The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Winter 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Fire up the hot chocolate and make yourself at home.

Congratulations on Day 5 @mumzof4x .

Amazing work.

The mani/pedi/reflexology sounds blissful! Very jealous. (And you deserve nice looking feet!)

Hello lovely ladies.
Hope it's ok if I join you? I'm starting day 1 today. Have been toying with the idea of giving up the wine for a long time and have periods where I won't drink but then am soon back to a bottle of wine a night. I'm so done with it. I don't even really enjoy it which just doesn't make sense!
I've been reading through the thread and there's so much good advice and inspiration here. I'm looking forward to a booze free Christmas and being able to enjoy and have more patience with the kids.

Hello @Pip2000b@Pip2000b welcome.
Good morning fellow shipmates. I hope Sid is keeping a watch on the weather.
The recycling boxes had blown around the garden at Chez Wendy.

Last week of uni for the DD so I will be having a rest re the bus run.
My stomach seems to have calmed down the last few days so that's either the anxiety improving or the WLD leaving my system.
I'm not doing too bad on the Christmas prep. The DS has offered to get up briefly on Christmas morning to put the turkey in. I won't be able to lift it.

The proposed new abode I will view next week. As if by magic I had a 'sell us your house Mrs' through the door. It's a mine field who to use as the big agent is a nasty piece of work. I don't want potential buyers being spoken to in a condescending manner.
I've got lots of fake Gin in and I'm going to try the cider.
Have a peaceful day my friends.

Welcome @Labmum24

Hello everyone and a big welcome to everyone new 😇

I'm off out soon to a kind of Christmas party/late lunch which will be VERY boozy. It's at someone's house and I think nearly everyone else will be taxiing or getting a lift. I am driving. I know everyone who will be there but it's more my husband's crowd plus partners. Everyone is really nice actually but I often feel very insecure in this crowd, never feeling I quite fit in or am good enough which inevitably leads to me getting sloshed to compensate 🙈

So this time I'm taking AF booze so I can 'drink' but stay sober and hopefully it will be a nice afternoon/evening. It will be interesting to see the difference being sober. Who knows, I might really enjoy myself without the anxiety booze usually brings after the first few glasses.

hope it went / is going ok @CarrotSeeds you will ironically probably find yourself feeling more secure when sober. be curious about that one , could be a winner.

welcome to newbies. really supportive thread here with loads of tips and experience and lots of compassion.

we're all at the tail end of horrid winter bug at ponzu's house. cooking a chicken but my hearts not in it!

special shout out to @mumzof4x you are doing so well. all power and love to you.

I'm going to the pub tonight. It's a pub quiz, so I don't think it will be a boozy evening. I hope they sell AF wine, but few pubs do, I find. You can get AF beer, but wine is less common.

good luck @ShyMaryEllen i quite like AF beer and tend to go for guinness zero in a pub venue. can imagine the zero wine offering is shite.

hope you enjoy it x

@ponzusoup You were so right! I had a lovely time and felt much more confident sober. A total eye opener 😊

Morning all.
It’s mad, isn’t it @CarrotSeeds ?! I love the fact I don’t need to “watch” myself when I’m socialising any more - am I being too loud, too drunk? Now I know that if I am being loud or silly, that is my honest reaction to a situation- it’s me, not alcohol, at work

Welcome @Labmum24 and @Pip2000b - hope you got through your first evening ok

Morning all

Congratulations on your sober evening out last night @CarrotSeeds . I don't stop being amazed at the feeling the next day where I don't

1. worry about what stupid/embarrassing/offensive thing I might have done

2. feel confident that I have been my true self

We (like most) are spending a fair amount of time socialising with family and there is one particular member that I find quite a tough nut. Instead of obsessing about why they don't like me and what I have done to offend them, I have made peace with the fact that we will never be "friends" and have realised that most of their behaviour is about them and not me.

In other news, think I have a bit of SAD. I am struggling with these short days massively and not really getting outdoors much. Only managed to do a dog walk late yesterday afternoon once storm Darragh had done his worst, and it was pitch black dark by the time we did.

Still managing to exercise in our little home "gym" (a random selection of dumbells, a yoga mat and the "treat"mill) but it's not the same as getting outside.

Hope everyone has a good week this week, secret Santa and Xmas jumper day at work this week and then holiday on Saturday! Can't wait.

www.theguardian.com/thefilter/2024/nov/29/best-non-alcoholic-prosecco-champagne-sparkling-wines?CMP=ShareiOSAppOther

look! the folk at the guardian thought of us. my fave kombucha is on the list plus an AF cava at a decent price which is exciting.

morning to all, so sorry to hear about your SAD @EastCoastDamsel have you tried a red light? davinia taylor swears by one, i'll try and find a link.

@ponzusoup @Onewildandpreciouslife @WendyWagon and everyone else feeling a bit rubbish at the moment/struggling with loss, I hope you feel better and more positive soon. And @REP22 praying your work week isn't too horrendous but if it is, that it will pass quickly 😬

I am relishing that morning after the sober night before miracle. The lack of hangover really is the best feeling!! I've got a nice day planned with a dog walk and some Christmas decorating to finish. It's a bit grey and wet here but I can see a little blue in the sky so maybe sunshine is on the way. ☀️

Thank you to everyone on this thread. So positive and supportive. I'm not sure I would have got this far with my Mumsnet sober community x

Thanks @ponzusoup that's really kind of you.
@ShyMaryEllen how was the pin quiz? Any AF wine? Haven't tried it myself tbh but do like an AF Heineken with a squeeze of lime .
Day 6 here and becoming ridiculously obsessed with collecting trophies on an App I've downloaded to celebrate hours / days sober etc ! How can something so little suddenly become so meaningful

Morning all.
Up late, I managed to get another few hours in. I'm driving later as the DD has a one hour lecture. Too many buses for just an hour.

Morrisons has schloer on offer so we've stacked those up. I remember we use to get plenty in for parties and the DC would pinch it.

Well done to all the newbies. It is a tricky time of the year but if you can remain sober in the festive season January will be so much easier. It's probably one of the few times of the year people don't push booze on you.
Your Christmas bank account will look healthier too. I've saved at least £50 a week since I stopped drinking. I spent it on beauty treatments and posh fruit.

how was the pub quiz? Any AF wine? Haven't tried it myself tbh but do like an AF Heineken with a squeeze of lime

We came 5th out of about 16 teams, so no prize but no disgrace either.

No AF wine, so I had soda water. I do drink AF wine, but usually at home, as it's not readily available out, IME. I do live in the sticks though😉

Im joining this thread today as I'm absolutely desperate.

Im in an emotionally abusive marriage and have been using alcohol as a crutch. I can't leave at the moment, I do have another thread on here( don't know how to link).

Im worried that I'm going to get seriously ill. When ive stopped drinking before i really couldn't cope with "real life" and ended up having a breakdown.
Ive just got myself into this cycle, i dont even like the taste!
I have been trying for a few months to stop. But I get to day 3 and i feel so emotional and sad that i start again.

It also helps me sleep, if i dont drink I lie awake tossing and turning.

BUT I need to do this, im just frightened :(

Welcome @Met44 - I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. When we use alcohol as a coping mechanism, it’s sometimes hard to know which to tackle first - the alcohol or the underlying problem. But addressing the alcohol can make us much better placed to deal with everything else.

Giving up alcohol IS hard, and the first 4 days are usually the worst, so it’s not surprising that you feel crap at day 3. Unfortunately, you just need to find a way of pushing through that initial tough bit. Your sleep will also suffer for a while, because you are used to allowing alcohol to do the job of getting you to sleep.

The good news is that it is possible. Post here as much as you need to in the early days. We have all been through it and we can all promise you it does get better

You might find this blog post helpful by the wonderful Clare Pooley

Checking in. Enjoying the sober updates from brave folk getting out to Xmas events. Welcome @Met44 -im on day 16 and have found my previously unbearable levels of crying and anxiety have dissipated and I feel much more able to cope with stressors.
that said I had a very big wobble yesterday and ended up pouring half a bottle of rum (my DHs) down the sink as I had a proper “where’s the harm” moment. He hardly drinks so wouldn’t even notice it was gone (or he’ll assume I drank it at some point). But I was so tempted. No booze in now so that’s sorted that little issue.
Im finding really focusing on my improved quality sleep and ability to think again massively helpful. Listening to lots of sober podcasts for motivation too.
Sending peaceful wishes for the day to everyone here trucking along.

@Met44 welcone and I'm so sorry you have an abusive partner. That's tough. I haven't been in your shoes but I certainly know how to pick bullying and threatening men in the workplace.

One thing sobriety taught me was I have my witts about me. I know how alcohol numbs the pain but it leaves us vulnerable. Argumentive at times, which is us fighting back with 'Dutch courage'.
I'm sure you've spoken to women's aid. If not please do so. There is a way.
My late mother was a copper in the domestic abuse unit. Not once did I hear recommend a women stay in her marriage. Before my lovely dad she'd had a violent husband and one who liked a fresh nest. She became a copper after those two Princes.
She installed in my lots of lessons in the art of staying in an equal marriage. Abuse was not to be tolerated.
I'm sure the lads (we:re mainly women) will be along to offer advice.
Well done on today. We're here for you. Ask anything.

Hello everyone. May I sidle in and have a seat at the back please? I've been lurking for quite a while now. I've been having counselling and reading all the books suggested and after about 6 months I've finally taken the plunge and stopped. I'm 5 weeks in now all the worst of the physical symptoms seems to have lessened but I've still got a Vodka Vampire lurking in corners whispering 'this would be so much easier with a teeny shot wouldn't it?'. Little bugger.

I've been drinking for over 30 years. Like many, I started in my teens, went hell for leather at Uni, drank with all my co-workers in my 20s but as everyone else seemed to calm down I just carried on. Since covid I entered a completely different space, drinking a huge volume more and hiding it etc.

Decided it was making me miserable and unhealthy but couldn't quite imagine a world without alcohol so it's taken a little while to take the plunge. Still, am here now. Much calmer, less anxious, a little thinner, a bit bored but very determined.
All advice and help gratefully recieved, especially with the next two weeks coming up!

I can empathise with this. I wasn't in an abusive marriage, but I was ill, and I knew drinking was making it worse. I damaged my liver through alcohol, but I couldn't stop, and a big part of that was fear of being unable to sleep without 'a' drink.

Sorry to those who have read this a million times, but what worked for me was tackling the habit and the fear of insomnia. I switched to AF wine, so I still had the ritual of opening the bottle and pouring the 'wine'. I then made bedtime as pleasant as possible, by buying new bedding, pjs, scented oils - both for an oil warmer and for the bath, and making a ritual of going to bed. I bought some sleep headphones, and listened to hypnosis through those, and lined up easy-watching TV for if sleep just wouldn't come. That took the fear away. It took ages for the insomnia to go, but at least lying there was enjoyable until going to bed sober became the norm.

I gave up work, so didn't have to get up early, which really helped, as if I was awake all night I could lie in; but after a while I started to set the alarm so that I didn't become nocturnal. It helped. It's hard to believe now how much I feared just going to bed and not sleeping, but I really did, so I do understand, and honestly, if I could get through it, so can you.

@WendyWagon

Thank you for your post, that really hit home about drinking making me vulnerable. He drinks and when I stop he doesn't like it. Maybe I can use that as a way of getting back at him!

He isn't physically abusive, it's all mental. Lots more info in my thread on here. Unfortunately, he has just got a cancer diagnosis, lots of treatment ahead so I can't leave just yet.

I just get to the point where I think "fuck it, life is hard enough" But I know drinking is t helping at all :(