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Alcohol support

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The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Winter 2024

968 replies

REP22 · 20/11/2024 13:38

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Fire up the hot chocolate and make yourself at home.

OP posts:
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Carpetburn · 28/12/2024 16:44

@GreyhoundLurcher ISee others have posted good advice on immediate help available but this is a supportive AF group with a mix of AF time. Some of us early and some of us much more established! I’m early myself and can’t tell you how much better I’m feeling AF. You’re very welcome here.

Onewildandpreciouslife · 28/12/2024 17:03

Welcome @Littletinytarzanswingingfromanosehair - you’re in good company here

Anna73moose · 28/12/2024 17:19

@GreyhoundLurcher I hope you’re ok and have someone you can reach out to x

Welcome @Littletinytarzanswingingfromanosehair
this is a great group to be a part of, you’ll find the support you need here, I certainly have and am on day 55 - great bunch of like minded ladies x

ShyMaryEllen · 28/12/2024 17:51

@mumzof4x, I don't like quitlit, and never did. I tried it at first (sober 7.5 years) but found it just reminded me of alcohol. I feel the same about Weight Watchers and AA - deliberately making time to think about the thing you can't have seems to me counter-intuitive. I also think there is a rather exploitative industry surrounding it all. A lot of money is made from getting and keeping people addicted, and from helping them to quit.

I know it helps others, though, so if it works for you that's great, but if you're managing without, why bother? Having said that, I did use hypnosis tracks, which may have similarities. I listened when falling asleep, and rarely got to the affirmations at the end of the tracks, though. I heard all the relaxing bits and tended to nod off 'wandering through a field', or 'sitting under a tree'.

Littletinytarzanswingingfromanosehair · 28/12/2024 18:29

Thank you @Anna73moose and @Onewildandpreciouslife.
Ok going out of my mind with health worry now. Thinking of all the diseases I probably brought on myself from years over over doing the booze etc. does anyone else do this?
I'm 38 next week and the best gift I can give myself is to be sober for it.

EastCoastDamsel · 28/12/2024 19:43

Hello everyone.

Welcome @GreyhoundLurcher and @Littletinytarzanswingingfromanosehair

@GreyhoundLurcher stopping cold turkey can be very dangerous especially if your body has become physically dependent on alcohol. You may need medical support to quit.

Please reach out to your GP/111/Samaritans as linked above.

@Littletinytarzanswingingfromanosehair anxiety and especially health anxiety is very common in us "thirsty" drinkers. Alcohol fuels anxiety AND increases risk for many diseases so it really is a vicious circle. We drink to calm the nerves, which results in increased anxiety, then we worry about our health and drink more etc etc

I am much much calmer now (though I still can do some pretty excellent health catastrophising at times) and tend to see my worries for what they are.

Stopping drinking now is the best think you can do for your long term health speak to your GP and you can look at getting some tests to make sure everything is all right.

Coffeeandcake32 · 28/12/2024 20:36

Hey everyone, I created a thread today about my struggles with alcohol and kindly was directed here. In a nutshell not a daily drinker but once I start I struggle to stop. I won't stop until I'm really drunk which is on weekends. Here to show support to everyone else and start my alcohol free journey today.

Anna73moose · 28/12/2024 21:33

Hi @Coffeeandcake32 welcome to the group. There are a few of us on this thread who have the same sort of issues with alcohol…no off switch once we’ve started until (if you’re like me) you’re paralytic with no memory of the night before then feeling the anxiety for a week after…it’s a vicious circle as again (if you’re like me) you drink to rid yourself of the anxiety.
Is this day 1 AF for you? X

EastCoastDamsel · 29/12/2024 03:57

Welcome @Coffeeandcake32 you're in great company here.

We have some amazing long term sober sisters (@WendyWagon @ShyMaryEllen @REP22 are the most active but there are many others too) that help steer the ship and a dedicated and varied crew with all manners of day counts and experiences with alcohol . Some (like me) were daily drinkers while others did the binging thing.

Do read through the whole thread (and some of the previous) as there are lots of tips and trick contained within.

For me, the big 💡 moment was listening to This Naked Mind audiobook by Annie Grace when I decided to take a break from booze after a particularly embarrassing/unfortunate evening where my behaviour risked ruining the relationship between my DH and his Dad.

I am now nearly 7 months in and I can honestly say, it is the absolute best thing I have done for myself in many years.

ShyMaryEllen · 29/12/2024 07:41

Littletinytarzanswingingfromanosehair · 28/12/2024 18:29

Thank you @Anna73moose and @Onewildandpreciouslife.
Ok going out of my mind with health worry now. Thinking of all the diseases I probably brought on myself from years over over doing the booze etc. does anyone else do this?
I'm 38 next week and the best gift I can give myself is to be sober for it.

Hello😀

Do you have any reason to be worried about your health - apart from knowing that drinking is bad for it, I mean? Do you have symptoms such as yellowing eyes or a distended abdomen?

If not, why not give yourself three months or so to clear your system and get your head in the right place to deal with any harm you might have done, and then go for tests? By then, if there is no permanent damage (at your age that is more likely than not) your liver will have started to heal, and you will be far less likely to get a false positive for scary things like cirrhosis.

Whatever you decide (and this applies to anyone starting this journey) please get some high strength Thiamine (Vit B1) and take it for at least six weeks or so. It will help to protect your brain from possible damage caused by sudden withdrawal. This is rare, but potentially devastating, so for the sake of a vitamin supplement it would be silly to risk it. You can’t overdose on B1, so don’t worry about that.

As @EastCoastDamsel wisely says, health anxiety is common amongst over-indulgers. We fret about our livers whilst drinking to stop ourselves thinking about it.

If you have caused damage, abstinence can halt it. In some cases it can be reversed, too, but at this stage it’s more important to stop drinking than to speculate about the unknown. The end result is the same - you have to stop drinking - and getting tests in three months will lessen the chances of getting entries about alcohol on your medical records (this can have implications for insurance, for instance).

If you do have symptoms of liver damage (check out the British Liver Trust’s website for information) don’t panic, but speak to your GP in the first instance. Even symptomatic damage can be reversed if it’s not too far gone. Again, the only way forward is to stop drinking. There is no getting around it😉.

Try to stay calm - actually when you have a few weeks of not drinking behind you you’ll probably feel much calmer anyway - and just do it. Concentrate on not drinking and the rest will fall into place.

Have you met Sid? He is our mascot and therapy dog. He and @REP22 are celebrating Christmas with all its attendant challenges just now, but I’m sure he’ll be along soon with wags of support for all who need them.

Littletinytarzanswingingfromanosehair · 29/12/2024 08:08

@ShyMaryEllen
No yellowing of the eyes etc but I do get tingly rashes on my hands etc.
Ive googled to death and that comes up with the worst case scenario..
It's ruined my holiday with the anxiety from it all.

WendyWagon · 29/12/2024 08:12

Morning all.

I'm sorry I didn't answer the question re long term 'getting through Christmas after three years AF '. Thanks to @EastCoastDamsel for helping on that one.
I've always used this thread and it's predecessors as a bit of a diary. My heart is always on my sleeve. I try to be honest in the hope it is helpful.
There are many of the old crew such as @Crunchymum @Fortheloveofgodwhy @bunniesbunniesbunnies @Onewildandpreciouslife that don't have booze thoughts. They are all 3+ years and I know a few IRL so we've talked about it.
I think it might be a bit like ex smokers who still go outside for the chat and whiffy air!
We are but a support thread not a structured programme. I've never seen bunnies as in the quitlit but I much prefer my life now. And the fab ladies past and present have helped me no end.

I have a truculant DS to deal with today. He was spectacularly rude yesterday.

@Fortheloveofgodwhy

Crunchymum · 29/12/2024 08:36

When I see posts on here from people sober for three years for example, still "getting through " Christmas it worries me. Does this never go away??

Sorry to jump on again without reading through properly but I'm pretty sure it was myself who bemoaned my 3rd sober Christmas.

For the most part I've not wanted to drink since about day 90. It's around then I realised life was so, so much better for me AF and I'm pretty sure I knew then I'd never drink again (I'm 1000 days + now and will be 3 years on mid Feb). However it is incredibly hard to undo decades of association with alcohol. I've had 3 sober Christmases but probably 21 where I've drunk alcohol. This ranges from a few drinks (I'm ashamed to say I drank when I had a 5 week old baby one Christmas and I drank a few glasses over the festive period when I was 8 months pregnant in both 2014 and 2017 - I have 2 January babies!) to being so drunk on vodka one year I was in bed before dinner. Drinking was so ingrained with Christmas for me that yes it was still hard this year. Not in a "I want to drink" way but I found it hard to be around everyone drinking for a prolonged period. It annoyed me more than anything.

I was often a daily drinker but I'd have more on high days and holidays - so birthdays, vacations etc have all been a bit more difficult for me to navigate, compared to my day to day sobriety.

Yet I've never faltered and I've never wavered. My sobriety is the most important thing to me so I accept there'll be the occasional pang but I'll never, ever go back.

With each Christmas, birthday, holiday and occasion I'm finding it easier and easier. As I say I never actually want to drink but I just have very strong associations and patterns with drinking at these times and it take a lot of time to undo these mental associations.

Please don't fear it. I don't feel like I'm missing out, I don't regret my choice to be AF (it's the best decision I've ever made!) and I'm totally and utterly committed to life long sobriety which makes me feel positive.

** the vodka incident was before children

Ilovemeggy38 · 29/12/2024 08:43

Hi.👋
Just arrived from the new Dry Jan post and wanted to join if I may
Had the year from hell with over drinking and eating and absolutely ready to prioritise sobriety and my health from now on.
I have set a daily reminder to log in at 7pm which is my normal picking up the bottle time😞
So, see you all at 7pm tonight, it's going to be hard I know but I am making the first step x

ShyMaryEllen · 29/12/2024 08:51

Littletinytarzanswingingfromanosehair · 29/12/2024 08:08

@ShyMaryEllen
No yellowing of the eyes etc but I do get tingly rashes on my hands etc.
Ive googled to death and that comes up with the worst case scenario..
It's ruined my holiday with the anxiety from it all.

Try to put it out of your mind, and see what happens when you've been off the booze for a while?

Some of the things we feel aren't symptoms of anything more sinister, but a reaction to the alcohol, which is a poison.

A quick summary of my experience - I felt ill and went to the GP to talk about my drinking (which was excessive). He was very supportive and took bloods which led to further tests, and I was diagnosed with cirrhosis. The worst case scenario that I had feared for years. I gave up drinking, and the symptoms disappeared, slowly but surely, and my bloods improved too. There is no real treatment for cirrhosis, so instead I was monitored for years. Ultrasounds, endoscopies, check-ins with gastrologists - life became a round of hospital visits, and still is, up to a point.

My bloods are normal now, and I've never felt better. At my last hospital appointment I asked for a fibroscan, and it turns out that I don't have cirrhosis. I do have scarring, but it is classed as fibrosis, which is far less serious. I gave up work when I was diagnosed, which was really helpful with giving up drinking, as I had a stressful job which involved socialising, but I am older than you, and was able to do so with a bit of careful financial planning. The point, though, is that it doesn't matter now what is on my medical records, as I wasn't working, but it would have mattered if I had been. I went abroad a lot with work, and they'd have needed to know because of insurance etc. There may have been other implications too (eg medical checks before interviews and so on), as well as the embarrassment.

Having a diagnosis of cirrhosis is no picnic, even if you don't feel very ill (which of course I didn't, as I didn't have it). You have to declare it at every bloody turn. The dentist, the podiatrist, the flipping pilates teacher all want to know of existing conditions, and I hated having to tell people - and that's without the insurance implications of my own. And it turns out I didn't even have it.

Fibrosis is serious. I'm not hiding from that. I still have to have the incessant check-ups and medical checks (I have a much increased chance of getting liver cancer and other conditions), but the weight off my mind is huge.

TL:DR? The takeaway from all of that is that, bluntly, there is nothing to be done about cirrhosis - my 'treatment' is the same now as it was when it was assumed that I had it - but the implications of the diagnosis are huge, physiologically and practically. Unless your liver is decompensated (and you would absolutely know if that were the case) you have nothing to lose by deferring tests for a while to allow it to heal and give you more accurate results. My tests were done days after I'd been knocking back a bottle or two of wine a night, so much of the damage was acute, rather than chronic.

It's up to you, of course. I am just giving my perspective, based on my own experience and what I would do differently with the benefit of hindsight.

ShyMaryEllen · 29/12/2024 08:56

Ilovemeggy38 · 29/12/2024 08:43

Hi.👋
Just arrived from the new Dry Jan post and wanted to join if I may
Had the year from hell with over drinking and eating and absolutely ready to prioritise sobriety and my health from now on.
I have set a daily reminder to log in at 7pm which is my normal picking up the bottle time😞
So, see you all at 7pm tonight, it's going to be hard I know but I am making the first step x

Good to have you on board, @Ilovemeggy38. Taking the first step may seem small, but it's the biggest step you're likely to take. It gets so much easier the longer you keep putting one foot in front of the other.

WendyWagon · 29/12/2024 08:56

@Crunchymum thank you x

Littletinytarzanswingingfromanosehair · 29/12/2024 09:07

ShyMaryEllen · 29/12/2024 08:51

Try to put it out of your mind, and see what happens when you've been off the booze for a while?

Some of the things we feel aren't symptoms of anything more sinister, but a reaction to the alcohol, which is a poison.

A quick summary of my experience - I felt ill and went to the GP to talk about my drinking (which was excessive). He was very supportive and took bloods which led to further tests, and I was diagnosed with cirrhosis. The worst case scenario that I had feared for years. I gave up drinking, and the symptoms disappeared, slowly but surely, and my bloods improved too. There is no real treatment for cirrhosis, so instead I was monitored for years. Ultrasounds, endoscopies, check-ins with gastrologists - life became a round of hospital visits, and still is, up to a point.

My bloods are normal now, and I've never felt better. At my last hospital appointment I asked for a fibroscan, and it turns out that I don't have cirrhosis. I do have scarring, but it is classed as fibrosis, which is far less serious. I gave up work when I was diagnosed, which was really helpful with giving up drinking, as I had a stressful job which involved socialising, but I am older than you, and was able to do so with a bit of careful financial planning. The point, though, is that it doesn't matter now what is on my medical records, as I wasn't working, but it would have mattered if I had been. I went abroad a lot with work, and they'd have needed to know because of insurance etc. There may have been other implications too (eg medical checks before interviews and so on), as well as the embarrassment.

Having a diagnosis of cirrhosis is no picnic, even if you don't feel very ill (which of course I didn't, as I didn't have it). You have to declare it at every bloody turn. The dentist, the podiatrist, the flipping pilates teacher all want to know of existing conditions, and I hated having to tell people - and that's without the insurance implications of my own. And it turns out I didn't even have it.

Fibrosis is serious. I'm not hiding from that. I still have to have the incessant check-ups and medical checks (I have a much increased chance of getting liver cancer and other conditions), but the weight off my mind is huge.

TL:DR? The takeaway from all of that is that, bluntly, there is nothing to be done about cirrhosis - my 'treatment' is the same now as it was when it was assumed that I had it - but the implications of the diagnosis are huge, physiologically and practically. Unless your liver is decompensated (and you would absolutely know if that were the case) you have nothing to lose by deferring tests for a while to allow it to heal and give you more accurate results. My tests were done days after I'd been knocking back a bottle or two of wine a night, so much of the damage was acute, rather than chronic.

It's up to you, of course. I am just giving my perspective, based on my own experience and what I would do differently with the benefit of hindsight.

Edited

If you don't mind me asking and please tell me to back of if it's too nosy. What was your drinking history?
I've been able to function through the week for years.... with out even thinking of having a drop but it's just been the weekend that has been my demon. Beer and vodka often the choice.
I am hoping the anxiety from it subsided as I stop drinking. Here's to day 4 AF.

CarrotSeeds · 29/12/2024 09:15

Morning @Ilovemeggy38 @Littletinytarzanswingingfromanosehair @GreyhoundLurcher @Coffeeandcake32 and all other newbies and welcome to the thread. This will be the best decision you have ever made. I know it's scary, I can't believe I'm here and not far off three months sober, including alcohol free holidays abroad and Christmas celebrations. Yet here I am!

The first few weeks are the hardest then it really does get easier as new patterns and new 'norms' establish themselves. I found AF alternatives helpful at first but some find them triggering. The wines aren't amazing but can be useful at times eg I've been to drinks parties over Christmas where alcohol was flowing like water and having a bottle of AF bubbles made things easier. Mostly I drink a lot of tea and sparkling water.

There are so many positives to being a non-drinker. My favourites are:

No more hangovers or waking at 3am with heart palpitations 🫣
Being able to drive at any time
Freedom from booze related anxiety
Obvious health benefits to liver, brain, heart and many other organs
Better sleep
Clear skin and sparkling eyes 👀😄
Better relationships

Being alcohol free doesn't take away problems in other areas of your life, it's not a magic wand, but it certainly makes you more able to deal with them.

As a daily drinker for many, many years I would never have thought that I would have had the courage to try to give up completely. Honestly, it's the best gift you can give to yourself.

Ps of all the Quit Lit I've listened to, I found Annie Grace the best.

ShyMaryEllen · 29/12/2024 09:47

If you don't mind me asking and please tell me to back of if it's too nosy. What was your drinking history?
It varied, but I was drinking too much.

What I (or anyone else) drank can't be used as a yardstick for others though. People suffer harm at very different levels - we've all known or heard of lifelong drinkers who die in their 90s, and there are others whose livers give up after far less abuse.

If you feel you have a problem, then you do. It's as simple as that, really.

ShyMaryEllen · 29/12/2024 09:50

Well done on three months, @CarrotSeeds!

90 days is one of the big milestones, as I'm sure you know. There will be significant improvements in your health, and the new habit of not drinking will be ingraining itself. I think if we drew a graph of the benefits of stopping drinking, the line between day 1 and day 90 would show the steepest climb.

Livinginaclock · 29/12/2024 09:54

Hi, hope you all don't mind me joining, I've been reading for the last few weeks.
I don't have much to add in the way of a story yet, but I'm 13 days AF, the longest in 20 years.

CarrotSeeds · 29/12/2024 10:03

Thank you @ShyMaryEllen Not quite there yet, another 5 days I think, but pretty close 😄.

Middlemarch123 · 29/12/2024 13:25

Hi all, just checking in. Warm welcome to all the newbies you’re in the right place.
Am entertaining family again today, so a flying visit, will read and catch up later.
Love to all, and snuggles to Sid x

Coffeeandcake32 · 29/12/2024 15:23

Thank you so much @EastCoastDamsel I have been reading the thread today and it makes me feel not alone.
@Anna73moose this is day 2 AF for me- as i don't drink every day don't think I will struggle on a daily basis but will feel it on New Years Eve