The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Winter 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Fire up the hot chocolate and make yourself at home.

Also I have my work Christmas party tomorrow and amazingly rather than worrying about the fact that I don't be drinking, I'm actually feeling super happy not to have the anxiety that I might (ok probably WILL) overdo it and make a tit out of myself.

Hi, room for a little one? I’d love to join your lovely supportive thread please.
After drinking too much for far too long I started moderating late August this year, and haven’t gone over 14 units a week since. It was much harder than I anticipated, but I’m now at a point where I am ready to quit for good.
I originally planned to quit completely in August, but had awful withdrawal, so moderated instead. Counting units, tracking them, planning AF days off is mind numbing and tedious, coupled with alcohol always being on my mind.

So I’m here, ready to take the plunge. Have read a lot of quit lit, and drink a lot of tea, sparkling water, and my favourite AF, cold Guinness zero with Vimto!

Oh, and Sid is so gorgeous btw.

@Middlemarch123 welcone to our sober sisters thread.

Welcome @Middlemarch123 every single poster in this thread has helped me on my sober journey. You are in excellent company.

@Catmum41 we have all been at the point of wanting to moderate but realising that the path of moderation is not open to us. I certainly spent many months thinking "if I could just be sensible, I'd be alright".

However, when I finally admitted to myself that I would never just want one glass of wine with dinner , or a couple on a Saturday and decided to commit to quitting, it was like a weight being lifter from my shoulders.

The women on this thread have been an absolutely invaluable support.

If you decide you want to join us in our sobership there will be a hammock waiting for you. 🙂

Thank you @WendyWagon and @EastCoastDamsel for the welcome. Have had a bug that isn’t Covid but thinks it’s Covid for over a week now, so have been having a lot of early nights reading lots of the old threads on here. I was regular on here years ago under a different name, and was successfully sober for ages, then life got in the way, and I turned back to the drink to escape from the reality…familiar story. Have sorted a lot of stuff out to improve my life in the past six months, now determined to stay sober. We’ve got this!

@ponzusoup The latest batches of my husband's kombucha have actually been really nice 😃. I'm contemplating mixing some with Noseco for Christmas Day cocktails!!

Welcome @Middlemarch123. I've been on Mumsnet since the early days, since before my youngest was born (and now he's 23!) and this has been the loveliest, most supportive thread I've come across. You are in good company here. I remember a week or two into sobriety and @REP22, our Captain, said in one of her kind and generous posts "everything will be okay". I cried reading that as for the first time in ages I began to think it would be ❤️

Thank you for the welcome @CarrotSeeds, yes you all seem a lovely supportive bunch, with an amazing captain at the helm.

welcome @Middlemarch123 from my perspective no booze is way easier than the daily fight of when can i next drink , and no one drinking fast enough for me, snd sneaky drinks. it was exhausting. i am now free of that. amen.

Welcome @Middlemarch123

Oops pressed the button too soon! I would agree no booze is SO much easier than moderation for me. And the difference in my mental health since I stopped is unbelievable. I still have bad days but at least I'm not also having the 3am sweaty panicked wake ups any more.
And no more wondering if I upset anyone or hoping nothing terrible happened in the hours of missing memory.
The first few days are the hardest and then it gets easier as you go :)

Ahoy from the south west.

Dry but super cold. More decorations to do.

Hi, I’m still here and on day 5. It’s been an embarrassingly long time since I’ve been able to say that.

@WendyWagon Im sorry you’ve been unwell but glad it sounds like things are a little better.

@Middlemarch123 Im new to this thread as well, but like you have been on similar ones before with a different name. It’s early days for me but I do feel like this time might be the one that sticks

@REP22 I love Sid! I have one birman cat and will be picking up a kitten friend for her on Sunday. I’m seeing this as an incentive for me to not drink and focus on them instead.

My anxiety finally feels like it’s starting to lessen. I’m trying to see this as long term recovery and telling myself I need to wait at least 6 months to assess how I feel alcohol free. It’s helping me as before I’d get cross that I deserved to feel better after denying myself drink for a few days, and as I felt worse I should just have a drink. I’m not thinking that way this time. Today I’m telling myself I’m doing an amazing, difficult thing but I won’t see the results instantly.

I had a procedure yesterday to remove a polyp in my uterus. It was super painful and I struggled all evening. Would have been a perfect excuse to drink something but instead I got nosseco, crisps and my favourite st agur cheese and watched a cheesy xmas comedy with lindsay lohan in.

I’ve been weepy and irritable but I know that’s always been under the surface and I’ve been numbing it so I guess I’ll have to get used to it.

Oh and @EastCoastDamsel and @CarrotSeeds thank you for the lovely advice re being kind to myself and trying some easy distraction techniques. I’m definitely on my phone too much and also vaping but telling myself one thing at a time I can’t be perfect and will focus on sorting that in a few months.

You’ve reminded me how much I love jigsaw puzzles and I might treat myself to one - not sure how compatible that will be with a new kitten though……

Do you have a plan, @Middlemarch123? You mention AF drinks, which might be the way to go over Christmas, so it feels like you can still have an 'adult' drink when others do. I think you're right about how the counting and planning makes it harder. When you stop altogether it will be less complicated, although the switch to teetotal won't be easy.

We are having a thread toast on Christmas Day. We'll decide on a time nearer the date, but people can opt in whenever suits them. We'll raise a glass of something non-alcoholic to threadmates (and Sid, obviously 🥰) and send supportive vibes through the ether. Feel free to join us. And you, @Minimum85percentCocoa, and all sober sisters old and new.

Enjoy the party @Itsrainingten. Waking up knowing all is well is such a good feeling, isn't it?

Morning all, @ShyMaryEllen , not a plan as such, just one day at a time. I can moderate really well, but fed up with being consumed with unit counting, like you say it makes it harder. I just want to get to a place where I’m free of thinking about it if that makes sense? I already feel so much better since cutting down drastically for more than 3 months, so keen to see if stopping altogether will boost my wellbeing further.
A lot has happened in the past year, switching jobs from very stressful role in education to starting my own business as a dog walker. Also lost both parents close together and still sorting out their house clearance before selling it. It’s been hard, but drinking a bottle of wine a night didn’t help, and I’m determined to not go back there.

I hope you all have a good day, dull and drizzling here, but not as cold. Going to ice the Christmas cakes I’ve made later, after walking two very boisterous cocker spaniels!

@Minimum85percentCocoa well done on five days, and great about the kitten, I’m a cat lover too, and currently have two. They’ve got used to me returning from walking dogs smelling doggy, but sulked for ages when I started!

@ShyMaryEllen I love the sound of xmas day toast - previously that day’s been a right drink-a-thon so this will help loads. Planning on nosecco and OJ then non alcohol wine on the day. I’ll get some pretty glasses for mocktails with posh garnishes too. Already planning for what I know will be a tough one lol

&
@ShyMaryEllen I love the idea of a Christmas Day thread toast !!
I've never tried AF wine and if I did would be a red ? Not sure what it would taste like !
Have frozen some ice cube trays with; a few pomegranate seeds , few cranberries, sliver of orange and sprig of thyme
On the day can just take one out and pop in to any nice sparking mixer . Fever tree have some lovely one on offer on Sainsbury's at the moment.
Day 9 for me
Just catching up on the thread ....

Well lads I'm going to buy a cocktail shaker. I've seen some very good mock tails on Alan Titmarsh's show. I'm sure I can do this as a foodie. I did work in a cocktail bar when I was 20. I've lots of rose syrup and that kind of thing.
I'll report back.

A super exciting day here as we have a new grandchild, born in the early hours of this morning. So very beautiful. I'm celebrating with a glass of AF pink gin. I've spent today looking after our other grandchild which was lovely and special too. If these precious new lives aren't reason enough to stay sober and as healthy as possible, then I don't know what is. Feeling very blessed today ❤️

Hello all, please may I join in? Yesterday I hit rock bottom and finished up in hospital after I fell at home and couldn't get back up.
My DH is absolutely sick of me too.
So I have decided to stop the wine altogether. I was drinking roughly 1 and a half bottles.
Tonight will be the first night of no wine. I know I have to do it.
Thank you for reading.

Oh @CarrotSeeds that's fantastic! Congratulations! And yes what better reason to keep yourself as healthy as you can!
@Togetheragain45 welcome to the thread. It takes courage to admit we need to change but your life can be so much better. I think it's @ShyMaryEllen who always gives out the very important advice to get yourself some B vitamins for the early days. So in case she isn't around - please do.
I'm on my way back from our Christmas do. It started at 11 so while I did sneak out early I did spend a long time with colleagues and it was GREAT! I did the fun stuff - games and a quiz in the office, the.a lovely long lunch and then I snuck out as they headed to the pub. Perfect. And no crippling anxiety in the morning. In fact it was the morning after last year's Christmas party that was the straw that broke me and made me decide enough was enough. Which means I'm a year AF on Saturday. I have a bottle of Nosecco in the fridge to celebrate

Welcome @Togetheragain45 You have come to the right place 😊

@CarrotSeeds and @Itsrainingten thank you both for your kind words. And congratulations @Itsrainingten for a whole year alcohol free. That's so good!

Hi @Togetheragain45, and welcome. @Itsrainingten is right - get some high strength Thiamine (Vit B1) and take it every day for 6 weeks or so. It can help to prevent your brain being damaged when you stop drinking suddenly. This is an unlikely occurrence, but it does happen, so for the sake of taking some vitamins, it's not worth the risk. You could take a B Complex tab as well, as a few B vitamins are affected by alcohol, but the Thiamine in those is not enough. You can't overdose on B1 - you will excrete what you don't need.

Congratulations on your new grandchild @CarrotSeeds , how lovely.
Let us know about the cocktails @WendyWagon , sure they’ll be delicious.
hugs to all