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Alcohol support

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The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Winter 2024

968 replies

REP22 · 20/11/2024 13:38

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Fire up the hot chocolate and make yourself at home.

OP posts:
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WendyWagon · 03/12/2024 09:33

Good morning my lovely shipmates.
Poorly again yesterday but off Thursday re an operation prior to Christmas (I know what these surgeons are like. Get them in over new year so they can escape their kids!). The DD has a similar option.

The washing machine stomach rumbles on.

sydneyprescott · 03/12/2024 10:03

Hey can I join?

Channel Islands resident here. The drinking culture over here is something else - I think people get bored being stuck on a rock for long periods so turn to drink.

I really want to give up if I can. Alcohol has not been a friend over my lifetime and I have lost friends over it in the past. My maternal grandmother was an alcoholic (though I never met her) so I do think I have the gene if that’s a thing.

Now that I’m older (46) and married with 2 young kids, I have definitely become more sensible and recently have cut down a lot. However, I’m peri and just struggling with how alcohol affects me in terms of sluggishness, hangover, mood etc.

I find now that before I consider having a drink I get an awful flashing headache, almost like my body is warning me not too. And I’m honestly not even drinking that much at the moment - around a bottle of wine a week split between Friday and Saturday night so well within the “safe” limits.

At the moment, I’m mostly trying to either completely swerve social occasions or drive instead. Missing main work Xmas party later this week because I just know I won’t be able to go without drinking a lot to get me through it (as I find it uncomfortable). Have my team do next weekend but am going to force self to drive.

Really really want to do Christmas Day sober for first time ever so think I will offer to drive to my mother in laws and back.

i also just want to sleep better, lose weight and feel better.

EastCoastDamsel · 03/12/2024 11:06

Morning all.

Welcome @sydneyprescott . I know what you mean about the weight gain, sluggishness and mood (though I was drinking far more than you are before I stopped)

I was asked at the weekend.if I have stopped forever and if I miss it, and you know what, I don't really miss alcohol at all. I sometimes miss the "off switch" that it so ably provides but I don't miss any of the other bits. Not even the taste (which as a wine "connoisseur" I was sure would be the thing I missed most)

Have and a stressful couple of weeks and can say I am so glad to be facing each day as my best possible self.

mumzof4x · 03/12/2024 15:18

Hello can I join please?
Had some life changing news recently and looks like I'll need a heart bypass surgery before Christmas.
Massive shock
I'm 54
Don't smoke
About 10 lbs overweight
Stressful job
4 children youngest 14
I drink a bottle of wine most evenings
Now my main coronary artery is blocked big time and I'm in trouble .
Have been reading around sobriety for at least a year .
Have tried moderating and stopped for a few week days but always back to it.
I want to survive and be a parent to my 4 gorgeous children and wife to my DH and best friend x
I am so scared but if I don't have this to motivate me to stop I never will
I have a couple of weeks to get ready for the biggest day of our lives and alcohol needs to go
No moderation just go
I have cut down by a good half for about a week to half a bottle now
I think tonight needs to be the actual Day 1 and really need any support I can get please.
I have an array of soft drinks/ many podcasts / books and a wonderful husband to help but any more hand holding hugely welcome.
Anyone else Day 1?
Thanks for listening and so sorry for long post
Hope the day is being kind to you all .

CarrotSeeds · 03/12/2024 16:10

Hello @mumzof4x and @sydneyprescott and welcome to the thread. Sorry to hear of your health troubles and yes, it's a bit of a wake up call. Everyone here has their own reasons for wanting to stop but being here and truly present for your loved ones is a common one.

This thread helps me so much to stay sober, to be accountable and to chat with people who understand the struggles sobriety sometimes brings. I'm coming up to two months now which seemed impossible a short while ago. I think the first few weeks are the hardest so if you can get through them you stand a great chance of winning ❤️.

I have to say that although I'm feeling better in loads of ways, especially with greatly improved sleep, I'm slightly disappointed that I haven't had any significant weight loss. But then I guess I would often have several large glasses of wine for dinner instead of food 😬 Booze always killed my appetite dead but I know with others it makes them ravenous and encourages poor food/junk food choices.

Itsrainingten · 03/12/2024 16:21

Welcome @mumzof4x and @sydneyprescott you've picked a great time to quit. Think how clean and fresh and proud of yourselves you'll feel come Jan when everyone else is hungover and feeling rough.
I'm the same unfortunately @CarrotSeeds I'm coming up to a year next week 😲 but I haven't noticed any weight loss. My skin looks better though and my hair, and my mental health is 100% better.

ShyMaryEllen · 03/12/2024 16:32

Hello and welcome, Newbies 😀.

I think the best motivation for those of us with children is to do it for them. Mine were (young) adults when I stopped, and it's my biggest regret that their childhood involved a mother who drank. I'd give anything to turn the clock back and give them a drink-free childhood, but obviously I can't.

Have a good look around on this and previous incarnations of this thread, and you will find all kinds of advice about how we all 'did it'. Some will conflict. I recommend replacing as much of the routine of drinking as possible with something less harmful. I favoured AF wine, in a proper glass, to replicate opening the bottle and relaxing in the evening. I also swear by hypnosis tracks in a nice warm bed, so that any insomnia (very common at first) is at least pleasant to go through. I tried to involve as many senses as possible, with new bedding and nightwear, smelly oils for the bath and bedroom, the tracks themselves (listened to through sleep headphones) and a backup of easy-watch TV series in case sleep just won't come.

Many people love 'quit lit'. I felt it reminded me of drinking, which made things worse, but clearly it helps others, so find what works for you and do it. It's a pick and mix, really. We all got into this in our own different ways, and will have different ways of getting out of it.

Expect vivid dreams for a while, and learn to love them. I missed them when they stopped, as it was like having a free cinema pass while they lasted.

Don't worry about food - indulge yourself if you want to. You can only give up one thing at a time, and you will probably crave sugar.

Take high-strength Thiamine (Vit B1) to help your brain get over the first couple of months. It's cheap and easy to obtain, and whilst the vast majority of people don't get brain damage from stopping, it is possible, and for the sake of taking vitamins it's not worth the risk.

You will get there. All you have to do is give up one thing, and you can have everything else. If you don't, you get to keep one thing, and give up everything else in the end. It's up to you. It's not always easy, but we are all here, and the lovely Sid wants you to succeed too, so don't let him down.

We are going to have a Christmas toast to fellow shipmates. It would be lovely to have you on board for that. All you need is a glass of something non-alcoholic to raise on Christmas Day.

mumzof4x · 03/12/2024 16:39

@Itsrainingten and @CarrotSeeds thank you so much for the welcome.
@ShyMaryEllen wow. Your message was so helpful and after all this time I have the bone obese that's going to help drive this :
All you have to do is give up one thing, and you can have everything else. If you don't, you get to keep one thing, and give up everything else in the end.

Thank you
So true

TryingDry · 03/12/2024 16:40

Hello @mumzof4x and @sydneyprescott .

I am very new to the board and to sobriety. I was drinking over the guidelines and have a bit of a history of binge drinking.

I am a week in and feeling OK. No weight loss but it is v early days. I used to put away huge amounts of food and drink on a big night out, so you'd think I might lose some but who knows? The other benefits outweigh me not losing weight

TryingDry · 03/12/2024 17:16

PS: I cam confirm the sugar craving shymaryellen mentions! I watched the trailer for moana 2 the other day and she was holding some sort of artefact/pot thing and I thought it was an Easter egg 😂

Carpetburn · 03/12/2024 17:40

Checking in! Sorry you’re still feeling poorly @WendyWagon and welcome @mumzof4x snd @sydneyprescott im a newbie too. 10 days in currently and actually feeling pretty good after a few initial days of weeping but think my poor body was a bit shocked by sobriety. I’m determined to have an AF Christmas Day as I’ve been hungover every Christmas for the last 3 years as my off switch does not function.
i had an alcohol related injury earlier this year and was mortified but people round me thought it was hilarious and that I was overthinking it by worrying about my intake. That’s how insidious booze culture is. Anything else that left you bruised and bleeding people would be horrified. I just got “you were so funny don’t worry about it”. Madness!

mumzof4x · 04/12/2024 00:49

@ShyMaryEllen please are you able to recommended any particular hypnosis'spps ?

Onewildandpreciouslife · 04/12/2024 07:06

Morning all
Welcome @sydneyprescott and @mumzof4x
All ok here - have had a couple of really strong urges to escape via wine, but have whacked them on the head quite quickly. Funny how honest my thinking has become over alcohol- when I did The Alcohol Experiment exercise of writing down “why I drink” there was such a long list, but really I could have crossed them all out and written “to escape”
Hope everyone is doing ok

CarrotSeeds · 04/12/2024 07:47

Bless you, @Onewildandpreciouslife You are doing so, so well. Stay strong. 💪🙏🏻. We are all behind you. Xx

WendyWagon · 04/12/2024 08:44

Morning all.
Still here.

Welcome @mumzof4x and @sydneyprescott

Ill health is a great motivator to give up the booze. I'm very poorly and tbh all the clinicians are a bit shocked I don't drink. Some like to beat me up for my past endeavours (nearly three years ago). I've got a particularly rude RA consultant who doesn't like to be challenged. After checking my liver last year she suggested I might have a fatty liver due to my size and past abuse, I didn't. I don't get her attitude but I'm not the only one she does it to. Knocking 60 and not worth the investment me thinks.
I'm working my way through my Christmas to do list. I have a family of bar humbugs.
We put one foot in front of the other.

Doggojumpsdoggo · 04/12/2024 09:00

Oh guys,

I’m on my third month dry I think…..but I was dumped last night. 19 months together, dumped by text.
Because I can’t offer the relationship progression he wants.

I’m beside myself with sadness. Almost impossible to not want to stop these feelings with alcohol.

TryingDry · 04/12/2024 09:37

Oh no @Doggojumpsdoggo 😔! That is so crap he broke up with you by text after 19 months! I'm sure drinking sounds like the answer, but you know you'll feel worse if you do 💕

@Onewildandpreciouslife, well done for not drinking. I lost my mum, years ago now, and it is so hard. I'm sure you're going through all the emotions now. It's such an unsettling time. I hope you can get some rest, good food and look after yourself.

I've got some sort of hideous cold/flu? of some kind and have taken to my bed. Had to call in sick to work which I hate doing, but needs must.

WendyWagon · 04/12/2024 09:44

@Doggojumpsdoggo sorry to hear your news. You were owed a conversation at least.
My beautiful and much married mother use to say if they don't love you more than life itself within two weeks they are not worth having!

REP22 · 04/12/2024 18:55

Hello lovely shipmates. A quick in and out and wave as I am still shoulders-deep in work chaos. Thinking of you all - especially if you are going through the mill right now. I wish I could make it all better straight away. I'm sorry that I can't. But I can promise you that it won't always be this rubbish. It DOES get better and it honestly is worth it. 💐

Welcome @sydneyprescott and @mumzof4x - I am so glad you have found us. It takes grace and courage to admit that you might need a bit of help with your drinking, and much strength to reach out and seek support.

@sydneyprescott - it must be a real challenge; I've heard about the drinking culture in the Channel Islands. I used to work at a boarding school. Two of the former pupils who lived there lost their lives in accidents before they were 20 and drink was a significant factor in each. It sounds like you are making excellent plans. You are strong - you can do this.

@mumzof4x - I am sorry you are in a scary place. Sometimes we have to find ourselves at the bottom before we can dust ourselves down and start climbing out and free. We are all absolutely here for you. Some of us (including me) have had some extremely frightening health scares, some drink-related, some not. I too have tried to moderate, many times, but I just can't. I can't have any in the house, or I know what will happen. I do know how wretched you are feeling now. You can't change what has passed - but you CAN influence your future. You're making the brave and unsettling decision to make things better from now on. It will be alright. Post here as much or as little as you want. We all get it, how deeply unfair and utterly sh-te it will be at the beginning. It gets better, honest.

@Doggojumpsdoggo so sorry about your relationship. And by text too; what a gutless turd. I know this doesn't help right now, but he is not worthy of you. Try not to let him steal your sobriety as well as your heart. You will find happiness with someone who truly knows how to prize and respect the incredible, lovely person that you are. Especial love to you tonight. ❤️💐

Very, very much love and strength to you all. Times seem grim at the moment. But - in the melodious words of the Wilson Phillips ladies - hold on for one more day ().

Sid sends special cuddles to you tonight. Here he is, startled in ignominy - he claimed he was watching a Netflix documentary on cats' welfare. He wasn't.

It was Downton Abbey. I told him he should be ashamed of himself. He pretended that he was. We have agreed that it will not happen again.

Strength and love. It will be alright soon. x

The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Winter 2024
OP posts:
EastCoastDamsel · 04/12/2024 19:01

Oh I am so sorry to hear about the way in which you have been broken up with @Doggojumpsdoggo .

What a coward!

You have come so far and are doing so well with not drinking, don't let the tosser and his inadequacy ruin that for you.

We are here for you (on your phone/laptop) so lean on us.

Have you thought about getting some support IRL too? AA/another peer support group might be really valuable in a situation like this.

Much love and strength. IWNDWYT

EastCoastDamsel · 04/12/2024 19:02

PS @REP22 I love Wilson Phillips 😁

ShyMaryEllen · 04/12/2024 21:27

mumzof4x · 04/12/2024 00:49

@ShyMaryEllen please are you able to recommended any particular hypnosis'spps ?

I like the Craig Beck ones, which are available on Audible. You can get a free trial, download then cancel if you aren't a member. I also like the Relax and Sleep Well app (awful title, but there are some good ones on there, and some are free). There is also Rain Rain, which is not hypnosis, but a sort of white noise that allows you to mix a range of rain sounds and play them. I use that a lot - it makes me feel cosy and warm listening to thunder and rain.

The hypnosis ones I've suggested all get you to relax first, then go into the affirmations about drinking. I'll never know if they worked, but the relaxation is very pleasant, and coupled with the scented oils and pleasant bedroom (as opposed to crashing into an unmade bed after downing a bottle or two of wine) made insomnia bearable. Good luck. Let me know how you get on?

CarrotSeeds · 04/12/2024 21:35

@Doggojumpsdoggo I hope you are reading all these messages of support and have managed to stay sober. I'm so sorry about the weasely way this guy has ended your relationship. I know it's hard to hear now but he has shown his true colours and you are worth so much more. 🌺 I love what REP has said in her post: "Try not to let him steal your sobriety as well as your heart" Such wise words. You will be okay, it's just horrid right now and really hurts. Xx

ShyMaryEllen · 04/12/2024 21:37

Doggojumpsdoggo · 04/12/2024 09:00

Oh guys,

I’m on my third month dry I think…..but I was dumped last night. 19 months together, dumped by text.
Because I can’t offer the relationship progression he wants.

I’m beside myself with sadness. Almost impossible to not want to stop these feelings with alcohol.

I fully understand your urge to blot it out with booze, but please resist? He's not worth it. Whatever happens next, the best thing you can do - either as revenge or as self care - is to show him that you are thriving without him. Which you can and will do if you show him you can cope just fine without either him or your drink of choice.

This time next year he will be firmly in the past, and you'll be looking towards another Christmas. You can have a lovely one that you'll remember and enjoy, as you know you've conquered the demon drink, or you can stumble along, feeling sub-par at best, and rubbish at worst, looking back on a year of hangovers and embarrassing memories. Which do you fancy?

ShyMaryEllen · 04/12/2024 21:45

Sid is welcome to join me for a DAfest if he feels the cravings 😂. I watched all of it in bed, from start to finish, when I was adjusting to life without wine. Then I watched all of Stella. Easy viewing, just enough concentration needed to take my mind off any desire to weaken, but not stimulating enough to keep me awake when I was ready for sleep.

I'd go to bed at a regular time, watch one or the other until I knew I'd nod off soon, then put on my headphones and listen to the hypnosis until I fell asleep. Sometimes it was three episodes in one night, sometimes only to the first ad break, but knowing I didn't have to lie awake bored and restless was so helpful. I remember it fondly, and will happily revisit with Sidney - no judgement from me. I'd prefer it to a cat welfare documentary, for sure😎