The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Winter 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Fire up the hot chocolate and make yourself at home.

I'm a great fan of a kitchen gadget. I do feel that the marketing of air fryers is all wrong though - from basics, they are badly named (although I note that you called it an Air Cooker, @WendyWagon). People often think that they are just for chips or other 'fried' food, when you can cook anything in them. The ads always show them frying chicken, which they do really well, but again, gives off 'fast food' vibes and encourages snobbery. They need an image makeover, to emphasise the fuel savings, speed and low fat possibilities, as well as the time saved on cleaning up. They do the best roast veg in 15 mins or so (no pre-heating needed) with just a spray of olive oil, and you just have a tray to wipe. I think the first ones were those huge 'dry friers' that needed an extension to store them and again emphasised 'healthy chips', and the marketing went wrong from there. Anyway, not my circus etc 😀. Retirement has its advantages.

My mission today is more mundane than a rebrand, but less interesting. If I have mucked out my son's bedroom and turned the mattress by close of play I will be happy. If I've also put up the tree, I will be delighted. I also need to finish my DIL's jumper (as illustrated on the last thread) and get both it and my daughter's one wrapped and put with their other presents.

Social media keeps targeting me for 'mind altering' drinks. Not the CBD ones, but ones with mushrooms and Ashwagandha. If I thought they'd give a buzz I might be tempted, but they say it's safe to drive after drinking them, which doesn't sound as though they will. Also, you have to buy them by the case, which is always a risk - I've had a kitchen full of undrinkables too often to want another 24 cans of what might turn out to be horrible 'refreshments'. Has anyone tried them?

@ShyMaryEllen I have actually just bought some (probably overpriced - didn't actually convert to £) nootropics kombucha to have this evening.

Only noticed when I got back from the shoot that one supposedly increases libido! 🤭

Will report back tomorrow re effects 😂

You might be too busy tomorrow😎.

🤣🤣🤣

@ShyMaryEllen I've bought some Konbucha for the first time today to try at my dinner party tonight later.
Trouble is I can't exercise or DTD until after the heart surgery .... now I've read your message not sure what to do
Wow this is difficult enough I actually still find DH very attractive and I'm trying not even think about "that", but watch out Mr J, sounds like this Kombucha may just make me break the rules 🤣

@mumzof4x let me know😁 I could do with a boost after all the meds.

I'm back after a false start. I've done 23 days - just one blip last Friday and feel like I'm on a bit of a roll now. I definately feel much better - I felt so miserable last Saturday after a few drinks at work Xmas party. It just made me realise how awful I must have been feeling for a large portion of the year.

I haven't caught up with everyone yet but hope the Xmas preparations are going well

Hi all, still here, still sober. @ShyMaryEllen , I take ashwagandha gummies, they do chill me out and take an edge off the cravings.
Men and cooking, ha! My dp thinks he’s Gordon Ramsey, and he does to be fair cook a few dishes very well. It’s just the bombsite of a kitchen that he leaves in his wake. I then use a few GR expletives!
I must confess to a craving though…I really want that kitten on the previous page. He is so lush.
love to all, we’ve got this x

@Middlemarch123 I know what you mean about the kitten 💝
@SylviaB hello and welcome back
I'm very new here but finding the support and chat and daily accountability absolutely amazing !
Day 15 and just survived my first alcohol free best girlfriends night for Christmas dinner and drinks at my house
Told them I'd stopped drinking and their support was just so so fabulous.
We had great fun going through my new Christmas bar !!
Broke the news to them about my heart condition and was bowled over by they're response and genuine concerns and kindness
Feel so blessed to have such good friends
Drinks wise the only time I missed an alcoholic drink was when I came up for my shower to get ready
I always have a glass of "getting ready " bubbly and take it into the shower etc
I missed this but only for about 30 seconds
I had fun sober ! Phew x
Was ready for them to go through an hour before they did 🙈

@WendyWagon I'll let you know about the Kombucha !

Morning all. Wendy the birthday girl here.
Last year in my fifties.
I have a pile of cards from the breakfast yesterday which is very kind. I even got a present which most people don't do with my birthday being so near Christmas.

Nothing much on as I'm doing a smoked salmon lunch with the BFF.

I told the DS we're moving in the spring and he was OK. He's going to do his and the DDs ensuites whilst he's home for new year. Suits me.

Well done @mumzof4x .

Well done @mumzof4x thats brilliant. Bet you feel great this morning
Happy birthday @WendyWagon

Oh I've found my new Christmas-sy hot drink btw. I'm not a fan of hot chocolate BUT decaf (or real but I'm thinking for Christmas movie watching of an evening) with Lyre's AF Amaretti and oat milk. It's amazing. DH laughs at me though. Fake coffee, fake booze, fake milk. Ha!
He DID say the other day he was thinking about giving up alcohol as well. He's not a big drinker so it's not like he needs to but I think he's noticed how much happier I am.

Morning all
Well done @mumzof4x , that’s a real achievement, you nailed it, so pleased for you. Waking up without a hangover, that feeling never gets old. I’m doing Xmas day breakfast brunch for my lot. Going to chill some AF Prosecco and make fake Bucks Fizz with fresh OJ, served in pretty glasses. That should work right? @Itsrainingten your hot choc sounds amazing! Where did you get the AF Amaretto from please? I sometimes have a AF Captain Morgan Spiced rum in a chunky glass for a treat, you’ve inspired me to try a splash in my next mug of hot chocolate!
Happy Birthday @WendyWagon , have an amazing day. Think we’re around the same age, but I’m a bit older, all I can say is the sober sixties rock! Hope you enjoy your day.
Love to all, wet and windy here, lots of life’s admin (as they say on MN) boring stuff to sort today, so will crack on with that later. Been putting it off but will feel better when I’ve done it.
Love to all, have a good day x

Happy birthday @WendyWagon Hope you have a fabulous day 🎉🎉🎉🎉

Happy birthday @WendyWagon.

I'm into my 5th week now and can honestly say that I'm mot even thinking of wanting a glass of wine in the evening. Habits form very quickly and I would quite often crack a bottle open at 10pm when I should've been just going to bed.

Finding alternatives really does work, as I don't feel I'm fully missing out at the weekend.

Having a fairly quiet Christmas, a couple of nights away just after for a show and meal out, so that time will be the tester, but I think mocktails will be my saviour!

I'm actually going i to Christmas feeling very positive and not wanting g to spoil my streak!

Have a great day everyone x

Happy birthday @WendyWagon 🥳🥳 Hope you have a great day

That is amazing @SissySpacekAteMyHamster , you sound so upbeat and positive, very inspiring. Love your username too!

Happy birthday @WendyWagon!

Hi all - can I join? I’ve developed a serious binge drinking problem and have tried to moderate many many times - think I’m okay then suddenly I’m at the local shop buying a bottle of gin. I’ve done some terrible things (knocking strangers door, falling asleep outside, wetting the bed 😳) and my family are at their wits end. Daughter has gone to stay with her boyfriend and husband can barely look at me.

I really have put them through hell so now I’m at the stage of complete abstinence. DH enjoys a few beers or glasses of wine and he’s always said he love me to get to moderate drinking. So I feel like I’m letting him down if I don’t drink!!! Which is madness when I’m taking to my bed for days on end cos I’m so ill. Where’s the fun in that?!

I must have tried to moderate about 20 times or more and failed miserably every time. I need to focus on what I’ll be gaining rather than FOMO.

I’ve not read the full thread yet but I will do - get to know your stories. Looking forward to getting my life back k on track! Day 2 today.

Welcome to this lovely supportive thread @Makemineasoda . I haven’t been on here very long, but was made to feel welcome, and the support from others who get it, is invaluable.

Thanks @Middlemarch123 - I’m
just working through the thread. My main concern is that my DD is away - don’t even know if she’s now not coming for Christmas dinner. At the end of the day it’s my own fault but that doesn’t make it easier - I don’t know why people say that - I mean if you accidentally burned your house down, you wouldn’t think “well it’s my own fault, so that’s fine”. You’d be devastated.

She doesn’t believe I’m planning on being completely AF but I need to show her, not just offer words.

Happy birthday @WendyWagon! It sounds like it’s been a good one so far, enjoy!

@Makemineasoda hello! I’m fairly new here and have tried to both moderate and quit several times over the years. I think I’m coming to the conclusion that moderating isn’t for me.

If I’m totally honest, just one glass of wine/beer/spirits doesn’t really interest me at all. I think that’s why quitting seems to be sticking so far. I don’t want one glass of wine, I’d want a whole bottle and then to go to the shop and buy another one and open that, and I know I can’t do that to myself anymore. I was thinking about having one glass of champagne at new year, but it seems no different to having one glass of nosecco.

Day 11 now I can’t quite believe it. The kitten is definitely helping me. I have to get this particular breed as dh is allergic to others and they aren’t cheap (think pedigree puppy prices), so I plan to recoup the money by not drinking for the next few months anyway. Plus he’s super cute for the sober snuggles.

@Makemineasoda re your dd I think all you can do this year is accept her feelings. I hope she does come round for you in time for xmas, but if she doesn’t then sticking with af will eventually show her you’re serious, so don’t let the feelings you’re going to feel sabotage that for you. It might be tough, but think what you have to gain. You can always post here when things are getting too much. You've got this!

@Minimum85percentCocoa I’m a strange one because I can have a glass of wine or 2 and stop which made me think I had it “under control” but the truth was I too was always wanting more. Then I would get really strong cravings to just get really drunk on the mother’s ruin.

You are right about my DD - I can’t place any pressure on her to come back home but I think it will spoil Christmas for my husband and son. But moving forward, I need to stay completely AF to try and rebuild the relationship although I’m aware that it is extremely fractured and she’s every right to go no contact.

Growing up my parents were heavy drinkers and my sister is an alcoholic (she’s quite a bit older) and I always thought “I’ll never end up like them”. But I have and I really need to focus on what I’ll be gaining.

Day 2 is nearly done and I know I won’t drink tonight. Working a 12 hour shift tomorrow so I might not get to post but I’ll be checking the thread.