The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Winter 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Fire up the hot chocolate and make yourself at home.

@REP22 😂😂

This is the issue I have too. On a sensible meal out, I could have just one 125ml glass to go with my main course. Or on a sensible “out for a drink” evening I could have just half a cider. Or on a sensible special occasion I could just have one espresso martini. But the truth is I struggle to moderate.

The reality is, it always escalates over time. And I seek out more of these occasions. And spend more time thinking about drinking and not drinking, and whether it’s too much or not too much, or getting out of hand or ok or needing reigning in again.

And then there are the occasions when I get led astray and it all goes pear shaped. And I can’t let that ever happen again.

As someone up thread said. Moderation uses up too much head space. That really chimed with me. I’d never thought it before. But it’s so true.

The time and the mental energy and the years I’ve spent thinking about drinking and thinking about how rubbish it makes me feel the next day and thinking about how I need to cut back and thinking about what a failure I am for not having managed to cut back. What an absolute waste of my life.

Don’t be too hard on yourself @ThatWasShh . We are surrounded by messages that alcohol is fun, makes us more glamorous, the solution to our problems. And it’s all Shh, to quote your user name!

I have a really vivid memory of standing in the shower, doing some really complicated deal with myself about when I could next have a drink and being struck by the realisation that thinking that much about alcohol wasn’t normal or healthy

But change is possible

Yes @ThatWasShh - that's it exactly!! I'm going to save your post to read through when I start thinking it'll be 'ok to have the one'.
So, so glad I found you all

1 month and 8 days 🙏
So incredibly positive and cannot begin to tell you how much better I feel and look.

Welcome to anyone more new than me x
Great catching up on how everyone is doing and some great tips and positive stories thank you for sharing.
Well done SID for braving the cold weather .... my Marley literally had to be rolled out into the garden, only for him to trot around like a wee princess and dart back in in record time. I think he may have set a world record for speediest peeing 🤣

Well we had the most devastating news yesterday. I mean really serious horrible life changing shit that we now have to wade through. I had to hold it together like never before and I said to DH when we got home " jeez this is one time I could down a treble brandy!" I then said to him that I really wouldn't blame him if he had a glass of something .... he looked like he needed it and he absolutely doesn't have an issue like me. He doing dry Jan to support me and anyway neither of us had a drink .... we had a brew instead and went to bed early !
Oh the joys x
It's so much better to have these things with a clear head.
Stay warm all x x

@mumzof4x I'm so sorry you have had such horrible news. Well done on your 1 month and 8 days and for not reaching for the booze yesterday. Life throws up some shitty stuff sometimes but I honestly believe that whatever hand we are dealt, we can cope better with it sober. Sending you love xx 🌷

Morning shipmates on the good ship Sober
I will not drink today.
Saturdays are one of my trigger days, but I will not fall overboard (off the wagon ).

Ahoy!
Still here and reading everyday, but life very busy and I am struggling a bit to keep on top of everything.
Could really do with just a quiet weekend but DH has invited a a bunch of people round for Sunday lunch so I will need to do a major house clean and big shop today.

@mumzof4x I am so sorry to hear you are having to deal with something so big. Well done for not caving.

The headspace thing is absolutely key. Alcohol just no longer features in my thinking.

I have had the very occasional, fleeting thought like "Ah, a nice crisp glass of Sauvy B would be lovely right now" or "What are you doing? Of course you can be a normal drinker. What harm will one glass do?". But basically they come and go almost without making a ripple in my day.

But the bargaining/calculations etc are gone..as is any anxiety around impact on my health/children/family so much brain space freed up! It's like my brain's RAM is no longer required to run a big, clunky, buggy programme in the background that adds little value but prevents other programmes from booting up properly.

I do find the saying "Never Question The Decision" quite helpful. I think it's from AA? (Not sure though). I am a sceptical sort that believe in re-evaluation when faced with new information. But in this case, I have come to recognise that the "new info" is actually fake news.

Good to "see" everyone @REP22 @WendyWagon @ShyMaryEllen @Onewildandpreciouslife @CarrotSeeds and anyone I may have left off.

Welcome to all the newbies/lurkers. This is such a fantastic space, you have done the right thing by joining.

Mumzof4 Sending love ,kind thoughts and support xx

Morning all.
So sorry you're having a sh*t time mumzof4.
We're going through something really awful as a family but I can't share, too personal and outing.
There's always the DM button if you think someone can help.

I've just attempted a Yorkshire tea. I drank it to one side away from the sore tooth. Funnily enough I'm OK with cold drinks. Roll on Monday for that one.

Could really do with just a quiet weekend but DH has invited a a bunch of people round for Sunday lunch so I will need to do a major house clean and big shop today.

If he’s the one who invited a bunch of people round, he should be the one doing the major house clean and the big shop.

(Not the point of the thread, sorry. But I was outraged on your behalf when I read that!)

I'm now starting to tackle the sugar issue 🙈. When I stopped drinking I was eating loads of sweets, crisps and other junk and even chocolate which doesn't usually hold much appeal. And of course Christmas meant there was loads of that kind of stuff in the house.

I'm now 6 days into lowish carb, intermittent fasting, basically skipping breakfast, and eating lots of healthy veggies, good fats, proteins and the odd bit of fruit (not low carb I know but I'm trying not to be too extreme). I'm already feeling better although sleep is disrupted again.
At least I'm not waking up with a hangover!!

We have some of the kids over today so I'll see if I can force chocolate log and the rest of the Christmas cake on them 🤣. Feeling peaceful on this very chilly and frosty morning. It looks so beautiful outside but golly it's cold 🥶 ❄️. Hope everyone has a good weekend and special thoughts to those who are struggling with life's curve balls x

I first read Never Question the Decision in Holly Whitakers “Quit like a woman” @EastCoastDamsel so it’s definitely not AA 🤣. Alan Carr maybe? Anyway- great quote (and Quit Like a Woman is a great read if you fancy a big slug of feminism with your quit lit). Good to see you.

Saw this on instagram today and thought it was really helpful- he’s doing a series of daily posts for Dry January

Have a good Saturday everyone

“But the bargaining/calculations etc are gone..as is any anxiety around impact on my health/children/family so much brain space freed up! It's like my brain's RAM is no longer required to run a big, clunky, buggy programme in the background that adds little value but prevents other programmes from booting up properly.”

Ooh, I like this analogy.

I'm thinking of those who are going through difficult times. It's difficult sometimes not to be able to open up more, but I completely understand why we can't. Whatever you have going on, @mumzof4x and @WendyWagon I wish you strength and hope things get sorted out as quickly and painlessly as possible.

It's worth remembering though, that dealing with difficult times is so much easier without alcohol. I know you both know that, but it's frighteningly easy to forget.

Greetings all. Warm in the sunshine here for a bit today, almost spring-like. Sid did a tour of our little garden while I topped up the bird feeders this morning and didn't want to come back indoors. Cold again now though, so he's sat by the radiator washing his paws.

@mumzof4x I am very sincerely sorry for the awful development you and your family are facing. My heart is with you - we are ALL rooting for you and sending as much love as we can. I'm so glad that you didn't fall to the brandy, despite your devastation. It can be so tempting, but it really doesn't help in the long run. If there's anything we can do to help, please feel free to share. As @WendyWagon says, you can always DM in confidence if you want to.

Sorry the fang is still giving you grief @WendyWagon - hope it will be fixed and back to full nipping strength soon.

Love to everyone going through trials at the moment. We can endure. These times will pass. One of my most favourite quotes of all time is from that absolute legend Eleanor Roosevelt. She said "A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water". ❤️

Much love, strength and courage to you all. We can do it. It won't always be this sh~t. It will be alright. xx

He's doing all the planning, cooking and clearing up tomorrow and couldn't care less what anyone thinks of the state of the house so has zero motivation to clean 😂. Whereas, I really don't like even the thought of being judged re the state of the house.

@CarrotSeeds on the sugar thing SoberPowered has a new podcast just on this topic.

Thanks for this, @Onewildandpreciouslife - that is helpful. I'm reading his book at the mo and I've just read "If you think that alcohol relieves anger, misery, frustration, etc, then alcoholics (who drink the most) would surely be the happiest people on the planet." Home truths, eh. Much strength to @mumzof4x, @WendyWagon & anyone dealing with crappy times right now xx

I went to the London butterfly sober cafe thingy & it was very nice - just 5 of us there but lovely conversations were had - really good to have a chinwag with new open & friendly, caring people. Will go again - do come along if you're in London area

Oh thanks for the link @EastCoastDamsel. I'll watch that tomorrow.

Now I have to decide what to wear. We are going out for dinner, meeting with friends and it's freezing cold here. I would normally make more of an effort with a nice dress but tonight it might be warm pants, thick socks and a jumper 🤣🥶🥶🥶

*listen to, not watch 🙈

Morning all.
I'm up after another rubbish night. The DH has taken Mr Tiggle out as that's the only way to get him off me. He thinks he's Nana Dog. He's such a gentle sausage (and the DH). I feel so bloody useless.

I always wear a bright scarf when I need to wear a jumper @CarrotSeeds . It hides a mature neck and lights up the face. I'm still awaiting the shocking pink coat. No other buying other than a bedspread.

Morning sober sisters
I'm catching up reading this thread so apologies for not commenting about current posts.
I didn't drink yesterday, well a very strong hot chocolate was guzzled. Wonder if hot choc shots are a thing 🤔.
I will not drink today.
Love and kind thoughts to all

Morning all. Hope everyone’s doing well. 7 days done and the weekend was easy as my little one has been poorly. So a few sleepless nights but so much easier with a clear head. out of interest when first quitting the booze has anyone’s tolerance to bulls**t become zero 🤷‍♀️ DH is still having a tipple and last night he was talking talking talking and repeating himself (I know I must’ve been like that too after a few) he was being lovely and talking about nice things but I just had no interest and felt myself getting irritated 🤷‍♀️ is this normal in early sobriety? I feel a hypocrite because I’m sure I was the same after a few. Does this pass with time? Will I ever enjoy being around tipsy people again? Xx