The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Spring 2025

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Warmer weather is coming. Keep an eye out for that first daffodil waving in the breeze, and make yourself at home. It's going to be alright. x

@mermadeincornwall Just to say I love your daily check ins, they inspire me and I nod along when I read them.

Love bright day here, off to walk doggies soon, just wanted to wish everyone well. X

@Middlemarch123 good wishes to you too; it's a lovely day today. I love @mermadeincornwall's daily posts too; they're great.

Hope you're doing OK @WendyWagon xx

Inspector been. All good. Sid was worshipped, now there's no talking to him. I shall send him on deck-swabbing duties to level his furry head. xx

Just walked Winnie the Westie. Broke his personal record, 17 weemails, up 17 different posts, hedges, wheelie bins, you name it, he left his message on it. Think he’s after Sid’s crown! Glad inspection went well @REP22

Hi all. I’ve been/am a problem drinker who is currently AF. I’m really trying to focus on the benefits of not drinking and getting healthy.

I’ve been taking a yoga-type exercise at the gym and they play this song - Trevor Hall “You can’t rush your healing”.

Some of you may be familiar with it but it has spoke to me in such a way that I wanted to share it with others. One line could be a bit contentious “love is never leaving” - could be interpreted as “if you really love an addict, you won’t leave them” but I’m choosing to interpret it as “love yourself and stay true to the person you want to be”.

Has anyone listened to this song? I’d be interested to hear your thoughts.

👋🏻 to all. Still here and still reading. Extremely busy at work.

Well done to all the milestones. @ponzusoup 9 months is amazing .

Hope you are doing ok @WendyWagon .

That 10 min hit at the end of the day was what I spent all my time looking forward to too. What a waste of a life when I come to think of it.

I'm here folks. Just hiding a bit as I wait for my op. I managed to do some admin today which I hate. I sent for early pension payment requests.
If I wasn't soo fecking ill I'd be delighted with the new slimline me. I'd look great in a Jackie O dress and heels. I can't even lift a Mulberry handbag (although I do stroke them like Mrs Mulch in The Were Rabbit).
However I do have my friend coming tomorrow to lift my spirits.

@Cunningfungus what a saucy name but funny! I was lucky my DH didn't leave me when I was a roaring drunk., He has me well insured so hopefully he won't leave me now I can do sweet Fanny Adams.

I'm going to share this because it's really playing on my mind. A friend told me although my illness wasn't caused by any lifestyle factors my stressful days could have caused it. Utter b*llocks and really hurtful.

@Wendywagon that friend is no friend at all. That's b-ll-cks and they know it. What a cruel thing to have said to you. Sending love to you ❤️ x

Welcome @cunningfungus , glad you have found us xx

@WendyWagon forget it, just shake that off and ban the ‘friend’ from visiting. My lovely brother died aged 51 of a brain tumour, never smoked, had a glass of wine at Christmas, ran his own solicitor practice and told hard up clients to pay him when they had better times. Illness and disease is very often random and cruel. Some people are just mean and stupid. Don’t give it any more time in your head.

@WendyWagon @REP22 thank you for the kind welcome.

It’s funny how when you have an alcohol problem/addiction/ishoos whatever, everyone is an expert on it! People comment on addiction as if they are psychiatrists or neuroscientists - they’d not think they were experts on any other condition unless they had actually experienced it - even then, it’s only different experiences - we can’t be experts on other people’s experiences.

When I was hitting the wine hard, one friend just couldn’t understand why I “don’t just stick the stopper in the bottle and go to bed” as that’s what she did - if it was that bloody easy, none of us would have a problem and the alcohol industry would go bust!

@WendyWagon from your post it looks like you are going to be having surgery - hope it goes well!

Day 9 and I’m struggling a bit today. Stocked up on AF beer and Prosecco to keep me going. The ritual of pouring a drink in a nice glass helps a lot 😊

@Needtostop2025 good idea on stocking up on AF drinks, and posting on here too. You'll gets heaps of support here x
I'm day 65 I think and at your stage I was really disheartened by hearing other people who have given up for like months / years still thinking about alcohol !
I've been on the whole I think so positive until now but I too am having a bad day today . It is the first in a while so please dont be put off if your earlier on than me. Every day is an acheivement.

It's like I've been on this super high of how great I feel until now ... I've lost a stone, don't think about drinking much now, have enjoyed lots of meals out and key events, got great skin and my eyes are popping. I'm sleeping better and def less anxious.
Then I remembered I had a meeting with occupational health tomorrow ... so return to work is imminent
I've been off following a major cardiac incident so I guess I'm still feeling lucky to be alive, but then today I feel like I'm almost grieving .... like I can't ever eat fish and chips again or pig out on red wine and a cheeseboard and get blissfully tipsy in a hot tub with dh!
I can't lie in until lunchtime reading crap - I have to get up and do my cardio and not drink like forever !!
Wow sorry
Dh is away in foreign country and I'm on my own for the first time for more than an evening after heart attack and really fancied a huge glass of wine for some reason
Blimey sorry for the long depressing post
Promise to fill the other half of my cup tomorrow (and with tea!)
I know I won't drink btw
Tonight I just miss it
Maybe a soak in the bath and a favourite AF drink and some music?
Oh even dinner isn't exciting this evening .... more flipping plant food 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈

@Needtostop2025 I am so sorry you're struggling just now. I do understand. It's horrible.
With absolutely no disrespect intended, you and @mumzof4x are what this thread is all about. Help and advice, support asked for, through absolutely no fault of our own - we didn't choose to find ourselves here - and a friendly person who truly gets it, stepping up when it matters the most to offer kindness, support and wisdom, the words needed.

I know that I'm probably one of the worst amongst us for past drinking habits and current neglect of this thread. I'm sorry for that. But @mumzof4x 's words have struck a chord this evening.

Sometimes life's irredeemably sh-t, even for non-drinkers. But it's especially rotten when the cravings start to filter in. I'm so very sorry for what's disturbing your peace @mumzof4x But your strength and refusal to be defeated or defined by what's happening in your life just now is powerful. Thank you for sharing and for your encouragement of us all. It means a lot.

Hang in there @Needtostop2025 you CAN do it. Just one glass less, just for a bit. It will be alright soon, it's going to be alright. I promise. You are not by yourself now. We're here and we like you just as you are. It's OK. It'll be alright.

See you in the morning. Keep going. We're here'. 💖 x

Morning shipmates, capt @REP22 and the very handsome cabin boy Sid,
I will not drink today
Keep sailing to sunnier climes
Love and kind thoughts to all

Thank you for your encouragement @REP22! I made it through the evening and slept brilliantly. Feeling very positive today 😊

Good morning all. I look forward to coming onto this thread each morning to read @mermadeincornwall’s motivational post.

Another blissful nights’ sleep had here. Hoping for a quiet day in work to allow me to get my life admin on track today, and to get a little bit of housework done at lunch (WFH today).

Hope everyone has a great Friday.

Morning @Needtostop2025, glad to hear you had a good evening in the end, it's so bloody hard at times, keep going, keep posting,

I'd be interested to hear from the other shipmates on here how long it was for them from deciding to stop to actually stopping

Thank you for all your posts again, and thank you @Middlemarch123 for your comments about my daily intentions post,I was going to ask if they were annoying, I imagined alot of eye rolling,even from Sid.

Sounds like your getting on with things @Adsy1988, work can be a wonderful distraction, whilst getting over the shock of finding your life has been turned around.

Morning all.
I bit late to the deck as I've been doing admin.
I've found a pretty bungalow! 😄 I hate them but it is a 1920s affair with a huge garden and a chicken run.
It's even got box hedging. The DD will be ecstatic as she loves where we live. Literally round the corner from us so no changing doctors (who are brilliant). Husband and son sorted as there's a garage and plenty of parking.
It is cheap enough to be all paid for if I snuff it. I'm cock a hoop.
So excited.

Sheesh, @WendyWagon! That friend needs kicking to the kerb.

Good news about the bungalow. I'm sure your husband isn't looking at the future in the manner you suggest, however. I hope that's gallows humour - if not, we will all be round with pitchforks to sort him out.

@mermadeincornwall it took me about 100 years from wanting to stop to achieving it 😀. The difference is there when I look back, though - I wanted to stop drinking for years, but I didn't want to not drink. When I really wanted not to drink I found it (relatively) easy to stop doing it. I was heavily nudged into that position by a diagnosis of alcohol-related liver damage though, and suspect that without that I might not be here (either on this thread or in more general terms).

I strongly recommend that those who are not as far along the road to ruin should get off it as a matter of choice before it reaches the point where the choice is do or die, not to put too fine a point on it. One way or another we all stop drinking. We can do that with a good life ahead of us or not. The choice is ours.

Good morning shipmates. I'm so glad you made it through @Needtostop2025 and had a good sleep. That's a treasure not to be underestimated. Top stuff 🎉

Glad you had a good sleep too @Adsy1988 , it's amazing the difference it makes.

Sid is an accomplished eye-roller (also master of the withering look and the well-timed sigh) - but he would never roll them at you @mermadeincornwall - you are doing amazingly well. It took me quite a long time to face up to my drinking problem. Probably around two years of rising and falling before I was finally free - though the sudden and traumatic death of my dad and then the pandemic lockdowns didn't help. Were it not for those things it may have taken less time. But I was drinking A Lot - at my very lowest point (which fortunately didn't last too long) I was probably putting away 5 to 7 litres of Scotch a week. I really have no business being alive. I don't mention this in any "look at me" way, and it is NOT the business of this space to get anyone to say what and how much they were drinking. The only reason I mention it is that, if you look at what I've said and think "Sh~t! Two years?!?" - it's because I was very, very far in. I needed help to stop. We're all different and it just takes as long as it takes. But you are doing so, so well. You're fantastic and you're doing the right things. This is an honest place too - people are finding your daily posts helpful - we're not just saying that to be kind; we mean it.

Pitchfork at the ready @ShyMaryEllen - Sid doesn't have opposable thumbs, and his dewclaws aren't up to much, so he can't carry a pitchfork himself. But I will buy him a Pickelhaube, and he can run fast when he wants to, in case we have to ride at dawn to @WendyWagon 's fabulous new bungalow.

Strength and love. We're going to make it. It will be alright. xx

Morning all
@WendyWagon wow great news re the bungalow, esp the chicken run and the garden! We've had an offer accepted on a gorgeous house (well we think so but dd says she can NEVER bring her friends there!) because its just a beautiful white country cottage ! Fgs if only she knew how lucky we are x
Good luck to you anyway, exciting times ahead.
@mermadeincornwall it took me about 100 years too to stop drinking sadly and then a huge health scare kicked my sorry butt into overdrive . Had read all the books leading up to Say 1 but to fair since I stopped (66days ago) I don't read quite lit at all as it doesn't help me now. Looking back I think all the "prep work" already done actually helped. Something worked.
Day 1 is the first day of the rest of your life. It really is I promise. Yes there's ups and downs. I had a down yesterday. Apart from the physical benefits though, I laughed so hard with my dd this week I was literally crying. I can't remember the last time we laughed so much and that was me. That was sober me and I love it. I am learning to love me for the first time x
@REP22 thank you so so much for your ongoing kindness and support.
You have been through so much yourself and still find the strength and time to support us. Thank you 🙏
@Nowstrong so good to hear your evening went okay x
It's Friday and this evening I'm having a nice cold glass of Tripp Lemon and Basil 🌿x
Clean sheets on the bed. DH away ..... early night with a cuppa and a good film.💓

Thank you for your kind words @mumzof4x , that's lovely. No thanks needed though - this thread was an utter godsend when I joined back in 2023. It has truly kept me going. It's an absolute honour and a privilege to share this space with you and all who sail with us. xx

Hello @mermadeincornwall I was what I'm hearing is being called a 'grey area drinker' - I drank much more than some people I knew & less than others - so I had no massive klaxon alerting me to the fact that I really needed to change my ways, just a nagging little voice that told me, for pretty much the entire time I was drinking (& I had my first drink at 15, but didn't really get into drinking till in my 20s - but that was c. 30 years ago), that I shouldn't. I would say that I've had to juggle my desire/need to drink & a large portion of cognitive dissonance/internal conflict about it for my entire adulthood - that's one of the sad truths I've had to face since stopping - I knew all along really, but didn't believe myself. Things happened last year that tipped the scales in the favour of stopping - my young alcoholic nephew died, an alcoholic friend of the family did something terrible to their partner, a close friend/drinking buddy of mine had a ruptured aneurysm & nearly died - he came out of it fairly well & decided to cut right down on his drinking, which acted as a strong message to me. I found out I had high blood pressure. There was a LOT of drinking around me at Christmas, & something happened, I just switched. A couple of days before NYE I thought "I want to stop this shit & Jan 1st is a good day to do that" - so that's what I did. I know I could drink again - slip up one day - but I seriously think I probably won't - there's too much at stake xx

No need for pitchforks lads, entirely my choice as I'm worried about the parking at the quirky house. Someone parked in the disabled bay I use and didn't move for three days. It peed me off as no badges.

@mumzof4x my DS is a snob too. We lived in a large country house when he was a lad and he feels we should keep the side up. I spent it all on booze and paintings.
I'd be happy with a two bed thatch but as I have a very tall DH it doesn't quite work.
The DD is at a famous university but doesn't give a toss about money and show. Let's say her friends are eclectic.

My d day was a sham redundancy and a fight with my sister.
The job I loved but I had a toxic senior colleague. He bullied me and I got drunk at an industry do. I was very senior. It didn't go down well. I let my guard down.
My sister was another story. She was horrible to me as a child. Not much better as an adult. She passed my address to someone who had stalked me. Unforgivable. I got very drunk and told her a few home truths, it only took me forty years.
I don't miss my sister that much but my job was fab.
Giving up the drink enabled me the chance to offer my younger brother a kidney. Sadly it was too late. I carry on in his memory. I never want to be so shamefully helpless again that I can't answer the phone after 8pm. That was me, boozer and not that funny.

You're amazing @WendyWagon - but I'm sorry your sister was so unworthy of you. ❤️ You mentioned space for your DH and DS when talking about the fab new bungalow - is the plan for DS to continue living with you there? I hope he's being nice to you and considerate of all that's going on. 💐

I might buy Sid a Pickelhaube anyway. I think it would suit him. I can paint it pink if he wanted to go to a fancy dress party as a unicorn.