The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Winter 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Fire up the hot chocolate and make yourself at home.

I too love the taste of wine, and in summer a nice dry cider! I have thrown wine away that I didn't like the taste of, so I wouldn't drink just anything because it is alcohol.

I have woke up feeling crappy this morning, throaty and heady and can't even blame booze. I'm on week 7 of none and pissed off I'm feeling like this.

Have scoffed a couple of paracetamol and hoping I'm not coming down with the lurgy, although a few days off food wouldn't hurt!

Sorry to read of your upset @Makemineasoda . I have actively avoided situations so I don't feel like I am missing out. My husband doesn't really drink, so it is easy not to.

Hello everyone. Hope you are having a good day.

@WendyWagon I'm sorry your DS is continuing to give you grief. It's not fair - I can remember not too long ago that he said some pretty vile things to you and your DD and I'm very sorry that he's still carving away at your peace. I hope it won't be too long before he's independent. Hopefully he'll appreciate you a bit more when he's in his own place. I remember the Weasley twins in Harry Potter saying that they'd developed a newfound love and respect for their mum once they'd moved out of The Burrow and had to start washing their own socks.

Strength and love to you all. Stay warm and safe. No snow here yet but very, very cold. Sid was shivering in the car. I am going to dig out the jumper my M knitted him. xx

@WendyWagon Another one adding support re your struggles with your son. Adult kids can be very unpleasant sometimes but as @REP22 wisely says, once they leave home and get a decent dose of reality, things often become much more bearable. Well done on not reaching for the bottle.

Very cold here too. We've been out with the dog but I have spent the rest of the day so far doing laundry and cooking and staying warm. I'm joining my husband on a work trip next week, usually a great excuse to have a few nice glasses of wine in the hotel bar and more wine over dinner. I'm taking a bottle of AF Gordon's with me to have a little pre-dinner drink in the hotel room. Once I start eating, I find it much easier to pass on the alcohol so will be happy with sparkling water in a restaurant. I'm finding that even after 90 days, preparation is key to avoiding a slip up 🙂

You are very wise @CarrotSeeds - preparation is key. That's a really good idea to take some AF stuff with you. Hotel prices are pretty grim anyway. I was in London recently and had a squint at the bar menu - £17.95 for a "proper" single G&T. AF version the same price. The staff should have been wearing masks and stripey jumpers, the grasping little Fagins.

Another strategy I have found helpful is remembering that you don't owe anyone an explanation, reason or excuse for not having a drink. It is no-one's business but your own. "No thanks" is all that's needed and you should not have to justify your choice to anyone. Some people (usually when they've had a drink) seem mortally offended if you decline one. "Why not?", "Just one!", "Killjoy!" ad-bl~~dy-nauseam. It gets very tiresome. I suspect that it makes them feel uncomfortable as they know they've had too many and want a drinking buddy/co-conspirator to fall with them so they feel better about themselves. Or maybe that's just me being cynical.

Hope the trip goes well and that you have lovely time. x

Thank you @REP22 😘. I might also take a bottle of AF wine to pop into the hotel fridge. £2.99 from Aldi 😂. Cheaper than a bottle of mineral water at a hotel bar!!!

Adult children are definitely a trial. I think mothers are programmed to feel guilty a lot of the time, and when you add in whatever triggered our drinking, and then the knowledge that however it's dressed up we didn't make the best job of parenthood, it's a heady mix, and often we don't feel able to fight our corner, as we know there is truth in what they throw at us. It's hard.

Well, that's Christmas done for another year. I've got rid of the tree and think I have remembered all the decorations - usually there is at least one lurker who gets to hang around for the rest of the year, rather than be taken back up to the loft.

I've tried the Aldi 0%, @CarrotSeeds, and it's quite good, so long as you do't compare it to actual wine. That's the trick with the AF stuff, I find.

@ShyMaryEllen yes, that’s exactly it!!! You’ve summarised how I feel exactly.

I have been lurking on this thread for a while and would like to join if that's ok. Have done AF stints in the past (longest for 111 days last year) but am now committing to a year AF. Too much headspace wasted in moderating. Early 50's, just need to wise up and prioritise my health.

“Too much headspace wasted in moderating.”

That’s a really helpful way of looking at it.

Managed the family get together at our local bar just fine.
Had some AF cider, even though it's 0.0% I still feel like I am cheating if that makes sense?
And then had a couple of Grayson's CBD drinks.
One thing i did find it how loud people get and irritating when drunk.
Jeeeese I dont want to be one of them again.

Evening. Dealt with some absolutely hideous cravings last night. Definitely had the Friday night Fuck it’s. But I drove angrily home from work furiousl that I couldn’t stop at the shop and that I can’t moderate like “normal people”. Pondered how boring my life will be, how I will never have fun again blah blah blah. Sulked for about an hour then had a bath, put my pjs on and watched a film. And lo and behold it passed. Went to bed feeling happy-woke up feeling happy and no issues today. Driving home is a major trigger for me. I guess I just need to ride it out and this too shall pass. My last weeks of recent drinking were absolutely miserable. Dark, hopeless and depressing. I was crying every day. And yet I still got annoyed last night. Madness!

@Carpetburn it never ceases to amaze me how much better I feel when I don’t drink but that the urge to drink persists. The desire to be “normal” and just drink like everyone else…..but I can’t. But yes, we just need to ride it out. Better having a shit night sober than having four shit days hungover, anxiety and shame. KOKO ❤️💪

It is amazing what a two faced liar alcohol is. Pretending to be your friend whilst stabbing you in the back

Morning all.

I love the two faced liar tag for alcohol (I've known a few of them IRL! )

Up after nearly keeling over in little Tesco. Bambi legs after being in bed again.

No cravings here. The son is lurking but had a bit of a shock yesterday. His car slid into the road. Horrible situation. Luckily no one around but frightening all the same.

Morning all.

On our way home from holiday. Holed up in Frankfurt currently. Lots of travel disruption. Hoping we make it to Manchester later.

Long wait here though.

One think I do worry about is not ever sharing a bottle of wine over dinner with DH ever again. I have found that I have a lot less capacity for long drawn out meals without the booze.

Whereas I would relish a taster menu with wine pairing etc in the past, that sort of thing just gets tedious and on my nerves now. I really only want a single course (don't really need all the extra calories from a starter and pudding anyway).

@EastCoastDamsel We are supposed to be driving TO Manchester today but we have an awful lot of snow ❄️. My husband has to be there for work but I was just tagging along. I really think it would be best if he just got a train there and I stayed home. Hope you get back safely today!

How scary about your son @WendyWagon I've had a crash driving in snow before so am very wary of driving in it. I'm glad he is okay. Hope you are feeling better too after your Bambi legs wobble 😘

“Better having a shit night sober than having four shit days hungover, anxiety and shame.”
^^
“It is amazing what a two faced liar alcohol is. Pretending to be your friend whilst stabbing you in the back”

Such good points. I’m still not feeling right after New Year.

Morning! Some great advice here as always. I also had a read through the reality of the end post on this forum which gave me a good shake.
I’m feeling good this morning so I’ll take it and slept well. Sleep is so much better than it was. Feel like my synapses are firing again!
@WendyWagon the car incident with your son sounds scary. Hope you’re ok.

@EastCoastDamsel I think I'm with you on the sharing a bottle of wine with DH scenario. It's hard isn't it knowing that's in the past now. But we will make even better memories now. Someone once asked me to list all my most special memories. When I reviewed them it was interesting that not one single one was linked to drinking at the time.
I'm feeling it today (day 33)
It's a Sunday
The fire is roaring
The snow is pretty
Id so damn like to share a bottle of red with my dh by the fire and talk nonsense
But I guess that would lead to more:
Then I'd be too tired to really cook the delicious and healthy Sunday dinner that's planned
If possibly nit pick too
On the plus side I can do anything I want today even with the car because I can drive. I can nip out for a drive to the lake worh my gorgeous dog.
I could go to the shops and grab a coffee with dh instead
Be present
I can be in bed at a reasonable time and not wake up with a horrid hangover head.
Today I just finished book 6 of the 7 books in a series The Seven Sisters which was brilliant !!! Totally been my go to when i thought about wine all this week and last .... so best get into the next book quick !
What's everyone reading that's nut quit lit currently?
Or watching?
Hope everyone is warm and dry this snowy day x

I'm reading Demon Copperhead finally, wanted to read it for ages.

@Livinginaclock I've looked this one up and added it to my 2025 reading wish list thank you.

@mumzof4x i know I’m late to my brilliant friend series as they’ve been out for a while but I love those books!

@mumzof4x I’m currently addicted to The Split. I actually watched series 2 when it was out and really enjoyed it so it was my intention to watch the Barcelona special on the BBC player. But when I searched for it, I inadvertently started watching season 1 (which I’d not watched before) and now I’m hooked! Also watching Squid Game 2 which is not as good as series 1 but I’ll stick with it.

Just finished Big Little Lies (even though I watched the tv series ages ago) and about to start The Housemaid is Watching which DD got me for Christmas.

I also really miss the bottle of red with DH - we’ve had some really nice nights putting the world to rights over a glass or two, but then I’ve had many more truly awful nights when I overdid it/went on a bender. Luckily DH is starting to feel his age and drinking less wine in the house so I’m hoping it will become less of an issue as time goes on.

I'm still trying to finish the Milly Johnson from before Christmas and I have Alchemy and a Royal book.

I've also got some magazines too.
My cravings are all about the clothes atm. It's really hard!
I'm hardcore cold turkey on the shopping.