couldn’t safely drink more than one drink. Unfortunately once I’d had that one drink, I found it difficult to stick to just that one. Going out in a social situation would be high risk for me because of that.

That’s why I can’t drink at all.

You won’t find anyone judging you on this thread, just empathy, understanding and support.

Well done on deciding to stop.

Time spent beating myself up about wanting to stop but not doing = well over ten years.

Time elapsed between first attempt at “doing something about it” to deciding to stop = five years.

Length of time from deciding to stop to actually stopping = same day.

Time elapsed since decision to stop = five weeks.

Just checking in with where I’m at.

Whoever in this or in the previous thread said that “moderation takes up too much headspace” was absolutely spot on. Also that ‘moderation is just as much work/effort as quitting but without the benefits’. For me, moderation is more work than quitting.

There were a couple of situations this week which, before the decision to quit, would have been high risk.

I got through them both fine. But, they were a reminder that I cannot cannot cannot ever tell myself that just one will be ok.

Interesting to read about time spent beating self up and wanting to stop = 10 years. I have been in such denial because I look back and realise that I have been acting crazy with alcohol for 35 years. It is shocking how much of a hold it has (had) on me.

Hello, new forum member here (40 something, part time single/ co-parenting male dad of one).

I am almost a week into my latest attempt at giving up alcohol and leading a sober life. It has had such a deleterious impact on my life and I no longer want to live with the shame of being a problem drinker/ alcoholic/ addict.

Alcohol abuse has plagued me my entire adult life to date. No more. I am determined to give it up and lead a better, clean and sober life.

Morning wonderful AF shipmates
I will not drink today
I won't drink because I want a better life
Love and kind thoughts to you all

Morning! I didn't drink yesterday, I don't eat rubbish food and I did do Week 3 Run 1 of C25k 😇

AHoy Sober Sisters , Sid and @Lifeisnoteasy84

Welcome to all the new members too @Kindtomyself @MagsMagnolia (and any I may have missed).

Thanks @REP22 and Sid for your skillful helm(would)manship of HM Sobriety.

@SmellyMe I am 8 months in and although my sleep is much much better now, it still isn't as good as I remember it being before I had children. It took me at least a month to feel like I was getting a decent night's sleep and for my REM cycles to improve.

I now fall asleep easily and when I do wake up (still at least once a night), I go back to sleep easily. I do wish I had more sleep though, but I can't realistically go to bed at 8:30 every night!

These last few weeks I have realised that I am slipping into a bit of a phone/screen addiction, I have just had a difficult anniversary and although I haven't had a drink I think I have been hiding from my feelings by binge watching stuff late into the night and doom scrolling in my free time.

It's a difficult one, because I can see clearly that I am avoiding but I also don't feel ready to confront it. I also know I should probably get tome therapy around this issue, but again would rather avoid avoid avoid.

Morning AF friends.

I didn’t drink yesterday, I was surrounded by people in the afternoon who had been drinking, but was not tempted (although I did take my car with me).

My friends and I take turns driving to our activity each Saturday (think 22 men chasing a ball around a big pitch), and I don’t think they have ever had as many lifts from me in these past three weeks than they have over the last six months! More than happy to take over taxi duties to keep me on the straight and narrow.

I have a brunch booked with another circle of friends on Thursday. It’s been booked since well before Christmas. Normally this would involve loads of wine, fancy gin, beer etc… but I have messaged to say as I have a big deadline looming in work, which is half true, I will be driving and I’m happy to ferry a couple of people there and back that are close to where I live. No judgement whatsoever, I think they’re happy to get lifted and laid 😂

Ultimately I know this isn’t sustainable in the long term, but in my head by committing to doing things that means I actually cannot drink, lest let people down, it’s going to keep me sober.

I have yet to tell anyone in real life that I am an alcoholic, so this space is so fecking invaluable to me.

Morning all

@Adsy1988 i didn't say the word alcoholic for about fourteen months. It had been flung at me many times by the DC.
Three years in I get you weren't that bad from friends but those that lived with me or saw me regularly know. I would take a wine rack as a personal challenge!

Some people prefer the discription alcohol dependant however I've found the best thing is to say I have no off button. Or it doesn't agree with me.

I drank to escape a shit childhood and the toxic environments I worked in. I may work in a female orientated industry but the big guns are men and they resent middle aged women having good jobs.
I'm so delighted to be retiring at the end of the year. No more bullying, no more false smiles. I am selling my shares and running. If I wasn't ill I'd be enjoying sitting on my arse.

For me alcohol now tastes like sour water. Yes the AF doesn't give you the 'ah' factor but they're working on it. The products Professor Nutt (TV show this week) is working on make you chilled without damaging your liver. Not sure about this yet personally.

I'll be watching the TV and making the roast. Safe Sunday all x

@WendyWagon it has taken me years to actually say, even just to myself, that I am a full blown alcoholic. I can never have a healthy relationship with alcohol. One drink is too many and 99 is not enough.

My mindset needs to be reset, as even being off the booze I am still drinking 3 or 4 bottles of NoSecco from Aldi a week. I need to find that off switch in my mind that doesn’t associate 5pm with wine time. I want to be able to finish work, go home, or find a new activity to do that doesn’t revolve around sitting on my own doing nothing.

I spoke to a lovely man at my first AA meeting and he said for the first six months do whatever you need to do to stay sober, and if that means piling on weight, drinking AF drinks every night, then so be it. Not sure how reliable and correct this advice is but so long as I am not drinking, I am winning.

@Adsy1988 i agree with your AA friend.
Substitute whatever helps, sweets, cakes etc.
I know I'm an alcoholic but I control it these days. I don't want to lose my family and tbh I would have been dead by now if I had carried on. The pain in my stomach and legs was frightening.
For me I don't need to 'confess' anymore but the shame of the things I've done haunt me. I moved home location to avoid the boozy culture and some pretty nasty people. I'm happy for it.
Most of the people I socialised with were still living like the 1980s.

I wouldn't worry about the Nozeco, it's just a fizzy apple juice. It will act like a laxative if you drink too much.

Morning all. I went to 4 online and 1 inperson AA meetings yesterday. I felt like I really needed to connect with others and to not feel alone. It helped and I will continue. However, I have already realised that not all are my thing. So I will continue to try different ones to find the ones I like.
I am really enjoying the Sober Awkward podcast too.
I have so much shame at the moment. I know this probably doesn’t make sense but I wish I had been the person who sat at home drinking rather than the one who went out because so many people have witnessed me making a fool of myself now and I have to face them. It’s so humiliating

Well done everyone. Starting Monday with a clear head and (hopefully) a good night's sleep is something to look forward to!

And the guilt and shame will fade away, with time. Don't let it get in the way of your better self - make the most of your chance for happiness.

@Kindtomyself I don't know if this will help, but in case it might, I've been listening to sober podcasts & one of the guests on one said they used to be known as the one that drank too much & made a fool of themself, but since becoming sober & staying sober, their reputation is now different - people now know them as someone who doesn't drink - it's who they are now. You're just at the beginning of that transformation - you will soon enough, in people's minds, be the one that took stock & started taking care of herself & is alcohol free. You should be so proud of yourself for realising what you needed to do & are now getting on with it - you are awesome for doing that!
I can't remember who it was I heard say the above, but I listen to the One for the Road & Over the Influence podcasts.

Has anyone else noticed that there hair is in better condition since going AF? Mine seems to be softer & falling out less! I'm post-menopausal & didn't have baldness, but it had become drier & looser than when I was younger

*their

https://www.soberish.co/benefits-of-sobriety/

Sharing this in case anyone finds it encouraging!

Oh wow @bloominoreilly I love that, thanks for saying it- makes me have some hope

Fantastic - you definitely should - keep going, you have every reason to xx

Oh yes @bloominoreilly - sober hair is definitely a thing! Who knew?!
Alcohol destroys collagen, so all these expensive collagen supplements? Just go sober

Bloody hell, that is brilliant! It is the gift that keeps on giving! 😀

I'm also finding my fine hair is thicker after over four months. I am also taking a stack of vitamins including a high strength B complex and collagen supplements. Who knows whether it's the supplements or giving up the booze or a combination but something is working. Skin looking great too.

Morning beautiful crewmates
I will not drink today
I'm better off without it
Love and kind thoughts to all