The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Winter 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Fire up the hot chocolate and make yourself at home.

@Togetheragain45 put the wagon fall behind you. Some get up, some never fall.
I did a spectacular one in May (£300 pub bill!).
But you know if I say, ah bollocks I'm not doing this anymore I'll be really ill. My health isn't great but add in boozing and I reckon I'd be in rehab by now or divorced. No adult DC contact, so I choose each day not to drink.
Plenty of water. I bet it tasted like poop?
Take care. X

@WendyWagon it's great that you choose not to drink every day. It's also sad that you don't have contact with your adult children. Do you think this is salvageable? (Not being nosy, just wanting what is most pleasing for you). Don't feel obliged to answer. Sending hugs. x

Evening lovelies!
I’ve taken myself to bed with the cats and a glass of AF red. I think I’d also be in rehab if I hadn’t taken this path @WendyWagon , I was definitely on a slippery slope. I’m not going back there ever. I don’t want to alarm anyone but my withdrawal was two weeks of hell, and it wasn’t even quitting completely, just reducing from a bottle of wine a night to a bottle over a week, with two or three AF evenings. It might be because I’m older than when I quit previously four years ago and had a lot of emotional stress to deal with, but I don’t think I could cope with that again. Scared the hell out of me. So I’m sober, and staying that way. Gave me the kick up the backside I needed. I wrote it all down at the time and read it when I’m tempted.
x

@Togetheragain45 Ive had loads of loads of day 1s, and lots of times didn’t even make it to the end of that day. If you feel like it, you can pick yourself back up and keep posting on here for a new day 1.

Im on day 8 now and this is the longest time in years I’ve managed it. I don’t know what’s sticking this time that didn’t before, but honestly I’d love you to have another go with us and see how it goes. It really is one of the hardest things ever.

I picked up new kitten today I’ll send you a pic to hopefully make you smile. He’s nearly 6 months old so isn’t tiny tiny but still very playful and cute.

Here he is…

I went for a sunday lunch out today with some friends. I think I’d internalised that it was the booze that made me good company and fun to be around, but I still giggled loads and made slightly inappropriate jokes. It’s quite a relief to know it wasn’t the booze and is actually me!

Im starting to feel the classic wobbles though - maybe it wasn’t that bad etc etc - but ignoring them for now (la la la I can’t hear you)

Good evening all
Reading all your updates and sorry not had time to respond to tags until now but thank you.
@Itsrainingten I've bought a dozen cans of the Basil and lemon Trip now for over Christmas thank you
@EastCoastDamsel thank you also Ive just had literally my second bath this year ! ( I do shower daily) Had a cup of tea a lit candle and a lush bath bomb .... was heaven thank you.
@ShyMaryEllen I will def try the Kombucha sound just up my street thank you
Day 11 almost day 12 here and not missed it as much today but yesterday and day before made me realise how fragile I am still and tomorrow may be hard again.
I've not been listening to Annie Grace since day 3 so need to get back on that as I know it helps.
Well we have a roaring fire here and it's making us both sleepy so early night I think.
Started watching The Red One (newish Christmas film) last night and turned it off after ten mins as was too good to watch alone !
Going up to watch with DH and DD now as it does look really good if anyone needs a film recommendation.

Hope everyone has a kind evening

@mumzof4x you’re ahead of me and have given me inspiration to get to day 11 as well. I’m also drinking a trip now (elderflower mint) and seem to have got addicted to all the crappy hallmark style christmas films on netflix. I think they’re mindless and comforting but am trying black doves with dh later. I’ll look up the Red One as it might wean me off such gems as ‘Twas the Text Before Christmas’

lurking 🤫

Ah @Minimum85percentCocoa we watched Red One today. It was brilliant

@Minimum85percentCocoa he is absolutely gorgeous!

Morning all.
Up early as too hot.
I'm off to look at the quirky house first thing. Tis only 5 miles away but feels different. The locals are very farming, the incomers nearly all London. We've tried to buy in this village at least six times. The DH has friends there but apparently we needed pampas grass😄. We're too old for that now.

@Togetheragain45 both adult DC live with us. One commutes, one's at uni. I think it does read that we are NC. Sorry about that. The DS is a challenge at times due to my history. He polices everything.
Children of alcoholics can have lasting trauma so their need to control can be overwhelming. There's a great chapter in Sober Dave on it. To my shame it fits.

A bit disappointed by the BFF. She's cancelled my birthday lunch this week and I haven't got time to rearrange with different friends. People get flaky this time of year. I think I'll buy myself a new lipstick. That always cheers me up.

Have a good day my friends.

@WendyWagon a new lipstick sounds awesome !!
It's your birthday - could you go get your nails done or a massage maybe?
A day out shopping by myself in your situation might be nice, but at this time of year I think I'd rather stay at home !!
Happy birthday anyway for this week.

Day 13 for me.
I can't believe I got the days mixed up yesterday already and thought in was day 11 when I was day 12. Wow
Does that mean I'm a bit more chilled or just losing my ability to actually count

@Minimum85percentCocoa I can't believe I actually lost count and got my days wrong yesterday !
So today is my day 13 and your day 9 ??
You're really not that far behind me .... close enough that I'm reaching back and hand holding
I too haven't gone more than maybe a day without wine in prob 20 years
DH and I both have highly stressful jobs and it's just the first thing we / I do when the end of the day comes. I've never really been drunk or sick or not remembered anything but I realised one bottle a night I was dependant on and starting to daytime drink at the weekend.

People are shocked when I tell them the situation I'm in right now because apparently o don't "look the type" but sadly it took a massive wake up call to get me here . I'm a healthy BMI , feel blessed with my health otherwise, don't smoke or eat much crap, however it turns out I had a heart attack on holiday. I have a major heart issue now picked up and now waiting for open heart over the festive period . So I will never drink again. It's the best gift I can give myself to get through this time and make the most of every day afterward . Also one of my heart echo's has picked up a fatty liver. No suprise there.
All my best girlfriends are coming for dinner tomorrow night and some are big big drinkers so that may be hard but i am confident they will be amazing and supportive.
We sure picked a hard month to quit !!!
Hope everyone has a kind day

@mumzof4x you know if my dear late brother had known what he was doing to himself I'm sure he wouldnt have carried on drinking. He did have a wake up call with his kidneys. Sadly it was just too late.
I am assuming you have a number of DC from your user name? The best gift you can share with them is your sobriety.
I drank a bottle of wine a night, more at weekends. My DH doesn't really drink. I have had big jobs for nearly thirty years and the stress and toxic cultures made my drinking worse. It was my sticking plaster, my friend.
However I was pretty ill at the end of 2021 and I knew I was killing myself.
I gave up on January 8th 2022.
My life has changed so much.
Most of the time I'm calm and I'm certainly nicer. I fight my corner but I also walk away. Life is too short.
I also look better. Six stone better.
Would I go back to drinking and wanging on about my wine collection? Ah no. I want to be around for grandchildren at some point.
We all meet crossroads and the brave keep going. One day at a time. X

Hello shipmates, slinking in after my further neglect. My heart (and Sid's) are with you. Sorry I haven't been in touch. Work is spiralling into further chaos. Today there has been an actual fight (not involving me).

What a gorgeous cat @Minimum85percentCocoa. Sid hasn't quite worked out cats yet. He knows two. Parsnip and Maple. Both are ginger. Therefore all cats are ginger to him. But they're lovely in any colour.

Sending you all love and strength. It's going to be alright. Keep going. x

Gosh @REP22 , that's all very dramatic 😬. I hope you will manage to relax once this crazy work stress is over.

I'm busy making lists. I do love a good list which helps to keep me on track as organisation is not my natural bent. 🙈 Fortunately I've done the present shopping so there's just the food to sort. As no one is especially set on turkey I'm considering waiting until Christmas Eve around 2pm and popping into M&S to see what is discounted. Is that a stupid idea? We are only 5 for Christmas Day and would be happy with a chicken if there are no bargains to be had. All the other stuff I'll buy a few days before.

I'm both looking forward to, and feeling nervous about, a sober Christmas in equal measure. The AF drinks are all sorted which will help enormously. 🎄

Hi everyone, just checking in.

On holiday and finally feel like I am starting to relax. Lots of questions about not drinking from old friends we are meeting up with.

Realised that I don't always need to tell the full truth. Interestingly, at lich a friend was asking why I stopped and after I said, that I was gaining loads of weight and not sleeping well so I decided to go on a bit of a health kick, and realised I don't really need alcohol my life, the waiter share dhos story of not quitting in 2016. It was great and I really appreciated him taking the focus off of me.

Only now on reflection do I realise what a great service he did me. I will pay it forward someday.

Strength and love to all.
(Sorry to hear about the nightmare at work @REP22 )

I think a last-minute trip to M&S is a great idea@CarrotSeeds. You could always have a chicken in the freezer as an insurance policy - it won't come in wrong in the new year.

I stopped drinking in September, so was fairly seasoned by my first Christmas, but yes, it's a bit odd at first. I didn't tell people outside my immediate circle, so I got alcohol as presents, too. It's much nicer having ingredients a clear head though. We've always played games after dinner, and I'm sure I'm a lot more fun sober than sloshed, and a Boxing Day without a headache and a guilty conscience is much better than one with both.

Your workplace sounds 'interesting', @REP22 😯. Cuddles to Sid.

@EastCoastDamsel, the 'health kick' story is still the one I use after seven years. I told people I had expected to feel a lot better after leaving work, and when I didn't, I decided to cut out caffeine and wine, to help me sleep. Later, if anyone asked, I just said that I realised I didn't miss it so stayed off it. Nobody really cares. People might be fully aware of my reasons, but there's nothing I can do about that, so I just ignore it. It's nobody's business but mine.

Eastcoast have a lovely time. X

@CarrotSeeds what a good idea to go to M. & S and se what's going. I hope you have a great Christmas, and sending hugs to you all.

Morning all.
I fell asleep pretty much on the dot after Strike.
The pull of the teapot was too strong to rollover.

I having a few issues with a friend, not alcohol related. However she does go on a bender if she's in the poop. I think she's got herself in hot water. I'm not sure I can support her again. I have spent years getting her jobs only for her to lose them, never her fault of course. Always a big drama. I'm too old to bail a 60 year old out of a legal hole.

Off out to breakfast. Another friend has finished her building work so we're invited to view. Hopefully she won't be serving booze and I'm driving anyway. I've got a Marks fizzy pop to take.

One day at a time.

@WendyWagon ooh enjoy breakfast out sounds a great morning.
It's my dinner party tonight so gathering up the Tripps drinks and the Cranberry Spritzers.
Well I'm here today ... day 14 / 2 weeks
That's apparently £127 saved but in reality it would probably be more. 163 units of alcohol I didn't drink. Probably around 10,000.00 calories I didn't consume .
Half a stone down too.
Flatter tummy
Clearer skin
Would love to say clearer head in the mornings but new heart tabs make feeling hungover to say the least!
DH has joined me by not drinking all week and sticking with a couple of beers over the weekend. He's not got the problem I have and his support has been helpful.
Think he's probably pooping himself that's I've become so unwell so suddenly and he's going to have to be mum as well as dad soon for a few weeks. He's never cooked meal should be interesting !
Stay safe all today and have a good one

@mumzof4x my husband can't cook either. Rarely drinks. He is a star at shopping though. We buy lots of posh prepared. Not upf as he won't eat that. However the tefal air cooker is our friend when I'm ill.
You are doing fab, keep going