The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Winter 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Fire up the hot chocolate and make yourself at home.

Hello shipmates. It's so glad to see the new and returning people alongside the regular friends. Hearty greetings to you all.

So glad you are feeling a bit better today @WendyWagon 💐 I'm glad you didn't go for the facial surgery. I always feel sad about some people who feel they've had to go down that route. Some of the less-subtle works are horrendous.

@mumzof4x I suffered from Rosacea too, which has now cleared up and (touch wood) has not been back. I think mine was probably drink-related too.

Very misty out and about this morning. Sid liked it (I think the cold enhances the scent of the wee-mails left for him by other dogs), but it was very, very cold.

Strength and love. It will be alright soon. xx

Thanks for the replies @REP22 and @EastCoastDamsel .

I was away for a short trip abroad, back now and trying to form new habits.

I’ve subscribed to the Reframe app, partly due to a recommendation on here. It seems good.

But finding this hard, by golly.
Onwards. It’s worth it.

@REP22 loving the wee-mails phrase !!!
We have a gorgeous boy called Marley ahi thinks he owns the village and that the little black sheep in spring are his brothers
He must save ALL his pee to leave wee mails for all village guests that day... just to make sure they know it's his village !

Morning all

Early night for me last night as felt very queasy and unwell. DD home from school with horrid bug (probably norovirus) and I think I may have caught a mild form of it.

@LittleGlowingOblong I found Reframe excellent at the start of my journey. It was really motivating to see the daily health update and to feel like part of a community. I also attended a couple of the meetings (alcohol free ones and avoided the cut down track as my intention from the start was to abstain)

I spend less time on there now but it was a great tool at the time.

Stressful work situation where a vendor has essentially proposed putting our prices up by over 50% for next year. And there is a lot of time pressure around this. I have only just taken over responsibility for this too so have very little knowledge of all the dependencies and historic agreements.

Anyhow, onwards and upwards.

Well ahoy my sober sisters.
Three years today I gave up the grape.
I jumped on this thread a few days later.
Bunnies, Drybird and others were my saviours. Crunchy, Blossom and the loveofGod came along a few weeks later.
I was in a bad way.

I had the dreams, the sweats and the tears. But I'm still here and plodding through life's troubles and triumphs without all the drama and shame I once had.

I do get a bit peed off when old 'friends' remind me of my past demeanours in front of others. It's like I've changed my place in the pecking order and that doesn't suit. I've still never heard from the two big boozers who used to enjoy my hospitality. They were amusing but perhaps only through beer goggles?

I have had my first totally sober Christmas without a slips and finally this year without any friends dying, 2022 and 2023 being shockers for bereavement and toxic work issues.

My health is now my priority as I've been on sick leave since May. I'm off to the docs today re the gallbladder and I can say hand on heart I don't drink. It makes me very proud.
If this old soak can do it, so can you. It's not easy but it saved my marriage, family and possibly my life.

Love and thanks to you all.

Morning all. Just a quickie from me as I’m away at the moment and the internet is poor.

@WendyWagon congrats on 3 years - I’m 3 weeks now. Not quite as impressive but I’m hoping to emulate you!

I’m actually enjoying being AF on this break which I never thought I’d say! It’s so nice waking up fresh every day and going on a wee wake up walk before everyone meets for breakfast.

But the absolute best thing is - because I always drink to excess, is that I’m not trying to hide a shot of booze from the night before to keep as a secret “curer” for the inevitable hangover. I’m not watching the clock for the first drink of the day (well first not-secret drink). I truly don’t care how long things take as I’m not champing at the bit to get to a bar for a drink.

I really hope this is finally it for me.

have a great day everyone and KOKO ❤️💪

That's amazing news @WendyWagon, really well done! And thank you and @REP22 and @ShyMaryEllen and @Onewildandpreciouslife and so many others for all the help you have given me so far as a relative newby.

Happy Anniversary and I really hope you get your health issues resolved soon 🥰💪🥰.

Thanks for the mention, @CarrotSeeds. I don’t think I’ve done much, but if anything I’ve said has helped anyone else I’m delighted. I guess I’m here as a terrible warning😀

Congratulations on three years, @WendyWagon! That’s great work, particularly as you’ve been through the mill healthwise. We all know that alcohol only makes us feel worse, but it can be tempting to use it to blot out feeling bad. You haven’t though, which shows how determined you are.

I’m out for lunch later with an old friend. We’ve had (very) boozy nights in the past, and it used to feel strange having soft drinks whilst she knocked back the wine. She used to get her husband to pick her up, but now she brings the car and joins me in a softie. I do think that more people are cutting down or giving up these days.

Morning my lovely shipmates.

Congratulations on your 3 years @WendyWagon, that's fantastic. I'm sorry about your former friends. I think those who are continuing to drink problematically really don't like sober people. We make them feel uncomfortable; we remind them that their own choices are increasingly dangerous and they despise us for it. So in their eyes we must be punished. I'm so glad you're here - you've always been such a support and I hope your health continues to improve. You deserve to be happy and healthy.

Sid sends wags to Marley @mumzof4x - I hope he doesn't strain anything "down there" while trying to mark out his manor, hehe

@LittleGlowingOblong it IS hard, one of the hardest things to get through. I'm sorry. I wish I could make it less difficult. But I can absolutely assure you that it IS worth it. And it won't always be this grim, I promise.

@EastCoastDamsel sorry that your work is troublesome at the moment. Mine is spiralling rapidly downhill too. I will keep everything crossed that all shall be well for you.

@ShyMaryEllen - you are absolutely not a terrible warning. You are a marvellous inspiration and source of support.

I mentioned yesterday that I used to have Rosacea which now no longer occurs. I remembered this morning that, when drinking, I also used to get gout. Can't think how I forgot about that - the pain was indescribable. Another tick in the "stay off the booze column".

Strength and love. Keep warm and safe. xx

Amazing achievement @WendyWagon , you’re a true inspiration.
I’m quite proud of myself as I haven’t caved and had a drink, but came close.
The crew doing the bathroom renovation are lovely, but I have an almost phobia about tradespeople in my home. So since 8 a.m.Monday , we’ve had the main guy ripping out everything, gutting the room, also an electrician, a glazier, a plasterer, a plumber and the delivery guys, and a skip! The noise, the mess, arggghhhh! Two more weeks of this at least. I keep telling myself that it will be worth it. I’m a bit of a clean freak and it’s horrible, but rant over, I won’t drink.

I loved the ‘wee mails’ comment too @REP22 , I love your Sid , he’s a legend. Winston, one of the dogs I walk is king of the wee mail. He’s a Westie, and every time I walk him he tiddles up every lamp post, hedge, fence, a few drops every single flipping time. Takes me 10 minutes to get him to the woods at the end of his road. I call him Winnie-the-Wee.

Love to all, keep strong and sober.
We’ve got this.
Off to put the kettle on for the umpteenth time!

Just posting to mark that it’s one week since I decided to stop completely.

No challenges so far as I haven’t had any events or socialising. Tomorrow there will be a birthday celebration (not mine) and I’ve told the birthday person that I won’t be drinking.

Evening all.
Back from the hospital.
Now on the surgical waiting list.
The shortness of breath which has scared me is a symptom of the blocked gallbladder. Who knew?
I did have a compliment from the surgeon as I thought I was too big for keyhole surgery, he said you are positively slim compared to the regular clientele. Well done on your weight loss etc. I was chuffed. He did tell me I had one of the biggest appendectimy scars he'd ever seen (ooh Mrs). I also went sans make up as I wanted them to see me grey and grim. They actually questioned my age positively. And I did get asked re smoking and drinking. Very proud Wendy.
Have a peaceful evening everyone.

I really hope so too, @BlueLightBetty, but I think you can do this - you have every reason to kick this rotten habit you've totally grown out of, by the sounds of it. You should be so proud of yourself for deciding to make this hugely positive change, & at Christmastime!! I'm really sorry about your parents - what a year 😞 It sounds like you've got an amazing attitude and lust for life though - keep going, onwards and upwards! I'm finding the podcasts & book I'm reading, & everyone's contributions to this thread, immensely helpful (thank you!!) - it feels so different to me this time too. It feels real! I am behind you with the nutrition & exercise, though - how is that going for you? I'm gonna think of the good example you're setting & start getting on with that from now on. We can definitely do this! xx

That sounds like a great result @WendyWagon - hope you get a date through quickly.

And huge congratulations on your 3 years! 🥳

Morning, fabulous people! Today is my day 9 & I thought I'd mention a positive knock-on effect of my 'no longer drinking' - I feel generally less anxious, more 'at home' in the world, and other habits associated with the anxiety, such as listening to the Today Prog & Radio 5 & watching Channel 4 News every day (with their constant reminders of all the shit things going on in the world) and obsessive listing & re-listing to try to get myself to do things that need doing, have slipped away. Something has changed in me without me even trying - I am more intrinsically motivated & self-accepting/happier in myself. I'm beginning to believe that drinking alcohol for 30-35 years was the biggest mistake of my life rather than the 'normal', 'fun' & pretty much 'compulsory' behaviour I'd always thought it was. This makes me both joyous and very sad. However, I know the sadness is a 'coming to terms' thing and is linked to the past and everything I do from now on can be OK/positive, I only have to stick to being sans alcohol! Wishing everybody a thoroughly enjoyable day being, or getting back to being, their beautiful selves 😘

I've just registered for this sober coffee event, wondering if there are fellow Londoners on here who are going or fancy going?

https://www.eventbrite.com/d/united-kingdom--city-of-london/sober-events/

Edit: Realised that link goes to a list of events - it's the London (South Bank) - Sober Butterfly Collective Curious Coffee Catch-up that I'm going to

@bloominoreilly - you might be interested in a podcast from the Huberman Lab (he’s a Harvard uni scientist) where he talks about some of the less well known effects of alcohol on the body.

One is the link between parts of the brain and the adrenal glands in the kidneys which are responsible for the release of cortisol (the stress hormone).

Basically the effect of alcohol on the kidneys means that people who drink are more anxious even when they are not drinking. it’s fascinating. And well done on your progress so far. I’m also realising that my drinking didn’t make me fun but more likely a pain in the arse. I think I have a need to be “popular” and “funny” and alcohol seemed to give me that but of course, it was all an illusion. Why did it take me sooooo long to realise!

Day 23 for me today and still feeling positive - no further blips/FOMO.

Im still away on my trip so haven’t had time to read everyone’s updates but passing on strength and love to everyone KOKO ❤️💪

Morning all.
Thanks for all the good wishes.
I received another gift from the DH. A heated bed blanket! God the joy of getting old.
The DS is back tonight so hopefully he will be pleasant.
Other than that all is well.

@bloominoreilly That sounds fun! Sadly, although I am free today, I'm at the other end of the country 😊. Please report back and let us know how it was!

@WendyWagon, my husband gave me a an electric blanket for a Christmas present and I've never looked forward to going to bed so much 🤣. We live in an old, cold house and although I don't like a heated bedroom, it's lovely jumping into a toasty warm bed in winter!

Sounds like everyone is doing well. Lots of talk about folks feeling peaceful and happy, a lot more emotionally stable and without booze-driven anxiety. I feel it too.

@Makemineasoda thanks for the suggestion, I will give that a good listen! It is profound, isn't it, the way alcohol affects us, yet we don't educate ourselves before we start troughing the stuff - at least, I didn't! I just tried to explain what I'd learnt about myself, from my short-lived experience of being AF, and how I wish my big drinking young nieces & nephews knew this for themselves, to my still-drinking DH, & he just didn't want to see it - still wants to see drinking in terms of "you're an alcoholic" with a problem, or "you're a drinker" therefore without any deleterious effects, really. I would have been the same a short while ago. I'm going to try to be a 'beacon'/'lighthouse' to my loved ones while trying not to be preachy. Drinkers just don't want to hear about how alcohol affects them (I didn't either). I'm afraid one of my nephews (age 32) died last year, from an accidental drugs overdose, but he was also an alcoholic - I know that term is contentious, but I use it in the context of this message - he was at the extreme end of alcohol dependency. His brothers, sisters & cousins are mere moderate to heavy alcohol consumers compared with him - I know there is a difference, but now I know what it's like to not drink at all, I want them to know about it too. I have been holding in a lot of stress for months now, and this morning I was able to connect with it and let it out. I had some tears for my nephew and the awful sadness of him and others (80% of the population, apparently) not knowing that drinking is making any other problem worse not better. That drinking might well be the problem, or the cause or prolonger of problems. Well done on your progress too - sounds like you're doing great ☺️. You're right, alcohol lies to us - a couple of days ago I wrote in my journal "one of the ways alcohol dupes you is it makes you believe it is important and has value, so you do it instead of other things" - it is wonderful to be able to start getting on with all the other things, including just enjoying being x

@CarrotSeeds the coffee event is on Sat 11th - but I understand that you are far away!' Woulda been nice to meet - shout if you're ever in London!

@bloominoreilly I agree so much with what you’ve written. I tried to have a conversation with DH that if he didn’t drink his stress levels and sleep would improve massively, but the shutters went up instantly. To be fair, he drinks much much less than his friends. But I still know that his life would be improved without it.

I’ve looked at those BeeSober events before, but I am usually doing something else at the time. I’d be interested to hear what you think.

@Onewildandpreciouslife that's an apt phrase, "the shutters go up". I've learnt that it helps to identify as a non-drinker - that, before, I identified as a drinker - the more I identify as someone who's changed, who doesn't drink anymore, the better chance I have of not caving. My DH has similar reaction to yours, & I believe DH's life would improve without alcohol - and I can't believe that drinking most days of the week & binge drinking at the weekend is not affecting his health in some way. He's not often disorderly, he manages his drinking well to a large extent, so he doesn't see why he should change. I'm pretty sure DH sees himself as 'a drinker', so to prod & poke at that threatens his identity. These things are deep & psychological & rigid, but once you understand them you realise you don't have to see knowledge as a threat, and you can allow yourself to think about the whole situation - what alcohol is, how it affects us, whether we're happy with that or not. I don't mean to condescend, @Onewildandpreciouslife, I expect you're well aware of all of this, but I'm enjoying airing my new-found knowledge! 😄 I will let you know about the event - hadn't realised it's this weekend, January whizzes by!

Hello Shipmates. Hope you haven't got too many icicles hanging from your whatnots.

@Middlemarch123 - Sid sends greetings to Winston. He likes making new male friends! Ladies remain a source of mystery and bafflement to him, however.

For anyone who likes dogs, I have recently discovered a lovely new TV Series, called Pete Wicks: For Dog's Sake. It's Pirate Pete from Strictly, working with The Dogs' Trust (bit like the old Paul O'Grady show at Battersea). It's very charming, funny at times, heart-warming, quite moving and very well-presented. Available on U & W https://u.co.uk/shows/pete-wicks-for-dogs-sake/watch-online (or Freeview Channel 25). Sid has been enjoying it very much.

Fantastic to hear about your milestones @ThatWasShh , @bloominoreilly and @Makemineasoda - it takes a great deal of courage to get as far as you have and keep going, absolutely brilliant. 🏋️‍♀️ It does get easier.

That sober coffee thing looks good (as do some of the other events at that link). Alas, I'm a bit too far outside London to get there. I would be very interested to hear how it goes though.

@WendyWagon - a heated blanket is a very lovely and thoughtful gift. I wouldn't mind one myself, though I suspect Sid would have it off me in a trice. He gets all the good pillows. Hope your DS behaves himself this evening. ❤️

It snowed heavily here yesterday. Fortunately it didn't settle and it's quite nice at the moment. Sid wasn't sure what to make of it. Here he is, asking if I've got any bacon-scented Head & Shoulders for the "unacceptable" devil's dandruff settling upon his furry self.

Strength and love. You can do it - it will be alright. xx

Thanks @REP22, your posts keep me going - they're so funny. Lovely Sid 😍