The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Winter 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Fire up the hot chocolate and make yourself at home.

Morning all on this bright new years eve.

Your friend Wendy has had a very difficult two days but I'm proud to say I have not been tempted by the grape!

2024 has been truly awful for me but I'm determined to do more in the coming year.
I'm so grateful to this thread and the supportive posters on it (I had a bashing on another thread yesterday).

I need to have some further medical treatment but I suppect I'll still be posting most days as usual.
Congratulations to all that have stayed AF over the festive season.
Love and happiness to you all in 2025
Your friend Wendyl x

Morning all - day 14 for me - two whole weeks! @EastCoastDamsel i slept from about 11pm til 630am last night which is nothing short of a miracle for me! So it does take time.

Not gonna lie, I was becoming a bit dependent on night nurse or so I thought. I was taking night nurse in the early days of AF but not sleeping well. Last night I took nothing and had the best sleep in as long as I can remember- which is good as it shows me I don’t “need” night nurse (or anything else) to get a good sleep - just freedom from booze and the accompanying anxiety.

@WendyWagon sorry to hear about your health issues and I hope your treatments go well.

So New Years Eve or Hogmany as we say in Scotland. I probably don’t need to tell anyone how much of a boozy occasion this is in Scotland- so much so we also get January 2nd as a public holiday so that everyone can recover.

DH and I have been invited out by friends - one invite to a pub and one to their house. DH has said thanks but no thanks, we’re having a quiet one. We’ve booked to go for a meal at 6pm and will go to our local pub at 4pm for a few drinks - I will be driving and this place does a fab mock tail. It will then be home and just watching TV. DH said last night he’s not even bothered about staying up for the bells - although that is so deeply ingrained in me that I probably will.

A question for my fellow AFers - do you ever feel guilty that you can’t drink with your partner/friends/family? My DH says he really cannot be bothered going out for NYE and it’s not “because of me” but I can’t shake the guilty feeling that if I didn’t have a problem, we’d be in the pub partying with everyone else.

I think this is my biggest hurdle even though I know everyone is happier with me not drinking. Lying in bed for 3 days blind drunk then taking another 3 days to recover is not exactly fun for anyone! It’s crazy that I still feel like I’m letting people down by not drinking when all I’ve done is upset people and made an arse of myself!

I think I just hate not feeling like a “normal person” aka someone who can drink “normally”. I really think the desire “to be normal” is what has kept me going back to try to moderate.

Does this resonate with anyone? How did you overcome it?

Sorry - longer post than I intended!

Happy New Year when it comes and let’s make 2025 one of our best years yet!!

Hi @Makemineasoda and fellow Scottish lass 👋
I can completely resonate with you about the ‘feeling normal’. I kept trying to moderate to be one of the normies who can have a few and not destroy their lives but alas it was not meant to be, hence the day 57 today for me. The only way I’ve overcome it is to not drink at all and tbh I’m loving it and haven’t been this happy in years! All of my friends and family now know I don’t drink now and the response has been mostly positive. This thread has been a lifesaver too so keep logging on to keep yourself accountable is my advice x

@Makemineasoda
I had the same yesterday, as we were walking back to the hotel from the family get together DP was saying how the local pubs looked cosy (walking through the old town in Hemel H, we are from Cheshire) and I said "we can go in for one if you want" DP "well it's not the same if your not drinking darling, I feel guilty"
BUT I was also the one feeling guilty.
I think it's part of the journey of sobriety. I know DP will get used to it and so will I.
We went for a drink and it was fine.

I haven't told DP yet that I'm giving up forever yet. We are getting married in 26 and I have told him I am staying sober for that to look my best etc.

We have talked about my drinking problem and my none off switch.
DP was a very minimal drinker in the first 5 years (literally only at Xmas or birthday occasions). Then the last 5 years he will have a couple at the weekends, he has the off switch though.

Don't feel guilty about improving your life xx

I don't feel guilty re not drinking, most friends are not drinking anymore. My DH is not a drinker. I'm still watched by the DS though!

Im hoping to find some interesting alternatives this coming year.

Good day all! Happy sober holidays to all posters old and new. @WendyWagon sorry you’ve had a tough year❤️ I hope the next one is better.
Sober Christmas for me is both totally lovely and also very normal now. It was my fifth sober Christmas!!! I did not miss booze at all. I love being present and hangover free.
Life is by no means all roses & easy, I have ups and downs (some big ones) as everyone does but I am grateful for my sobriety every day. It really is the gift that keeps on giving and for those newbies - it gets so much easier with time. I barely give it a second thought now. Grateful to be in the best physical and mental health I’ve ever been, too. April 2025 it will be FIVE BLOODY YEARS. I think I will celebrate!
wishing you all a peaceful 2025 ❤️

@WendyWagon my main social group comprises 4 couples (including me and DH) and I would say only 2 of the women in the group can genuinely take it or leave it. Everyone else I would say has a dependency on alcohol to varying degrees.

My DH has one or two beers 5 days of the week (when he’s not working the next day) and whilst he very rarely drinks to excess, he admits he probably couldn’t manage a holiday or weekend away AF. Three of the group I would say are “functioning alcoholics”. I love these people and our friendship goes back 40 plus years so it’s not easy to not socialise with them however that is what I am currently doing - until I’m more secure in my sobriety. I do however meet the women for lunch/coffee without the booze element but nights out can be carnage so best avoided.

@Littletinytarzanswingingfromanosehair @Anna73moose it’s crazy that we can feel guilty about doing something that will improve our lives. And @Littletinytarzanswingingfromanosehair is so right, I shouldn’t feel guilty about it. A lot of it I’m sure is me building it up in my head to a bigger deal than it needs to be. DH hates drinking to excess and even when he goes away with “the boys”, he always gets ribbed for going back to the hotel/his bed at 1030pm. So I’m working on dealing with that feeling.

Someone mentioned the Michael Mosley “change one thing” podcasts and I’ve just listened to a couple at the gym. The one on inflammation was both fascinating and scary in terms of the damage my binge drinking will have done to my body. I’ve mentioned before the Huberman lab podcasts where he talks about how alcohol causes increased anxiety/stress even when you’re not drinking, owing to the impact on our adrenal glands (stress hormone cortisol production) so it all ties in.

I’m definitely focussing on what I’ve got to gain by not drinking rather than what I’m giving up. Actually feeling quite excited today about quitting the booze and getting healthier!

Stay strong everyone- tomorrow will be dry January and we will be bombarded with stories of people not drinking rather than the constant pushing of booze.

The 'Dry January' thing can be triggering, I know. To me, it's a bit like 'quit lit' in that it reminds us of what we can't have. My last drink was (apart from a planned lapse on holiday) on 31 August, and I got through my first Christmas well, but a month of 'look at me' posts and congratulatory nonsense was difficult.

Maybe I'm just a grouch, but I struggled with it. If you find it hard, try not to despair. Some people just like to make things all about them, and it doesn't matter whether they drink or not - we all know what we are doing, and we don't have to sing it from the rooftops.

Well I have my trip drinks tonight (anxiety is still in full whack even though I have been AF since Boxing day.
I also have the Twinnings relax/wind down selection box too as the flavours can get quite samey so I'm pushing the boat out tonight and making a "cockteal". Plus they have extra vitamins added.

This will be my first sober NYE in 7 years. It's my birthday tomorrow and will be my first sober Birthday in 6years well and truly overdue but I'm looking forward to feeling calmer and fresh at 38!

Well I've just bought tanqueray sevilla orange faux gin on special offer £15, Waitrose.
I've also signed up to buying no new clothes this coming year.

Ooh @WendyWagon my dad gave me some of that for Christmas. I haven't tried it yet but am taking it to friends this evening as we are out for dinner and drinks. I've also got some AF sparkling. I think everyone else will be drinking lots but actually it's not nearly as hard now as it was a few months ago. Everyone on this thread who said the first few weeks are nothing like how you will feel further down the line was so right.

@BunniesBunniesBunnies That is simply amazing. ❤️

Happy New Year one and all. Sending thanks and love to every one of you xx

@CarrotSeeds I like the sevilla with elderflower tonic.
It's lovely.

Hi all, any chance I can tag along for the ride?
I've been reading through this thread on and off over the last week and think it might be just what I need.

I've basically had enough of alcohol and want to be done with it completely. I'd class myself as more of a binge drinker than anything else, not black out drunk, just no off switch. I can go weeks without a drop sometimes. However, the "just one" is never that, it's always more. I can't regulate once I start. I'm also a fast drinker (same goes for tea, water, hot chocolate). Over the last few years, I haven't even enjoyed it all that much, and now I no longer enjoy it at all all. It offers me absolutely no benefit whatsoever, beyond that initial 'relaxed' feeling of the first few sips.
The trouble is I notice I can go weeks without anything, then decide to have one or two, which usually turns into a few more. And then over the next few weeks, my drinking usually increases (not daily, but definitely more regularly).

I always, always regret any amount I drink. It usually makes me sleepy but occasionally I can get defensive over stupid things or antagonise a situation. I'm done with the after effects too. The few days I usually feel exhausted, anxious, low mood, hungry and unable to sleep well. I'd genuinely rather a bath, a hot drink and a book!

My parents/family are fairly heavy drinkers. My mother especially has some kind of issue/dependency on wine. It's caused countless issues and arguments. Responsible drinking has never been modelled to me. Alcohol was very much a part of family life so it seemed inevitable to start drinking when I was of age. Family events and get togethers, holidays and occasions all centre around drinking and alcohol.

I haven't touched alcohol since a relatives big birthday at the start of November. And I don't want to ever start again. I've had so many day ones, and self made promises to stop but something feels different this time. I'm just done. I'm fed up of the negative effects with zero positive.

I also don't want history to repeat itself where my daughter is concerned down the line. (she's only 5).
Anyway, I actually managed my first AF Christmas and NYE, and I'm so proud of myself. Unfortunately the wine witch normally rears around the six week mark so even today when I was with family, she was in my head "go on, just have the one" but I resisted and so glad I did! Thankfully my DH barely touches alcohol, so at home shouldn't pose much of a challenge.

Sorry for the essay and I'll stop here for now, otherwise I'll ramble on for longer 🤣 it's been fairly cathartic offloading about this and I'll probably dive into again soon, especially where my family is concerned because there is a ton of pent up frustration there (not just alcohol related).

I'm just settling my son to sleep, then planning on finishing my book with a hot chocolate followed by an early night 😁

Happy New (AF) Year to you all 🎆

Happy New Year shipmates (and cuddles to Sid). I hope @REP22 and the Sidmeister are both ok, and am sending out a special mention to both of them tonight.

To everyone else, old and new, I hope 2025 is the year we all turn any corners we might be finding difficult and emerge as butterflies instead of caterpillars.

Love to you all. I won't single out others by name, but those who have smoothed my path by PM will know who they are. x

happy new year gorgeous sober ladies. i made it thro a drunken party tonight sober and had a brilliant time. here's to sober 2025 . could not have got fhis far without this thread xx

Hello everyone, new year new possibilities....

I was on here lots last year so wanted to pop back - today is 365 alcohol free for me and my partner (after a horrendous Christmas). Honestly, it gets easier! It just becomes 'life' - I have no desire to drink again. Life is a million times better, Christmas without drinking was a million times better. We have achieved more than ever this year. I'm a better, more patient mum. Everything is better. It's still hard (kids, work) but everything can be dealt with rather than masked.

Things that helped me in the early days

1. Don't give up too much at once - if you want to eat sugary junk (if you're a heavy drinker like my partner was, you probably will) just eat it.
2. Sober instagram accounts- a quick scroll through when it's your danger hour, to keep you on track.
3. Goodrays drinks. Don't really have them now but they really helped early on.
4. Give up on the idea of moderation. It's hard to moderate. It is so much easier to just stop. Honestly, not at first but a year from now you could feel like a whole new person.

Good luck 🤞

Good morning my lovelies.
A Happy and healthy new year to you all.

I watched a bit of telly and Jools then went to bed. Someone was having a party but we've very effective glazing so I heard a tiny thump thump but that was it.
One Yorkshire tea down.

Welcome @Seeyoulateralligator6 first Christmas done, great stuff.

I was a bit shocked on Monday to find the DS thinks he's moving with us. He's got so much furniture I don't know how. Time to find him an empty house to buy! We're going smaller.

I wish for peace in 2025 and an interesting new job role. An improvement in my health would be good.

Love to all.

Oh and one thing that dawned on me last night.... I actually felt proud of myself. I don't think I've ever felt proud of myself before.

@whereaw fabulous.
I remember that feeling. Giving up alcohol was the thing I was most proud of.
Today it's helping my DD with her studies. If I'd have been a drunk she would have given up. She needed me.

Happy New Year to you all.
I for one am glad that 2024 has passed, it wasn’t a good one.
Onwards and upwards lovelies!
Wishing you all what you wish for yourselves. X

Happy New Year everyone!

@BunniesBunniesBunnies !! How lovely to see you! You helped me so much in the early days x

Welcome @Seeyoulateralligator6

Lovely post @whereaw - you should be proud- you have done a hard and amazing thing,

Went out to dinner last night with our usual circle of friends- they all drink pretty heavily and talk about alcohol - a lot. Inside my head was like Munch’s Scream. Managed to escape just after midnight- thank goodness for the excuse of a dog!

Good morning everyone ☺️

We were out at friends for dinner last night and as I expected, there was tons of booze. I went prepared with my AF options and all was good. I can honestly say I had no desire to drink alcohol (which never ceases to amaze me). I had a sniff of my husband's port when we had the cheese and felt a bit sick! I had a great evening and felt like I was gaining no y not drinking rather than missing out.

Sadly, I seem to have an intolerance to AF fizz and woke up at 6 with a stinking headache akin to a hangover 😩. I've I always loved champagne and cava but inevitably had a really bad headache the next morning after drinking them. It seems that AF fizz has the same effect so I'll abandon that and stick to other AF drinks. It was good in a way as it reminded me that I never want to have another hangover!!!

A few questions about not drinking from our friends. One thought I must be seriously ill and was very concerned. I explained that not drinking for three months has brought me a kind of happiness I had forgotten existed. Unlike some others on this thread I'm really lucky and haven't had a rubbish few years, I have so much in my life to be grateful for and had no 'reason' to drink too much, but going booze free has made everything even better.

Welcome to @Seeyoulateralligator6 and thanks again ladies for this thread and all the support. Xx

Happy new year everyone. So December is done. That's probably the hardest month of the year because of all the parties. And you did it!!!
Loads of people will be avoiding booze in Jan anyway.
I have to say I found last Jan really hard. I didn't think I would. But it just felt so LONG and BLEAK.
I'm not saying anyone else will feel like that but just want people to be prepared for the possibility.

Happy New Year all.

AF wine for me last night, too much chocolate, and definitely think I overdid it on the sugar!

Am enjoying a lack of hangovers!

Went into the not drinking 6 weeks ago with a never say never attitude, not absolutely sure i would give up for good but can honestly say that I think I may just try.

Here's to a happy and healthy 2025 for all and thank you for all being here with words of wisdom and support x

HNY and welcome to 2025 everyone!

Quiet one for us - DH and I went to the pub where I had a delicious mock tail which I would genuinely chose to drink. Went for a Curry then home and a bit of music /TV. Ended up staying up for the bells. DH had 2 glasses of wine and I had my three spirit nightcap over ice. DH gave me a big hug at the bells and said he loved me and hoped that 2025 was a “better” year for us. I’m doing everything in my power to make that happen!

Hope everyone has a great day. Day 15 for me ❤️💪