The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Winter 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Fire up the hot chocolate and make yourself at home.

welcome newbies and hello to long termers. this is a great place to be in the period between christmas and new year ( otherwise known as the gooch i believe) when temptation may be high. just remember those in the early days this is not what recovery feels like in the long term it is much easier, clearer, joyful and energising. when i came on this thread 8 months ago i wanted to find a bone deep sense of well being and i do believe that for most of the time that is what i have. love to all!

Hi all

Got into the habit of a bottle of wine a week for the last 3 weeks. Usually average about 2-3 a week. Knew I needed to cut back and dry Jan and Feb are on the horizon. I've caught Covid though so haven't had a drink since Xmas Day and I'd usually be using Xmas as an excuse to drink up to New Year.

Feeling too rough to even consider it so hoping a dry NYE sets me up for at least a dry 2025.

Morning all.
Welcome @Livinginaclock and @hereshegoesagain36

Hope all the newcomers are doing ok.

Went to a big sporting event at the weekend and they had a big marquee called “The Dry Inn”. I got all excited about such a big promotion for AF beer and was very disappointed when I realised it was sponsored by Tena Men and was aimed at male incontinence 🤣

The queue for Costa coffee was longer than the queue for some of the bars though - I’m sure that the tide is turning!

Morning all.
Big bust up with the DS.
I held firm with the AF.

I'm sorry you had a bust up with your ds @WendyWagon
Well done on staying
AF
I have an autistic 14 dd and sometimes her meltdowns break me as all her anger is directed solely at me
If it helps I honestly think my parenting skills are so much better, and my response to conflict is the response I want my child to see and learn from, without the alcohol.
It's so hard in the heat of the moment having to face up to those feelings or challenges without the prop of (for me a glass of red) but we know it will get easier.
I hope you're okay now and things have settled.

Adult (or nearly adult) children are hard work. I will leave it there, but those with young children really have a chance to turn things round by giving them a childhood with both parents sober. There will still be resentments, as that’s an inevitable part of family life, but I guess it’s difficult to expect respect from adults all of a sudden if they didn’t feel it for so long? Sorry for your troubles @WendyWagon, and solidarity, for what that’s worth.

An incontinence tent sounds ‘interesting’, @Onewildandpreciouslife 😀. Dare I ask what the sport was?

This is a strange period, isn’t it? The end of Christmas but not yet New Year. I need to tidy the sitting room, move the last of the presents out of the way and hoover up tree droppings. It is staying up until 3rd, when I have people coming, but will come down after that and I’ll enjoy getting back to normal.

Morning all. Day 13 for me and doing okay. DH was working all weekend so I was home alone - when DD came back home about 7pm last night (she’d been at her boyfriend’s) I could tell she was looking at me wondering if I’d been drinking. Even if I’d had one drink, I’d have felt so guilty and anxious it would have been dead giveaway- so it was such a good feeling to know I was completely sober and I could see the anxiety leave her body once she knew that too.

Sorry to hear about your falling out with your DS @WendyWagon . I’m don’t know your history with him but solidarity from me too. Even before my drinking problem, I was always on the receiving end of DDs angst ridden moods. Not saying I’m perfect, but she can be such a drama queen and I can only take so much. It’s getting better now that’s she’s getting older (mid 20s) but there’s been times she’s brought me to tears. I hope things settle down today. Parenting can be so hard at times!

Hope everyone has a god day. Back to the gym for me - I’m planning to do an hour of brisk walking on the treadmill listening to sober podcasts until I feel fit enough to start back at classes. I really want and need to lose about 3 stone (knee joints are killing me, high blood pressure and pre-diabetic) and I’ve realised that I want to lose weight more than anything else ie more than having a drink. So I’m definitely focusing more on health and wellbeing gains rather than booze FOMO.

stay strong everyone ❤️💪

6 weeks booze free for me now.

Had Christmas, then birthday. Managed theatre drinking tea, posh restaurant drinking sparkling water, back to hotel for a mocktail. AF wine for games night with the kids.

I've got some AF sparkling for New Year's Eve, although we don't really bother much with staying up now.

If anyone can recommend a good AF red which feels a bit more winey than cordial, that would help, as I do miss a good red in the winter!

To be honest it's nice knowing I'm not drinking, as I'm not thinking about getting the next drink in and constantly thinking about booze, I can drive any time, which is helpful with teens/young adults in the house.

@SissySpacekAteMyHamster well done! I’m hoping to follow in your footsteps especially the not thinking about it all the time🤞
I keep telling myself there’s nothing I can’t do sober whereas there’s lots I can’t do when drinking.

I have a family visit today and it's normally a drinking sesh and I will get offered. DP will be drinking too but I have my own sachets of herbal tea to hand! I know I will be ok. I just hate the socialising triggers.

loving all these new positive strategies and thoughts. totally true about nothing you can't do when sober ! also true about the exhaustion of battling moderation and getting obsessed with when/ what to drink. so much easier to just make the decision once and for all to not drink alcohol.

i've never found a good AF wine - sparking, red or white. i think it's all hideous and the ladies on here a while will tell you i'm always waving the flag for a good quality sparkling kombucha or an ice cold AF lager. these two are my favourites from an eight months trial period.

www.damm.com/en/beers/free-damm

www.ocado.com/products/la-brewery-sparkling-english-blush-kombucha-580862011

@WendyWagon sorry to hear about the issues with DS.

I drink white schloer zero in a wine glass! It smells a bit like wine (so could be triggering for some folks) is virtues calorie free and us only £1.50 a bottle. Beats any AF wine I’ve tried.

I think that as long as you compare AF wine with the real thing you are doomed to disappointment. It’s not, and will never taste the same. I still drink it, as the habit of pouring it into a wine glass in the evening is so ingrained that I miss it if I don’t; but I can barely remember the taste of a decent wine these days, so I compare AF with other AF wines, which makes a fairer contest.

It’s all very sugary though, so if habit is not a thing for you you may as well not bother, and find something that you like to drink without the ‘adult in the evening’ connotations of fake wine.

wise words as always @ShyMaryEllen sending you a special wave and hug

@WendyWagon sorry to hear about your DS stress. But yay to not risking your sobriety. Parenting is hard even with big kids! Sometimes harder I think.

Family get together today.
It was easy, offered alcohol all night but stuck with water and felt better for it.
Nipped into a pub on the walk back, on the ginger ale.
I thought going to triggering places this early one would be a massive challenge especially this time of year but it's been ok.
I'm actually proud of myself and feeling smug that I'm going to be back at the hotel shortly with a herbal tea in bed waking up fresh.

Hi everyone, sorry to hear about your situation with DS @WendyWagon , last thing you need. So great that you were strong enough to stay AF.
Having an early night because family round last night and it was lovely but exhausting. They all drank more than usual and I was tempted to leave them to it and go to bed, but that wouldn’t have suited! Spent today washing up and taking down the decorations. Place looks less cluttered.

If you like herbal or fruit tea, I have just discovered Whittards Lychee and Rose. It is lovely, really nice. Have got a bottle of Nosecco in for tomorrow night, just a quiet one at home. No doubt there will be loads of fireworks so cats will be spooked, so lots of feliway for them.

Hope you’re all okay, love to all x

I was expecting to be sleeping better by day 4, don't think this flu/covid virus is helping but I'm shattered all day then my mind is racing all night. Even Nytol or Night Nurse hasn't helped me.

The insomnia can last for ages. Remember that if you have been drinking for a long time your body needs to rewire, and that takes a long time too.

It can be a vicious circle, as people often drink to 'help them sleep' which only works up to a point, as although alcohol sends you to 'nod off' it is more like unconsciousness than proper restful sleep. I know I felt that sleep would be impossible without a drink (or several) and was very scared of going to bed sober. When I did, I was disappointed that I didn't sleep well for months after giving up drinking.

I've posted before about making going to bed pleasant, with scented oils and undemanding tv to prevent boredom. It did work for me, but it took many months, so, I'm afraid you might need to be prepared for a long haul. I don't think my case was necessarily typical, but people are often impatient for immediate results (feeling better, sleeping, losing weight etc) when they can take a while to kick in. Don't give up though. Things will get better in time.

Morning all

@hereshegoesagain36 I felt wiped out and exhausted with poor (fitful) sleep for the first 10 days or so.

Be really kind to yourself and allow yourself to rest and recuperate (just like if you are ill)

I did daily lunchtime naps, early bedtime, lots of fluids and multivitamins.

Your sleep will improve but as @ShyMaryEllen says it can take a long time.

I can't remember exactly but Sober Powered has a podcast on this and IIRC she says that your sleep continues to improve for 2 years!

Morning all.
Sounds like a major win @Littletinytarzanswingingfromanosehair - it will feel even better this morning!

Sorry the sleep is rubbish @hereshegoesagain36 - that’s one of things that will take a bit of time to improve. Be kind to yourself in the meantime- you’re doing a hard thing. It takes 4 - 5 days for most of the effects of alcohol to leave your system, but 10 days for your cortisol (stress) levels to normalise. But sleep patterns are quite ingrained so take a while to come round. I’m not one for supplements usually but I do find that magnesium helps my sleep a lot, and it might be worth a try.

Went out to a very glamorous restaurant last night for my daughter’s birthday. I felt so incredibly happy not to have the stress of a lengthy wine list to wrestle with! They did have a Noughty AF sparkling Chardonnay on the list though, so had a glass - it was ok, but not really sure why I bothered.

Good luck to everyone tonight. My tips would be to plan ahead- decide what you’re going to drink in advance, particularly if you’re going out somewhere. And have in your mind an image of what the perfect end to the evening would be for you, then focus on getting there.

Morning all
Good idea @Onewildandpreciouslife .... I've got in a bottle of the 0% Freixenet at the ready.
I've found that in the very early days I bought every type of AF drink / mocktail I could lay my hands on, and looking back I was probably just trying to find the ideal replacement. That was never going to happen.
All AF drinks tasted like fruit juice me and i don't like anything sweet.
I've now found that sniffing my favourite alcoholic red wine smells more like vinegar, but that a nice AF dry white wine or a glass of seriously bubbly AF Freixenet is quite pleasant. Maybe that's because I'm no longer looking for the alcohol comparison? I don't know but I know I didn't like it to begin with and now I do. My taste buds seem to have changed somewhat.
We going to a nice hotel tonight for a huge family get to gather and another celebration of DH 50th. I'm not thinking too much about the not drinking aspect ..... yeah long may this continue
Let's hope 2025 brings us all a year of kindness and sobriety
This thread is pretty awesome and very inspiring thank you x

Day 28
Staying accountable.