The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Winter 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Fire up the hot chocolate and make yourself at home.

@Nowstrong im so sorry about your friend and hope you are doing as well as anyone can after such terrible news.
Ive had a quiet day but an AF one. The first Boxing Day in years I haven’t been a total wreck full of guilt, horror and shame. The nicest thing has been telling my daughter I’m not drinking at all and seeing her visibly relax during various trips to see family and friends over the festive period. My own mother was a very heavy drinker and I hardly drank at all in my 20s and 30s because of it. It’s horrible to realise I’ve done the same to my own child during my 40s. But the last few evenings she’s come and sat with me and we’ve watched movies. Usually she’s in her bedroom and I’m trying to pretend I’m sober in the living room.I know how much nicer I am to be around without alcohol so am determined to stick to it. It’s still hard and I don’t feel completely comfortable yet but it’s a journey and I’m hoping I’ll start to really feel the benefits more and more as I continue.
Thanks to all the lovely people on this thread-it really helps to check in here and see how people are getting on.

merry christmas all! thanks for your gorgeous unwavering support this year. managed my first sober christmas and good job as family fireworks left right and centre. just when dropped ( undiagnosed) autistic mum home diagnosed autistic DD drank two thirds a bottle of wine had a huge meltdown and stormed out into an unfamiliar part of the town we are visiting. bit scary. she's back. i'm wiped out. but sober. this, drunk, would escalated even more. phew. here's to sobriety to make the bad times less worse which is even more important than making the good times better. love you all.

@Carpetburn Im the same with my DD - she’s so relaxed and happy I’m not drinking. It really does help both of us enjoy the festivities more. She has an almost psychic way of knowing I’ve had a drink - she can tell when I’ve had just one small shot - it’s uncanny.

KOKO ❤

@Makemineasoda yes-its really sinking in that the reason she’s steered clear is because she knows when I’ve had a drink. Every time I wobble I will think of the last few days where she’s been relaxed and keen to be around me and hold onto that. They are far cleverer than we are! I’m glad you’re feeling the benefits too-it’s lovely isn’t it? ❤️

Yes! She told me last night how proud she was of me. But I’ve let her down so many times in the past, I think it will take months and months of sobriety to really start to repair the damage. But it is so nice to go to bed with everyone happy/talking to you and knowing you won’t wake up in the middle of the night/the next morning with the fear.

Morning all! I would like to thank you all for your support here. I was really moved by your lovely messages of encouragement. So happy to say AF Day 2 . Yeah!
Definitively onwards and upwards. Yesterday evening, after dinner and as it was really too early to go to bed, I fancied a glass of something. Tried an AF rum with sparking water. Really hit the spot. Later went to bed with hot milk and honey. Slept like a baby.
Wishing you all a lovely day.

Morning all.
I had a terrible night's sleep. Very hot and achy.
Hopefully it's not flu as I'm doing a lunch tomorrow. Young family and my older brother. My sister and I are NC. I did invite her but she won't come.

I think I did too much cooking. I can't stand and I'm wondering if a hydrotherapy pool might help.
Or some sort of gadget to strengthen my legs?
The lads have been of the AF stuff including mine.

@Nowstrong so glad you got through the day and managed to sleep well - sleeping well really is half the battle! I am loving going to bed sober and after my last bender (day 11 AF today) I’m starting to sleep better again. I never sleep right through the night but I’m now getting back to sleep again after I wake for the loo!

After a day of very little but eating and reading on the sofa yesterday, I’m going to do something today which involves moving! The weather is looking rubbish so it might need to be a walk on the treadmill at the gym - ideally though the wind and rain will quell and I’ll get out a walk.

DH back to work tomorrow so his depression will be setting in lol. DS going back to his flat later but it’s been lovely having him stay and “mothering” him for a couple of days, completely sober. DD is at her boyfriend’s as his extended family are coming.

I will be home alone all weekend (DH works 12 hour shifts with early starts so just works, comes home, showers and goes to bed) so plenty of opportunity to drink but I won’t. A mixture of still suffering the mental anguish from the last bender and a determination not to put put my body through more harm and to not let my loved ones down again.

Any Squid Game fans on here? I loved series 1 and am so excited for series 2 so I will be binge watching that over the weekend when I’ve got the house to myself!

What’s everyone else up to? Hope you are all waking up at peace with yourselves today 😘

@WendyWagon you must have posted as I was typing my post!

That’s too bad you didn’t sleep well. there’s been so many viruses around so I hope you don’t get anything too bad - we’ve all had a cold for weeks but thankfully none of us have been too unwell with it - been manageable with paracetamol.

Do you think you were standing too much whilst doing the cooking? Can you do at least the prep sitting down? I’ve never used a hydrotherapy pool but could be worth a try? Hope the lunch goes well.

@Makemineasoda i have weekend squid game plans too!

Hi all - hope everyone had a great Christmas. @Nowstrong I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. Having a slip under the circumstances is totally understandable. You just need to brush yourself off and get back on the wagon. I know that's easy to say and harder to do though. I really wouldnt restart the day count though personally. I think it would feel really demotivating. Maybe call it a slip rather than a fall?
As for me I had a sort of slip on Christmas day. And for no good reason really. Family wanted to do a toast and they had good champagne so I sort of told myself - it's Christmas, it's just a toast. It's fine. I'm not sure why really. I hadn't planned to. But you know what? I got halfway down the glass of champagne and realised I WASNT BLOODY ENJOYING IT. There I said it. I can't believe it but it's actually true. So I have the second half to DH and switched back to the AF. Honestly. It's like I was a different person to the one I know. But I'm pleased really. I actually didn't want it. So I'm keeping my day count at just over a year and I now KNOW that I don't even like the flavour of alcohol. It's just the effects I was after all along. So a genuine addict I guess

So a genuine addict I guess
No, just someone who likes the feeling that alcohol gives us, @Itsrainingten. The difference may seem subtle, but I don't think that people who have given up drinking are addicts - an addict couldn't do without it, and when you got a taste of it you'd have wanted more.

I agree that your count hasn't been affected by half a glass, for what that's worth. Congratulations. It's a great feeling to prove to yourself that you aren't addicted. A few Christmases ago I accidentally opened a bottle of real wine thinking it was AF, and after the first mouthful realised that it wasn't. Like you, I gave the rest to my husband as I didn't like it. I know a lot of people don't rate AF wine, but after a few years you forget what the real thing tastes like, so it's ok when you stop comparing the two.

@Nowstrong, I also agree that you had a slip, not a fall, given the circumstances, and wouldn't alter my day count as a result. At the beginning, when we are counting, it matters, so anything that keeps us strong is important. After a while, when days become weeks, then months and eventually years, it really won't matter, but at first the more time under our belts, the more we are able to believe that we don't drink. We aren't fooling anyone but ourselves anyway, so it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

I don't think that means that moderation is possible, though, even after years of sobriety. I would risk a very occasional glass of wine now, but not a night of it, and I'll never be a social drinker - it could only be one glass with no chance of more, which means it could rarely happen. Well, maybe when I'm 90 at the Darby and Joan Christmas party 😎.

I can honestly say that I've been sorely tried this Christmas one way or another, and I didn't drink at all, or want to. If my daughter hadn't been here I might have had a glass with dinner, but I stuck firmly to the AF, and didn't think about doing otherwise. New Year doesn't bother me, drink-wise. We are staying in with Jools Holland and party food from Sainsburys, neither of which prospects are enough either to drive me to drink or make me excited enough to throw caution to the wind. I have people round on 3rd Jan, which is a regular thing where they drink in moderation and I stick to AF. I'll leave the tree up for that, and will then remove all traces of Christmas on 4th.

Morning all.
Curry party day. The husband bought lambarini. I can't see anyone drinking that!
I didn't do the party last year as I was too ill. Hopefully no fights over the monopoly.

@Itsrainingten well done to stop when you can. I'm the same over champagne. It was my favourite but it tastes like syrup or old socks now. It broke my heart at the wedding the other week. The AF version was lovely though. However like @ShyMaryEllen im having a few when I'm very old and on my way out.

Send me strength shipmates because this is my argumentative family today. X

Chin up, @WendyWagon. Enforced family jollity will soon be over for another year 😀.

Afternoon everyone! Hope we are all good today. @WendyWagon I am the opposite - home alone today (hubby will be back around 9pm but will just shower and go to bed as another long shift tomorrow) and I am loving it! I fekn hate Monopoly - it used to turn my kids completely feral and always ended in tears and snotters……and that was just me lol. Any game but bloody monopoly!

I’ve done all my chores including a mountain of ironing so the rest of the day is Squid Game, catching up with Emmerdale and Eastenders and containing to work my way through the snacks and treats!

Day 11 sorted and I know I will not drink today.

KOKO everyone and I hope you have a good weekend ❤️🧀🥐🍫🧁🍭🍿🍨🥤🍩🍬…..you get the picture 😀

i dont know what to do
drinking from 6 am
dont want to be here

Still hanging on here at 25 days AF.
Being accountable on here with my little badges (sorry it becomes a huge trophy in my mind every time I get another badge!)
Still can't believe I've had an entirely sober Christmas / DH 50th and managed meals out too.
What I'd really like to know is how long before it becomes not something you anatomically think about?
I mean when I gave up smoking 25 years ago I remember it got easier and the time between thinking about it became further and further as time progressed, but I can't recall at what point I became the pretty hardened anti smoker I've now become. I mean I really can't stand smoking now but I don't know how long that took.
When I see posts on here from people sober for three years for example, still "getting through " Christmas it worries me.
Does this never go away?
I must admit I've not been keeping up at all with any quit lit, maybe that's the way to go because my understanding is that it's not physical withdrawal now at day 25, but more mental.
Maybe getting into some daily quit lit or journaling will help with this?
Been reading up on everyone's updates and some really motivating posts thank you. I love this thread and that it's a regular for so many of us thank you for having me on board.

@GreyhoundLurcher I’m so sorry x
Is there someone in real life you can reach out to? We are here if you want to chat.

Here is the “get help now” page from Alcohol Change with details of helplines and the Samaritans

https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/?utmsource=google&utmmmedium=organic&utmcampaign=onebox

@GreyhoundLurcher you're welcome here and please reach out to the samAritans as @Onewildandpreciouslife says.

you're not in this life alone.

you can also dial 111 for emergency advice. let us know how you are.

I need to join this thread.
I need to stay off the booze forever.

Well done on your 25 days @mumzof4x - amazing work!
In terms of timelines, they say it takes about 66 days to break a habit. 100 days is often said to be the point at which your brain begins to reset, so your baseline happiness increases and your baseline anxiety decreases.
But within that big picture, it’s all just done one day or one hour at a time. So the “first” of anything is hard, as is anything where alcohol takes centre stage (like Christmas!). It’s about re learning how to do things.
The good news is that if you can get past New Years Eve, loads of people will be doing dry January so you will have lots of company (and be a month ahead!) Hang in there

@GreyhoundLurcher Is there anyone with you? Are you still drinking? If you alone please call someone. You are so welcome on this thread.

@GreyhoundLurcher I hear you. Been there many times - just drinking and drinking and in the depths of despair. You are not alone.

Are you still drinking? Can you think about slowing down and tapering off? If you are drunk, I know how hard it is to take the last drink. If you are still drinking, can you water down what you have and slowly start to come off it?

Keep posting - I’ve been where you are - you CAN get through this ❤️