The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Winter 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Fire up the hot chocolate and make yourself at home.

Morning lads.
Hospital again for me today. Scans all round.
I could do with a bit of luck somewhere to cheer me up.
Sid looked so shifty. My dog likes watching the racing which I don't have on very often. I m always reminded of the two addicts betting on flies climbing up the walls.
I hope everyone is feeling positive and getting the AF options in. There seems to be a fair bit around.

I was in ALDI yesterday buying a Christmas pudding (their fancy range does a lovely one with orange slices all round the outside - highly recommended) and saw that they now do AF wine. My husband likes one of their reds - not sure which, but he says it rivals the M&S version) so I picked up a bottle of fizz, and one each of red and white. £2.99 each, I think. I have tried the 'Zerosecco' (obviously a pun on Nosecco) but not the others yet. I will report back in due course. I resent paying much for AF wine, as there is no tax or other duties on it, and it is basically just grape juice. For that price, if it's any good I might stick up.

@WendyWagon, you are really going through the mill. I hope they sort you out very soon. Not having a diagnosis is so stressful. I went through years of tests, which started during lockdown, and never got to the bottom of my problem. I was at the hospital again yesterday, and am going back this afternoon, so they can arrange physio and an 'education programme' which they hope will stop the cycle of inactivity which is definitely my life these days. I am keen to break that cycle (it means I have gained lots of weight and am getting horribly unfit) as my life is shrinking before my eyes. If I can find a way to 'power through' and get back to some sort of normal it will be amazing. If I can't, I worry that I'll be housebound in old age, which is approaching faster than I'd like.

I found that the problem is that you get a scan in one department, and if it comes back negative you are sent back to the GP, who seems to be the only one who can refer you to a different consultant, or even liaise between them. It's so inefficient, as in my case the pulmonologist exhausted a full gamut of tests on my heart and lungs, all the while saying that he thought the problem might be an endocrine one, but he wasn't able to refer me or speak to an endocrinologist on my behalf. Madness.

Anyway, sorry - that was all about me. What I meant is that I am sending all good wishes for you getting both a diagnosis and a cure very rapidly. 🤞

Hello
I wonder if I can join? I’ve been drinking far too much recently. Had some bloods done and my gamma results are alarmingly high. A shock and a wake up call. I have always been all or nothing so I am on day 1 of abstaining. 🙌

Hello @Lmlrts and welcome. Well done on recognising a problem and on Day #1 of doing something about it 💪💪💪. You will get so much help and advice on this thread. I am also quite new, just a couple of months sober, and have found it to be invaluable

@Doggojumpsdoggo How are you today? 🌺

Hey just checking in. Solidarity to everyone having rough old time of it just now. But we all know drinking won’t make it better. Let’s keep looking after each other here.

Hi @Lmlrts you've com to the right place. Welcome 😊

@REP22 thank you so much for your kind words
I'm so glad to be on here and had a lovely welcome thank you.

@ShyMaryEllen fabulous thanks for all the recommendations
I've looked at Craig Beck already and already like.
It's 2 days and 22 hours for me so almost 3 nights AF
Not had any news re heart surgery yet but I put out of office on earlier and now officially off sick until my heart is mended ! There is NEVER a better time to do this .
I slept really well last night but did wake up with a banging headache . Not sure if it's lack of alcohol or the dozen or so new meds I'm on.
Anyway we are meant to be visiting family for the weekend tomorrow and usually love going, however it will mean copious (and I mean copious ) amounts of fizz and deep reds literally on tap all weekend
I've decided to stay home and DH go alone as I am in the best mindset to remain AF right now and I'm not ready to do that yet.
Was so so horrible to dh this evening and poured his beer in the sink . I guess day three was going to see me irritable??
I was worried I might have more physical symptoms but seem to be fine. Tomorrow being day 4 could that still happen ?
Anyway sorry for long post again . Wishing you all a good evening and a kind day tomorrow .

Here is a timeline of what happens when you stop drinking.

If you take Vitamin B1, and are feeling ok now, I think it's unlikely that anything bad will happen out of the blue.

Apart from feeling a bit fluey and sweaty at night for a week or so, I was remarkably symptom-free, and I had been drinking a lot for a long time. The insomnia took ages to settle, but I learned to cope with it with the hypnosis and a determination not to fret about it. That was helped by not having to get up early for work though - it would have been a lot harder if I hadn't been able to give up.

I agree that there is never a better time than the present to give up. It can be dangerous to stop suddenly, but usually isn't, from what I can gather. Maybe try not to be alone for long periods for a while yet, though? Just in case.

welcome all newbies from an oldish hand 7 months down the line and sober from when i crawled on here on day one feeling grim hungover and ashamed.

currently laid up with a horrible cough and cold but would've been worse in the drinking days.

early days i recommend podcasts and compassion for yourself. buy some nice teas and chocolate, go for walks and be curious about how you feel without booze. i literally gave very little desire to drink anymore i just needed to make the decision to stop which i put off for ten years, long after the real joy of drinking had gone and it had all turned to addiction and shit. it was t my fault, um not morally dodgy, or especially weak, or stupid, i just got addicted to an addictive substance. now i realise it doesn't serve me.

all power to those of you in the early days. you've done the hard bit. this thread is ace, everyone lifts each other up, no one seeking to put you down. hallelujah for that.

thanks for the link @ShyMaryEllen

this is the standout bit for me and certainly true

sorry wrong size, tech ninja that i am (not). but you get the gist! the brain repairs itself and its chemistry so that you literally feel less anxious and get dopamine rewards from everyday things and not just alcohol. it's all a bit of a miracle...

Good morning me hearties.
I had a good sleep in the hammock and feel a bit better.

I am going to need an operation and I suspect the offer will be between Christmas and new year. Surgeons like to escape Les enfants home from school! I'll take it as we live so close to the hospital.

I've ordered the shop in and a load of Christmas presents. My husband gets given wine but it's usually red which wasn't my poison. We re gift it. The DH hardly drinks but likes sweet, Baileys etc. Not for me.

To the newbies well done every day. You've made a commitment to a better you. I don't miss my old life. It was 5 years of hell whist I was full on addicted and fifteen years wasted of my DCs childhood. I don't wish that on any family.

I have the BFF for lunch and 'feet up friday'. Good luck to you all today.

Will you have your gallbladder removed, @WendyWagon? That always sounds grim, but I know people who've had it done and the relief was immediate and life-enhancing. I hope you can keep your feet up until it happens.

As for feeling better when not drinking - it's like night and day. Mood, general well-being - everything is better, at least when the withdrawal symptoms wear off. Anyone stopping now will almost certainly feel significantly better by Christmas, so if you're reading and considering, jump right in.

Thanks for the link @ShyMaryEllen have read it all .
Agree with @ponzusoup .... the bit about feeling happier is very helpful
Sometimes I feel like I'll never get that buzz again, when in reality it will be even happier a buzz from being sober and present.
Day 4 for me today and slept really well again just not for long enough
Thanks for you supportive words all of you who are further down the line and so much inspiration.

Hello All
Welcome @Lmlrts

Our bodies and brains have an amazing ability to recover, if we allow them.

Still sober. It’s been a tough week and I’ve eaten way too much cake, but on balance I’m doing ok.

Hope you get a plan for an op soon @WendyWagon - life is much easier with a plan

Good evening all. Hearty welcome to you @Lmlrts - I am really glad you've found us. I'm an all or nothing lass myself. You're doing the right thing to make your future life less scary. It isn't always easy, but I promise it WILL be worth it.

As you can see from the thread already, there are many very wise, kind and supportive friends here. We have all been where you find yourself now. We understand without needing an explanation what it's like in the tough times, or if you have a wobble and a slip (I certainly have) and we rejoice in the successes, triumphs and milestones, whether sobriety-related or not. There's no harshness or unkind sniping here - it's a safe place. Certainly this thread has kept me going; I am eternally grateful for it and it's wonderful fellow-posters. Legends all.

I echo @ponzusoup and @ShyMaryEllen - alcohol is certainly a depressant drug. I take anti-depressants and have done since I was a child. When I was at my drinking worst, a doctor said to me "I don't know why you're bothering with your medication - the amount you're drinking cancels out any effectiveness it's having." He was absolutely right. I do well remember the abject terror of the thought of facing life without a "steadying" drink or several. The mere idea of it drove an ice-pick of fear straight through my soul. But things really, really are better when sober. Even the horrible things are managed better without the fog of booze. I've had a wretched work week in a portacabin on the edge of a hellmouth. And next week will be even worse. But it's alright. I can face it because I'm sober. And even the extra-early freezing Sid (dog) walks have been islands of enjoyment - greeting fellow early-risers who are chirpy and ready to face the day at an ungodly hour because they aren't in a booze-fug has been very pleasant indeed. Although possibly not for Sid - for a vibrant young dog in the peak of life and health, he is a remarkably idle b~gg~r. I have to chisel him out from under the duvet sometimes.

I hope your scans went ok @WendyWagon - you do deserve luck - and happiness - lots of it. I hope it's on its way.

Sid would love a Downton-fest with @ShyMaryEllen or anyone else who cares to indulge him. He seems chiefly captivated by the opening sequence, with the jaunty hips of Isis swaying in provocative close-up mid-screen. He likes watching that. I have not the heart to tell him that Isis is a lady (the camera angles and mercifully-judicious editing renders this unclear to the casual (and - in Sid's case, prurient - canine viewer). I adore Sid exactly the way he is and ever will be - but, with apologies to any female dogs peeping at the screen, he is absolutely and irrevocably as gay as a cucumber. The attentions of the local female canine populace in his direction, deployed often and keenly, baffle and dismay him. Whereas I now have several friends whose eyes I struggle to meet owing to Sidney's somewhat over-eager affectionate displays towards their male dogs. Mortifying.

I hope you are safe where you are from Storm Darragh outside and any temptations within. Look after yourself. Have a great weekend and be kind to yourself. You're doing SO well, you really are - even if you don't feel like it much.

Here's Sid, on his bed again, pretending that he hasn't just been Googling "Isis + Downton + bottom". Shameless.

Strength and love. xx

So flipping please with myself Day 4 here
Felt less irritable today
Can recommend some of the Fever Tree Mixer tonics btw
Bought a pink pepper one, spicy clementine and a few other Christmassy themed ones reduced to £1.50 on the supermarket
Enjoyed browsing the soft drinks and actually didn't feel like i missed it too much tonight
I am for the first time telling people close to me too to make me more accountable
I've decided I'll do this for 1 year and then review by which time it will hopefully be a no brainer
Suddenly Christmas Day without champagne doesn't seem quite so daunting
Hope everyone is staying safe and warm in this storm

Was on an earlier thread then fell off in all ways.
have been under an unbelievable amount of stress work and personal
but alcohol only makes it all worse
awake as in the thick of the storm

Morning all.
The storm is raging around us. The meter reader has left the side gate open again so it's banging.
Our supplier is obsessed with readings.
Long funny story about a previous tenant who was growing a 'crop'. When we bought the house they insisted on a huge direct debit which I refused. Monthly they send this aggressive chap round to see if we're lying. I've even had a bill for £3!
It's now a game to see how many letters we have a month.

The DS is back later and I might get some help finding the decs.

@ShyMaryEllen I will be having my gallbladder out but they are blasting me again with the chemo drug in January for my RA so it will be a case of who goes first.
All quiet here apart from the weather.

Stay safe, sisters and Sid. It's not too bad here, but the day is young. I have a Zoom class at 10.00, so am cramming a cheese muffin into my face before heading upstairs to the study.

You poor thing, @WendyWagon. My father had RA and the drugs were (almost) as bad as the condition. I hope things have improved in the 30 years since then.

@ponzusoup, sorry, but I refuse to believe that Sid googles with nefarious intent, or in his sex-pest proclivities. He has the face of an angel.

Morning all. I am lazing about this morning.

I have been feeling quite low and anxious in the last 2 weeks and feel like I just need a bit of a break.

It might be a bit of SAD actually so I am looking forward to our holiday. We are going away for Christmas to visit my family, so will see some 🌞.

Well done on your 4 days @mumzof4x - you have done the hardest part now, and should start feeling even better soon.

Welcome back @Thiszebraiscrossing - hope you got back to sleep in the end. Drinking to escape stress is so tempting, but you’re right that it makes it worse.

I had a drinking dream last night - first I’ve had in ages! Was so relieved when I woke up

Hi everyone xx I’m new to this thread though joined the other group a while ago. I’m actually back to day one today! But I’m really trying. I was hoping someone can offer any practical tools you’ve found useful, I’ve read a few of the well known books but would love any more plus podcasts and journals etc? Anything really as I feel I need to build my arsenal much more this time.
I also wonder if anyone has found online groups helpful (like aa)? I’m not religious but really feel I need more support to overcome this.
thanks so much x

Hi, welcome back @Pip2000b and @Thiszebraiscrossing

I haven't personally attended groups IRL (online or otherwise but have 2 family members who are great advocates for the 12-step programmes and have been sober for years using them.

Thank you @Onewildandpreciouslife and hello to @Pip2000b
Day 5 for me as of about 1 min ago!
Starting to feel less irritable now and def less anxious
Last week the thought of open heart surgery just made me cry and panic all day when this is the one time I absolutely mustn't get stressed. Now i feel more calm and have had a nice pedicure and manicure and even reflex

Then I laughed at myself because who is actually going to care if me feet are beautiful or not
Anyway how's everyone fairing this weekend ?
I many of us in the Uk are battened down riding out storm D and drinking oodles of tea / hot chocolate and the likes
Hope you're all staying warm and safe .