The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Winter 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Fire up the hot chocolate and make yourself at home.

Hi, would love to join as well. I cannot moderate and have finally admitted to myself that it's a problem and I cannot go on like this. My 6 year old child saw me completely inebriated on Saturday night and was terrified. I couldn't walk up the stairs to bed. I am so ashamed and upset that he saw me like that. I listened to Allen Carr's book this week and started The Naked Mind podcast this afternoon. Binge drinking is my problem and then I get blackouts. I normally drink a bottle of wine on a Friday evening at home but it's the social drinking that's the big problem so I think I need to stop completely. I don't go out much but when I do, I cannot stop and I just feel it is so unsafe and dangerous to continue like this. I an a professional, a mother and a wife and my life is good so don't know why I act like this. I do have childhood trauma issues and grew up with functioning alcoholic parents. Looking for accountability and support more than anything, thanks!

Evening! And welcome to those just joining. I cannot moderate at all and joined this group recently (I’ve been down the same old road many times!).
19 days today-haven’t cried for nearly two weeks. Still a bit rough on the sleep front but a 4am wake up sober is a lot better than a 4am wake up filled with anxiety and shame.
Have had a couple of big wobbles but have changed up my evening routine. Around 6pm is my worst time so either take the dog straight out or have a bath. Those both give me a distraction and then I can manage.
Thanks for sharing the Claire pooley link. I’ve been doing the same two weeks over and over lately so striving for “the other field” feels like a plan.
my main most important current goal is no booze Xmas day. I’ve been an absolute car crash in recent years. And I’m so much more relaxed when I’m not drinking. It’s all bollocks isn’t it? The initial drink helps but then it takes back with interest.
Have a lovely evening all. Happy to be here with you all.

@Dionysius welcome! I’m a working professional mother too without an off switch for booze and want to say you’re not alone. Keep posting. Lots of good advice and good people here. I’ve been listening to lots of podcasts and reading quit lit which has helped my mindset.

Oh, I missed this, I'm so sorry! How lovely, @CarrotSeeds. Many congratulations, and yes, what a wonderful reason to be sober.

Congratulations @CarrotSeeds . A new baby! How wonderful 🎉🎉🎉

Welcome @Dionysius I am a professional working mother too and am mortified at the number of times my children have witnessed me in a drunken state. It is the thing I am most ashamed of (and there are lots of candidates).

It is a bit of a theme in female quitlit, the successful, professional woman with the insatiable thirst. Annie Grace is good on this but so is Kristi Coulter in "Good Can Come from This: Essays https://amzn.eu/d/jdpTA1C Nothing Good Can Come From This"

You are in the right place, the crew here is magnificent.

@CarrotSeeds many congratulations on the birth of your grandson.

@CarrotSeeds congrats on the DGC.
A Christmas baby.

Welcome all newbies and ahoy to the sober shipmates.
I'm off food shopping, the tree is up and we're still searching for the boxes of decorations.

Morning all.
Congratulations on your grandchild @CarrotSeeds !!

Welcome @Dionysius and @Togetheragain45 - your life will be better in unimaginable ways without alcohol in it

As for me, I am today (drum roll) 1,000 days sober.

Unbelievable. I looked back at some of my early posts this morning- I found one from my first day 12 saying it was irritating how much better I felt!

I didn’t just decide to stop and then stop. I had lots of day 1s, then I did Dry January 2022, then decided to “see how it went”. Ha! In some ways the most useful thing was continuing to track my drinking and it was an eye opener, not just in terms of how much I was drinking, but why I drank - I realised that I drank when I was sad, or bored, or angry.
So I decided to do Sober Spring 2022 (which is a 3 month period) and just kept going.

The earlier versions of this thread played a huge part in my getting sober- so thanks to @WendyWagon and @Crunchymum who were there in the early days.

Life is so, so much better sober, so if you are on day 1, or 3, or reading this with a horrible hangover and thinking it’s impossible, please know it isn’t. If I can get sober, anyone can!

Congratulations @Onewildandpreciouslife 🎊 (I've always loved your username)

I'm incredibly happy for you. You've been a constant source of kindness and insight and I've loved sharing the journey with you.

I don't post as much but I'm always about.

Much love ❤️

@Onewildandpreciouslife Well done on your sober journey!

Congratulations @CarrotSeeds on you grandchild 
And congratulations @Onewildandpreciouslife 1000 days is quite something. Your post was inspirational too thank you.
Day 10 for me here.
Had a bad day yesterday ... probs the worst.
We picked out the Christmas tree(which was too big). Every year for as long as I can remember we drink champagne when decorating the tree. I'm always squiffy and it's such a lovely occasion. I didn't drink last night but God I was miserable. I behaved like a spoilt child moaning about all of it. That paired with having to suddenly stop my HRT , no salt, no fat diet and no sex until my surgery is pretty hard going !!
Apologised to DH in bed last night for being such a misery guts . Told him I was really struggling to replace bloody wine and oestrogen with green tea
Al least we were able to laugh about it before sleep !

Morning everyone and thank you for the congratulations. We get to meet our new granddaughter soon and I can't wait. This is possibly very outing but I'm past caring. We are a blended family and this new baby is my step-daughter's but she is being incredibly generous and I will be know to baby as Granny. Very sadly SD's mum passed away many years ago. I feel like this is a new chapter in our family, with new beginnings and a new place for me within it. And it all makes me very happy indeed 🥰.

Wow @Onewildandpreciouslife 1,000 days is absolutely amazing! Well done. You are an inspiration to us all, along with so many of the 'oldies' on this thread. Thank you for your generosity and wisdom 🌷

@mumzof4x Your Christmas tree feelings are very close to home. Tree decorating was always an excuse to crack open the wine here too and I was worried about things feeling a bit flat this year. I opened a bottle of AF red and had a few glasses whilst my daughter and I decorated with some Christmas music and that seemed to work.

Hope everyone very new is feeling okay. Keep reading, keep posting, keep on looking after yourselves and taking one day at a time. You know it makes sense. 🥰

@CarrotSeeds that's so lovely about your new grandchild. We are the same. My parents call my stepdad grandad in his language (not English) and my dad (who is English) Grandad. Then my dad's wife is Granny. My mum passed away years ago. And it's lovely that the kids just see them as their grandparents. There is no step involved ❤️
@Onewildandpreciouslife 1000 days is freaking amazing. Congratulations. And thank you for being such an inspiration to us all.
@mumzof4x I'm sorry yesterday was hard. Would it help.if you had something else that you think if as special to drink on occasions like that? So I like sparkling AF wine but you could try Kombucha, or maybe a nice CBD drink like Trip or Goodrays. If you have them in a nice glass, maybe with some ice it DOES feel special. But it gets easier as you go on. Hang in there. You're doing great.

Can I share something with you all please? I'm feeling very proud of myself, so I hope you don't mind but this is my day count. I can't believe it. Honestly. I never thought I'd be able to go a month let alone a year. And the ONLY support group I have is you lovely lot so it's you all that I need to thank. So THANK YOU xx

Thank you @Itsrainingten for your lovely message. ❤️. And ONE WHOLE YEAR BOOZE FREE!! Amazing! 🎉🎉🎉 x

Oh you cheered me up @Onewildandpreciouslife and @Itsrainingten well done my sober sisters. How cool is that?

I was on the early threads in 2022 under my boozy name then I got stalked IRL so I became Wendy. I don't use this name outside of this thread but I did yesterday to admit my Christmas party shame. It wasn't really that bad looking back. I've never stripped off, wet myself or bonked a colleague. I'm not saying I hadn't thought about it😁

Christmas cards to write I think.

@Itsrainingten - that is amazing work! Many congratulations 👏💪🏻👏

Well done, @Itsrainingten!!

So much happy news on the thread today 🥳.

I'm wrapping presents, and most of them look like they've been wrapped by a spaniel, but I'm getting through them as I'm the only one in, so there are no prying eyes 🧑‍🎄

Oh my goodness! So much good news on this thread today.
Big congratulations @Onewildandpreciouslife and @Itsrainingten . 🎉🎉🎉🎉

@mumzof4x sorry to hear you had a bad day yesterday.

It's a really tough thing you are doing. It really is. And you are doing so well. Please be kind to yourself, and if there is a way you can treat yourself - do.

I bought flowers, expensive bath oils (Neom and Neil's Yard Organics are favourites) and new pajamas and slippers.

Much love to all 😘

I love those oils too, @EastCoastDamsel. Also Aromatherapy Associates. I've got a Neon oil (Perfect Peace) in my diffuser too, and it;s making the house smell lovely.

@mumzof4x, if you like Kombucha and have no CDB allergies, HipHop do delicious CBD Kombucha drinks. I got a Christmas delivery yesterday, and always have some on the go. I prefer them to Trip, and drink them in a gin glass with ice.

Huge congratulations @CarrotSeeds on your grandchild! Very exciting news.
And massive congratulations @Onewildandpreciouslife and @Itsrainingten on your epic sobriety milestones! I hope I can emulate your successes! Sending a very special sober cheers to you both.

wow @CarrotSeeds congratulations! And great to celebrate with af gin! What a lovely time of year for a new baby.

@ShyMaryEllen I think the B vitamins are your advice? I’ve bought some tablets that dissolve in water and have been having it in a champagne glass. Like booze but helping instead of harming!

I can’t believe I’m still here on day 7 now. Thursday nights I have a regular arrangement with a friend where I go round to watch telly and drink wine. I still went and had 0% shiraz and lots of stilton. Still reckon I consumed fewer calories.

Last night I was home alone. No one would even have known if I drank, and usually I’d have just kept sipping until passing out fully clothed on the sofa. But I didn’t touch a drop! Even went to our local social club and had an af corona and chatted with my friends.

This morning I did our local park run for the first time in forever. My only goal was to complete the course but according to strava I smashed my previous pb. Waiting for official result to come in but I’m buzzing.

All this is evidence that not only do I not need alcohol but it might even be better without it….. Like, I thought you were helping me with my issues but what if you were actually making them worse all along (lightbulb moment).

I’m bracing myself for it to get more difficult but I’ll take these wins for now.

@Togetheragain45 last Saturday night was my rock bottom (I hope!) and I did struggle for the first 3 days. Lots of anxiety and worries that I’d broken myself for good this time. But I got through it and as you can see from my above post I’m in a completely different place now less than a week later.

I hope you don’t struggle but if you do think of that. There’s only one way this is going to improve and it isn’t by drinking again. I’m cheering you on.

Brilliant post @Minimum85percentCocoa and congratulations on 7 days. Big milestone with some tricky challenges thrown in. Posts like yours make me grin 😁

Careful with the running, you don’t know where it might end up 🤣 - I got back into running when I got sober and ran two marathons this year 🤷🏼‍♀️

Hi @Dionysius I can totally relate. I’m ashamed to say my kids have seen me very drunk before. They have even said to me ‘please don’t get drunk tonight’ when we’ve been out. God I feel hot with shame thinking about it but I also have childhood trauma and lots of mental health issues in the family so I’m trying not to blame myself for being addicted to a very addictive thing.

These occasions shocked me (were on all inclusive holidays and dh was there so no one at risk and I’m not e.g. angry drunk just silly - here I go justifying it again) and since then I’ve not let it get that far when I’m with them but still drinking an unhealthy amount and not setting a good example. I can already see I’m more present with them and am looking forward to sharing good sober times with them in the future and living longer to see how their lives pan out.

You've got this!