The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Winter 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Fire up the hot chocolate and make yourself at home.

Morning all.
Lovely to see you @Fortheloveofgodwhy
Well done on your milestones @RunningtheHill and @EastCoastDamsel - amazing work 💪🏻

Hope everyone is doing ok

Morning all and Happy New Year, a bit late. Still dry here and very pleased about it. Have at last got rid of all the biscuits and Xmas chocs that were decorating the fruit bowls, so temptation to nibble is getting easier.
Sunday I have a big birthday and I'm pretty sure that my DC are organising something. Which is very sweet, so I won't give any instructions about being AF, just perhaps have a sip of whatever to toast being officially old and keep it at that.

My skin is starting to look better and sleep is getting better by the dry day. I listened to Dr. "can't remember his name" who said that when he went dry, it took him 8 weeks to get really decent nights. So am interested in seeing if there will be any future ameliorations. Only problem I have at the moment is that I enjoy a nice mug of herb tea or hot milk, just before bed. I swear I must have the world's smallest or most efficient bladder. Am tempted to try going without to see if anything does change.

Next week off to visit a dear friend who lives in Spain. So lots of walking and sea air.
Pretty determined still to remain AF. I'm so pleased that I don't even think about having a drink in the evening now, which was, about a year ago, pretty unheard of. So definitively onwards and upwards.

Wishing you all a good day!

I was about 10 months with my first Christmas too and I must admit it was a bit shit. I didn't want to drink but was annoyed at myself that I couldn't if that makes sense? It was definitely a case of 'getting through', as were some other occasions (first sober birthday, first sober holiday etc) but I hung on and it's getting easier and easier.

This year was more about me finding other people's drinking tedious. I still had fun but my saturation point for people getting drunk is so much lower. I guess this is a me problem though.

Congratulations to everyone meeting milestones!!!

Of course every single day counts though, be it day 3 or day 3000.

Lovely to see you @Fortheloveofgodwhy 😊 I'm glad you are well.

Unfortunately I never lost a single lb when I stopped drinking. I was already overweight from the booze but I'm now even more overweight as I developed a massive sugar addiction. So I'm looking to lose 3st. I'm already on medication for an autoimmune arthritis so I don't want to take weightloss injections too. My aim is 1lb a week for the whole of 2025!! I want this year to be about health as well as sobriety.

I feel confident enough in my sobriety to be able to do this!! I'm cutting out all refined sugar, portion controlling carbs and walking. Nothing mad, nothing unsustainable, the occasional take away or (non sweet, non alcohol) treat is allowed. I'm hopeful ☺️

Morning all.
Ahoy to Sid and @REP22

I'm coming up to my third year anniversary. January 8th.
I'm five stone down in weight.
I sleep better and truly have more leisure money. I might try the hydrotherapy pool with my stash this year. First year I had the red vein treatment.

Someone asked upthread if others had new years resolutions. Mine is not to buy any clothes.
I have always been obsessed with clothes. My mum use to put me in my sisters old things. She was so much bigger than me (with no style). I hated it, so from 15 I bought my own or made them.
I'm now down to 20 pairs of black trousers (from 39) and working my way through the rest. I love a black trouser with a coloured jacket and silk top.
I did buy a coat on the 31st but I did have it in my watch list. Lightly loved. Shocking pink Max Mara.

Off out to lunch today with the BFF.

Morning all, well done to all, whatever day you are on the sober path.

When I drastically cut down last August, I lost a little weight, but certainly looked less bloated, face and tummy, after about a month. My skin improved after about six weeks, so it’s encouraging to see physical results.
Have just poured all the remaining opened bottles from Christmas entertaining down the sink. Last night, out of nowhere it started calling me. Like Mrs Doyle, “you will, you will, you will .” Bloody cravings! So it’s all gone. The wine smell was bitter and horrible, and I thought, I used to smell like that, not good.
Anyway, onwards and upwards, meeting a friend today for tea and cake and a bit of shopping. Going to buy some nice teas from Whittards. Not cheap, but lovely.

Have a good day everyone.
We’ve got this. X

@WendyWagon You’ve done so well, enjoy your lunch. Coat sounds gorgeous.

Morning all. January 3rd and things starting to get back to normal. Packing up the Christmas decorations tomorrow and planning some chores which don’t get done every week eg cleaning the kitchen cupboards etc.

@Nowstrong my bladder is the same. I’d love a cup of tea at bedtime but I’d be up and down all bloody night! It’s that bad that sometimes I sleep in the spare room if DH is working in the morning so as not to disrupt his sleep. I am drinking lots of water in the early part of the day and very little after 6pm which is helping. I’ve also got a big birthday this year and I still feel a bit deflated that I won’t be able to drink bubbles on it but just keep reminding myself that I’m helping my aging body and why would I want to treat myself with poison!

@WendyWagon 5 stone is amazing. I’m aiming for 3 over the course of the year.

day 17 for me today. KOKO everyone ❤️💪

Morning all
@Makemineasoda post Christmas clean up here too.
It's quite depressing I find but super cleansing afterwards. House always feels rather minimalistic and clean.

Well it's exactly one month today for me
I'm 13 lbs down
6lbs to my ideal weight before heart surgery if possible so really pleased with that.
Skin and eyes improved to the point that I've stopped putting on my rosacea cc cream now and that's a first in many many years.
Sleep is okay but I think waiting for open heart surgery is clearly keeping my wee brain awake a bit at night !
Dc all gone back to uni / med school and one dd 14 left at home. Even she's gone to stay with her sister so it's weird being home alone.
Dh at work and I'm signed off sick until the surgery so it's me and a stash of post Christmas booze.... oh and Marley my 5th child x
I do worry still that I should be reading quit lit or attending something but like someone else said I think it just makes me think about something I'm honestly thinking about less and less each day? Part of me doesn't want reminding.
Or am I too confident too soon?
Well done everyone on your sober achievements at what ever stage you are ... Christmas was a huge achievement .
My next big target is the 100 days. I've heard I may feel happier and more like I'm not thinking or missing the booze buzz much at that point Happy Friday everyone

Hello. My first time joining this forum. I did dry Jan last year and lasted till mid Feb and then introduced rules to help me moderate. But I’ve come to the conclusion that giving up completely is the only sensible option for me.

I’ve got a weird relationship with alcohol in that I don’t actually like it that much a lot of the time, but find it difficult to say no when others are drinking, really enjoy it in certain situations, and then relapse and start seeking out those situations.

I thought I was doing reasonably ok with the moderation but it crept up again over the Autumn, then escalated in the run up to Christmas due to social situations with others who can handle their drink better then me.

That culminated in a risk of serious harm incident at New Year. I just can’t ever let that happen again.

User name is polite shorthand for “that was shit and I’m never doing it again”, which I’m hoping will help me keep on track.

@ThatWasShh welcome

Afternoon everyone and welcome @ThatWasShh

So I’ve had a bit of a rubbish day. Went to the shops with DH as he needs some things for a trip that’s coming up. Went for lunch - DH doesn’t drink tea or coffee and is working tomorrow so it will be a very early night for him. He asked me if I minded him having a beer with lunch (as he won’t drink later owing to working tomorrow) and I said “that’s fine” and we went to a cafe/bar type place.

So far so good. I was feeling totally fine and happy. So he gets a beer and me a cup of tea and we sit down. Then I just burst into tears! It freaked us both out as it was right out of the blue.

I just felt totally overcome with sadness that I couldn’t have a glass of wine. In the whole place there was only me and two other women not drinking alcohol, even though it was a cafe/bar and not an actual pub. Lots of groups of people out having cocktails, bottles of fizz on the tables etc. I think it’s the last day of the holidays for a lot of people so probably having one last day out before normality strikes next week.

I just hate the feeling of not being “normal” (apologies, I’ve posted about this before). I so wish the “I never want to drink again” switch would flick for me. I still feel like I’m missing out even though I know it’s a poison and is ruining my life (and that of my loved ones). It’s shit.

Back home now with a cup of tea and a choccy biccy and thankfully the feeling has passed and I’m quite happy again. I know I won’t drink tonight so feel safe again.

Apologies for the long “me me me” post but I just wanted to write it all down. I read back over the thread when I’m struggling so it’s good to have a record of my thoughts and evidence of overcoming urges.

Thanks to everyone for the ongoing support ❤️

@Makemineasoda

We are having brunch and a family get together tomorrow. I was thinking what you have described above, will be me.

Looking at others having a good time, doesn't mean they are free from drink issues too. A binge is 6 units min so even two cocktails/fizz/beers people are out there bingeing, thank god that's not us anymore.

They will probably wake up groggy, anxious, thirsty etc and we have the gift of healing our bodies, waking refreshed and heading to new a healthier lifestyle.

Imaging of you caved? How crap, full of regret etc. you are not missing out in any sense my lovely xx.

Thanks @Littletinytarzanswingingfromanosehair ❤️
Yeah you’re right of course and I’m feeling fine now. It was just so strange - I had genuinely been feeling happy as Larry then boom!

it’s absolutely freezing where we are so a hot chocolate will be my evening drink today! ODAAT

Afternoon all. Had an afternoon of ushering parent around garden centre, Hobbycraft and Big M&S. Knackered now. On the plus side, so is parent, hehe.

Ahoy @WendyWagon congrats on your forthcoming soberversary - you are my heroine. I too had hand-me-downs as a child and revel in nice clothes, when I can get them. Your coat sounds fabulous. I bet you look gorgeous even when putting the bins out or getting Mr. Tiggle's (hello from Sid) botty-glands done. 😉

Welcome @ThatWasShh - I'm glad you've found us. I like your username - that sounds like a great place to start from. ❤️

@Makemineasoda - please don't apologise for the length of any posts made. That is exactly what this thread is for. Whether you post lots, or if you are one of our friends who reads regularly but never posts a single word, it's a thread to support you in whatever way helps. I am sorry you have had a rotten day. I know exactly what that feels like, and the surge in effort and courage that it has taken you to get through it. I have said it before upthread, but I strongly believe that it is grief that we feel - a form of grieving for the loss of what we thought was our healthy, supportive friend in alcohol. Hurt at the way it betrayed us, shame at how we let it in, and sorrow for the moments it has cost us. I found it helpful to look at some bereavement support websites, and follow the steps to allow myself to grieve for the loss of the relationship with drink and the comfort I told myself it brought me. I don't mean this to sound glib or in any way disrespectful. I know what it is to lose a parent in a sudden and traumatic way, and endure the loss of others in their suffering - I am not saying that stopping drinking is equal to the wretchedness of human loss, grieving and bereavement. Just that the steps to follow in grief pathways can be a helpful pointer in order to allow yourself to hate, hurt and ultimately heal the feelings that the loss of drinking and drinking-effects can usher in. You're right. It is unutterably shit. But it won't ALWAYS be shit. You are doing so, so well. Really wise words from @Littletinytarzanswingingfromanosehair - that's really encouraging to read, thank you. 🙂I hope your brunch and get-together tomorrow goes OK and doesn't rake up too many grim feelings.

I hope it's not too cold where you are at the moment. Whatever the weather, do stay safe and keep well. The world is a better place because you are alive in it.

Sid doesn't like the cold. Here he is, pretending to be asleep so he doesn't get taken out. Unfortunately, he cannot help himself from peeking to see if he has successfully hoodwinked me. Alas, he's fooling no-one today. Poor lamb.

Strength and love. xx

Thank you @REP22 - thinking of it as grief is actually helpful as it makes the tearful, sad, depressive feelings make sense. And a reminder that it won’t always feel like this - I might always miss drinking, but with time, I will come to accept that part of my life is gone and I will be ok ❤️

@Makemineasoda - you will, I absolutely promise, if you stick to it. It will be alright - even if it doesn't seem like it much at the moment. xx

@REP22 Sid reminds me of one of the spaniels I walk. He hates the cold, he got a sheepskin coat for Christmas, and when I knock on the door, his elderly owner says, “ he’s being a little bugger and hiding because it’s cold out and he knows your footsteps.” So then we have ten minutes of dragging him out of his hiding place under the table, then getting his coat on, then outside. After five minutes and a few snacks he’s fine and happy.😃

@Makemineasoda you will be fine, you’re at the hardest stage lovely. Keep going and you’ll never have to go through this bit again. It absolutely will get better.

@Makemineasoda I know how you feel. You did really well and should be proud ❤️

Welcome @ThatWasShh. This is such a kind and helpful thread.

I'm still drinking lots of AF wines and gins so it feels like I'm having a drink. I don't actually crave the feeling that alcohol gives me any more. I think I just rely on the ritual of having a drink in my hand. I'm almost 60 and have been a drinker for decades so it's a hard habit to break.

One thing I find hard is that lots of Quit Lit talks about how we really never liked the taste of booze, how it's foul and we only pretend to like it to fit in. Annie Grace talks a lot about this. I have to say I bloody love the taste of a good wine. I used to go to wine tasting classes. So yes, I've given up booze and yes, it's definitely the best thing for me to do but I can't pretend not to miss the taste 😕

Thanks for the welcomes and condolences - you're all very kind.

@Makemineasoda I've been there...so many times...and so many times I've caved, so MASSIVE respect to you for fighting through it. I hope you feel really good now ☺️

12 days sober for me today 😁

Morning all.

@CarrotSeeds i'm exactly like you and loved the taste of wine. I collected it and bored the arse of people who didn't know their merlot from their Blossom Hill!
However I confess when I've had a blip it tastes like sweaty socks. It's dry and sour.
And my stomach goes for me.

I could never get back to sleep when I was a drinker, now I can. I count shoes or black trousers. As a clothes hoarder it works.

We did have a big fight over the festive period. The DS has decided he wants to move quickly. Mum and dad can't help. He's very unhappy about that. Usually I would have hidden in the drink but as he brought up his 'damaged' childhood I've remained strong. He's been a total bully and I'm shocked and saddened by his behaviour. Time to get our home back.

@CarrotSeeds @WendyWagon I too love the taste of a good red wine - still do. And Baileys. Everything else I would really just drink for the effect.

@WendyWagon must be tough with your DS. When he talks of his damaged childhood, does he mean your drinking? (Sorry if this is too much for you and please don’t feel you need to answer). My DD whilst being wonderful most of the time and so supportive of me, also has a bit of a bullying way about her at times. She can be very diva-ish and it’s her way or the highway. She can be downright rude at times and I find I cut her so much slack (maybe too much?) because of the hurt I’ve caused with my drinking.

She is hopefully getting her own place next year which I think will help - she’s mid 20s and basically another adult living in our home who wants to do her own thing - which doesn’t always fit with what me and DH want! But I am aware of the psychological harm I’ve caused (same as my mother did to me with her drinking) so I’m just trying my best to navigate things whilst we are all still under the same roof. I don’t feel I’ve got enough sober time behind me to challenge her too much when she’s acting up, if that makes sense? Not sure it’s the right approach to be honest but she’s fine most of the time so it’s how I try to cope with my guilt I suppose.

@Makemineasoda yes the DS is referring to my past dependency.
He can remember certain events where I disgraced myself and boy does he give it chapter and verse. He's a cock sure overprivilaged arse at times. He's mid twenties too.
I have always lived in a full house. My parents lived with us, a brother and now two adult kids. It's stifling.
He wants to move and the bank of mum and dad is closed with me on sick leave. I'll be hocking his inheritance to get shot if he's not careful.

The DD was a turblent teen but there was good reason for that and over the last three years she's become a delight. She does still pour entertaining wine down the sink but I get it. I might be tempted and she is teatotal so she hates the smell even in the fridge.

@Makemineasoda there's a chapter in sober Dave about adult children who grew up with alcoholics. It's frighteningly spot on. I can't copy it as it will breach copyright but it's a 'sobering' read.

Morning Everyone.
When I struggle I reread The Obstacle Course from ‘Mummy Was A Secret Drinker’, it’s worth a read if like me you sometimes question your decision.
Easy to find via Google.
Off to Tesco soon, don’t want to go, but needs must.
Have a good day everyone.

@WendyWagon thanks for the the recommendation- will check that out. I’m back at the gym (just brisk walking on the treadmill but it’s a start) so always on the lookout for good podcasts to listen to.

My DD doesn’t drink either which I’m glad about but she did once say that it was because of me and she felt she missed out when her friends were all having cocktails. That made me feel a bit guilty - I promised myself growing up that I’d never be like my own mother but I think I’m actually worse sadly.

On a more positive note - I’ve woken up today feeling much better after yesterday’s mini meltdown. Absolutely zero desire to drink and thinking more about getting fitter and healthier. Onwards and upwards as they say - day 18!!