The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Spring 2025

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Warmer weather is coming. Keep an eye out for that first daffodil waving in the breeze, and make yourself at home. It's going to be alright. x

I have known for at least 10 years that I was drinking far too much. I had a health scare in March 2023, I was 33 at the time and I thought I was having a stroke, thankfully just a funny turn, but really made me sit up and take notice of my alcohol intake.

I think I lasted about a month without booze, and I let my guard slip one Friday night and that was it, I was drinking every day.

I would say in an average week since moving out of my beautiful home to my now privately rented flat (which I have been making more homely thanks to the recommendations from this thread), I was drinking between 120/150 units per week. I would say five nights out of seven I would drink three bottles of red wine, and maybe six to eight cans of lager. I was drinking every day, I was drinking whilst I was working from home to stop the DTs and the shakes. I was in a really bad place, and I knew mid December that I had to put a plan in place to taper down and quit (I was too ashamed to seek face to face medical help from my GP).

I began tapering on the 15th of December, gradually reducing my alcohol intake each day. The first four days were absolutely horrendous, like having the worlds’ worst case of flu.

I had to see an important deadline in work over the line, once that was done I said that I was going to call in sick the following week as I felt that tapering had now had some impact, and felt that at that point it was safe to stop drinking completely. I was down to around 6 cans of beer a day in the week leading up to stopping.

Given how recent it has been since I stopped, I know that I am still so far in the woods at present, but when I see the small changes I have been able to make to my life lately, it really makes me excited for my future without alcohol being in it. Booze was the first thing I thought about in the morning and the last thing I thought about before I went to sleep/passed out. Having dry heaves, falling over constantly, making a million excuses as to why you cannot give a friend or a family member a lift at 11am because at that point you’re already a bottle of wine down. Cancelling plans because you know there won’t be any booze on offer and you’ll be rattling without any in your system for hours. I don’t miss any of those things.

Taking that week off work may very well have saved my life. I genuinely believe if I start drinking again I will be dead before the year is out.

Hope everyone is good, had a busy week, must read back and catch up, but just wanted to share I hit 100days 🥳

Feeling good right now, things have settled again and not thinking about alcohol much at all, which is great.

You're doing so well @Adsy1988. Congratulations! You're a good six weeks in, and the worst is over, physically, at least. Keep reminding yourself of the Adsy you used to be, so you don't feel tempted to drink again, but don't beat yourself up about it, as you are a different Adsy now, and that's what matters. You can also look ahead to when you've been sober for ages, you look and feel great and you can barely remember why you ever fancied a drink.

Waves to @Adsy1988, @sugarytea2024 and @ShyMaryEllen - you're all an inspiration. So glad you're all here with us.

Snow about in these here parts at the moment (though now where Sid and I are). According to a colleague, Basingstoke looks "like Narnia". Mr. Tumnus had better watch out on all those roundabouts that make Basingstoke the delight that it is.

I see that we can now post pictures once again. So here's Sidney, wishing you joy of your weekend.

Stay safe, indoors and out. Strength and love. xx

Ooh, photos! Let me dig out the canine cabin-boy picture. Who knows, it might be an ancestor of the lovely Sid.

Hehe, that's brilliant @ShyMaryEllen - looks like a cross between Sid and his predecessor, a Parson Russell Terrier. But where did you get that photograph of my bedroom...?! 🤔😉 x

Ahh thank you all so much for your insightful replies regarding how long it took you to finally stop the self destruct button. I shall reread them when I can l over the weekend to remind myself that I'm not going insane, I'm about 7 weeks in, again, but finding it hard. I will do this.

Sorry to hear it was also though for you @REP22, maybe the long dark nights aren't helping

I shall remind myself about cognitive dissonance @CarrotSeeds ,I have always found your posts so helpful.

What people say, says more about them than you @WendyWagon. Did they talk out of ignorance or spite? If ignorance then educate them, if spite then dump them,that's my philosophy.

Have a lovely evening all

Loving the doggie photos!
Sid is wearing my local football team’s colours! My friend’s son plays for them, so apart from being a lifelong fan, I have a vested interest.
By the way in case you don’t know, there’s a programme on C4 tonight at 9 about Alcohol free drinks, going to tape it, as going out later.
Take care, mind how you go. X

Hi. After several goes at this I find myself back at day 1. Managed 49 days before Christmas and then convinced myself I could moderate.

I can't.

This last week I've drunk pretty much every night.

So...here for accountability and support - might not post much, but following along and supportive of everyone else on this journey.

Welcome @MagsMagnolia
Huge well done on doing Day 1 again. You know too well how hard the beginning can be and you're here now and we are with you. You are not alone and you absolutely can do this.
What benefits did you notice when you abstained before?
Sending hugs and strength 🌺

Thanks @mumzof4x. I remember the positivity and feeling of general wellbeing most of all - right now I just feel so fed up and lethargic. Everything is a struggle and my motivation is so low. The house is a mess, work is a chore and I feel fat and tired.
Longing to get the energy back...

Hi. I’m posting here and now because I’m so scared. I have hit rock bottom and need to sort my life out.

Morning beautiful sober sisters
I will not drink today
Throwing a lifeboat for anyone who's fallen overboard,
It can be a though ship (yes that's thought ship not shit) to be on but it's worth it
Love and kind thoughts to all

Welcome @Kindtomyself.

Today’s the day! All you have to do is not drink. You can do anything else you fancy, but don’t do that one thing.

A caveat though - when you say ‘rock bottom’ whether it’s safe to stop abruptly depends on whether you are physically addicted. Some people need to taper (cut down gradually) rather than stop, so if you get symptoms worse than a fluey feeling you might consider that.

Also, get some thiamine (Vitamin B1) and take high doses for six weeks or so. That will help to prevent brain damage. You can’t overdose on it, as you excrete any you don’t need. Don’t be alarmed if your wee goes a luminous yellow- that’s normal when taking B1.

Good luck, and be kind to yourself. You can’t do it all, so find ways to make life easier while you crack this. It’s worth it, I promise.

I am so scared

Good morning @MagsMagnolia and @Kindtomyself and a big welcome to this thread. Sobriety seems such an overwhelming prospect at first, especially if, like me, you were a daily drinker. For the first few weeks it literally is one day or one hour at a time.

Please remember we are here to listen and support you. Everyone on this thread has been where you are right now. Some of us are months sober, some years, but we all found that our relationship with alcohol was damaging and needed to end. You CAN do this, it will not always be this hard, I promise, and the rewards of a sober life far outweigh the brief highs of those first few drinks.

Read back through this thread and the ones before it. Please feel encouraged by other people's stories and struggles. If we can do it so can you ❤️. Post as often as you wish. I believe being heard is so powerful. You've got this 💪

Thank you. I am so ashamed of what I have become. I didn’t drink every day but if I go out I make a total fool of myself. Which is what I have done

@Adsy1988 wow! That is truly a massive and impressive turnaround. Well done!!!

@mermadeincornwall my partner of 20+ years has always complained about my drinking whilst also being a chief enabler. I come from a background where drinking was a constant in my life. My mother has been an alcoholic since I was a young child and everyone else I knew was a binger. I have gone through life believing alcohol is the best medicine for everything - despite my mother being a catastrophe- like it’s what you need when you’re happy, sad or otherwise. I was drinking in pubs regularly from age 17. I’d sink pints of lager followed by gin and lemonade chasers (that’s what we could afford).

anyway, it was unhealthy but never a problem. I knew that I always drank way too much for my height and weight but I liked to impress people with what I could hold. And they were impressed because that was the culture I lived in. I enjoyed it. It was part of my identity.

I stopped entirely through pregnancy and breastfeeding. However, over the last few years,‘I’ve felt completely overwhelmed by life. I think for the last 3 years I’ve known it was a problem. Clock watching until 6pm - my husbands acceptable time for starting; coming up with random reasons to go to the shops just for wine - including putting the kids in the car in their pyjamas; getting through the wine and starting in on random stuff in the cupboard - the cooking sherry, whiskey and brandy; drinking to oblivion when my husband was out/away. I openly admitted I had a problem to my husband who agreed but wasn’t keen to give up himself. I had a look perfected that meant’ darling, I’ve had a tough day and need wine; go to the shops’. And he would go! He kept telling me I had a problem and I’d say ‘well, duh, we know that’.

When I fundamentally accepted that it was controlling me and I wasn’t controlling it, that’s what started to upset me. I knew I needed to stop but didn’t know how. After a few months of this and feeling generally crap all the time, I managed to do it as described in previous posts.

day 35 and I’m still not sleeping properly and awaiting the sunlight uplands of sobriety. I’ve read about sobriety fatigue for the first 4-8 weeks. I also wish I was losing weight, too, as I’m consuming around 6000 calories less a week! Patience SmellyMe!

@Kindtomyself you are getting there. You know you want to stop and you will. It’s not always the case that someone can just decide to ditch it one day and that’s it. It’s an addiction. You have picked the right username - be kind to yourself.

Thanks @SmellyMe

Also @Kindtomyself some posters found they benefited from AA or SMART meetings. I haven't used either myself so can't comment but I think @REP22 mentions SMART recovery and I'm sure she and her lovely Sid will be along shortly.

Alcohol is an insidious little bugger, we have all grown up thinking booze is normal and to have a drink/drinks is just being sociable. Don't be hard on yourself. Recognising you have a problem and deciding to do something about it is the first step to a much happier future.

Thanks @CarrotSeeds I’ve been to an AA online meeting this morning but need/want to go to an inperson

Morning all.

Welcome @Kindtomyself
One foot in front of the other and one day at a time. I was an AA girl. I found the stories of others helpful. So much easier now these things are online too.
Some of us go to meetings others use quitlit such as Claire Pooley etc.

I watched the AF drjnks programme last night and I was pleased to see all the developments. Dear old Gordon's was a winner and Nozeco.
I'm craving orange juice.

Potentially another four week wait for the op. I'll get informed if they bump me.

Waving to @Kindtomyself - we can do this. I hadn't realised that AA were online, I might give it a try. Feel like there's such a stigma attached to it though which I know is silly.

Here's my story (some of you may find this familiar as I've been here before under another name. When I started drinking again I left Mumsnet completely. Have now rejoined, so my history makes it look like I'm a brand new member but in reality I've been around for years).

My drinking has always been a way to cover social anxiety - I realised at about 16 that alcohol gave me confidence and I loved having a group of friends to go out with. In 6th form we did parties and pub quizzes but nothing to excess although I did LOVE going to the pub. At university obviously drinking was a huge social lubricant but even then I wasn't drinking overly much, just a normal amount for a uni student. I think it became a problem once I'd had children when 'Mummy wine time' became a thing and birthday parties always included a Prosecco table for the Mums.

My Dad has always had an addictive personality - first smoking, then drinking. I am very similar to him in many ways. Both my parents died last year and my drinking has become very regular.

I don't want to turn into my Dad.

@Middlemarch123 thanks for the heads up re the programme
I'll watch this hopefully this evening.
So it was Gordon's (I do like the pink one) and Nosecco right?
I've never tried Nosecco but do often buy the 0% Freixenet. It's just like the alcohol version and doesn't taste at all sugary.
I always imagined Nosecco would be really sweet?

Morning Sobies,
I haven’t watched programme yet, have to be in the right frame of mind. Some days I do better by just ploughing through because AF stuff can trigger me. I just try to think that booze doesn’t exist so I ignore anything to do with it. Hope that makes some sort of sense. I do sometimes drink Nosecco but actually think it’s just like tasty lemonade and can be too sweet. Best AF for me is zero Guiness, I absolutely love it, so close to the real thing.
Have a good day one and all. Stay safe, stay warm and stay sober. X