The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Winter 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Fire up the hot chocolate and make yourself at home.

Thank you, you're very kind ❤️❤️x

@REP22 Hello, have just started to read this thread. Is it ok if I ask for a specific drink substitution recommendation? I am trying to replace my favourite drink with an alcohol free version. Having no success so far. Is that appropriate on here?

Hello @Sedgwick - welcome; I am glad that you have found us. It's perfectly OK to ask any question you want on here. There are lots of lovely posters here who all have wise advice and solidarity to offer.

There has been some discussion on this thread about AF versions of boozy drinks, a fair bit around the Christmas posts a few pages back and elsewhere.

I tend to steer clear of AF versions of drinks, as I worry that I might find the taste triggering, but that's just me personally. I'm told the AF version of Gordon's gin is good. I did try an AF Corona beer in London not long ago, however, and was very pleasantly surprised. Clare Pooley, whose book is recommended in the original post, found Beck's Blue to be a really helpful beer substitute. I'm sure some of our helpful shipmates will be along soon with their favourites to suggest.

Please do feel free to post and ask as much as you like. Very best wishes to you. x

@Sedgwick ask away! Some people on here find AF alternatives helpful, others don’t.

Sorry @REP22 - we cross posted! X

Thank you so much @REP22 @Onewildandpreciouslife , I really appreciate it.

I am the cliche woman in her 50s with a Sauvignon Blanc habit. I like citrusy, grassy New Zealand. The alcohol free versions I have tried were awful. I am thinking of trying AF sparkling wines next. I have given up before for a month or so and liked the ritual of having a pretty glass of something with dinner. Gordon’s AF gin is great, Lucky Saint blue tins (AF beer) is good too but no luck with AF wine.

I am currently tapering and not drinking two days a week. I plan to give up completely on 22nd January. I will fingers crossed then join the thread properly.

Good luck @Sedgwick - I hope all goes well. We will be rooting for you. x

@Sedgwick I was a Chardonnay girl, but abandoned the quest for a decent replacement. I found that AF rose worked better for me - something inoffensive, very cold, in a wine glass got me over the initial early evening “bump”. Others on here are big fans of kombucha. Best of luck, and hopefully see you back here on 22nd. Freedom awaits!

I'm in London the following week, or I'd have come, off to see if there's similar near me.
24 days and haven't caved, despite a few temptations, mainlining tea and sweet stuff but anything's better than beer for now.

Wow, that's brilliant @Livinginaclock - you're doing amaxing, keep at it! Hope you can find a meet-up near you. If not, maybe you could start one! In the Over the Influence podcast they talk of "the gap" and how "the gap" gets smaller the longer you stay AF. I keep finding myself at the gap, only being a few days in eg tonight is the night I usually go for beers at the local microbrewery - there's no other reason to go there for me, it's not great if you're not hitting the beers! So I'm trying everything I can to start bridging the gap, & hoping sober coffee meetups will help - something nice & AF to look forward to

I think that fake beer is more realistic than fake wine, but if you forget about trying to replicate the actual taste of the real thing, AF wine can be good for replacing the habit part of drinking. I like Bon Voyage Chardonnay, and Not Guilty is ok too. I have found one which I think is called 0 - it has a pale green label, anyway - in Aldi for about £3, and that was good, too. Just don't expect any of them to be the same as wine, as it isn't wine.

For me, the good thing is that they aren't the same as children's drinks, and after decades of separating day from night by opening a bottle when I sit down to relax, I find them very useful. The supermarket fizzy wines are good too (preferable to Nosecco IMO). I always pour whatever it is into a proper glass, and treat it as the real thing. The big difference (apart from not getting drunk and/or damaging my health) is that now I don't necessarily finish the bottle, and never open another one 😀.

I know that there are different points of view on AF drinks, but I know I would have struggled without them.

@ShyMaryEllen thank you very much, yes it’s the habit of pouring and sitting with a glass in the evening. I think AF sparkling is the next thing I will try.

@bloominoreilly I'm one week into mindful/healthy eating and have lost 5lbs, so in answer to your question it's going well...so far! I work shifts and in the past have found nights really hard, with regards to what and when to eat. It's difficult not to resort to eating to pass the time and keep awake!
@Makemineasoda that podcast sounds really interesting - I'll listen on the dog walk tomorrow morning 🙂
I actually had my first little wobble tonight - it was ridiculous but so easy to see how things can slip. I was watching Traitors Uncloaked and they had Diane from the last series on; they were laughing about fizzy rosé (apologies to non-Traitors fans - this will mean nothing to you!). The thought just slipped into my mind that "See...it's FINE to have a glass of fizzy rosé every so often! Diane is 63 and fit and youthful, she runs and doesn't have dementia...I should be able to be like that!!" Bonkers. The feeling has lasted for a while but its on the wane now...just trying to rationalise that if I was on Traitors it wouldn't be just one glass. I'd be knocking it back, saying all sorts of outlandish things and would probably be the subject of some viral 'drunk middle aged woman' meme for years afterwards 😳

@BlueLightBetty you saying that is like what my husband said to me last night when I was telling him that this is it for me this time. He said but you can just have a glass of wine or two and be fine! Yes I can but sometimes it turns into more and that’s when I get messy. I get terrible hangovers which make me lose a whole day which technically gives me one day a week where I can be present (I work full time) plus I get blackouts. I don’t remember half the night. Where is the fun in that? Along with crippling anxiety.
we just have to remind ourselves that everyone is different in how they metabolise and process alcohol. I’ve done so much reading on it and on blackouts and it’s so interesting. My relationship with alcohol is like a toxic relationship. I read if you were in a romantic relationship like that would you want to stay in it? No! xx

Wow, @BlueLightBetty, I'm impressed - that's fantastic - you must feel so much fitter & healthier. Keep going! It's a lot to juggle, work, fitness, being AF, but imagine yourself in 3 months - fit, sober, happier! 😀 Well done for getting through the rosè pang too - we really don't need that crap anymore!

@TiA303091 totally - I think it's ok to not want to put alcohol into your body at all anyway, even if you are able to moderate or handle it or whatever - it's ok for us to want to look after ourselves better & just give ourselves things our bodies actually need!

Morning all.
The best fizzy AF I found was the Asda sparkling savignon Blanc £4/5?

I'm a big fan of of Gordon's AF with elderflower tonic and two large slices of fresh lemon. I even bought the glasses as I wasn't a gin drinker in the past.

I ve now got tooth troubles so I won't be near the ice tonight.
I've been asked to take on a new brand and had hoped to discuss it with an old business associate today. She's just cancelled again but she can be flaky. I shall offer the gig to someone more reliable I think!

Have a peaceful day my friends.

Morning all, hope you’re keeping warm.

@Sedgwick My twin! New Zealand SB was my tipple too. I initially tried alternatives, but couldn’t find any remotely decent, and actually found them triggering. So after having wine subs for the first couple of weeks, I stopped them completely. I’ve even hidden my favourite wine glasses too. When I entertained over Christmas, guests were offered Chardonnay, Pinot Grigio, etc, but didn’t have SB in the house, so I wasn’t tempted.
I love an ice cold O% Guinness with Vimto, or a good tomato juice with lemon, tobasco, and Worcestershire sauce over ice, packs a punch. Otherwise it’s Whittards teas, lemon squash and caffeine free Pepsi max.

Love to all, hope you’re all doing well.
X

Good morning shipmates. Here we are, into double digits for January already. The tinsel will be going up again soon... 🙄

@BlueLightBetty and @TiA303091 - those wobbles can be tricksy. They catch us when we least expect it and wrong-foot us badly sometimes. They will fade and get easier to spot and flick away. You are doing so well.

Congratulations on the 24 days @Livinginaclock - that takes great strength and resolve to get that far, just brilliant.

The new business opportunity sounds good @WendyWagon - best of British with it. How was the return of DS last night? All well I hope.

My work is already going massively t~ts-up. WeakLink up to his usual tricks with increasingly grim fallout. But all shall be well. With a sober head it is manageable.

Sid is deciding that (once I've prised him out of bed) he is enjoying the snowy weather. Here he is, enjoying it a bit too much. No, Sid, no - never eat the yellow snow! 😲

Strength and love as we head into the weekend. We've got this, my friends. We can do it. x

Good advice for Sid re the yellow snow, @REP22. He's lucky to have you to keep him right.

I hope work goes well for both you and @WendyWagon. You both seem to have more than your share of work stress, and I well remember how tempting it can be to drown it in a glass of something poisonous. Well done to both of you for keeping the faith.

It does look a bit nippy under Sid's paws in that photo. I'm pleased he's decided to enjoy the cold - I can't agree with him there, though. I find that snow is best enjoyed from behind glass.

Onwards and upwards!

Thank you @WendyWagon , and hello to my twin @Middlemarch123 (love your username). I will try the tomato juice cocktail, thank you.

@ShyMaryEllen thank you 💖I agree with you about the snow. Snow is a bit like me - quite nice to look at but you wouldn't want to be out with it for long, hehe. Have a good weekend lovely. xx

lurky lurker lurking

Hello and welcome @mermadeincornwall - lurkers are very welcome here. I hope you find the thread helpful.

thanks for the welcome
I have been trying for long time to cut alc out,but, found it so hard.All last year I
tried and I now realise its a work in progress.This year i will suceed.
The support here has been a real inspation.
And Sid is very hansom.